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Anonymous #1

Knocked Someone Up, Part Two
    #7516967 - 10/14/07 06:31 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

The other thread was getting too large. A lot has happened, and I am at a point where I am having trouble eating, sleeping, concentrating on classes, and have no sexual desire. The latter bothers me, I cant even get it up for masturbation, or sex with this cute girl down stairs. Its not the biggest issue, but I think it illustrates a barometer of how much this effecting me as I have been always sexual active. Masturbating several times a week for the past decade. Oh well, onto the real issue.

I am going to make a list of things that are bothering me. She had decided on an abortion, and than no, and then yes, but for the past two weeks a solid no. However, she refuses to deal with the consequences, and will not tell anyone.

She is:
- Manipulative
- depressed, and suicidal more than once (lately more than ever)
- a Cutter, who said she needed help, but doesn't want it.
- 15k in debt, and planning a trip to Vegas next month.
- 20yrs old
- a college student
- lives at home, and argues with her parents A LOT about money
- just got a job for the first time I've known her since July. She has had two other jobs but quit without notice either on, or before the first day. Never alerting anyone. Fiscial irresponsible?
- Claims she gets money from her parents becuase she can be "bratty" (i've had a job since I was 12, now 21).

She refuses to acknowledge my concerns. I mean I ask her what she expects life will be like after pregnancy.
- Unchanged
- Still In school; plans on transfering next year, out of town. Meaning living away from home.
- Working part-time at best buy?
- refuses any help from me (lets hope that stays)

But she never really addresses the issue, and spent 40mins dodging the question, and trying to make attacks towards me. We HAVE never been together, she knew we weren't and that I had no plans for it before we started sleeping together. I was mislead, as I originally used protection but after a week of her taking birth-control she claimed that was all that was needed. (I have been told, and read that it takes a month)

I just dont know what to do anymore. I can't force her, I understand that. She doesn't give me a reason to have it. She is not pro-life, and has had an abortion before, so its not that. I understand it is not easy, and whether she has this child or not I will be having some issues for awhile. Sometimes I guess I just need to learn my lessons the hard way.

But, I believe her fiscal irresponsibility (15k in Debt, and planning a trip to vegas next month) coupled with her inability to answer my questions, and her flat out denial of consquences it will have on me. Show that she has not adequately thought about this, and will probably be a poor mother. But I can never tell someone this.

I really just need to hear why she wants this child. I asked her earlier, and she said "because i want it!" wtf, thats what I asked her! She than followed up with I don't want to be alone, and then I will no longer be alone. Tokay, but good luck finding a man who will want a fat, single mother, who will be indebt for a good twenty plus years. But I cant say that to her either.

I'm ramabling now, but I dont know what to do. I am thinking about trying one last time to encourage an aborition. Going as far as asking her to do it for me. I dont understand why she can do it for a guy she was with for 2yrs, but me, someone who she was never in a relationship with, and knew we were just "Fuck-buddies" from the start. I think I am coming off as an asshole now, but this has been going on for over a month now I think. She has been messing with me, and it didn't help last week when I found out a major college grant was canceled on me.

Even if she doesn't want me involved, and asks for no money what will stop her from changing her mind in the next 18yrs? NOTHING. I will also have a morally hard time not knowing my kid than too, and I am thinking about the possibility of it. I will feel horrible, but if that gets the finical responsibility off of me, maybe. I'm an anthropology major, in my junior year. I have graduate school yet.

I'm all over the place, but I need to get these thoughts out. I talked to her today for the first time in a week or so. I have been avoiding her because I know she isn't going to change her mind easily.

I just dont know, do I have any legal rights here? I doubt it. a 1500 lawyer fee sounds better than 150,000 in child support. I'm thinking about some sort of counseling. Which is totally out of my nature, but I just need someone to talk to about this. I feel so ashamed.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Knocked Someone Up, Part Two [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7517009 - 10/14/07 06:43 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Re-reading this I am all over the place, but I have always presented my argument for abortion calmly, and careful to be considerate and without insult. Any incidence of me being an ass above come out of frustration with her. I dont think she listens to me, as half the conversation she tries to not answer my questions, interject with her own unrelated question before answering mine, or just ignore the issue of the question. I know she is not dumb, so I know she probably understands what I say, but why does she not acknowledge them? Is not wanting to be alone anymore an adequate reason not to have an abortion from someone who has had one previous and is pro-choice. I understand it cant be an easy decision, but she puts it in such an immature matter when she says "because I want!" its what I just asked, meh!


