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Social Apathy / Anxiety
    #9880678 -

I'm extraordinarily uncomfortable posting this under my screen name--which is why I'm choosing to do it.

I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. Maybe someone can give me some insight.

I have a really annoying mix of social apathy, and social anxiety, which is affecting my life. I don't really have any "real life" friends, aside from my girlfriend, and possibly a couple family members. It's mostly been like this for the last nine years.

That, in and of itself, is a problem. I often feel isolated. I want to meet people... but my being a bit of a headcase tends to get in the way. I'm a pretty chill guy... very easy to get along with.  I can be "friendly" with all kinds of people. 

But, for me to really click with someone and form a bond seems very rare. 

I think part of my problem, is that I've forgotten how "normal" people socialize and network--if I ever actually knew that.  Most of the "friends" I've ever met, were people I came across by way of drug activity.

I don't have a ton of money at the moment; Most of my "hobbies" are not very social activities; I'm not a huge drinker, and I don't like going out to bars a lot. 

Making the issue worse, I have this sense of social apathy.  Like... this feeling like no one really gives a shit... so why should I even talk?  I've been registered here since 05... and I have under 500 posts (despite coming to this site on a DAILY basis and spending ridiculous amounts of time here.) Part of that is being selective and only posting when I feel that I have something to add... but a lot of it is this issue.

I feel like I know some of you pretty well, but I've never even formed a vague friendship with anyone here.

I'm afraid that this problem is already affecting my relationship with my girlfriend... one of the few people in my life I feel close to... and that scares me.  She has a lot of friends, and this creates additional unnecessary issues in my head. I worry that these issues will become too much to tolerate... I recognize that I need to do something, but I don't quite know where to start.

Any advice or perspective is welcome.


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I am me. We are You.

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: CidneyIndole]
    #9880829 -

maybe you should start drinking, and going to bars. one thing that got me to be more sociable was getting a job at starbucks, 1 of the reasons i did that was too be more sociable and i think it worked out really good, try doing something similar, put your self in those kind of environments where you have the opportunity to meet and talk to people


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Genesis 1:29 - Then God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you"

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: CidneyIndole]
    #9880867 -

Man, I really sympathize, but I guess I'm still kind of enjoying it. :shrug:


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funky ass music: Planet of Dinosaurs // Rich Whiskey

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety *DELETED* [Re: lukeboots]
    #9881201 -

Post deleted by Mufungo

Reason for deletion: ...



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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: Mufungo]
    #9881325 -

To be clear, I wouldn't say that my "social apathy" is apparent in the way I act IRL.  I'm actually, like I said, pretty friendly and might seem somewhat outgoing.

But I don't think I take initiative enough... I find it hard sometimes. I think I understand where you're coming from, and I generally do agree.

Thank you for your perspective. :smile:


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I am me. We are You.

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: Mufungo]
    #9881436 -

I have the same problem as you man... I just can't connect to people even when I want to. I think for me it is caused by social anxiety + laziness just making it pretty much impossible to consistently remain interested and talktative with people that I don't know. And since my idea of a good friend is someone who I do drugs with multiple times a week it's hard for me to find those.

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: bobby177]
    #9881859 -

this is a sign from the universe that your mind is fucking you up look into zen/ alan watts type books and see if you can fix anything

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: Mastamike1118]
    #9881901 -

Are there any books you would specifically suggest?

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: bobby177]
    #9882443 -

The Book on the taboo against knowing who you are, By Alan Watts, is a good summary of the grandiose issue of addiction and aversion that haunts most of western society.

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: bobby177]
    #9883244 -

Bobby… I do have a similar thing:  Most of the close friends I’ve ever had, were people that I met by way of drug activity.  Some “professionals” would consider that unhealthy, and I can see why they would (especially with certain drugs).  But I do think bonding over pot is relatively normal, and healthier than bonding over alcohol.

