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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
Last seen: 4 months, 22 days
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Self-mutilation
#14611004 - 06/14/11 09:31 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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I do what ever i can to cause my self pain. i have scares all over my body, i hide them from everyone i know. This is the only place where i can say something about it.
i spent untold hours cutting symbols and words into my skin, burning my self, i force my self to bleed and feel pain in hopes that the physical pain will mask the mental pain.
I am a waste of a human being. I am worthless i am nothing i am empty i am cold
i have carved all that into my right and left legs, as deep as i can. i don't ware shorts anymore due to it.
i have 147 scars that run up and down my for arms and wrists.
i have hairline scares on my face.
ciggerett burns everywhere.
tattoos are too expensive. or i'd be covered in them i have plenty of piercings. still not enough pain.
as i write this, i've added an X over my heart on my chest. then a broken heart over it.
i think i'm beyond saving. I'm not asking for help, i just want someone to hear me out when i cant let anyone else know.
I never wanted to die as much as i do now.
If i dont see something change, some good in my life soon.. i'm just going to kill my self.
No hotline will save me. I will never trust a shrink after my experiences. there is no real help i can go and find.
i need someone to show me what love is like again.
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briant230


Registered: 08/20/06
Posts: 656
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Dionili]
#14611024 - 06/14/11 09:35 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Self mutiliation is just a symptom of some mental issue your going thru right now. Sounds like you've never really told anyone your problems, why not here where you can remain basically anonymous? And by saying a shrink won't help you or hotline, it really seems you don't want to be helped. You should talk about it man get some input on how to change some things or face a part of your past you've been putting off.
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Solemente



Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 4,337
Loc:
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Dionili]
#14611040 - 06/14/11 09:38 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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I cause myself pain when I am depressed by running until I puke, or lifting weights until my muscles are on the verge of exploding.
I'd suggest doing stuff like that as an outlet instead of cutting yourself up. Good luck man, I hope you can find happiness again.
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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: briant230]
#14611045 - 06/14/11 09:40 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Nothing i can do man. not a damn thing. i'm stuck.
eventually this loaded gun will make its way to my head. there is noting to explain. i have explained most of it in my last thread "i give up"
this thread is hear pretty much to document my insanity,depression and inevitable suicide.
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pescadorabioso
Hedonistic Misanthropy



Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 1,510
Loc: Fl
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Dionili]
#14611079 - 06/14/11 09:49 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Don't kill yourself
-------------------- What has made them conceive that man must want a rationally advantageous choice? I've become desensitized to these types of occurrences thus far. Yet, there lies a sensation of bitter disappointment embedded within.
FINE YOU IMBECILE; SUFFER!! IT IS YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE HURTING. NOTHING IS DETERRING YOU FROM ATTAINING THAT OF WHICH YOU INHERENTLY CRAVE. YOU HAVE LET THEM TAKE OVER YOUR MIND, YOU ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL, YOU NEVER WERE.
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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
Last seen: 4 months, 22 days
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Quote:
pescadorabioso said: Don't kill yourself 
in my case it would be :feelsbetterman:
i haven't eaten in 3 days. and i am not hungry. must be a side effect for being so depressed,
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LuckOfTheFryish
Hi! I'm Fry!



Registered: 10/04/07
Posts: 2,362
Loc: PNW Canada
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Dionili]
#14611111 - 06/14/11 09:57 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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try doing that hook suspending thing ive seen on tv. its supposed to be so painful that its like meditation. that will make you feel better. dont say there is no hope for you. because there is. there are people that care about you and that need you. also ice cream makes me feel better.
--------------------
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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
Last seen: 4 months, 22 days
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Dionili]
#14611113 - 06/14/11 09:57 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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man. it hurts to even see her name. What can i do?
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Harry Jackson
Spliffsmith



Registered: 06/09/11
Posts: 524
Loc: Area 51
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Dionili]
#14611136 - 06/14/11 10:01 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Wait, hold on. Waste of a human being? How does that work? Does that mean we all serve some greater purpose? 'cause you know, the logic kinda points to.. nothing matters... We're nothing but insignificant specks in the entity known as our universe. So how can we be a waste? Anyway. PM me if you genuinely want to talk. I'd rather not do it in the thread, but I can be a very good person to talk to.
-------------------- Everything I say is a lie. "The mind and body must be subjected to extreme stimulus, by means of drugs and music." ~Hunter S. Thompson I am a sybaritic, an epicure of the most deviant kind. Hedonism is my religion, and I devote my life to sensuous pleasure and decadence. So who are you to tell me how to live my life, 'cause I won't give this up, these are my shoes, my view, my cue to say I do give a fuck! And pretty soon I'ma bloomin' it'll be alright, 'cause every day's another chance to ignite, 'cause I'm addicted, I'm addicted, I'm addicted to this universal feeling of life I feel like a child, so naked and wild, your body's my playground, where pure is defiled
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LuckOfTheFryish
Hi! I'm Fry!



