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that's life, i guess,,
    #3151723 -

just venting.. i'm 18, i'm a college student. on one level, i'm very socially active. the friends i do have, they're friends.. atleast i thought they were. our circle was supposed to be tight. i've always been a 'happy' individual, i like to cut up, you know, generally have a good time. i like to make people laugh, i guess.

everyone has problems.. i'm coming to that conclusion. i never let the little shit get to me, don't sweat the small shit, you know? all those little aggs and knicks people throw at you, i never paid any mind. hell, even the big shit. i still live with my folks, i go to school 30 miles up the road. they throw down and go berserk at each other every few months. threaten divorce, etc. i'll be pissed that night, but 'get over it' the next day. nothing big, right?

yeah well, last night i started thinking, soul searching, you know? all that little shit i've eaten over the past four or five years came out. all the tears i should have shed finally made their way out. i'm at a lifetime low, and i probably need to go see a shrink. i never realized how fucking much that shit bothered me. i wasn't tripped or stoned, i just seriously thought about all the little shit i'd passed up. that's not why i'm ranting though, it's what happened earlier.

like i said, my circle's tight. the 10 or so close friends i got, i thought i could count on them. steph, joseph, justin, josh, austin, they're there for me. my brother rob though, well, i'd considered us to be on the same level. i asked him like 'what if I told you i'm in worse shape than you'd think, you know, seriously depressed.. really low'.. he responded with 'i'd say you were stoned and you need to get a grip'..

'well brother, i'm serious, it's an all time low, and i'm really fucking confused' you know..

'get over it man, be a man, suck it up..'

which is what really pushed me in the hole.. brings up this thought:

all i wanted was a goddamned ear that would listen and a heart that wouldn't lie.. is that so fucking much to ask? is that a task a friend should perform without fatigue? i'm pondering..

i mean honestly, how would you guys handle it? i'm not seeking fucking professional help or whatever, but i just want to know, how would you handle it? if this made no sense, ignore it. i'm just pissed and really low right now.. confused, if you will. thanks for reading

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Re: that's life, i guess,, [Re: zSDMF]
    #3151780 -

Handle what??

Your parents bickering all these years??

Or your ability to bottle it all up??

What you are experiencing is no different then 95% of others your age. Life is all about felling like shit then finding something to do about it. That is it. That is all there is. Sorry.

Part of being 18 is the discovery of that very fact. There is no one day you wake up and evrything is fine. From the point you turn 18 until the day you die it only gets more complicated.

The fact that you have let your parents problems build up is bad. I suggest you set them both down and tell them how you feel. What they do with that info is up to them. But you need to release this right now.

Here's a factoid for you...... The only person responsble for your happiness is you. Give that bullshit back to your parents. Tell them how you feel. Let them sort it out.

Release this and take your happiness. Take it, don't let anybody take it from you. Every emotion you have is a choice not a set rule. No one says you have to be fucked up when your family is fighting. If you are, you made the choice. Give it back to them. Loving yourself is all about choices.

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