mutilation - Physical and Mental Well-Being

**Adden** · 12/15/03 04:40 AM (22 years, 9 months ago)

I have to get a tattoo on my right arm or I'm going to deal with the shame of these visible scars the rest of my life. Razor blades work better than knives. More efficient, but be careful, they cut deep. They were my addiction.

If I could do it right now I would. I was even thinking about it today. But I just can't. You gotta let go of it cold turkey and never do it again or you're going to slip and end up in the institute of living drooling on your straightjacket.

I know it feels good (god, even reading this post makes me want to do it) but for your own health and safety, you've gotta stop. Have you felt the shame yet? Notice someone staring at your cut, then your eyes meet and they look away? It's a horrible feeling. It's not worth the satisfaction the cutting gives.

Show your mother and have her bawl her eyes out and that'll be enough to make you stop.

**Psilozero** · 12/15/03 01:34 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

I used to wear a huge ass watch (the kind with the big leather strap) to cover up the razor marks on the tops and bottoms of my wrist. I also have a scar across my right shoulder/arm (I'm also getting a tattoo there...probably in the next 1-3 weeks). I also have some smaller scars on my forearms from this.

It may be the easy way out, but I quit doing it completely about 1 year ago (the last time I did it I sliced up all my knuckles with my razor blade, then punched a wall repeatedly). It just makes things worse...its the easy the way.

Quit now, its a very sick habit. I used to tell people that the were cat scratches some times....

**lostnthought** · 12/15/03 04:28 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

yeah just let your parents see them scars or cuts. i once was in a terible state of depression and was going to end it all. i slit my wrists, not good enough because im sitting here writing this. so at the time i felt it was nessecary for the wild card. long to short. i got my .22 nelt down on the floor and put it to my head cocked it, then my fucking dad cam,e bursting into the door. he grabbed the gun and basicaly saved my life. him seeing me in this state hurt more than anything could have ever hurt me in my life. but it was all for the good. i have found new ways of dealing with stress and depression and angst ...ect
i guess what im saying is sometimes you need a slap in the face as to what you are doing to yourself.
peace be with you.

**Grav** · 12/15/03 07:01 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

I finally started smoking cigs to deal with stress ... I guess that is a kind of self-mutilation.

**sykobish** · 12/15/03 07:10 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

I used to do that sort of thing too. I was trying to feel physical pain in the hopes it would keep my mind off of my mental pain. I know how you feel. I haven't done it for a very long time and I don't plan on it either. Once you realize why you are doing it, it's easier to find alternative ways to 'get out of your head'.

I know it's hard, and I think the only advice I can give you is to try to keep in mind that it always gets better. It has to or else you wouldn't even realize you were in a negative mind frame. As I posted in another thread, there needs to be balance. Look at it as tho they are tests and once you pass the test, it will open the door for something else. It can't last forever.

I hope thinks work out with you. Keep us posted. :heart:

**downforpot** · 12/15/03 08:19 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

i gotta get rid of a little symbol on my hand I made 7th grade... Damn, I was a dumb piece of shit 4 years ago. I was bored so I just just sat there cutting a symbol into my hand infront of my computer... heh

**Ole Field Trashe** · 12/15/03 08:24 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

i cut myself every couple of months, sometimes no more than a papercut, sometimes elaborated designs of spiderwebs etc.

Pain is good because it lets you know that your still alive.

**TODAY** · 12/16/03 03:21 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

downforpot said:

i gotta get rid of a little symbol on my hand I made 7th grade... Damn, I was a dumb piece of shit 4 years ago. I was bored so I just just sat there cutting a symbol into my hand infront of my computer... heh

what symbol might this be? its not a swastica or anything is it?

**enotake2** · 12/16/03 09:25 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

Someone told me you can use a red texta for the same effect. Don't know if it works though.

**downforpot** · 12/16/03 09:27 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

hell yeah it was, reppin the nazis, fo sho, even though most of my family is jewish...

**Anonymous #1** · 12/16/03 10:38 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

**The_Red_Crayon** · 12/17/03 04:20 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

I have real bad anxiety i have a habit of rubbing my thumb below my middle finger and ive rubbed it so many times out of nervous habit i have a large callous there and on my thumb.

I do it straight out of habit and i cant stop myself from doing it. Im on Geodon and Diprasamine right now but ive been doing it forever...

**jarby** · 12/17/03 07:16 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

Back in my 11th year of highschool during an english class a sort of friend and I were bored, and had a plastic knife. Anyway I forget what the hell our insentive was, but we started taking turns cutting each others hands as hard as we possibly could until the other would back down. Not wanting to back down, we both did it 'till we mutually agreed to stop. It wasn't really that painful but there was something I liked about it. Anyway I didn't realize untill the next class how weird it was to do. During this class a couple of my good real friends noticed it and pointed it out, and I told them what I did and since then they've never quite talked to me the same way again, thinking I'm weird. Luckily a little over two years later they're virtually gone, but still seem to show up more during certain situations like when I'm really hot or in wet. It was tough hiding them from my parents too.

**MOTH** · 12/17/03 11:46 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

Hey,

I have self-injured for eleven years now, so I hear where you're coming from. The only thing I can say, is that please be careful...I started with small cuts but it only escalated and now I am a scarred mess. I've been hospitalized many times to help with the danger I posed to myself, but I now know that its up to me to make the changes for myself, and its the same for you.

Most people use self injury as a coping device for situations/emotions that they feel they can't handle. Despite what some people say, you are definately *not* crazy just because you self injure. If you truly wish help, sometimes medication and therapy can help you deal. If you're like me and can't afford anything like that, there are support boards that deal with self injury that you can visit if you want. (I'll include a link)

Hope I helped a little...

The link:
Bodies Under Siege

Good luck

truly,

ShadeGirl

**soylent_green** · 12/18/03 11:48 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

i can't wear shorts anymore..people ask questions.
the way i stoped was very strange..but it worked..i was on shrooms, just tripping alone, and i looked at my legs, and the site of what i have done too my body just made me really sad..i cried and cried..
and came to terms, that i didn't have to do this too myself anymore..
i dont' know..the shrooms just got me thou it...

**MOTH** · 12/19/03 02:32 AM (22 years, 9 months ago)

^^^ Yeah, I know what you mean about the shock of seeing scars/wounds when you're tripping. My only scary trip ever was because my sleeve rolled up and I saw my wounds wriggling around on my body and I got very badly upset, because it brought alot of horrible feelings out when I was tripping.

I try never to do ^^that^^ again. :tongue:

**HarveyWalbanger** · 12/19/03 07:36 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

Ugh... I scarred my left arm. It's stupid crap, to have to tell the story of you being a sad dumbass with a knife everytime you go swimming... Fckin stop it :P

**hairs** · 12/20/03 08:37 PM (22 years, 9 months ago)

When I think i've done something very bad, or badly hurt someone in someway, I feel obligated to give a part of my body a few good lashings. I feel my practice is a healthy one. Many cultures practice scarification, for one reason or another.

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