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InvisibleAdden
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Social Anxiety Ponderings
    #3587467 - 01/06/05 04:20 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I've been told by a handful of doctors, and read on many websites, that social anxiety stems either from 1) fear of death or 2) fear of loss of control.

Fortunately, I fear neither. When I die I will accept death. I've already experienced ego-loss any number of times, and was unwilling to let go only my first time. Psychedelics have lead me to death, beyond, and rebirth.

I also realize that I am in control of my actions, but not in control of everything. I certainly haven't lost control over my actions. I am not materialistic. Sure, I need my heat light food and water. Even some of the few things I have I could do without. If I was given the choice to submit or die, I would submit, in hopes that I would one day break free and enjoy life. If I did not break free and died in submission, I would find solace in death.

Neither are a delusion; I have not convinced myself these are true when they are really not.

It hit me at age 19. Before that, I was the most outgoing person with a huge ego. A few years later, I'm a lover and a giver, and find myself locked inside the prison I have built.

I'm trying to figure out where these irrational fears (I'd imagine?) stem from.

I'm leaning towards genetics on this one. Cognitive behavioral therapy does not seem to help, but I'm not throwing in the towel just yet.

I know there are others with social anxiety out there, but what's your demon? Death? Loss of control? None of the above?

Also, what has worked for those who suffer from this condition? Aside from medication.


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Offlinestefan
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: Adden]
    #3587664 - 01/06/05 05:44 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

1) fear of death or 2) fear of loss of control.



that sounds more like the things people get panic attacks from, not social anxiety.

with social anxiety people fear being in the 'spotlight' and ear that they will look sstupid, do something stupid or say something stupid. so basically they fear being judged by/emarrased in front of other people.


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Offlinedeafpanda
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: Adden]
    #3587728 - 01/06/05 06:12 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

It hit me at age 19. Before that, I was the most outgoing person with a huge ego. A few years later, I'm a lover and a giver, and find myself locked inside the prison I have built.




Similar story to me - around age 16 I started to get anxious around people.  Before that I was extremely outgoing.  Actually, after that I was still fairly outgoing, but it was harder, it didn't come naturally, and I sometimes had to go somewhere on my own when it got too much.  Perhaps it's not a coincidence that this period of my life was when I was smoking weed the most.  I was at college and I'd smoke every day, twice a day.  Do you smoke weed?  Even now nearly all of my anxiety's gone, good weed still makes me paranoid around people I don't know very well, although this too is changing for the better.

Anyway, the way I got rid of it was a process of practicing being social - talking to random people, (just making up bullshit like "I'm sure I met you the other day at a party...") saying "hello" to passers-by, etc.  Try to reduce uncomfortable silences (they're what really got me going) by asking relevant questions, or commenting on something around you, without seeming like you're clutching at straws.

I used to walk through college singing a song.  The anxiety would rise up inside me to a near unbearable level, but you can ride it out (you obviously know about riding things out) and it's very liberating.  Basically try acting like an attention whore :smile: .

As for the reasons, I am not scared of loss of control, but I am scared of death sometimes.  I find it hard to see a link between the two, however - I used to be far more scared of death than I am, and in that period I had no anxiety whatsoever.  I was just too self-conscious.

Good luck, if you have your head screwed on and really want to change your situation then you will be successful, I'm sure.  Just do a little a day, and eventually you'll be cured.


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InvisibleAdden
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: deafpanda]
    #3587842 - 01/06/05 07:59 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Weed + college don't mix with me at all.. I pretty much only smoke during winter and summer, unless my workload is light or I need to relax. I smoked one day thinking it was my no-class day, showed up high as hell. It didn't really bother me, I was too stoned and just kept quiet.

Certain types of pot bug me out, even if I'm by myself, but those are so few and far apart it's negligible. I definitely can't smoke with people I don't know. I get too self conscious, and I'm that guy that gets CEVs off a bowl.

Thanks for your kind words man. Looking back at my past and comparing it to now, things have improved. It just sucks that they're still lingering. At least it's not getting worse. :wink:


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OfflineyesNick
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: Adden]
    #3588009 - 01/06/05 09:51 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

s2dope said:
I definitely can't smoke with people I don't know. I get too self conscious, and I'm that guy that gets CEVs off a bowl.





This is really interesting. I can definetely relate to this statement, and also the statement about how before nineteen you were outgoing and everything and then around 19 things changed. I have experience that exact same thing. Whenever I smoke pot with people I tell them how I get "so high" and they don't seem to get it. I literally need to be alone because I need to feel the universe, if I am contained in a social situation I am liked a caged animal.

AHA! Maybe that is what causes social anxiety. The feeling of being contained.

