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anyone else out there self mutilate or am I alone?
    #8960553 -

Okay, so first off I'd like to say that I'm not crazy. I know I'm not. I'm just your average 24 year old female (mother of two) who started self mutilating when I was 12. It didn't get bad until I was about 14 and at that time I started mutilating to the point of requiring stitches. Since then I have had at least 300 stitches if not more. I stopped self mutilating at the age of 18 when my boyfriend threatened to leave me. I loved him so much that it was enough for me to quit the self abuse. Last week I cut again for the first time in 5 years. I was sooooo STRESSED out and did not know what else to do. I felt so much better afterwards. But this is not something I want to get back into the habit of doing. In my years of growing up and being in so many different psych hospitals I asked the doctors/counselors to start referring to my abuse as an addiction, because that's what it felt like. I could only go so long without cutting myself and then I'd give in to it again. Since it had been so long since I last cut myself I have to admit I did feel a bit ashamed that I had given in to the temptation yet again. I did not cut deep enough to require stitches, but I wish I did. And the fact that my boyfriend didn't get mad at me for doing it makes it even worse because I almost feel as if I did it again (even deeper) that he still would not be mad. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't agree with it and I know he doesn't want me to do it. I just wonder how long I can hold off the temptation before I cut again. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I guess I'm just hoping that there is someone out there who understands where I'm coming from. So many people ask me about my scars and when I tell them what they're from they just nod their heads as if to understand exactly what I'm talking about but inside they know that I know that they don't know shit. There is such a feeling of relaxation, a feeling of being in complete control. When I cut I am completely focused on the cutting, the blood, the wound, and the rest of the world is silent to me. At that moment in time the rest of the world does not exist. My problems, the stress, the anger, the sadness, the pain...everything is gone and I feel such a high. Does anyone else know that feeling? Is there anyone else out there who can relate to me? Am I alone?

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Re: anyone else out there self mutilate or am I alone? [Re: kaylaj]
    #8961401 -

No, lots of people self-mutilate for whatever reason. Have you ever considered seeking help for this?

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Re: anyone else out there self mutilate or am I alone? [Re: Le_Canard]
    #8961583 -

your body releases neurochemicals (most likely endorphins, possibly cortisol or epinephrine as well) when the body sustains an injury, even if self inflicted. the feeling you get is simply the reaction of your neurons to the release of these chemicals. it is addictive, and quite contrary to your inner feelings, it is quite dangerous.

Dont be controlled by your body's desire for the release of those chemicals. Control your body, and control your brain. You are a human being with the capability to control these impulses. Like other addictions, you have to think of the people who will be concerned and hurt by your actions when deciding whether you want to cut yourself or not.

BTW there are hundreds of other ways to release these chemicals and get essentially the same feeling. Next time you feel stressed out try going to a gym and literally working out until you've gotten all the energy out of your body. Try screaming out your frustrations in an empty room, try going fucking nuts on a punching bag. Take the energy that makes you want to cut and convert it into something more productive, and less destructive to yourself and the ones you love.


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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Community > Physical and Mental Well-Being
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