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Anonymous #1

about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem
    #2716362 - 05/22/04 11:06 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I feel stupid pouring my heart out to near total strangers on an internet forum for something like this, but I have no one else to talk to. Over the past couple weeks, my self esteem has plummeted to all-time low. I feel worthless, like complete shit. I feel like no one would care if I disappeared off the face of the earth tomorrow. Part of it is, I have a major self-image problem. When I don't look my absolute best, I feel ugly and therefore worthless. No I'm not a chick, I'm a guy, and guys aren't supposed to have low self esteem like this. (Well neither should girls but that's another issue.) I know I'm not ugly, far from it, as my interactions with people, especially with the opposite sex, tell me this. But this fails to register in my brain. No matter how good I look or which girls I get attention from, in my mind I'll always be the pale skinny dork who was picked on in school. And I'm pretty sure being picked on in school as a kid is the root of my low self esteem.

And just when you thought I was the biggest loser on the Shroomery, it gets worse. I've noticed recently that my "friends", and the people around me, no longer respect me. I have no idea why. I used to be a fun and interesting person who people liked to be with, but this is apparently no longer the case. When I make an effort to be fun around my friends they don't respond to it the way they used to. Half the time nobody even acknowledges me when I talk. When they do listen, no one takes me seriously.

Every little thing that happens to me affects my self-image and mood, too. So if I get a positive response from someone in social interactions this registers in my brain as "I'm a cool guy, everybody likes me." And this will be my mood until I get a negative response from someone, which my brain then thinks, "nobody likes me, I'm such a loser." My self-image and mood swing like this from one extreme to the other in a matter of minutes, up to hundreds of times each day! It's my own personal hell and torment.

The worst part of all this is, in any social situation I automatically assume the worst outcome. If I see a girl I'm interested in, I automatically think, "why would she want to be with me? there are a lot of better guys here than me, why should I risk getting brushed off or hurt? I won't bother." The same thing happens when I'm making friends with anyone, too. I always assume they don't want to be around me. As a matter of fact, I'm deathly afraid of intimacy because I'm afraid of rejection, which would just make me feel even worse than I normally do. I don't trust to befriend anyone unless they first make a significant effort to show that they are interested in me first. The more interest they show in me, the more secure and comfortable I feel being with them. And I know this is not normal. It's totally fucked up. Every friend and acquaintance I've made has been under these conditions, too. Every one.

Now look, I'm not looking for pity or sympathy from anyone. If that's what you can give me, that's great and I appreciate it. But I'm more interested in practical advice that I can use to change this fucked up state of mind that I have. I'm really desparate at this point. This is the lowest I've ever felt in my life.


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Invisiblequestion_for_joo
i'm left. youall can bite me
Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 1,591
Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2716509 - 05/22/04 11:30 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I think self esteem works like most other things...you work it, feed it right, and it'll get stronger.
Sometimes neediness and dependency comes through subconsciously....guy's don't respect it and women don't either. If that's an issue you have then you have to work on that.
As far as getting picked on in school think about it this way: the plants that are in the highest wind when they grow have the thickest stems. The shit's already happened to you, no need to fear it in the future, once you come to terms with it you'll be tougher than everyone who never had to deal with that in their lives.
People say you can build self esteem by doing Stuart Smalley type daily affirmations. It's pretty cheesy but I think if you honestly believe some fundamentally positive things about yourself (you're smart or respectful or hardworking) then it probably wouldn't hurt to just make a conscious effort to remember those good things and not think stuff like oh i'm a total loser anymore.
Getting into better shape physically always helps people's self esteem but you say you're good lucking already so I dunno.
Just some of my experiences with issues of self-esteem.

*oh and there's a good post by Bruce Lee about dealing with stress and insecurity below


Edited by question_for_joo (05/22/04 11:36 PM)


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OfflineCleverName
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2717024 - 05/23/04 01:30 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

theres absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help. thats what this forum is for the people here are glad to listen and help if possible.

accepting who we are helps develop a healthy self-esteem and can make a huge impact on how we live our lives. A person with a healthy self-esteem is aware of his potential, knows the many facets that make him unique, and values and respects himself. More importantly, however, he knows that his imperfections or inadequacies are not inherently bad; and, they do not become overwhelming to the point that they completely define his value as a person. he knows that no one's perfect -- it's human to have limitations and make mistakes.