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Anonymous #2

Re: Knocked Someone Up, Part Two [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7517061 - 10/14/07 06:53 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

She sounds pretty self-absorbed and doesn't realize the awesome responsibility of raising a child. If it weren't for the kid, I'd advise you to stay far, far away from her.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Knocked Someone Up, Part Two [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #7517079 - 10/14/07 06:58 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
She sounds pretty self-absorbed and doesn't realize the awesome responsibility of raising a child. If it weren't for the kid, I'd advise you to stay far, far away from her.




That is the plan. I'm reading up on child-support currently. Its state based though, and I am finding federal readings. It sounds like if she signed something absorbing me of paternal rights I wouldn't have to pay child support. I would have a strong moral quarrel with this, but considering the girl, and the places we are at in our lives it may be a good idea. I would have hard time with it. She said she doesn't need me, and sounds like she doesn't want me in the child's life anyway. Will she sign it, idk. Does it even mean what I think in means here in PA, I don't know. research, research, research. So much for this important homework =\


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Anonymous #3

Re: Knocked Someone Up, Part Two [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7517080 - 10/14/07 06:58 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

I feel sorry for that child. This is a situation I have seen played out far too many times.

I don't know what to tell you but I'd say do anything you can to push that abortion through before it is too late.
Really it will be better for all parties in the end.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Knocked Someone Up, Part Two [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #7517280 - 10/14/07 08:08 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

yeah i don't know about child support but if a waiver would work present her with it, and i'd say tell her if she changes her mind about the abortion that you'll pay for it, and if you want to be an ass about it tell her parents what's going on

or hit her with a car, she sounds pretty dumb.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Knocked Someone Up, Part Two [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #7517333 - 10/14/07 08:23 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)



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Anonymous #6

Re: Knocked Someone Up, Part Two [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #7517551 - 10/14/07 09:25 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:





Seriously fuck off with that shit you've already beat it to death


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Anonymous #6

Re: Knocked Someone Up, Part Two [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7517563 - 10/14/07 09:30 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Damn. You can't do much except make one last pitch for abortion. Avoid making it a confrontation. Just be as matter-of-fact as you can about her having to become a mother and her days as a non-parent being over for good. You've probably said everything already, but just think of what she needs to hear to realize she's not going to adjust well to being a mother.

Good luck man


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Anonymous #1

Re: Knocked Someone Up, Part Two [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #7517904 - 10/14/07 10:50 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Damn. You can't do much except make one last pitch for abortion. Avoid making it a confrontation. Just be as matter-of-fact as you can about her having to become a mother and her days as a non-parent being over for good. You've probably said everything already, but just think of what she needs to hear to realize she's not going to adjust well to being a mother.

Good luck man




thanks for the support. That is more or less what I am thinking. I moved in august when I transfered myself. So she is about 3hrs away. I think I want to do it in an Email this time. Give myself proper time to work on the wording, and say everything I want. Talking in person is hard, I do well, but her being one who manipulates its easy to get distracted, or ensnared in an unproductive argument. I never once tried to hurt this girl, or any girl for that matter.

I hope to have a productive conversation, and after that when I figure she will still say no, drive the 3hrs, and beg and plead like a baby. Its what shes good at, I would feel low, but i'm desperate. Can you tell. I will forever feel like an asshole. Becuase I also want this girl out of my life, and I have NEVER thought that about anyone. I'm in new terrortory here. I hope one day to be a father too, but I think family is important, and I want it to be in a family setting, or at the very least a setting where I am dating. Since me and my EX of 2+ years broke up last christmas its been short, meaningless fuck friends after another. I've been polite, and always let them know whats up before anything to let them not get involved. But this one, eh, this one.

I am starting to fall for my neighbor. She is the only person I have met in my life who had a better, more optimistic personality than mine. It may be becuase she feels like a stranger who won't judge me about my problems, or the fact that shes intelligent, and has a good grip on her life and problems. But it will never work out, and will not happen. But we can continue to sleep together, once I have a sex drive again.

I guess brining that up makes me seem more like an ass, but shes gets my mind off my troubles lately. Although, klophin, a few shots of vodka, and some marijuana is doing that. I was having a major anxiety attack earlier tonight, the .5mg was for that, and than I was invited to smoke, and wanted a rare drink. I got class sometime tomorrow afternoon, so I will go.

Thanks for listening to my ramble. This was supposed to be a start of something new, moving up here for school, and it looks like it may be over before it began, sigh.


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