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Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds, Bulk Cannabis Seeds   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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hiding from the world, even though i dont really want to..
    #3458956 -

so i finally came to post in this forum aswell,
guess it had to come this way.

well, to tell you a bit about myself.

4.5 years ago, i had my first and so far only girlfriend that i fell in love with
and shared my first sexual experience with, i was 16 back then.

it was great finally having a girlfriend and exploring sex and i was
so sure that i finally could love, a feeling i didnt know till then.
the great thing was, that i thought she'd love me too,
sad enuf ater half a year i had to find out that she was dating others
behin my back and never really loved me - she even once told me that i didnt
even know what love was, even though, sad enuf, i very well knew at this point..

anyway, i broke up with her since this exploiting of me was a tough one on my head
and being just required for defloration purpose (thats the only sence my
whole stay in her life makes to me) got me into deep depression.

i started drinking at this age, due to the fact that alcohol is legal here
from the age of 16 and got shitfaced more or less every weekend.
often ending in throwing up and not knowing anything about what i did
the next day - i also started abusing cannabis by smoking 30 and more
bongs daily, since the weed and the aclohol made me think of other stuff
besides her.

well, it took me full two years to overcome this sadness that she,
put on me - i felt like shit every day, dreaming the same thing for years,
having her in front of me telling me that i didnt even know what love was...

gladly time gets u to forget, so after about 2.5 years i overcame her and
went on in my life, at that time i also was able to cut back on my beer
consumption and weed abuse.

so, then, i discovered that i was getting attracted by a very intelligent
and sweet looking girl in the same class as me, that i could connect really good with.
we even took out finals together and learned on them,
but still i think i maybe fell in love with ther aswell but i dont know
since i never told her, because i just was too afraeid of being exploited again.

so all of this is now some years back and i am at a point,
that i more or less go to university and stay home rest of the day since
the outside world simply turns me off.

all these people out there are scaring the shit out of me and i more or less
just like to talk to a selected bunch of people because i HATE stupid people.
if i talk to one whos just babbling nonsense id like to shout and yell at him
for being that stupid and since most of the people sadly falls into this category
its quite a tough one to joi a mate to a night out in a club or pub or whatever, since there are most likely drunken folk there, babbling shit
nonstop.

so whats the deal of this whole post anyway, to be honest i dont really know,
i just started writing and it went on and on and on, basically being
all focussed on that i cannot meet new people (its real hard for me)
and if i get to know new people i more or less 'rate' them,
like try to put them into a scemata if i want to or not,
i somehow must evaluate for myself if they are 'good' for me or now and
sadly most people arent...

so, approaching 21 now, im still young sure, but my alcohol problems rose again,
i started drinking during the week and also bingin on weekends again.
since i dont know where to get ganja from, i barely smoke, may this be good or not
and i dont trip as often as i used to, since the last trip actually scared the fuck out of me
even though it was incredibly beautiful, might sound strange but its the case.

if one can figure a meaning out of all this words,
id be real glad to read a reply :wink:
peace out to u guys.
peace ohm :mushroom2:


--------------------
:penis: MONOTUB tek :sun: HEATBOMB tek :penis:

RIP #cultivation! ....can't associate? well FUCK U !

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Re: hiding from the world, even though i dont really want to.. [Re: ohmatic]
    #3458985 -

Women are a pain in the ass... till you find the right one, then she will be an even bigger pain in the ass, but you will be able to tolerate her, and she will tolerate you... your still young bro, bitches come and bitches go, no matter where you are in life and this world... just keep ya head up pointed at the stars, and your mind on creating positive realities, and you should be fine... :smile:

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Re: hiding from the world, even though i dont really want to.. [Re: ohmatic]
    #3460741 -

hi there

sorry to hear about your situation. anywhere you go, there will always be good and bad people you may encounter. Why don't you focus on meeting good positive people rather than focusing on "i don't like to meet stupid people". I was once in a position like you were. If you focus on the negative part constantly (energy draining), than it becomes the reality, you feel and see. Whatever you feel and the relationships with people you have, and the environment, you're in - you created it with your thoughts, emotions and feelings in the first place. its not too late to change this but you'll have to be patient to see the effects!

