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As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar
    #29679031 -

I moved to this city about three years ago.

I haven't really made any friends. I am 33 years old now.

I don't know what to do with my hands.

Or my eyes.

But I needed to get out of the house - to see people.

Normaly, when I do this, eventually, some drunk people interact with me.

It's hard making friends for me it seems...

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: remake]
    #29679042 -

You should challenge yourself to interact with people sober and get to know them.  Thats basically how you find people you like enough to be friends with.

Also, I like your music a lot.  Maybe you should find a club or bar/ venue that you can perform it at so you can get some real recognition.

Edited by anarchyfan (09/26/26 03:58 PM)

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: remake] * 1
    #29679050 -

Sorry buddy.... making friends ain't easy..  any social groups that you can join with like interests?? I'm a runner and found a running group. Lots of good people there. Same with the gym. Or any hobby--doesn't have to be Fitness. All the best to ya.

:yourock:


--------------------
Need genetics? Hit me up!


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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: Nerdo]
    #29679060 -

I'm friendly with a lot of people at work, and have a lot of friends from my past who I call. They're just not with me.

I don't know how to explain my situation.

I believe friendship is built over continuous interaction, facing similar challenges or goals.

This city is just a bit unwelcoming in a way. It's a weird setup.

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: remake]
    #29679065 -

Have you tried making plans to hang out with the people you're friendly with at work?

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: cubedryeguy] * 1
    #29679069 -

:goat:


--------------------
Remember to courtesy flush:toilet:


:shrug: yeah, she's funny and somewhat interesting.  not a beauty queen, but not bad lookin.  i'd feel quite honored to fuck janine garofalo. -tiny_rabid_birds

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: cubedryeguy] * 1
    #29679080 -

I work at a fruit and vegetable market. I'm the manager of what they call the "market authority".

I'm sort of friends with the sales agents, who work for a seperate company, but there is some dissonance.

Anyway, I drove home. I'm just chilling now. It's 10:30pm in South Africa now.

I just feel like a weirdo in my own culture. Afrikaner culture. It's pretty strong where I live. Most of the people here are very conservative christians. And I have a visible mushroom tattoo on my forearm and a psychedelic/agnostic mindset, lol.

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: remake]
    #29679081 -

You gotta become a familiar face somewhere. Start going to the gym, maybe take some spin classes or do CrossFit. BJJ is really fun if you enjoy wrestling around with other guys and getting your ass kicked a lot. Do you own a shotgun? You could join a shooting club and start learning trap or skeet. Are you religious? You could start going to church.


--------------------
"it's all a joke between mom contractions and coffin fittings"


The most useful tool for noobs

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: remake] * 4
    #29679084 -

Coming from someone who loves his drinks - I kinda consider bars to be sad places,, like strip clubs lol, they just suck some part of your soul out of you and are ultimately depressing.

If i were in your shoes id join an outdoor club, and then try to find some hottie whos into the same kind of shit that I vibe with. IDK talking with attractive women was always just some natural motivator for me to feel a lot better really quick. So yah, like a hiking club, walking, jogging, pickleball, idk.. maybe look up what kind of shit like that is in your area that youd be down with. Would definitely stay away from bars tho, stick with more wholesome and physical activities.

More times you roll the dice with that, the higher your odds are of meeting some friends or more, whatever youre after.


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: remake] * 1
    #29679087 -

remake said:
I moved to this city about three years ago.

I haven't really made any friends. I am 33 years old now.

I don't know what to do with my hands.

Or my eyes.

But I needed to get out of the house - to see people.

Normaly, when I do this, eventually, some drunk people interact with me.

It's hard making friends for me it seems...




It's not you...

It's difficult making good friends as an adult in general...life just gets in the way.
People have their circles, and routines...

Just about every one of my current friends are people I've known since high school.

There's a few new ones, but they're either work friends, and I've met them through a friend of mine.


I'm kinda the same way you are...
Sometimes I'll go to the grocery store when I don't need to, just to get out and be around people.

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: 1234go] * 1
    #29679098 -

Yeah, I go out to restaurants every now and then on my own.

I don't I feel shame in it.

Sometimes you just have to see other people.

I'm a runner and am physically active most days. I want to try to join a club here...

I was thinking of joining a church too, but I would be faking it. And I don't want to do that.

There's just not an abundance of diverse options here unfortunately like there might be over there in the USA.

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: remake] * 2
    #29679105 -

Absolutely no shame in doing anything alone.
I go out to eat by myself, too...a lotta people do that. Not unusual in the least.

There are some things I prefer to do alone because I have more freedom that way.


Are there any kinds of social "meet up" groups you could join?
You could try to find other people that are into making music, you'd have that in common.

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: remake] * 4
    #29679108 -

I've realized over the years that you can't really expect others to reciprocate on social interactions. Most people are passive, especially in the last couple decades, and more people are insecure or anxious in social interactions than not. Even people you think would have every reason to be confident and outgoing tend to be self conscious when deciding to call someone or organize a gathering.