Regardless of self-esteem status, im certain that everyone doubts their own self-worth or value at one time or another during their lifetimes. It can become all too easy to compare ourselves to others. When this self-comparison is occasional, it can be beneficial. It can help us achieve goals and ideals that we admire and respect in other people. However, when self-comparison becomes more frequent, and even all-consuming; and, when we, in our own estimation, do not measure up to our perception of others, it can become self-destructive. The quality of our lives is severely limited.

Although it may not be easy, it's not impossible to feel better about yourself. let me offer the following tips to help you boost your self-esteem:

~Accept who you are -- your strengths and your weaknesses, your feelings and emotions. This doesn't mean we don't have to work on things.
~Forgive yourself for mistakes, and, instead, see them as opportunities to learn and grow.
~Take alone time, regularly, to read, play, garden, write... basically, to nurture yourself. Develop your talents and abilities.
~Trust your thoughts and intuitions. Do what makes you feel happy and fulfilled.
~Take pride in your achievements, big and small.
~Set realistic goals for yourself.
~Replace negative self-talk with positive, kind, loving statements. When something goes wrong, instead of blaming yourself, that you must have done something wrong or that there's something wrong with you, learn to accept that it may not have anything to do with you.
~Don't depend on others to make you feel good. Know and reflect on who you are in the event of a rejection.
~Exercise, eat right, and get plenty of sleep. Being exhausted and out of shape can leave you feeling more vulnerable to insecurity, anxiety, and self-dissatisfaction.
~Surround yourself with positive, healthy people.
~Get involved in projects which help other people or the environment: Habitat for Humanity, Literacy programs, Big Brothers/Big Sisters.
~Seek counseling or self-help/support groups. You may find these very helpful and/or comforting.
~Most importantly, make conscious, healthy choices. The "choice to choose" is the most important choice you will ever make. Make choices that leave you better rather than worse off. Make choices that synchronize your beliefs, values, and actions. Be honest.

Also, if you can't control comparing yourself to others, why not try comparing yourself with yourself, instead? Or, how about focusing on only the similarities with others? This shift in focus can help you realize that they have imperfections, too, just like everyone else, and that their flaws do not reflect your own self-worth or value as an individual.

Overall, this self-realization process (getting to know yourself better) may help you figure out what the real problems are behind your low self-esteem. I hope you will take steps to find assistance through support groups or therapy. Take care, and be gentle with yourself.


--------------------
if you can't find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?

this is the purpose


Edited by CleverName (05/23/04 12:55 PM)


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Offlinevalour
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2717163 - 05/23/04 02:33 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Good advice so far.

My additions:
-detach your self worth from the opinions of others. This is impossible to do entirely, since we're connected critters, but allowing it to determine the entire course of your self-image doesn't work.
-Realize that this shit is done consciously and therefore can be changed consciously, sometimes just by saying "aw, fuck it." Really.
-Don't worry about what it is supposed to be as a "guy". If it suits you, great. If it brings you down, dump it. I let the pressures of trying to be a "real man" weigh me down with expectations because I wasn't into sports, drinking beer and being rude to women. When I was able to give it up, I realized that being a "real man" involved things that brought me up, and helped others out, and nothing to do with which team I supported. This goes with the emotions thing, too. Everyone has emotions and there's no right or wrong way to express them based on your sex or gender. I'm not judging you here - this is just a perspective to hopefully show how this doesn't have to control your life.

All of this is from personal experience - I spent most of my life depressed, until a couple years ago (after a long period of being near-suicidal) when thanks to some changes I decided to make in my life (dumping some bad "friends", going into therapy, and just saying "fuck this!") things turned around. I bring this up because what you're saying sounds just like what I always told myself for almost 20 years (I remember feeling this specifically in 2nd grade). Soon afterwards, I met my now-fiancee, and it was perfect -- if I met her earlier, it wouldn't have worked, but in working my own shit out, it made me the right man for her.

If I can do it, you can, too.


--------------------
"Remember, son,
I didn't sell out-
I bought in."


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides

Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1
Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2717573 - 05/23/04 08:11 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

If I may expound on some of the excellant advice here. You should also try to change some of your "internal dialogue". For example, in the first paragraph of your post, you said:

Quote:

I feel stupid .... I feel worthless, like complete shit. .... I feel ugly and therefore worthless. 




