Poorly written and not entertaining. Ive lost my writing wit.
To set the scene;
I had recently had some crazy house guests and alot to think about - i recently dabbled with hard drugs once again, quit my job, and dabbled with emotion. My mindset was consistantly confused and regretful towards the actions which i hadnt been taking in life; ive been denying creativity, abusing the psychedelics which i hold dear, abandoning my books, exercising little discipline towards diet, and doubting my exterior (and interior) identity and direction in the future.
It was 4/20 and not being a pot smoker i had planned on dosing some LSD in the morning doing some gardening and perhaps hooping a very large cap of MDMA and walking around our large coastal park and doing some writing and enjoying the sunshine.
Turns out my friend dosed and inspired me after i got out of my morning slump....
I dosed 2 hits off a large mushroom blotter (amazing art) which i had only tested a half tab previously which left me having fairly intense visuals and seeing energy for 10 hours a 1.5 weeks earlier.
During the come up (around the 50 minute mark) i started to nice and controllable empathy - as if i was comming intune with my emotions; and so i wrote my mother a lengthy email about the recent turmoils in my life and writing about my situation really helped set the stage for a collection of thoughts which had been loosely kicking around my head. At this point the visuals were getting very *persian carpetish* ala DMT mandala's (wouldnt it be neat to know a carpet maker?) and my friend stopped by and cut me off some strips off the edge of some sheets... perhaps 1/6th of a hit wide by 20 hits long plus some smaller shavings.
Immediately after taking those in, the energy was undeniable, a tremendous spiral upwards at which point i may or may not have eaten another 2 hits.
By now ive eaten 5-7 hits of the best LSD ive ever come across and my functioning was mediocre. Very distracted.. everything was melting and flowing, and emmanating an all too natural beauty which conveyed a deep love into my headspace...
I was alone in my room listening to lots of spazzy crust punk and metal on my new studio headphones and feeling all too great of a connection with the identity im dwindling away from... The anger of my youth, and the issue's at hand seem all TOO much to pass over. Im definately in my own world...
(t+2.30) - I was full up, and in awe. I was trying to write but my mechanical abilities were not up to par. I ate some almonds (yum) and started thinking alot after darting around from trying to sew, to trying to write, to exploring conversation and music --- my attention span was too short, i was caught in my thoughts... and with the sun beeming through the windows on me, i flipped through a "one love" lifestyle's magazine and found happiness in the relation and presentation of the authors and idea's being cultivated (altho a weebit hippie shit)..
Things turned interpersonal, and i worked through alot of personal issue's id been having... or at least acknoledged them..
Things like;
"work with. dont fight. No resist."
"Why set boundaries. there are none."
"No oppose - work together in language or modes of thinking."
"Create no barriers, exist, and co-create - responsibility."
"Thinking - perception - Seeing + being - Connection, we're all the same."
"principle's build a foundation."
and on and on it goes...
Basicly i worked through alot of anxieties spawning from social situations - i make alot of presumptions which i dont communicate but simply react to (ie. people are thinking something negative about me, i am the focus of everyone. Get AWAY) - and it seems since ive gained some confidence in what i have to offer and how i can present it, simply being more comfortable.
I was having mostly colored and patterned visuals, and outlines - for awhile my computer monitor had thick evil-esque patterns emerging from it so thick there was no text or pictures.. However, after my reflection i was looking towards myself radiating with a bright yellow energy,...
gradually the skin on my legs turned translucent and i was watching the veins and arteries pump blood, then the blood started spiraling off the hairs off my legs, as it seperated from my body turned into precise spirals containg the # ooooo. and rotating off into solid tubes of bright shifting rainbow colors permeating everything. The fact that my blood was surpassing my body barrier and connecting with beauty outside of me sent a powerful message of interconnected consciousness - and as my roommate explained, the air we breath transfers into our blood in order to keep us alive, IT IS APART OF US.
No barriers.
I was feeling great with the solidness of the feelings i was having. No indecision. My muscles felt extremely tense and abused, and so i stretched for hours (something i havent done in years) and tried salmon that my roommate had just made... The trippy house guest was bad tripping and being freaky and we had to calm him down and the remainder 3 or 4 hours of real tripping were spent calming him down and talking him into reality whie i stretched on the kitchen floor.
I was feeling great.
Later that night i went to get some food and got followed by a large group of asians and it was quite scary. I had alot to take in, and its taken me 3 or 4 days to start comming down a little off the afterglow. The next day i bought some new clothes and shoes to start work at a new *conscious* job which ive been feeling great about..
Beyond that... Id just like to state that the nature of my visuals are becomming ever more analog - leading me to believe something along the lines of "we're holographic electrical entities living in a computer" type philosophies. I was seeing things as *autocad* wire frame's - kind of seeing through the material to the design and into the emptiness behind the material frame and composure of most things.
Responsibility.
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