Well, I was chillin at a friends house last night watching saturday nite live. It got boring so I left and went back to my house.
It was midnight when another friend of mine called. He had some syrian rue but no mushrooms, and I had some mushrooms but no syrian rue. So we decided to help eachother out.
I'd never done syrian rue before, so i went over to his house and we made a tea and both drank our doses. I'm not sure about the dosage of syrian rue we took, because my friend did all that, but I know we both ate about 2.5 grams of (really potent millet-grown KS)mushrooms.
Well I have a really sensitive stomach so I spent the first 45 minutes of the trip in serious pain and eventually had to throw up, as my friend predicted.
When i was done being sick I layed on my friends couch (by that time my friend was laying on the other couch, totally gone)
The world around me began to swirl and melt into different colors. I lost the feeling of having a body and being surrounded by a physical universe. I didnt lose my ego per se- there was definitely a "me". But it seemed like the equation had been reduced to just me and another entity. I know this sounds cliche, but it really felt like it was just me and god, like we were having a conversation.
Well, at first it was just pure bliss- all of the daily dramas and things that I normally care about were just erased from my mind and I felt that I was nothing but a speck of dust being illuminated by the energy of the universe.
But gradually my personality started coming back, and I began to ask the entity questions. (maybe it was just me asking myself questions, but I usually dont come up with these kinds of answers by myself- the answers did not seem localized to my brain- it felt like they were coming from somewhere else)
Well, i've been in a pretty foul mood the last couple months, and once the initial shiock and awe of the trip began to wear off, these things started coming out.
You see, I've been having a lot of shitty feelings lately, like people dont respect me as much as they should, because of superficial reasons that shouldnt matter (like my boyish appearance). Last semester I dated a bunch of girls that just kind of used me for money and sex and split when I tried to get things a little more serious. Over the last couple months I've been running into ex-girlfriends that left me because they thought they could do better- and they always seem to be doing worse. One of them is pregnant, another is a coke addict now, some are with abusive boyfriends, or boyfriends that dont love them/can't take care of them.
I've been feeling unloved and the victim of bad justice. I see all these people around me that dont really deserve their material wealth and/or the love of a significant other while I make do with nothing. I tend to think of myself as a pretty decent guy who deserves happiness and respect, but never gets any because the greedy assholes take more than their share. And its not just me- I know a lot of truly good people who get shit on every day by assholes who cant justify their power and wealth with any kind of merit or moral decency.
So anyway, all of these feelings were kind of floating around in my mind, and I had to ask these questions to this entity, because this was one of the few times in my life that I've spoken to God and actually felt like he answered me.
So here is a dialogue (what I can piece together, anyway- the entity's real answers were far more eloquent and came with emotional and visual aids)
me: Why is this world so cruel to those who only seek to help it?
E: such is its nature. Get used to it.
me: but why do bad men get rewarded and good men get punished?
E: good men are punished because they are close to me. and I can take all the punishment any mortal can dish out. As for rewarding bad men, well, the material things they recieve are ultimately not rewards. These things only draw them further from me, and I am the source of all things.
me: If I am closer to you, than why am I in so much pain? Is God pain?
E: God is not pain. God endures pain infinitely.
me: why?
E: freedom. love.
me: how is allowing fascists to run amok promoting freedom and love?
E: they are free to do what they choose, and I love them no matter what they do. I am the source of all things.
me: but doesnt that kind of suck for you?
E: nothing sucks for me. pain is but a fly in my household.
me: so you just don't care, then?
E: You care. and you are a part of me. and you are free to do what you choose. I will love you no matter what you do.
me: how can you love people that hurt eachother and do stupid shit?
E: I am the source of all things. I love them as I love myself. Their purpose is to be.
me: why do you allow those that would seek to end pain and suffering to be punished by those farthest from you. Why do you 'let the demons run amok' and punish those who are close to you?