I know it sounds corny and simplistic, but you believe what you tell yourself! Just try to  give yourself a break and maybe tell yourself something along the lines of "I'm not a bad looking guy" or "Hey, I'm a pretty intelligent dude". You may not believe that at first, but if you keep at it, you will. Hope that helps some! :laugh:


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2717579 - 05/23/04 08:19 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Very excellent advice from everybody. I'd like to share a wise insight:

There will always be the 33% of the people that will love you no matter what.
There will always be the 33% of the people that don't care either way.
There will always be the 33% of the people that will always criticize/dislike you no matter what.

Embrace the 33% that love you no matter what, brush off and ignore the 33% of the people who will not like you no matter what.. and sway those who don't care either way, to your side. :wink:

Also, I think it is discernible that you seem to be very judgmental on yourself.. Erroneous judging is without a doubt, one of the very deepest roots of all negativity. You may need to practice non-judgmentality within yourself..and thus you will be able to authentically express this same peacefull and fluid-flexible attitude in the world around you. Embracing open-mindedness and non-judgmentality within one's self is without a doubt one of the most effectual and powerful paths to inner-harmony and contentment..which will lead to outer-harmony and contentment.
What you are internally, is what you will get externally.

Books I recommend for you:
"Seeds of Greatness"
"What to say when you talk to yourself"



--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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Offlinepeachy
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2717723 - 05/23/04 10:50 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I don't think I'm able to offer much beyond that which has already been said in some extremely well worded and well meaning posts above mine.

So let me reiterate somethings; accept yourself the good with the bad (that doesn't exclude positive change) and be strong. Do not punish yourself for the past, its beyond control. With regard to other people's opinions whilst they're obviously of some importance (hey we're all social creatures by origin) - don't waste tears (figuratively or physically) over those who can't see you past themselves.

Personally in my own trials I found expression of the problem was half the problem solved.



--------------------
"Time bends, space is boundless. It squashes a man's ego. I feel lonely. Tell me, though... does Man, that marvel of the universe, that glorious paradox who sent me to the stars, still make war against his brother? Keep his neighbor's children starving?"


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Offlinegotmagog
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2718311 - 05/23/04 02:55 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I feel for many things in the same way, I have some of the same problems, unfortunately.

I have read psychology books and the advice given here is along the lines of many of the popular self-help books that I have read.

The problem is that it is easy to read such stuff and feel good that it is so easy to change, but to change yourself really is a long process, requiring action and not just mental exercise. I try to change myself for the better for several years now, but it seems that without practical expression the conclusions just don't work.

But at least the accumulation of such good advices is a good start to the ever-lasting process of self-improvement, the point is what is the next step?

An interesting and succesfulidea might be to try metaprogramming yourself, maybe on a psychedelic trip, to absorb fully the healthy lessons like "love yourself" which are easy to say and difficult to make.


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Anonymous #1

Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: gotmagog]
    #2718916 - 05/23/04 05:22 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm already feeling better about myself today. I think what started this in my mind was a lot of things happening to me all at once that were out of my control, and I ended up blaming myself for them. I was thinking and I also realize I put way too much worth on my looks and not on my character. I used to be proud of my creativity, intelligence and sense of humor, and I somehow lost that. For a while the only thing I've been proud of was my good looks. And I guess that is why I just snapped. No wonder so many women have low self esteem. When you think you're judged solely on your looks it's hard not to.

Anyway I was at the local mall today and decided to try something. As I was walking around I completely erased any judgements I had about myself. I pretended that I didn't know what I looked like or what I was like as a person. I began to build myself back up from the bottom while being sincere as possible to everyone. Pretty soon I was walking around with a big smile on my face.  :thumbup:


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Offlinevalour
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2719028 - 05/23/04 05:52 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Awesome. :thumbup:


--------------------
"Remember, son,
I didn't sell out-
I bought in."


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2719085 - 05/23/04 06:10 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Max Headroom said:
Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm already feeling better about myself today. I think what started this in my mind was a lot of things happening to me all at once that were out of my control, and I ended up blaming myself for them. I was thinking and I also realize I put way too much worth on my looks and not on my character. I used to be proud of my creativity, intelligence and sense of humor, and I somehow lost that. For a while the only thing I've been proud of was my good looks. And I guess that is why I just snapped. No wonder so many women have low self esteem. When you think you're judged solely on your looks it's hard not to.

