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Invisiblespud
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Registered: 10/07/02
Posts: 44,410
i got a close friend thats into self mutilation
    #1492976 - 04/25/03 01:45 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

shes been in it for a while and im trying to get her out of it but i dont know how i should argue it to her. i say its bad cuz shes just using it to escape problems and vent out emotions that shes not dealing with. she completley denies this. so i tell her it could be subconscious so she wouldnt be aware of it and its an unhealthy way to deal with emotion and problems. anyone have any advice on what i could tell her, if it is even wrong in the first place? is there any acceptable cases of it?


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InvisibleJared
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: spud]
    #1493063 - 04/25/03 02:14 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Tell her to start mutilating other people insted... wait.. this isn't otd.

Ask her how she is going to explain those scars to her little boy or girl later on in her life..? I dunno =(


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OfflineJackal
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: Jared]
    #1493083 - 04/25/03 02:19 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

My Niece used to do that. There is usually a psychological reason why, something on her mind. My Niece used to say that when she cut herself it took her mind off other things - the physical pain was easier to endure. Find out if she has any other problems.


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Invisiblespud
I'm so fly.

Registered: 10/07/02
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: Jackal]
    #1493095 - 04/25/03 02:22 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

she does have problems but shes denying that she used it to help deal with those problems and im not the kind of person to call anyone a liar. i think ill just try to my hardest to help her deal with those problems and see if the cutting stops


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Offlinephishytrip
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: spud]
    #1493263 - 04/25/03 03:06 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

maybe its just a phaze....i went through it....luckily it only lasted a week.


--------------------
Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


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OfflinefIsh in my head
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Registered: 01/25/03
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: phishytrip]
    #1494291 - 04/25/03 10:03 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)


it's sad, (or happy?), but some people really prefer dealing with physical pain than psychological stresses. My gf used to do that when she was younger and that's exactly how she explained it to me. I don't believe it's a *clich?* or easy answer to explain the cause of such a behavior. Unfortunately, she did it again recently. That wasn't self-mutilation but she just took a massive dose of acetaminophenes with the intention of passing out for a couple of hours, being so pissed of deeling with sadness and stuff. Thanks god I realized what was going on in the same hour...

My point is, if self mutilation is used as a way to fight psychological distress, bothering with this is useless. What's going on inside is the key. But hey, it could take you an entire life to fully understand what is going on exactly, and that doesn't mean that you'll be able to actually *help*, after.

Just stay open and sensitive to her, and to yourself! Often, people that wants to help others don't realize that their attitude blocks the receptivity of others.

Being good with others is a decent objective. Being truly good is a constant fight agains ourself.

anyways, that's how I feel right now.

good luck..



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OfflinemotamanM
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: spud]
    #1495495 - 04/26/03 11:26 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

tell her to think about seeing a doctor...


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Edited by motaman (04/26/03 11:27 AM)


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OfflineEarth_Droid
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: motaman]
    #1495775 - 04/26/03 02:01 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I have been there sadly. When I get full of rage, and fear, instead of hurting others I tend to hurt myself. It is as bad as hurting other people. People that havn't done this probably don't understand it. But obviously she is depressed and needs help. It is hard to get help when you are in that position though. Just do what your probably doing and show lots of care and love. Show her there is happiness in life, and ya, a doctor might be good. I am on my second week of SSRI's and for once I think they are actually helping. If she can stick on them through the side effects for a while, they will probably go away. Celexa is an SSRI with the least amount of side effects, I would recommend that.


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: spud]
    #1495936 - 04/26/03 03:11 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I hold a weekly counseling group for adolescents who cut themselves. Mostly females, many explain the reason as Jackal said - to take their minds off of their emotional pain. One boy cut as a pseudo-suicidal gesture when his 8th grade girlfriend (he's 7th) began f**king another boy. Of course middle school kids shouldn't be having full intercourse - the girl is cold-hearted hooker material and he is suffering from a surprise case of sexual jealousy - one of the things the kids never consider as an outcome (no pun intended) of sex. Schizophrenics may cut or burn themselves with cigarettes because they are so emotionally numb, they experiment to arouse any felings. Borderlines cut (like Glen Close in Fatal Attraction) as a purely manipulative gesture.

One never knows when pseudo-suicidal gestures will become clearly suicidal - cutting more deeply each time as practice for the inevitable death-dealing cut. I recommend Hatha Yoga for those kids - to push the envelope of internal stressors that, when relaxed, result in relief from their personal demons. Unfortunately, I can't teach them Yoga, and they are not all convinced of it. Even a heavy punching bag or other physical outlet would be helpful. Your friend needs to know that self-mutilation, whatever her 'reasons' are, is unhealthy, unnatural and indicative of mental dis-ease. You can tell her that you consulted with a licensed mental health professional, with 20 years of clinical experience.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineEarth_Droid
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1495960 - 04/26/03 03:23 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Good luck allowing them to understand that though. THat is the thing I just cannot grasp. People make things sound so easy, but it is next to impossible to get depressed people to see there is any other way to live.