It does go a little deeper, though… while I can get along just fine with “straight” people… I have a hard time feeling close to someone, if they have not experienced some of the things I have (in other words… unless they’ve tripped at least once or twice in their life).

Psychedelics are a huge part of my life, and a lot of people don’t get that.  Therefore, I feel like a lot of people don’t get me.  (Though I have to say, I do love proselytizing the 5-HT gospel to the straights who seem open-minded). :lol:

Mike and JC:  Thanks for recommending those.  I’ll have to have a look.  I’ve been looking for SOMETHING to read that might help me out.  Maybe you found it for me.  Jacques… I’d rate you again if I could, but you already had a 5 from me. :grin:


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I am me. We are You.

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: CidneyIndole]
    #9884982 -

I feel like you have just described me in your post.

Oftentimes I think that I never really learned the 'customs of the game' so to speak. But I know that is not true. I can stream through the social flow quite well in fact. My intelligence and communication skills are sufficient if not highly proficient.

It's when I start to use my head however when I start feeling angst and lose my handle on situations. It may just be my personality type. I'm the type of person who needs to act intuitively and on impulse. When I think too much, I start second guessing myself. And that commonly leads to anxiety, apathy, loss of centeredness, etc.

I'll suggest to you what I need to suggest to myself. Stop seeing yourself through other peoples' eyes and trust your own impulses. Be courageous in your actions.

:heart:

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: CidneyIndole]
    #9885228 -

CidneyIndole said:
I'm extraordinarily uncomfortable posting this under my screen name--which is why I'm choosing to do it.


I think that philosophy is key ^^^

Do things because you are scared of them.  Fear falls away in large chunks when you act in spite of it.

I am a recovering shy person.  The biggest leap came when I started to do this: I make a point of having some kind of verbal exchange with every single person in the group of acquaintances I'm out with.  It doesn't have to be deep or profound or even interesting, it just has to be face-to-face time of some kind.  Every single person, every time.  The results are unbelievable.

And it's okay to ask a lame question like "what do you do?"  or "how do you know X?"  You'll soon collect a whole arsenal of better questions anyway.  Some people will clam up and just give one-line responses, but most will be happy that you asked.  Smile when you ask questions, it really makes people feel comfortable opening up. 

People will be drawn to you if you have shown an interest in who they are and what they do.  That's the secret to being social.  Be interested in people.

I've also found "So, how do you spend your time?" to be one of the best questions for getting to know someone.  Way better than "What do you do" because a two-word answer won't do.  Once you know one or two topics they like to talk about, you always have a way to start a conversation, or keep one going.

It's really just practice, but a little goes a long way.  Once you start to open up to people, they will start to open up to you, and the whole realm of socialization will not seem so confusing and worrisome.

I also can't recommend How to Win Friends and Influence People enough.  Anyone can learn a lot from that book.

Edited by WhiskeyClone (02/28/09 05:49 PM)

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #9885893 -

People will be drawn to you if you have shown an interest in who they are and what they do.

This is part of why I'm not a people person.  I have no genuine interest.

That, and I'm kind of obsessed with drugs and altered states.  People are generally not interested in this kind of stuff, so naturally there is very little connection.

If we wish to live a life of self-love, we need to get over the expectations we have of ourselves and put in an effort to be more aware of the causes of why we feel the way we do.  Being alone does not have to equal feeling isolated, it can be quite the opposite.

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: deranger]
    #9886027 -

deranger said:
People will be drawn to you if you have shown an interest in who they are and what they do.

This is part of why I'm not a people person.  I have no genuine interest.

That, and I'm kind of obsessed with drugs and altered states.  People are generally not interested in this kind of stuff, so naturally there is very little connection.

If we wish to live a life of self-love, we need to get over the expectations we have of ourselves and put in an effort to be more aware of the causes of why we feel the way we do.  Being alone does not have to equal feeling isolated, it can be quite the opposite.