Anyway I was at the local mall today and decided to try something. As I was walking around I completely erased any judgements I had about myself. I pretended that I didn't know what I looked like or what I was like as a person. I began to build myself back up from the bottom while being sincere as possible to everyone. Pretty soon I was walking around with a big smile on my face.  :thumbup:




Wow, that's really wonderful!  I'll have to try that technique sometime.  I'm glad you're feeling encouraged!  :heart:

Sending lots of good vibes your way!  :smile:


*me*


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OfflineStrongBad
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2729134 - 05/25/04 08:20 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I didn't read anybody else's post but the first one, but join the club man. I feel the same way. I shy from social situations. I'd rather stay home and get high and play video games/watch TV.

Just remember that there is ALWAYS someone out there who looks better than you, is funnier than you, gets more girls, makes more money... and that guy is ME!

haha, just kidding... but as long as you realize that you're not always going to be top dog everywhere you go, you won't be let down.


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OfflineStrongBad
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2729143 - 05/25/04 08:24 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Oh, and I would NEVER EVER EVER show interest in a girl unless I know 100%, absolutely positively, that she was interested in me. I mean I might give her a look or whatever, but I wouldn't let it go any further. I'd just make myself known, and then sit back and wait... (and then nothing....hehe).

I don't want to seem like "that guy" who's always trying to hard to make friends. That's what I feel like, even though saying "let's hang out sometime" is probably normal, I feel like it's "too much", so nothing ever happens with any relationships.

That's probably why I have a girlfriend and a best friend, and that's about it.


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Offlinevalour
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: StrongBad]
    #2729565 - 05/25/04 10:02 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)



--------------------
"Remember, son,
I didn't sell out-
I bought in."


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Offlinegotmagog
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: valour]
    #2731110 - 05/26/04 06:24 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Hehe, that comics is funny, food for thought...


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: valour]
    #2733572 - 05/26/04 07:30 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Just to balance out the perspectives on that particular issue, I'll share some material I've read from email-spam and such:

The Ultimate Mistake Men Make With Women

--------------------------------------------------

  I want to share an interesting insight with you
that not 1 in 100 men ever realize on their own. It's
actually TWO insights, but they're two sides of the
same coin.

  It's an amazingly OBVIOUS double insight, and once
you know what it is, you'll see evidence of it all
around you, in every interaction between a man and
a woman.

  And it goes a little sumthin' like this:

1. Most men behave like WUSSIES when it comes to women
and dating.

2. Women NEVER feel the powerful and magical emotion
called ATTRACTION for WUSSIES.

  So let's take them one at a time.

  WHAT exactly IS a WUSSY?

  A Wussy is a guy who kisses up to women.

  A Wussy is a guy who does whatever a woman wants
him to do, and doesn't even know if or when a woman
is testing him.

  A Wussy is a guy who accepts manipulative behavior
from women, and doesn't care if a woman flakes out
on him, takes advantage of him, or acts overly dramatic
around him.

  A Wussy is a guy who has no backbone, and caves
when challenged by a woman.

  A Wussy is a guy who feels that he needs to BUY
or PAY FOR a woman's attention and affection with
gifts, dinners, compliments, and other forms of payment
and flattery...because he can't imagine that a woman
would want to be with him just for HIM.

  In short, a WUSSY is a submissive man who tries
to compensate for his lack of ability to attract women
by being overly accommodating and generous.

NEWS JUST IN: MOST MEN ACT LIKE WUSSIES!

  And if that wasn't bad enough, here's the REALLY
bad news: Women will NEVER feel ATTRACTION for this
kind of behavior, or this kind of guy!

  (If you even doubt what I'm saying for a SECOND,
then try this simple test: Find 3 attractive women,
and ask them if they ever feel a gut-level ATTRACTION
for guys who kiss up to them and act like Wussies, and
watch what they say.)

  Want some even WORSE news?

  When this kind of tactic doesn't work for a guy,
he'll usually TRY HARDER, and become even MORE of a
WUSSY to make a girl like him... and the more a girl
runs away, the  more a WUSSY most guys become.

  YOU DO THE MATH and figure out the outcome of this
equation.