Just gotta be that dude that brings people together if it's something you're missing out on. People will flake, or not call back, or will back out of things, but 9 times out of 10 it's their own anxieties or social bandwidth rather than any reflection on you.

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: 1234go] * 1
    #29679129 -

1234go said:
Are there any kinds of social "meet up" groups you could join?
You could try to find other people that are into making music, you'd have that in common.


I've searched Google and Facebook and Instagram for groups aligning with my more artistic/musical interests but have yet to find any success.

Most of those type of social groups are more prevelant in other main cities, unfortunately.

Eventually, I would like to find employement in a place like Cape Town where it's much more common and easier to find.

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: PatrickKn]
    #29679130 -

PatrickKn said:
I've realized over the years that you can't really expect others to reciprocate on social interactions. Most people are passive, especially in the last couple decades, and more people are insecure or anxious in social interactions than not. Even people you think would have every reason to be confident and outgoing tend to be self conscious when deciding to call someone or organize a gathering.

Just gotta be that dude that brings people together if it's something you're missing out on. People will flake, or not call back, or will back out of things, but 9 times out of 10 it's their own anxieties or social bandwidth rather than any reflection on you.


That's true.

Most of my life I was just waiting to be invited. I could take more proactive steps to actually do the inviting myself.

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: PatrickKn]
    #29679137 -

Going to the bar alone is a zero-sum game. You’re either going to have an awesome night or be even sadder than you were before.

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: remake] * 2
    #29679144 -

Smokers section in a small local music venue has worked wonders for me.  Browsing record stores and talking with the people working there. 

It’s not easy making friends.  It took me 3 years to make one decent friend in Seattle freakin Washington where there’s 4+ million people within a 30 minute drive.  Same with my wife who is super extroverted.  The culture here is also surprisingly dogmatic in its own way. 

Keep trying ♥️ ask others about their art.  Be curious.  You’ll find some cool people :smile:


--------------------

When we constantly pull things apart trying to see how it works, we may end up with only an understanding of how to destroy something
- nick sand


Edited by Psicomb (09/26/26 06:02 PM)

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: Headies] * 1
    #29679148 -

You're going to make friends there soon. I wish you were in my city and I'd introduce you to a bunch of genuinely good people.

I just did that for somone & he was really surprised. He had the best time. Everyone loved him. He is a solid guy.

I remember what it's like to not know anyone. Now i seem to make friends extremely easy for some reason. I don't know why.

I'm not even extroverted but still talk.

I'm surprised how much trust had been earned from people who don't trust. It takes years & years. Not much more means as much.

We got a mini half pipe in our place and skate it often.


--------------------

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: Purple sunset] * 1
    #29679161 -

Hope you find some friends pal. For me if I ever wanna make friends I use my darts and go around pubs playing darts usually I get asked to join a team, within a few weeks i have a team of new mates. Always worked for me this... but I guess you have to have a shared hobby other people are going to be interested in.

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Re: As I am writing this I am sitting alone at a bar [Re: Purple sunset] * 1
    #29679197 -

You need to stop giving a fuck, ultimately!

Right now I'm sitting at home a bottle of a bottle of wine down and cracking open the second. Listening to my reggae hip hop after having watched some old George Carlin videos.
Like George, I just don't really give a fuck!
As he'd say "it's all bullshit and it's bad for you"

My girlfriend is asleep on the couch, pissed. I fucked the shit out of her earlier on, had her in a frenzy screaming like a holocaust  victim and now she's snoring like a Mike Tyson victim, though a radically different kind of "punched in the ring" I suppose.

I just give far less of a fuck about what people think these days, about offending them, about them liking me etc. Hell I don't even give two fucks if you like me, but nonetheless I wish you well enough to bother writing out this pointless reply.

You won't be remembered when you die, fuck you might be barely remembered while you're alive. I still think you should make the most of your miserable existence though, I mean what have you got to lose? Nothing by the sounds of it!

If you're as sad as you sound then you've truly nothing to lose pal.
Rather than a trump style "grab her by the pussy" though, perhaps work on the finer aspects of your game? in fact fuck the game! all these PUA guys are full of shit and women smell that from a mile off. 

Don't impress, express! just work on what I call "holding your centre of self", especially when it's brought into question or under attack.
It's easy to think you know who you are when times are easy, but your mettle is tempered by the flame and you need to be able to hold your centre of self and project your inner voice in tough times too.
Adversity is character building.

You know the sure fire way to be free of disappointment? harbour no expectations! Expectation when it comes down to it is just another form of attachment...to an outcome!
Just roll with it, if someone comes up and talks to you, cool! If no-one does, cool! you're never alone with a critical inner monologue, right?
When you become comfortable alone in your own skin, people gravitate to you, because ultimately that's what they want too. You become a positive mirror.  Probably helps if you've had a shower recently.

Anyway, good luck and I wish you well.
Or some shit like that.

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