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OfflineAlan Stone
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Can you be alone comfortably?
    #2473774 - 03/25/04 06:44 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I was wondering about this. I've spent the last three years alone in the erotic sense of the word. I don't feel uncomfortable about it, because most of what a girlfriend would have to offer can just as easily be provided for by friends.

The question is: can/could you?

Do you need recognition of who you are, or are you confident in your Walk of Life?


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It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

- Aristotle


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OfflineViaggio
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Alan Stone]
    #2473818 - 03/25/04 07:04 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I think it's obvious that having a mate is part of our design. There are several benefits, many that friends could not fulfill.

I think there are times when a significant other is needed, or would be greatly valued, and times when one isn't wanted. Nothing is permanent.


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"...yet another in a long series of diversions an attempt to avoid responsibility."


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OfflineAlan Stone
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Viaggio]
    #2473844 - 03/25/04 07:13 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

What unique qualities does a mate posess, other than the potential for carnal pleasure?

Edit: ... and taking it one step beyond: what does bringing children to this world add, other than the potential for recognition of your existance and being revered as if you were omniscient until they're smart enough to see you're just as uncertain about what life is about as they are?


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It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

- Aristotle


Edited by Alan Stone (03/25/04 07:17 PM)


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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Alan Stone]
    #2473852 - 03/25/04 07:16 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'm more than comfortable being alone. In fact I actively seek it a lot of the time. This doesn't just go for girlfriends...I am more comfortable by myself in general.


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You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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OfflineEvilGir
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Alan Stone]
    #2473858 - 03/25/04 07:18 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

>I think it's obvious that having a mate is part of our design. There are several benefits, many that friends could not fulfill.

But the only reason to have a mate is to reproduce and thas it a simlpy animal instinct. I think to truley evolve you must stay single and deny the basic animal impulses.

Plus you shouldnt need any sexual partners to be happy, I just think they complicate things anyway and make just make you become trapped, like you cant go out and spend money on anything you want or just dissapear for a week somewhere.

>I'm more than comfortable being alone. In fact I actively seek it a lot of the time. This doesn't just go for girlfriends...I am more comfortable by myself in general.

Yeah I am with you on that one, I dont mind being with people but most of the time I would rather be on my own to just think about stuff and chill. Plus i think its bettre for you mentaly if you can stand being with yourself and not being distracted by other people.


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Fighting the man the best way I can.


Edited by jezu (03/25/04 07:24 PM)


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OfflineAlan Stone
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: EvilGir]
    #2473860 - 03/25/04 07:20 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Plus you shouldnt need any sexual partners to be happy, also I think they just complicate things in a way where you become trapped, like you cant go out and spend money on anything you want or just dissapear for a week somewhere.




Exactly ! I'm trying to asess the benefits of mating and having a mate versus the limitations on personal potential and freedom.


--------------------
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

- Aristotle


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Alan Stone]
    #2473862 - 03/25/04 07:22 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Yes, I have been, more or less for most of my life.

I'm a natural loner. But I'm not necessarilly "anti-social", I can be quite at ease with myself, jovial, jolly and friendly in social situations--albiet with a lil anxiety here and there. But as contradicting as it may or may not sound, the primary drive behind my status of "loner" is actually social-phobia, but not inexorably to the point that I am a complete reclusive in need of professional help. I'm simply more comfortable alone than I am amongst socializing with people in general. Social crowds can't offer me the type of comfort that I take solace to when I am alone.
And yet, again, at the same time, I can still easilly manage to be quite companionable and affable with people, in general--and suffice it to say, naturally with those who I've known for years as well.

Nothing wrong with experiencing and living in singularity, regardless of what peer-pressures or other 'socialistic-norms' that overshadow..
Alot of people always ask me if I have a gf, and always assume I'm NOT single, lol..and I've always seemed to attract a host of admirers here and there during my lifetime. But eh...still a long ways to go in this journey, so who knows, things can change, but I'm not necessarilly instigating any such thing. :wink:



--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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OfflineEvilGir
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2473889 - 03/25/04 07:33 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Put it this way if I was born in south america somewhere I could easily imagine my self as alone living on the edge of town alone brewing up strange plants and stuff.
Almost an outcast but seriously though people just dont seem to give me anything i need.