Registered: 10/04/07
Posts: 2,362
Loc: PNW Canada
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Dionili]
#14611148 - 06/14/11 10:04 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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i cant say that ive been in your situation because i havent. ive been in situations recently where i have wanted to die. i was scaring myself because the though just wouldnt leave my head. how easy it would be. somethings that helped me, i just walked man. i didnt pay attention to where i was going or why. i just walked. i punched things. a punching bag would be good, but you know like anything just to help with the stress and anger. eventually i got really pissed off at the whole situation and myself. i told myself that i wasnt gonna give up like that. fuck that why take the easy way out ya know? ill take this bullshit with a smile ya know why? cuz fuck you thats why.
i dunno man. i hope that this helps you out and makes you feel better. if you need someone to talk to ill be here for ya.
--------------------
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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
Last seen: 4 months, 22 days
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Quote:
LuckOfTheFryish said: i cant say that ive been in your situation because i havent. ive been in situations recently where i have wanted to die. i was scaring myself because the though just wouldnt leave my head. how easy it would be. somethings that helped me, i just walked man. i didnt pay attention to where i was going or why. i just walked. i punched things. a punching bag would be good, but you know like anything just to help with the stress and anger. eventually i got really pissed off at the whole situation and myself. i told myself that i wasnt gonna give up like that. fuck that why take the easy way out ya know? ill take this bullshit with a smile ya know why? cuz fuck you thats why.
i dunno man. i hope that this helps you out and makes you feel better. if you need someone to talk to ill be here for ya.
i'm broken on so many levels i am just not worth fixing man. I'd walk if i had a a place to walk to .
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LuckOfTheFryish
Hi! I'm Fry!



Registered: 10/04/07
Posts: 2,362
Loc: PNW Canada
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Dionili]
#14611185 - 06/14/11 10:11 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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you may be broken. but you ARE worth fixing and you can be fixed. and you dont need a place to walk to. i didnt have one. i just walked. i didnt know where i was going. also some music. Broken by Nine Inch Nails....that album is loud and angry and you can tell Trent was going through this kind of thing. it made me feel better.
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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
Last seen: 4 months, 22 days
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Quote:
LuckOfTheFryish said: you may be broken. but you ARE worth fixing and you can be fixed. and you dont need a place to walk to. i didnt have one. i just walked. i didnt know where i was going. also some music. Broken by Nine Inch Nails....that album is loud and angry and you can tell Trent was going through this kind of thing. it made me feel better.
i listen to nin alot also ffdp...
i still feel like i'm at the end of my rope. better off dead.
the fact that i need someone in order to be happy makes me sick.
i should just end it man, its all that has been on my mind. i haven't done anything i loved in so long. i dont have the money or the means... i want to roll, i want to trip i want to mix music and be happy again
but it will never happen..
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XUL
OTD Janitor



Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
Loc: America
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Dionili]
#14611260 - 06/14/11 10:27 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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dood. I recently went through some girl troubles too. I bought the girl a 2000 dollar engagement ring. She left me a week before I would have proposed to her on the beach. I love her still. But there comes a point where you have to have some self pride. You have to say fuck that bitch, she is the one missing out.
maybe you can't be a man about it, I know I couldn't. But at least be a boy. Get your pride back, your confidence.
you will find love again. That is if you can manage to be confident again. Girls want confidence. Instead of cutting yourself go out on walks and hit on women. Replace the mutilation with positive things that you want. Find anothe girl. Because chances are the girl aint gonna find you.
there's tons of vagina out there. Go slay it like a man.
--------------------
TRUMP 2020
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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
Last seen: 4 months, 22 days
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: XUL]
#14611266 - 06/14/11 10:30 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
XUL said: dood. I recently went through some girl troubles too. I bought the girl a 2000 dollar engagement ring. She left me a week before I would have proposed to her on the beach. I love her still. But there comes a point where you have to have some self pride. You have to say fuck that bitch, she is the one missing out.
maybe you can't be a man about it, I know I couldn't. But at least be a boy. Get your pride back, your confidence.
you will find love again. That is if you can manage to be confident again. Girls want confidence. Instead of cutting yourself go out on walks and hit on women. Replace the mutilation with positive things that you want. Find anothe girl. Because chances are the girl aint gonna find you.
there's tons of vagina out there. Go slay it like a man.
heh. i used to DJ locally. i can get pussy in the snap of my fingers. hell. i hit on bitches all day while looking for jobs at the mall.
it does not make the hurt stop. i dont click with any of em
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briant230


