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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Suicide
    #21895254 -

I tried to kill myself several times in my life, a long time ago I came very close to doing it I took a bunch of sleeping pills and put a bag over my head while I was tieing it off I passed out and woke up if I had tied it I would be dead. I dont know whats wrong with me its been two years since my last attempt but yet sometimes late at night its on my mind and I now have a gun.

I bought a pistol earlier this year its a 38 special I bought the thing with good intentions like just to shoot it at beer cans and have fun with it. My issue is that late at night when I have a bad day I pick the thing up and just consider pooping myself it would be quick and easy and painless. Its just im bored with life and knowing there's a way out of my dead end job doing the same shit it honestly puts a smile on my face. It may sound crazy but when I think about doing it it cheers me up. I doubt I would do it unless I was super drunk in which case I probably would but I just want to get that off my chest its been bothering me for the last week because ive been thinking about it almost every night. What do you guys think I should do im actually pretty happy (not in at night though) but I just think about how much shit will come and I think why not shoot myself im going to be dead in 50 years max and if I did it now I dont have to deal with any drama ever again. Death doesn't scare me its a necessary part of life.

Im not sure what exactly is bothering me I think its because im not really going places in life and I don't care I really don't want to do anything I just want to be by myself and look at flowers and nature and stuff. Im kinda sick of it all because im different than anybody I know I think to differently and I know too much im no saint I just want to end this life and start another. Im not going to kill myself its just thoughts I wanted to get off my chest.

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Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21895283 -

Get rid of the gun, real bullets aren't like movie bullets.  Just sell it or pawn it.

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Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21895296 -

I've been suicidal most my life. I even bought a gun so I could finally check out (multiple failed attempts as well) when I decided to.

Buying the gun had the exact opposite effect on me though. I felt liberated. Stress and bullshit no longer lead to a desire to end it all. If it ever got to that point, I had my answer right there.

I bought the gun in the midst of a crisis/psychosis so of course it wasn't just like as soon as I got home it was all gone. But within a few weeks, I found the everyday stress of life didn't eat at me as much anymore. I no longer even thought about suicide.

I also found regular shooting to be very therapeutic. I get to go into my own little world and I don't focus on anything except what I'm doing. I'm not thinking about how to make ends meet or why my life is so shit. I'm thinking about how I'm holding it, how I'm aiming, where I'm aiming, recovery from the recoil etc etc. It clears my mind and all the weight of the world is just lifted from my shoulders.

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Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #21895308 -

Anonymous #3 said:
I also found regular shooting to be very therapeutic. I get to go into my own little world and I don't focus on anything except what I'm doing. I'm not thinking about how to make ends meet or why my life is so shit. I'm thinking about how I'm holding it, how I'm aiming, where I'm aiming, recovery from the recoil etc etc. It clears my mind and all the weight of the world is just lifted from my shoulders.


I bought it for that reason exactly I find it fun and it had been a long time since I had any thoughts of suicide so I bought it.

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Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21895317 -

Well how often do you go shoot it? Until very recently I was going every week and using about 2-300 rounds. The benefits I got from that session would last right around 5-6 days. By the 7th day I'd need to go do it again.

Sadly I haven't been going much in the past month or two because bullets are fucking expensive.

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Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #21895337 -

I live in a rural area so I can shoot it in my backyard I usually get drunk and throw bottles in the air and try and hit them. Or sometimes I like to shoot it into the lake and watch the bullets splash into the water. However I usually am extremely high or drunk when I do that I dont mess with it too often.

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Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21895363 -

Then you probably don't get out of it what I do. I admit I'd love to just be able to shoot outside my back door, but I have to go to a gun range. I also take safety seriously and wouldn't shoot drunk/high. I shoot when I'm clear headed, and all my concentration is on what I'm doing. Which is why it helps to begin with. When I shoot, it's like mediation of a sorts. The only thoughts in my head are relative to me shooting. Paying attention to my breathing, my trigger placement, how I pull the trigger, the target I'm aiming at.. Literally every thought in my head is solely fixed on what I'm doing. That is why everything else in the world falls away. That is why it helps me. I'm not just randomly firing to make a bang.

I'd suggest you give it a try. Spend an hour or two of doing it, sober. Pay attention to all the details that effect accuracy (there are many). Concentrate and make the experience about your accuracy rather than the shooting itself. Get paper targets, not just some object that you want to hit. Pay attention to the exact point you're aiming, watch where the round actually hits, and then try and do better the next time.

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Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #21897283 -

Well do you have a micro penis?? because when I take drugs my penis shrinks and I have a MICRO COCK !!!!

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Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #21897674 -

just get rid of the gun and stop killing yourself
or you'll never be able to use it when you need to
like if you don't have four square walls or health insurance

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Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #21899633 -

Sometimes, people are suicidal for good reasons, and they need help.

But then, there's this 'oh I feel sorry for myself,etc, god,etc I will kill myself' the feeling sorry for yourself and saying you will kill yourself (for no good real reason, your actual fine, but making a big deal), its just like doing a allahu akbar. get over yourself. maybe its karma in your head for example? or you need something to eat,sleep,have an infection or something.


but like, don't be suicidal for no good reason.

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Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #21899664 -

You have a point but your logic is flawed. What is superficial to one person isn't to another. The adversity you find trivial, others do not. What do you imagine is a good reason? Terminal illness? Where one person sees that as they might as well die now of their own will, another sees it as a trial to be conquered.

No one has any right to belittle someone over their reasons for wanting to end it all. You see it all the time though.. "Oh boo hoo you're suffering through xxx.. Well I went through xxx and didn't want to kill myself, you're just being a pussy".

Further, and the most important part is the "don't be suicidal" part. It's not a choice, at least not for most. Who the fuck wants to wake up everyday being so miserable with their life that just want to die? People don't choose to feel like death is the only option. It's not a switch you just flip on or off. It's a mindset that is hard to drag yourself out of, and in that mindset you have even greater trouble finding a reason to try and do so.

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Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #21899667 -

Death sucks.  I'm kicking God in the dick when I see Him.

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

Community > Shroomerites Anonymous
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