Not that i should rely on any one else for my happyness other than my self. But people just talk about rubbish most fo the time, where as on my own I can read, write ideas, draw and get more out of life than playing old animal trible games.


--------------------
Fighting the man the best way I can.


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Invisiblesilversoul7
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Alan Stone]
    #2473966 - 03/25/04 08:00 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'm alone 99.9% of the time(well, not quite). If I was uncomfortable being alone, I'd have killed myself by now.


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"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire


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OfflineViaggio
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Alan Stone]
    #2474166 - 03/25/04 08:50 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Stone said:
What unique qualities does a mate posess, other than the potential for carnal pleasure...



I'm not sure if I can answer this question completely.  I'm only 23 and am still learning what a long term relationship brings other than happiness.  But I can mention that sex and sex with love are two different things.

Quote:

what does bringing children to this world add, other than the potential for recognition of your existance and being revered as if you were omniscient until they're smart enough to see you're just as uncertain about what life is about as they are?



Wow...that sounds like a terrible perspective on family.  I will not bring a child here for recognition of my existance and being revered as if I was omniscient.  My personal reasons for wanting a child?  A purpose, the purpose.  My sun here on earth for me to revolve.  Having a child is a wonderful way to extend a piece of my existence...a mate who wants to extend a piece of hers through the child is the only one I'd prefer to share the experience with.  Hmm...maybe it's because I (only recently) feel like there is a side of me that yearns to nurture and love an extension of myself.  Anyone else get this feeling?  Could be a brain chemistry thing  :smirk:

Anyway, humans are social creatures.  In my opinion (which is known to change), life is not about things or accomplishments, it's about relationships.  But then again, to each his own.


--------------------
"...yet another in a long series of diversions an attempt to avoid responsibility."


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InvisibleTrueBrode
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Alan Stone]
    #2474360 - 03/25/04 09:28 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I prefer being alone too. I don't pursue any members of the opposite sex, and they don't pursue me, but I may actually be considered asexual anyway. I can go weeks without having any verbal conversation with people. My dream is to claim a piece of land in the middle of nowhere and farm my food during the day, smoke my pipe at night, and die in my 50's in solitude. I find most social interactions that don't involve the exchange of knowledge, ideas or arts to be annoying and uncomfortable, though I enjoy observing others' social interactions for some reason.


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OfflineFrothytooFlacid
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Alan Stone]
    #2475566 - 03/26/04 02:43 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

hah Alone is the easy part. I don't mind people so much, they just scare the shit out of me. I'd like them not to, but it's a difficult process (or at least I make it difficult). I get by all right though; my solitude keeps me sane. TrueBrode's words are a good reflection of my own feelings.


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There is more.


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InvisibleMystical_Craven
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Alan Stone]
    #2475805 - 03/26/04 05:35 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Being 'alone' in the sense of not having that special someone in your life is certainly possible. Hell I've been doing it for four years running - and if anything I actually feel more 'complete' and less restrained then I ever did when I was with someone. And it's not just all the little chains that most people tend to bitch about (not having the same freedoms and what have you) there's a whole deeper aspect to it that I guess could probably only be compared to someone who had some sort of major addiction and learned to let it go and move on wih their life...cause it's like there's a sort of 'emptiness' at first (knowing that there's something that *should* be there that suddenly isn't) But eventually that all fades away and you start to realize that the only thing you lost was something that was weighing you down in the first place (kida like how you initially feel after lifting weights for a couple hours) You know - it's just like you suddenly find yourself with all this extra time and energy that you know could be put towards something more constructive...and that's a really great feeling - it's almost like when you've been out of shape for a long ass time and then you start working out again and suddenly you're like a whole new person...it's liberating really