  It totally blows my mind how a guy will kiss up
to a woman and watch with HIS OWN TWO EYES as she
becomes more and more distant... and instead of him
realizing that it's his own WUSS behavior that's causing
the woman to run away he just keeps doing it... AND
EVEN INCREASING IT!

  And how do I know this so well?

  Because I, my friend, used to be a BIG TIME Wuss
Bag.

  Of course, when I think back about situations in
my life where I behaved like a Wuss and caused a woman
to lose her attraction for me, I slap my head and say
"DUH!"

  For whatever reason, it just wasn't obvious to me
in the moment.

  And I think that MOST guys go their whole lives
without realizing this critical insight.

  Let me tell you something else that is VITALLY
important for you to remember:

  WOMEN HAVE MILITARY GRADE WUSS-DETECTION RADAR
SYSTEMS.

  Notice that I didn't say "Women are pretty good
at figuring out whether or not you're a Wuss".

  No no noooooo.

  I said that women have MILITARY GRADE WUSS-DETECTION
SYSTEMS.

  I'm talking special forces navy seal top gun covert
ops here.

  I'm talking INSTANT WUSSY DETECTION.

  A woman can tell if you're a Wussy, in most cases,
BEFORE YOU EVEN OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

  So if women aren't attracted to Wussies, then why
is it that they sometimes accept invitations to dinner,
gifts, flowers, and attention from guys who are Wussies,
only to reject them later on?

  Well, think about it.

1. Free food is free food, and free gifts are free
gifts...I mean, when the price is right, it's right.

2. Women say to themselves "I really SHOULD date a
nice guy instead of all these SEXY JERKS that I've
been seeing.  I'll let Mr. Girly Man take me out to
dinner a few times and maybe I can learn to like
him".

3. If a woman doesn't have anything going on at all,
dinner with a Wussy and a constant stream of compliments
and attention is better than nothing.

4. Men are NOTORIOUS for showing their "non-Wuss"
side early on, but then somehow turning into a woman's
worst nightmare Wuss Boy as the relationship progresses.

  What to do, what to do?

  Well, sometimes these things are like a substance
abuse problem. The first step is ADMITTING that you've
been being a WUSS all your life, and that you were
doing  the best you could with what you had to work
with.

  I often make fun of guys who act like Wussies, and
bust on them unmercifully... but the fact is that I've
been there, and I get it.

  So step one is accepting yourself as you are, and
making a commitment to yourself to improve from here
on out.

  Next, you need to learn how to EVICT your inner
Wuss, and then it's time to get down to business and
learn how to create that magical feeling called ATTRACTION
inside of women.

  It's not magic, and it's not voodoo. Making women
feel a powerful, gut-level ATTRACTION for you doesn?t
require looks or money, and I honestly believe that
almost ANY man can learn how to do it.

  The amazing part about it is that we all have the
NATURAL ability to communicate with women in a way that
makes them feel ATTRACTION... but most of us guys never
DEVELOPED this natural skill.

  We either didn't have good role models, we were
programmed wrong by mom or other well-meaning people
in our lives, or whatever.

  But just because you haven't yet learned how to
use and develop these natural talents doesn't mean
that you can't start NOW.

  How do I know?

  Because I used to have ZERO SKILL with women.

  Just a few short years ago, I couldn't even start
a CONVERSATION with a woman I didn't know... nevermind
get dates and have success with UNUSUALLY ATTRACTIVE
women.

  But NOW I can. And it's all because I spent the
time it took to find and learn the secrets of the
"naturals", or the guys who had already figured out
the skills that it takes to attract women.

  If you're ready to shed your past Wussy self, and
learn the secrets of how to attract women that most
men will NEVER learn in their entire lives, then I
invite you to take advantage of the powerful products
that I've put together.

  In my "Double Your Dating Advanced Dating Techniques"
program, I take the time to explain everything from
the ground up.

  Starting with the basics of evolution and animal
behavior, I reveal how and why women act the way they
do, and detail the critical mistakes that most men
make with women... and what to do about it.

  Later, I go into dozens and dozens of my personal
favorite techniques for approaching, meeting, and
dating women... everything from exact words to use
to introduce yourself, all the way to what to do to
take things to a "physical" level, all smoothly and
easily.

  This program is over 12 full hours of either CD
Audio or DVD Video, and it's full of information that
you won't find in ANY other single course on how to
be successful with women and dating.

