The other thread was getting too large. A lot has happened, and I am at a point where I am having trouble eating, sleeping, concentrating on classes, and have no sexual desire. The latter bothers me, I cant even get it up for masturbation, or sex with this cute girl down stairs. Its not the biggest issue, but I think it illustrates a barometer of how much this effecting me as I have been always sexual active. Masturbating several times a week for the past decade. Oh well, onto the real issue.
I am going to make a list of things that are bothering me. She had decided on an abortion, and than no, and then yes, but for the past two weeks a solid no. However, she refuses to deal with the consequences, and will not tell anyone.
She is:
- Manipulative
- depressed, and suicidal more than once (lately more than ever)
- a Cutter, who said she needed help, but doesn't want it.
- 15k in debt, and planning a trip to Vegas next month.
- 20yrs old
- a college student
- lives at home, and argues with her parents A LOT about money
- just got a job for the first time I've known her since July. She has had two other jobs but quit without notice either on, or before the first day. Never alerting anyone. Fiscial irresponsible?
- Claims she gets money from her parents becuase she can be "bratty" (i've had a job since I was 12, now 21).
She refuses to acknowledge my concerns. I mean I ask her what she expects life will be like after pregnancy.
- Unchanged
- Still In school; plans on transfering next year, out of town. Meaning living away from home.
- Working part-time at best buy?
- refuses any help from me (lets hope that stays)
But she never really addresses the issue, and spent 40mins dodging the question, and trying to make attacks towards me. We HAVE never been together, she knew we weren't and that I had no plans for it before we started sleeping together. I was mislead, as I originally used protection but after a week of her taking birth-control she claimed that was all that was needed. (I have been told, and read that it takes a month)
I just dont know what to do anymore. I can't force her, I understand that. She doesn't give me a reason to have it. She is not pro-life, and has had an abortion before, so its not that. I understand it is not easy, and whether she has this child or not I will be having some issues for awhile. Sometimes I guess I just need to learn my lessons the hard way.
But, I believe her fiscal irresponsibility (15k in Debt, and planning a trip to vegas next month) coupled with her inability to answer my questions, and her flat out denial of consquences it will have on me. Show that she has not adequately thought about this, and will probably be a poor mother. But I can never tell someone this.
I really just need to hear why she wants this child. I asked her earlier, and she said "because i want it!" wtf, thats what I asked her! She than followed up with I don't want to be alone, and then I will no longer be alone. Tokay, but good luck finding a man who will want a fat, single mother, who will be indebt for a good twenty plus years. But I cant say that to her either.
I'm ramabling now, but I dont know what to do. I am thinking about trying one last time to encourage an aborition. Going as far as asking her to do it for me. I dont understand why she can do it for a guy she was with for 2yrs, but me, someone who she was never in a relationship with, and knew we were just "Fuck-buddies" from the start. I think I am coming off as an asshole now, but this has been going on for over a month now I think. She has been messing with me, and it didn't help last week when I found out a major college grant was canceled on me.
Even if she doesn't want me involved, and asks for no money what will stop her from changing her mind in the next 18yrs? NOTHING. I will also have a morally hard time not knowing my kid than too, and I am thinking about the possibility of it. I will feel horrible, but if that gets the finical responsibility off of me, maybe. I'm an anthropology major, in my junior year. I have graduate school yet.
I'm all over the place, but I need to get these thoughts out. I talked to her today for the first time in a week or so. I have been avoiding her because I know she isn't going to change her mind easily.
I just dont know, do I have any legal rights here? I doubt it. a 1500 lawyer fee sounds better than 150,000 in child support. I'm thinking about some sort of counseling. Which is totally out of my nature, but I just need someone to talk to about this. I feel so ashamed.
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