Of course, there's always gonna be that whole carnal aspect of things that gets in the way from time to time...but even that lessens as time goes on. And that's certainly not to imply some sort of impotence thing or a loss in libido or whatever - just that you find yourself kind of growing out of that whole mindset and you slowly but surely start to realise that there's more important things that you can be fixating your time and energy on (sort of like when you were just starting to grow up and you still liked to watch cartoons and shit, but you eventually weaned yourself off of that whole mindset when you figured out hanging out with your friends was more fun then zoning out in front of the TV for eight hours straight) It's not that you give up on sex or that you stop being turned on my beautiful women...it's just that you don't let your hormones make every single descision for you every second of every day - you learn to tell your testes to shut the fuck up and you actually start considering how certain situations will most likely end up before you just jump in head first (pun intended) Sometimes you get a little red flag that pops up and you avaoid a potentially messy situation, and sometimes you get the go and everything turns out all peachy...but the important thing is you stop acting by instinct and start making real descisions about whether or not your need to get laid is worth the extra baggage that'll inevitably come along with it.





now that that's out of the way...what about all these supposed 'more important' things I keep mentioning? (which I haven't really gone into much depth on) For viaggio it's apparently his desire for children...for me it's my desire to come to a greater understanding of the ways of the world, and to share that knowledge to whomever is willing to listen. For you it's likely something different all together. We all have 'something' that drives us farther - some sort of goal that we would like to some day acheive (even if we're still not entirely sure what that goal may be) It is up to each individual to discover for themselves what they want out of life (and quite possibly more importantly) how to get it. That's the beauty of this world - we all have the inate ability to affect a vast majority of so many of the variables our existance is based off of...and we all get to choose our own level of involment, as well as how we are going to become involved in the greater scheme of things. Some people are apparenly quite contect living half awake larval lives...while others (such as myself) choose instead to fee themselves of many of the shackles that have been placed upon them (through scocial norms and what have you) in order to raise above all the bullshit.

Rising above the emotional and hormonal grasps of the opposite sex is one thing that I personally feel has helped me a lot in my situation...but I know damn well that something like that would be almost disasterous for certain other types of individuals (just as I'm sure it would be tough for me to let go of my love for music) What works for one won't necessarily work for another.





So yeah - it's possible to embrace a solitary lifestyle without turning into some creepy old scocially inept hermit, and there's certainly benefits that come along with it...but it's also equally possible to become entwined with someone you love and have those experiences raise you to the same sort of heights. Neither way is any better then the other - they are in fact very much equal (just in very different ways)

It all just boils down to what works best for you, and how you choose to weigh out the PROs and CONs for yourself.


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"Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go..." T.S. Eliot


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InvisibleSwami
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: TrueBrode]
    #2475815 - 03/26/04 05:45 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

...and die in my 50's in solitude

Shit! According to your timetable, I only have a few years left even though I am just now coming into my prime.


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The proof is in the pudding.


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InvisibleTODAY
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Alan Stone]
    #2475869 - 03/26/04 06:37 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

companionship is a beautiful thing. just lying there w/ my girl is the best feeling ever. just to be close and to be holding eachother and chatting or simply feeling the presence of a special person is a beautiful thing. i've been alone so long and it really feels good that i'm not alone anymore.


--------------------

ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.


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OfflineEvilGir
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: TODAY]
    #2475904 - 03/26/04 07:15 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

> companionship is a beautiful thing. just lying there w/ my girl is the best feeling ever. just to be close and to be holding eachother and chatting or simply feeling the presence of a special person is a beautiful thing. i've been alone so long and it really feels good that i'm not alone anymore.

I used to feel that way with my last girlfriend, I was with her for about 6 years and sooo much loved her. Then we split up and this almost destroyed me I felt so lonley and despratly wanted to be with someone.

Now that was 4 years ago and I did see another girl for about 2 weeks around oct 2003 and I didnt think it was realy worthi it in the end. Now I am a much stronger person because I can depend on my self and dont need anyone to tie me down.

Haveing a girlfriend is realy nice but to me its just another attachment that in the end is gona cost you loads emotionaly. You may even stay with them get married but one day they will die and you will be on your own again. Sorry I dont mean to put a bummer on things but I want a girlf friend but i dont thinks thats whats good for me so i am gona stay single.