Registered: 08/20/06
Posts: 656
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Dionili]
#14611491 - 06/14/11 11:16 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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you eventually will dude, no woman is worth killing yourself over and that's the god damned truth. The best revenge is living a good life and smiling man, get a job, even if it sucks, get some money together and start doing the shit that YOU want to do. You'll eventually meet an awesome chick whose doing the same cool shit you are and bam, there ya go.
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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
Last seen: 4 months, 22 days
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: briant230]
#14611494 - 06/14/11 11:17 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
briant230 said: you eventually will dude, no woman is worth killing yourself over and that's the god damned truth. The best revenge is living a good life and smiling man, get a job, even if it sucks, get some money together and start doing the shit that YOU want to do. You'll eventually meet an awesome chick whose doing the same cool shit you are and bam, there ya go.
i'll try my hardest. but i doubt that can help
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briant230


Registered: 08/20/06
Posts: 656
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Dionili]
#14611505 - 06/14/11 11:19 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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what do you mean you doubt it will help? which part of my response?
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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
Last seen: 4 months, 22 days
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: briant230]
#14611527 - 06/14/11 11:24 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
briant230 said: what do you mean you doubt it will help? which part of my response?
finding a job has been impossible for me lately.
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pescadorabioso
Hedonistic Misanthropy



Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 1,510
Loc: Fl
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Dionili]
#14611679 - 06/14/11 11:55 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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@ OP what part of Fl you stay at bro?
-------------------- What has made them conceive that man must want a rationally advantageous choice? I've become desensitized to these types of occurrences thus far. Yet, there lies a sensation of bitter disappointment embedded within.
FINE YOU IMBECILE; SUFFER!! IT IS YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE HURTING. NOTHING IS DETERRING YOU FROM ATTAINING THAT OF WHICH YOU INHERENTLY CRAVE. YOU HAVE LET THEM TAKE OVER YOUR MIND, YOU ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL, YOU NEVER WERE.
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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
Last seen: 4 months, 22 days
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Quote:
pescadorabioso said: @ OP what part of Fl you stay at bro?
i'm at the wellington mall in west palm beach right now, gonna hit the keys tonight to help some baby whales. why? you in the area? i could use someone to chill with.
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LayinUp
Crush yo rating like yo butthole



Registered: 04/14/11
Posts: 2,232
Loc: Between the permafrost an...
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Solemente]
#14611698 - 06/14/11 11:58 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Solemente said: I cause myself pain when I am depressed by running until I puke, or lifting weights until my muscles are on the verge of exploding.
I'd suggest doing stuff like that as an outlet instead of cutting yourself up. Good luck man, I hope you can find happiness again.
^ this
whenever im having a shitty day/life i work out until i throw up or literally cant move
it gets the frustrations out, and plus it has the added benefit of bulking you up
--------------------
Escape the box.
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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: LayinUp]
#14611713 - 06/14/11 12:01 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
LayinUp said:
Quote:
Solemente said: I cause myself pain when I am depressed by running until I puke, or lifting weights until my muscles are on the verge of exploding.
I'd suggest doing stuff like that as an outlet instead of cutting yourself up. Good luck man, I hope you can find happiness again.
^ this
whenever im having a shitty day/life i work out until i throw up or literally cant move
it gets the frustrations out, and plus it has the added benefit of bulking you up
eh, i'm trying to get back into full-contact fighting of some sort.
This i do agree with, i will fight all day untill i feel better if i had a sparring partner.
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pescadorabioso
Hedonistic Misanthropy



Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 1,510
Loc: Fl
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Dionili]
#14611723 - 06/14/11 12:02 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Dionili said:
Quote:
pescadorabioso said: @ OP what part of Fl you stay at bro?
i'm at the wellington mall in west palm beach right now, gonna hit the keys tonight to help some baby whales. why? you in the area? i could use someone to chill with.
Yeah, I live around the west palm area actually, don't have many friends myself so that sounds cool.
-------------------- What has made them conceive that man must want a rationally advantageous choice? I've become desensitized to these types of occurrences thus far. Yet, there lies a sensation of bitter disappointment embedded within.
FINE YOU IMBECILE; SUFFER!! IT IS YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE HURTING. NOTHING IS DETERRING YOU FROM ATTAINING THAT OF WHICH YOU INHERENTLY CRAVE. YOU HAVE LET THEM TAKE OVER YOUR MIND, YOU ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL, YOU NEVER WERE.
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XUL
OTD Janitor



Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
Loc: America
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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hey I don't know your exact job situation but I do know one thing..
if you are trying to find a job you should apply at every business in sight. After you submit your applications you should wait 3 days to 1 week. Then you should proceed to call those business places every 3 days and ask... Hi, my name is ______, I just turned in an application and I was wondering if anyone looked at it yet.
if you don't call you won't get hired in this day and age. Even fast food jobs are competitive. Plus calling shows that you want the job really bad. When I applied at wendys I called every 3 days for 3 weeks until they got fed up, gave me an interview, and hired me.
--------------------
TRUMP 2020
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Solemente



Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 4,337
Loc:
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: XUL]
#14612161 - 06/14/11 01:19 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
XUL said: hey I don't know your exact job situation but I do know one thing..
if you are trying to find a job you should apply at every business in sight. After you submit your applications you should wait 3 days to 1 week. Then you should proceed to call those business places every 3 days and ask... Hi, my name is ______, I just turned in an application and I was wondering if anyone looked at it yet.
if you don't call you won't get hired in this day and age. Even fast food jobs are competitive. Plus calling shows that you want the job really bad. When I applied at wendys I called every 3 days for 3 weeks until they got fed up, gave me an interview, and hired me.
This really does work. My mom hires people for Macy's and she has given me tons of tips about what to do and not to do when applying for jobs. This is one of the best things you can do.
Being persistent and acting professional, even if it is a shit job, goes a long way in helping you get employed.
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Raptoralic
Tomorrow Never Knows


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 266
Loc: Utopia
Last seen: 13 days, 14 hours
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Re: Self-mutilation [Re: Solemente]
#14617721 - 06/15/11 02:13 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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OK...I'm a more anarchist dude. Before you kill yourself just fuck everything.
Trust me!
You don't need your old self. First start eating...and start eating only raw fruits. Eat how much you can until your tummy explodes. (nurture your body). Do this for the rest of the life...do sports...and dedicate your life to other human beings, creatures, the Earth...help everybody. Kill your ego...you're worthless now, you're going to be even worthless dead. So at least if you still have a life...and you didn't commit suicide do something. Don't take a shitty job and "live" until you die. So much pain in yourself...for what, at least other creatures should benefit. Everyone deserves attention and care, and there are many people and animals who needs it! You are down and human race is down...on your feet! After there is no one who doesn't need help just kill yourself! Than you're worthless.
This is an alternative...choose wisely!
-------------------- Donnie: Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit? Frank: Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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Dionili
Second Rate Mycologist



Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 2,194
Loc: Between a Rock and a Hard...
Last seen: 4 months, 22 days
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Quote:
Raptoralic said: OK...I'm a more anarchist dude. Before you kill yourself just fuck everything.
Trust me!
You don't need your old self. First start eating...and start eating only raw fruits. Eat how much you can until your tummy explodes. (nurture your body). Do this for the rest of the life...do sports...and dedicate your life to other human beings, creatures, the Earth...help everybody. Kill your ego...you're worthless now, you're going to be even worthless dead. So at least if you still have a life...and you didn't commit suicide do something. Don't take a shitty job and "live" until you die. So much pain in yourself...for what, at least other creatures should benefit. Everyone deserves attention and care, and there are many people and animals who needs it! You are down and human race is down...on your feet! After there is no one who doesn't need help just kill yourself! Than you're worthless.
This is an alternative...choose wisely!
I have found purpose. and i'm sorry i don't eat fruits or veggies. just alot of raw beef and fish.
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/14617591
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