E: those who aspire to be as I am must know what it is like. They must know how to do the right thing because it is the right thing, and for no other reason. They must be prepared to suffer for doing the right thing. This is how I run the universe.
me: you said that material things arent really rewards. what are the rewards of being close to you?
E: you have become close to me, and though you will one day cease to exist, a part of you will live forever in my keep.
me: so the people who are far from you get nothing. do they just disappear when they die?
E: No, they just go further and further into nothingness until they realize it is a dead end. then they come back to me, as you have.
me: why the whole process?
E: the process is the mechanism for the creation of all that is from all that could be.
me: ...
E: the tao does not care if it is loved or acted against. it just is. it is ceaseless in its flow regardless of conditions
me: So you're saying I should just be a tool, like those complacent Chinese with their fascist government?
E: you should be who you are. I have given you many clues as to what that is. your body. the makeup of your brain. the events you have experienced. the situation into which you were born. all have purpose. time will reveal this to you.
me: but what if 'who I am' is a person far from you?
E: It doesnt matter what you are, it only matters what you aspire to be. As long as you seek me out, I will make myself increasingly available to you. But first you must become accustomed to pain. You must be able to walk through the gates of Hell with no fear in your heart. then you will understand totality.
me: you sound like a masochist!
E: ... I am the souce of all things. from masochism to altruism. all have purpose in the creation of what is from what could be. In order to endure totality, compassion must be infinite.
me: so, whatever happens in reality doesnt matter? If I see some guy raping a 10 year old with a broken glass botlle I'm supposed to just dig why the guy's doing it and not interfere?
E: You should do what you would do. Such is your purpose. But I do not concern myself with judgement and intervention. If people want to be close to me they can. If they want to be far from me, they can. But ultimately everyone must come back to the source. Otherwise they will perish. You must do what you think is right. That is your purpose. I am not in your position, though if I were I would protect life whenever possible, even at the expense of my own.
me: how can you love people that hurt both you and themselves?
E: they do not hurt me, for I take little heed of pain. I do not like to see them hurt themselves, but I accept it as an inevitability stemming from what they are. Not only do I love what they could be, I love what they are. I provide for them though they take me for granted. such is MY purpose.
me: I understand the need for both sides of the spectrum, but why does the dark side have to be so predominant? Why do the good people seem to be outnumbered and losing the fight?
E: such is but one possible position. there are countless numbers of other positions. In order for them to exist, your current position must also exist. But you're "now" is not eternity. It is but one moment in an infinite series of events that combine to make up eternity. Time will bring both change and wisdom.
Well, the rest of it was all kinda personal, so i wont include it. But I found that to be a particularly interesting experience- thinking about these things and getting completely different answers than my cynical mind normally comes up with.
Sorry its so long, I just wanted to get it down in writing before I forget all this wisdom. Already, I can feel my personality starting to creep back in. This dude at my work that smokes too much ice and stays out too late woke me up from a fitful sleep by calling me to ask if I could work for him today... I was like "HELL NO, nigga!"  shows what a godly person I am, right?
but anyway, I'll leave you guys with this poem, by my favorite poet. The experience I had last night caused me to remember this poem, which I have never had any personal affliction for, but now seems relevant:
God's Wheel by Shel Silversteen
God says to me with a kind of smile,
"Hey how would you like to be God awhile
And steer the world?"
"OK", says I, "I'll give it a try."
Where do I set?
How much do I get?
What time is lunch?
When can I quit?
"Gimme back that wheel," says God.
"I don't think you're quite ready yet."
OK, so anyway, I'm gonna go try to eat some food and maybe get more sleep now. This post might belong in Trip Reports or whatever, but I thought it was more spiritual in nature. I mean, its not like a science report, and I didnt even go into the physical effects of the drugs and the visuals and crazy events that happened after the peak.
Plus i wanted to hear what you guys thought about it, if you're bored enough to read the whole thing 
peace niggas!
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