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Fighting the man the best way I can.


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OfflineAlan Stone
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Viaggio]
    #2475934 - 03/26/04 08:28 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Wow...that sounds like a terrible perspective on family. I will not bring a child here for recognition of my existance and being revered as if I was omniscient.



To my experience, that's what a lot of parents miss when their children grow up: being needed and revered. Being needed is a form of recognition of your existance.

Quote:

My personal reasons for wanting a child? A purpose, the purpose. My sun here on earth for me to revolve. Having a child is a wonderful way to extend a piece of my existence...a mate who wants to extend a piece of hers through the child is the only one I'd prefer to share the experience with.



Personally, I feel like having kids is in its core very much the same as being a workaholic: one puts all one's time towards the same goal to avoid thinking about life and the direction one wants to take it in. As I said, personal opinion. I personally care very little about having kids myself, because I don't see us as just the host bodies we live in. We can rise above animal instincts, and that includes the instinct to reproduce. Self-mastery - to me - is the key to freedom.

Quote:

Hmm...maybe it's because I (only recently) feel like there is a side of me that yearns to nurture and love an extension of myself. Anyone else get this feeling? Could be a brain chemistry thing



I don't get that at all. But if that's the reason, why not just get a pet? They last you less long, so if having one turns out to be a disappointment, you won't have to wait as long to be rid of them. Plus: they don't have fashion, hi-tech entertainment and education needs, so they're cheaper too. (If this comes across apathic, I'm just looking at it from an efficiency viewpoint, not an emotional one - so maximum gain versus minimum investment. After all, it's said we're all selfish...)


--------------------
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

- Aristotle


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Alan Stone]
    #2475946 - 03/26/04 08:38 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Stone said:
Quote:

Plus you shouldnt need any sexual partners to be happy, also I think they just complicate things in a way where you become trapped, like you cant go out and spend money on anything you want or just dissapear for a week somewhere.




Exactly ! I'm trying to asess the benefits of mating and having a mate versus the limitations on personal potential and freedom.




Wellsir, I was a loner for a long time. Then I met this person who is so incredibly like me that when I'm with her it's like I'm with myself. Now that there are two of us, we spend all our time alone together, instead of alone alone.

While I still (very occasionally) wish for a tiny bit more freedom, I wouldn't trade what I've got for the world.


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OfflineMushmonkey
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Alan Stone]
    #2477563 - 03/26/04 05:50 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Personally, I feel like having kids is in its core very much the same as being a workaholic: one puts all one's time towards the same goal to avoid thinking about life and the direction one wants to take it in. As I said, personal opinion. I personally care very little about having kids myself, because I don't see us as just the host bodies we live in. We can rise above animal instincts, and that includes the instinct to reproduce. Self-mastery - to me - is the key to freedom.




But self-mastery in that manner is just a one-way street.. you only see the scenery from one direction. Not quite the whole picture. Don't get me wrong, right now I am and have been single for, well, a long while. It's not bad. I don't mind it. And I wouldn't, and haven't and won't, go out and try to find some stupid girlfriend just because I think I should, because I really have little patience with stupid people and well, girlfriends expect attention that I would feel ill providing.
Of course, I've met people who are exceptions to that, and I've dated them, and spent practically (actually, last time, it wasn't but absolutely, for 3 months) all of my time with them, because it's comfortable. As comfortable as being alone, for the most part, and enough better often enough to make up for the times it's not, more than make up in fact.

Dating people constantly isn't a good idea, but people do it, and I don't think never dating anyone is a good idea either, but people do it, but I also don't think dating someone just for the sake of doing it and not because they're interesting isn't a good idea just because it often ends up icky.


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i finally got around to making a sig
revel in its glory and quake in fear at its might
grar.


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OfflineAlan Stone
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Re: Can you be alone comfortably? [Re: Mushmonkey]
    #2477682 - 03/26/04 06:30 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'm sorry, I don't quite see how one could not have just a personal view of the world. It's always unilateral, because our hard disk space is limited. Not only that, but our sensory input is somewhat lacking compared to other life forms.


--------------------
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

- Aristotle


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