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OfflineBlueLemming
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: spud]
    #1554239 - 05/16/03 03:50 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Im into self masturbation too...whats the problem?


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Offlinemile69
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: spud]
    #1556870 - 05/17/03 10:53 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

all i have to say is that i understand. ill throw out an analogy that hopefully will make sense to most people. i will have to say that sometimes the pain that people feel is like tripping...only in the way that some times its soo intense that its beyond words. like when someone says "what is it like to trip?". you can comment on visions...you can comment on thoughts...but its hard to describe the feeling of such an intense emotion. sometimes the pain goes beyond words. theres no way to always know when you need help. you feel...and you try to justify. sometimes theres no way to release...you cannot get rid of the pain by talking (though you wish you could). you dont like the idea of medications. and though cutting yourself isnt "healthy". it makes you feel better. you hurt...and your numb...you cut youreslf and it kinda makes you feel alive. you dont do it all the time, but on that rare occassion (or if it happens all the time) the world seems a little too small...you need somehting to make you feel. and sometimes taht all you want...you just want to feel. this probably gave no insight. and this might not even be any form of help. but its how i feel sometimes. my girl friend sees what i do sometimes, and she certainly doesnt want to me to do it. she doesnt understand, but like i said...theres somethings in life that you feel...this intensity..this burning...and you help yourself the only that has worked for you in the past. good luck...if she needs help i hope she gets it.


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InvisibleDiploidM
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: spud]
    #1673950 - 06/30/03 02:34 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Call me dense, but how does hurting yourself take away emotional pain? I mean, you're still hurting emotionally when you hurt yourself physically.

I knew someone who did this... turned out she was doing it to get attention like some people who attempt suicide don't really want to kill themselves, rather they want to be found in the attempt for the attention.

I don't know how to help your friend other than to suggest professional help.

Good luck!

-Diploid


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1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you.
2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child.
3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer.

4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.


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InvisibleLeViTY
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Registered: 10/10/02
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: Diploid]
    #1674007 - 06/30/03 03:01 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Some people find comfort in bleeding and pain. Other people find comfort in being with the ones they love, or going out to excercise. This girl just finds comfort in something that people don't understand, she probably doesn't see anything wrong with it. To tell you the truth, I really don't believe that self-mutilation is that horrible of an idea. Unless you are hurting yourself to the point of no return, or needing to be hospitalized, or harming others, do whatever makes you comfertable.


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InvisibleMyInsanityTrip
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Registered: 03/10/03
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: LeViTY]
    #1675788 - 07/01/03 02:50 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I always felt self-mutilation was an acting out because a person felt ugly, inside and/or out. I've known some who've done it and every time I felt that was the reason, be it their parents didn't show them love, affection, or tell them that they were a beautiful person or just a simple matter of circumstances and self doubt.

I'm not saying this is the case for everyone who does this, just what I've experienced.

and it hurts when you stand in front of them telling them how much you adore them and how beautiful they are and they remain unaffected...as if they have no hope left in the world or themselves.

It's a personal thing I guess that someone outside of a particular individual just can't understand...how hard they try.

No answers here, just love them regardless.


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OfflineSheepish
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: MyInsanityTrip]
    #1676082 - 07/01/03 05:31 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I think you're spot on there.
And it sure does hurt to not be taken seriously when you try to tell them they're beautiful. It's really hard to make someone realise that there's someone right here that can offer them love and thinks they're beautiful, but they can't see it.


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InvisibleMyInsanityTrip
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Registered: 03/10/03
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: Sheepish]
    #1678316 - 07/02/03 12:45 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Thanks for the response Sheepish, at times I'm hesitant to post stuff like this on serious subject matter because I sometimes come off as if I don't care or that I'm poking fun.

I just wish people who do this would take one second to think about all the folks who care about them....how they feel about it so to speak, because they may just realize that the person they are hurting may not solely be themselves.

peace


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InvisibleAcidic_SlothM
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: Sheepish]
    #1681126 - 07/02/03 07:54 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

.... was that directed at me? =P


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OfflineFaaip_De_Oiad
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: Acidic_Sloth]
    #1681587 - 07/02/03 11:28 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

well there's no way to just convince her to stop, it's not that she doesn't know it's fucked up, you can't talk her out of it, i'm POSITIVE she has other problems and I guarantee that if you solve those problems, the cutting will stop.

and really "it's easier than dealing with emotional pain" is NOT some cliche excuse, it's the fucking truth, as much as I hate to admit it I used to do this to, and the physical pain is SOOOOOOO much fucking easier to understand and to deal with, maybe this is a cry for help, but mabye it's not, I know it wasn't for me because I went out of my way to cover it up, no one knows about it still (cept you guys)

but c'mon don't judge, this is her thing, and it's not really as harmful as it seems, it's a way to vent, BUT this is a HUUUUUUUUGE fucking red flag, and she needs professional help, you can't just hope that she helps herself and gets better, not everyone can do that


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OfflineSheepish
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Re: i got a close friend thats into self mutilation [Re: Acidic_Sloth]
    #1681679 - 07/02/03 11:58 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

It was THAT obvious...? :grin: 


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