:yesnod:

That's a good point.  I had no interest in others until I realized that they're not all that different from me, it just seemed like I couldn't relate to 'them'.  I should never have thought of others as 'them'. 'Us' is more accurate.  Other people are actually pretty cool if you give them a chance to talk about what they like.  You may discover something that you didn't even know you liked. :awesome:


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #9886100 -

I've come to have some understanding that it really isn't such a bad thing. I find that if i don't meet someone decent or feel uncomfortable around specific people there is a reason. People will come into your life when you least expect it i've noticed. When you try to force it, it usually ends in dismay and being uncomfortable.  I guess its weird for me because i understand that having a lot of friends means that you are filling an internal void with external things trying to complete yourself. I guess personally i find it wrong to ever go to that level. Maybe i'm just thinking too hard about the idea. I guess just make yourself more socially available. Socially i am outgoing. But i need to be around the right type of people that i can feel comfortable around. I have a hard time just being acquaintances with people. Maybe you just need to go to a setting where you'll meet people like yourself. Such as shroomery for instance. I'm sure there are quite a few people on this site i'd make great friends with, but i am unable to open up because i am unsure if they even give a shit.

Does anyone give a shit and want to make friends? I guess norm wise, it is socially awkward to meet people on the internet as friends or more. I've made a few, but i'd like to turn those internet friendships into real life friendships. I love and hate the internet at the same time. We find people who are way away from us who we just connect to, thus meeting online and becoming friends, but the distance and society make it very hard to do such thing. I kind of am the same way as you Cidney. Meeting people you can connect to on a higher level is hard as it is. It sucks even more when you meet these type of people online and they are thousands of miles away.

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #9886103 -

I had no interest in others until I realized that they're not all that different from me, it just seemed like I couldn't relate to 'them'.

Yes in a sense we are all very similar and that's a wise way to think, but when it comes to personality some are very very different from the 'group mind'.

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety *DELETED* [Re: deranger]
    #9888199 -

Post deleted by Mufungo

Reason for deletion: ...



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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: Mufungo]
    #9899202 -

Hello

I'm new fairly new here. But I thought I'd join in this descussion because im the same way. Actually thats a big reason I joined the shroomery. I'm not bad at interacting with people IRL but I share your sense of apathy I just don't give a shit. When im trying to talk to somebody my mind goes blank because I dont relate to the things they usually tell me. Even now my mind goes blank. Maybe im just boring lol.

GROUP HUG!! :crazy2:

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: bobby177]
    #9902700 -

bobby177 said:
Are there any books you would specifically suggest?


sry for the long wait on the reply actually id suggest looking on youtube for alan watts... i came across a book of his and what he was saying somehow helped me realize how what we think we are is different from what we actually are... idk he talked about things such as seeing a snake through a fence and seeing just the head at first and then just the tail and you think they are completely different things (he explains much better i realize this makes not much sense but he is good at making sense and relating it back to you) but really they are the same thing and just the same as in some thought patterns you might over and over play out like thinking that just because you have done things a certain way in the past does not make you a person characterized by those things...

i really suck at explaining things like this but he helped me to lessen the power that my mind's thoughts had over me! it can help although it may take some serious willpower to change the way you act and realize why you act the way you do be it from bad experiences or from just how you grew up...

this is prolly different for many people but for me its all about what i think i am and what power my thoughts hold over me and how consious i am of the self that i think i am and then even worse i will relate what i think i am to my body and further solidify the body with the mind...

and sry if this doesnt make sense to n e one at all lol....:rolleyes:


just look up one alan watts video damnit lol if it sucks fuck it if it helps you realize things hell yeeeaahhhh

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Re: Social Apathy / Anxiety [Re: Mastamike1118]
    #9904640 -

What I find harder isn't so much meeting people... but how do you go from meeting a stranger to becoming their friend? Smoking weed or drinking with people is a good pretense for hanging out, but what are some other good ways?

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