3 eyes

Edited by 3eyes (12/07/04 04:57 PM)

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Re: hiding from the world, even though i dont really want to.. [Re: 3eyes]
    #3463965 -

accept the challenge of life cuz you can't run away from it, strive to be yourself, and dont take shit from anyone.

i have no advice about females
they drive me crazy
i still feel a void from the first and only girl i fell in love with 4 years ago, but it has gotten to the point where I don't think about it anymore. love is a scary thing.

keep your head up dude

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Re: hiding from the world, even though i dont really want to.. [Re: Grav]
    #3464033 -

You can never fully get over someone you've loved, a little part of you always will still be in it, you just have to find a way to move on and let time heal the wounds.  If you always look for the negative things in people, that is all you're going to see.  Even if it might seem like someone is just babbling on about something stupid, give them a chance. Try to strike up a conversation about a good show you've seen, or a book you've read, or what classes you're in. Drunken people tend to ramble, so it's hard to judge someone based on how they are while trashed. Try meeting people at coffee shops, book readings, art galleries, concerts, etc..You say you go to a university? Try joining some clubs or going to meetings of groups you're interested in. It always feels like you're never going to get out of this rut when you're in it, but I guarantee you, one day something awesome will come your way, you just have to be open and even make yourself a little bit vulnerable. This is hard for me to say, cause I'm kind of in the same spot as you..I just moved to a new place, don't know anyone, spend a lot of time alone, and am still trying to get over the last girl I loved who broke up with me a year ago. But I know the only way to get past these things is to just put myself out there and see what happens. Good luck man, I wish you the best! :smile:

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Re: hiding from the world, even though i dont really want to.. [Re: Hendostan]
    #3469358 -

hey guys, lots of thanks for each and everyone who so far contributed in my lil confusing thread

there was lots of positive input and suggestions,
and in most points u guys were right.

its basically stupid to be holding on to the past,
but each and everyone of us knows how hard it is / can be to let go,
especially of events u rate as being really important in ones live.

there is however a very good fact.
the new place i moved at, i live with a pet, a cute black cat.

i've always loved cats but never had a pet ever,
now i got one and i need to tell u guys that i love her longtime :wink:
its so great to have her in moments of depression,
to kuddle and play and have her warming one .. sad thing is that shes
more or less a substitute for a girlfriend, but eh, better than nun :wink:

well, so what shall i tell u, since ive been here, two girls actually already
gave me their numbers, quite nice and attractive girls to be honest
(this was NEVER the fact back home) but did i call? nah, i even deleted
their numbers the next day for whatever crazy reason i had.

so, thing is, i also woundt consider myself a charakter i would like to get to know
if i only knew myself from the point i present myself to the outer world.
since im shy, not really wordy and like to critise more than encouraging
somone who talks bull (quite normal in the end isnt it?)

fun actually, that i KNOW what it is that keeps people from stepping up to me
and getting interested, and even though, this is the way i am, and just
changing myself for being integrated in this 'society' as its called doesnt really
make sence.

lets talk girls again.
i didnt have any sex for a total of 4 year now, which is, well, quite some time.
anyway, if i was to get some girls, i could for sure get a proper screw each
weakend, since im not bad looking and sure could talk some girl into
coming home with me
but the thing is, i simply cant do that, b/c believing in love and shit,
its like i dont allow myself to do it ?- jeez sometimes i look into the
mirror and ask myself why i am actually not letting myself enjoy live?
every stupid mofo is getting his brains fucked out,
there are MILLIONS of incredibly looking girls on university - but being honest,
would u be interested in someone who just hangs around alone all the time,
reads a book most of the time and listens to music? well i sure wouldnt...

:frown:
peace ohm :mushroom2:


--------------------
:penis: MONOTUB tek :sun: HEATBOMB tek :penis:

RIP #cultivation! ....can't associate? well FUCK U !

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Re: hiding from the world, even though i dont really want to.. [Re: ohmatic]
    #3471444 -

I'm just like you. I can't really meet people because I don't know how to talk to people I don't know. I can't just bullshit with some stranger and talk small talk to get to know them.

Luckily I still have old friends who I have known for years, but I haven't made a new friend in a long long time.

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Re: hiding from the world, even though i dont really want to.. [Re: Amber_Glow]
    #3471597 -

If you don't want to hide from the world, but you are, you are afriad. I don't know what to tell you, small talk is really how you get to know people, which initiates conversations that eventually become more meaningful. It's hard to do, but if you don't want to be lonely, then you have to start someday.

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Re: hiding from the world, even though i dont really want to.. [Re: Amber_Glow]
    #3471630 -

Why did you delete those numbers???? They were obviously interested enough to want to get to know you better, most girls wouldn't give their number to someone they thought was a complete loser. Someone who appreciates solitude, a good book, and some tunes might be exactly the type of guy they are looking for. Instead of criticizing yourself and pretending to KNOW what girls want, you should talk to them and let them TELL you what they want. I don't think you are accurately seeing yourself the same way people on the outside are seeing you, I'm sure you're not as bad of a guy as you make yourself out to be. You just gotta have confidence in who you are...doesn't mean stop being shy, or stop being yourself, girls will dig you for who you are, they don't always want a party animal. *Listen more and assume less*

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Re: hiding from the world, even though i dont really want to.. [Re: Hendostan]
    #3480115 -

Ya I'm a girl and I'm not attracted to party animals


--------------------
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.

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Re: hiding from the world, even though i dont really want to.. [Re: enotake2]
    #3480121 -

BTW, it may not be something u want to hear but weed will make you antisocial. It sounds like a good move moving house.


--------------------
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.

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