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Invisiblebert
bodhi

Registered: 10/14/02
Posts: 2,819
Loc: state
Losing my way
    #2083193 - 11/08/03 07:03 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I think I might quite literally be losing my mind, always doubting things, having trouble believing things...My dorm room looks exactly like a cell at a mental institution which doesn't help; fucking white-washed brick walls and fluorescent lights and people laughing wildly late into the night. I'm managing to function fairly ok in society so far, but I don't know, sometimes I get the suspicion that I'm being held back somehow but I can't quite put my finger on it. I don't have any religion and I'm wary of spirituality because whenever I have a spiritual experience on psychedelics I freak out because I can't fully let go, I'm afraid. I think I'm going to lay off the drugs for awhile, try and straighten out my head and get my bearings. I recently started writing a lot which sometimes helps and other times I just get lost going around in circles and I am going to start playing the guitar; hopefully I can channel this shit. Its one of the few ways I can actually vent the anxiety. Sorry for jumping around so much, I'm having a tough time keeping everything in perspective and in the proper order and such. Really needed to vent some of that shit.


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Offlinemr_kite
The Watcher
Male

Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 2,577
Loc: shambhala
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months
Re: Losing my way [Re: bert]
    #2083381 - 11/08/03 09:36 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Definately lay off the drugs. Cept alcohol. Social drinking often really helps when you're feeling like this. Not too much tho! Then you just freak out if you get too drunk.

Try and get a girl (or a guy if you're that way inclined :tongue:). A good relationship with someone will add some stability and will take up a lot of attention, taking your mind off other things. Should make you happier too, self esteem etc.

Good luck!


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let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love


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Offlineeve69
--=..Did Adam and ...?=--
Male User Gallery

Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 3,856
Loc: isle de la muerte Flag
Last seen: 14 days, 22 hours
Re: Losing my way [Re: mr_kite]
    #2083435 - 11/08/03 10:07 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Sounds like the enviroment isn't too conducive to peace of mind. This is often the case in college. No real privacy, ugly surroundings. Hey, if you have a few bucks then decorate your room. Even if you don't you can come up with materials somehow. Use record covers, styrofoam, etc, and just layer the walls and spray paint them. Hang sheets and make a harum. Personalize and express. You know, I had very few friends in college and my last year was very depressing as my girlfriend lived 2,000 miles away and there wasn't much chance I was going to see her again. School is fucked. Just basically own the experience. Don't hold back. Whatever you want just go for it completely. You will never regret later in life if you let loose and just go for the whole shebang. So personalize your surroundings. If you want to be spiritual then use this time to check into different forms of spirituality without committing. Use your school. Don't just be their cash cow.


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Offlinebarfightlard
tales of theinexpressible
Male

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Registered: 01/29/03
Posts: 8,670
Loc: Canoodia
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
Re: Losing my way [Re: bert]
    #2083457 - 11/08/03 10:39 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

bert said:
I think I might quite literally be losing my mind, always doubting things, having trouble believing things...My dorm room looks exactly like a cell at a mental institution which doesn't help; fucking white-washed brick walls and fluorescent lights and people laughing wildly late into the night. I'm managing to function fairly ok in society so far, but I don't know, sometimes I get the suspicion that I'm being held back somehow but I can't quite put my finger on it. I don't have any religion and I'm wary of spirituality because whenever I have a spiritual experience on psychedelics I freak out because I can't fully let go, I'm afraid. I think I'm going to lay off the drugs for awhile, try and straighten out my head and get my bearings. I recently started writing a lot which sometimes helps and other times I just get lost going around in circles and I am going to start playing the guitar; hopefully I can channel this shit. Its one of the few ways I can actually vent the anxiety. Sorry for jumping around so much, I'm having a tough time keeping everything in perspective and in the proper order and such. Really needed to vent some of that shit.





I know just what your talking about. Like you think your life is fake somehow, but you just can't pin point it. I thought I was going cracy so I talked to a psych and he was a dueche and tried to put me anti-psychotics. I really think I just have bad anxiety, you might too. I got some xanax and they really help, everything is even better when im not on them, usually.

good luck dude


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"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks


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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
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Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 17,805
Loc: Toronto, eh?
Last seen: 12 years, 22 days
Re: Losing my way [Re: bert]
    #2083920 - 11/08/03 02:34 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I can relate to how you are feeling as well. I think we all have felt that way sometime in our lives. If not at multiple times. I still feel that way sometimes. Depends on what is going on around me. I have excessive anxiety. I'm supposta be on ativan for it. I have a prescription but i don't take them. Everyone has anxiety. But what makes it bad, is the way you react to it. Have you ever thought you lost your cell phone? Or your house keys? And frantically search your pockets saying "Omg where's my cell? Where's my keys?" That's anxiety. I agree with eve69 in regards to dressing up your room. That's a great idea. The institutional design can be overbearing and may seem to you that it's closing in on you. And that won't help your anxiety one bit. What i do, instead of taking my medication, is when i feel that i am having an anxiety attack, i do something immediately that takes my mind off of the issue at hand. Sing your favourite song. Read a book. Maybe what might be of some help is pick up a book about psychology. Get to understand the mind and how it works. Also, i would suggest reading "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redfield. Everyone has their own opinion of it, some say it's garbage, and to others, they swear it has had a huge impact on their lives. It had an impact on mine. But it talked about everything i already believed in as well. I think it could help you. Its worth a try.


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I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
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To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
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