But really, when I am with other people, they seem to be saying a lot of meaningless bullshit, not really saying anything with their words. If I choose not to pay attention, and stare off, which I often do because I find their world uninteresting, then I become two things....

1) I become what I am thru my own eyes
2) I become what I am thru their eyes

Actually I've noticed this in other situations too, one specific instance on 2-ci. I was tripping with my sister and one second she would be as I saw her (thru my eyes) and then without warning, one second later, I would be seeing myself thru her eyes, and that's who I was.

As far as the age thing goes ... I experienced this too at the exact same age actually. Now, at 22, I think I have gotten a grip on why. I became disillusioned with the world and people's facades so I tried to be real. Real in my actions. At age 19. But the fact is that this world is just fundamentally built on the concept of pretend and that's *not a bad thing*, it's just the nature of the beast. The rules of social interaction imply illusory behavior. That is unless you find like minded others who are more real so to speak. And it is strange, because it is a difficult and challenging thing to build an illusion and keep it going .. The illusion must be somehow interlinked to your self.

I guess you just have to figure out what you want to express to other people, and then create a way to do that.


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OfflineDarcho
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: yesNick]
    #3588028 - 01/06/05 09:59 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

When you feel scared of people, think to yourself "Can I kill them with my bare hands?" If the answer is yes, then you shouldn't be scared. If the answer is no, then you should think about how you could make the answer to be yes.


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OfflineyesNick
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: Darcho]
    #3588203 - 01/06/05 10:53 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Darcho said:
When you feel scared of people, think to yourself "Can I kill them with my bare hands?" If the answer is yes, then you shouldn't be scared. If the answer is no, then you should think about how you could make the answer to be yes.




Good point. This actually IS true.


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OfflineThe_Hobbit
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: yesNick]
    #3588912 - 01/06/05 02:36 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I think I have a little social anxiety. It's not that I'm scared of being around other people - it just seems like not that many people (even my friends) are alike in mind to me so it's hard to feel like I'm talking to them in a meaningful way. I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. I would like to take part in conversations more, but it seems like my mind is blank alot of the time. I don't have a good response for what other people are saying. And it only gets worse in groups because everybody is trying to have a joined conversation and it's even harder to think of stuff that everyone would be interested in.

So.. I end up being quiet most of the time, which makes me uncomfortable because it's akward for me to be the one not contributing.


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InvisibleHolydiver
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: The_Hobbit]
    #3589168 - 01/06/05 04:00 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

The only thing that releases all my social tensions in life is having a good girl in my life. When I have that, I ride on a cloud and don't give a shit what anyone thinks-it's a great aura to be enveloped in.

No girl in my life at the moment, so it's back to worrying about every little thing like what that guy said behind my back, or what that girl is thinking.

Not a fun state to be in, but that's the only thing that cures it for me, girls that is.


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OfflineTinTree
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: Holydiver]
    #3589305 - 01/06/05 04:38 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:


Darcho said:
When you feel scared of people, think to yourself "Can I kill them with my bare hands?" If the answer is yes, then you shouldn't be scared. If the answer is no, then you should think about how you could make the answer to be yes.



:lol:


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OfflineKenny7822
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: The_Hobbit]
    #3590558 - 01/06/05 09:26 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

hobbitcg said:
I think I have a little social anxiety. It's not that I'm scared of being around other people - it just seems like not that many people (even my friends) are alike in mind to me so it's hard to feel like I'm talking to them in a meaningful way. I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. I would like to take part in conversations more, but it seems like my mind is blank alot of the time. I don't have a good response for what other people are saying. And it only gets worse in groups because everybody is trying to have a joined conversation and it's even harder to think of stuff that everyone would be interested in.

So.. I end up being quiet most of the time, which makes me uncomfortable because it's akward for me to be the one not contributing.




I seem to have this problem. I also am pretty sure I have a little bit of social anxiety and when in social situations I don't say anything because like you said my mind is blank and I don't have anything good to say. So because of this I am silent most of the time unless I am asked a question or I am asked for my thoughts in a particular discussion.


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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: Adden]
    #3595112 - 01/07/05 08:22 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Got family you've always been tight with?


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InvisibleAdden
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: World Spirit]
    #3598118 - 01/08/05 01:43 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Yes.


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Offlinenonoman
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: Adden]
    #3598732 - 01/08/05 03:56 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I believe genetics has something to do with it, as my wife and her grandmother on her mother's side have it. I know next to nothing about genetics, though.


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InvisibleSinbad
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Re: Social Anxiety Ponderings [Re: nonoman]
    #3598794 - 01/08/05 04:15 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I think all the poeple with social anxiety should get together for a social gathering and talk about thier social anxiety socially  :cool:


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