  The best part? I'll send it to you at zero risk.

  Try it out for yourself... if it doesn't get you
more dates IMMEDIATELY, just send it back,
and pay nothing. I'll even send it to you without
you paying ANYTHING up front. Only pay me if it
really works for you...

  And, of course, I will send my program to you in
a plain box... no big logo or "This guy needs help
with chicks!" message on the outside... really. Go
here to get it:

http://www.datingtechniques.com/emd42/advancedseries

  And if you'd like to get an introduction to the
main concepts, then download a copy of my online eBook
"Double Your Dating". You can go and download it right
now and literally be reading it within a few minutes.
It's here:

http://www.datingtechniques.com/emd42/

  I'll talk to you again in a couple of days.

      Your Friend,

      David D.

Let the De-wussification begin.. :wink:



--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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OfflinePuZuZu
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Registered: 05/27/04
Posts: 671
Loc: Idaho (USA)
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2748696 - 05/31/04 02:49 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I'm no councelor but I'll put my observation on this, even if I haven't read the other messages, i did read Your replies for signs of improvement or realization but want to put my raw observation down.

first off, it seems to me you make people this weird group that has predictable personalities, they already know what you are like and hate you for it, they aren't a benefit. ect. People aren't here to kill you, rip your ego in half and point fingers.

You need to get out of this perspective NOW! For quick changes I'd take the mind frame you have and put a 180 degree spin on it. trust me its fun.

what makes me happy is that you know your mind is playing shit with you and that you are better then well, your evil shoulder-devil says you are.

i'll put it this way, you are NOT the type who enjoys displaying themselves to people, you find it boring and rather a chore to impress others and get their 2D reactions out of it. no, you are lost and want to be yourself. thats awesome.

BTW, you ARE a fun and interesting person man, its just your phasing into this pit of self-pitty. why? cause its addicting, seriously people really like chewing on their own thoughts and like to come up with different sittuations and shit from people. i've done it. happens probably every 2 months for a weekend or so. and after they have all these scenarios they don't want to be in they like to believe in them. then the longing of it happening grows until they fear it will happen with every damn moment of human contact. WHAT A MIND NUMBER.

far as history goes, screw the whole bully/nerd scenario, that shits from the 50's, don't let the stupid thick-headed people get you down, they are bored themselves and have to boost their ego by bashing others. (i have this problem myself sometimes, WHAT A PAIN....) -- (then i get addicted to the oppisite, encouraging others....lol i'm a case!) -- so this wole thing only proves that everyone has problems! doesn't that make ya feel better? least lifes interesting.

a basic way to really believe in yourself is find some hobbies. seek real elightenment from some shrooms, or really get out of 9-5 life and go see nature. let yourself come in touch with what you want. seriously, it works alot.

good luck killing the shoulder-devil and i hope i helped. keep shrooming and remember you aren't alone. lots of people go through this.
:tripping:


--------------------
"If you worried about falling off the bike, you would never get on."
Lance Armstrong



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Invisiblekaiowas
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2749443 - 05/31/04 11:11 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I here ya man!

unconditionally love everyone, including yourself.  Before you get into any relationships and pour your heart out to others, you need to accept yourself here and now for everything that you are. you are a bright person, with a vibrant personality and have a wonderful way of conveying your thoughts.  these are great assets!!

We are all humans here, and part of that goes with fear.  Fear of making mistakes, fear of being hurt, fear of loss.  And we are going to make mistakes, and we are going to be hurt, and we are going to lose, that's just how life is.  but don't make yourself feel even mroe uncomfortable when an uncomfortable situation comes on, that's adding fuel to the fire that is fear.

you asked for some suggestions, so I'll give some ideas that worked for me and my self esteem.  I had self esteem problems because I was severly abused as a kid, it takes a lot of time man to clear issues up.  I'm still working on myself daily, and it helps  :smile:

Don't depend on what happens externally to make you happy,  be happy internally. which leads into my next idea...there isn't a reason unless your health is being threatened that you shouldn't be happy.  It is only your version of right and wrong, and what it "supposed" to be that keeps you constantly feeling uncomfortable.  It is your emotional backed demands (which stem from the ego :wink:) that'll keep you from enjoy the minute to minute moments of your life. 

Be responsible for your feelings, and try to be aware of why you feel negative, when you feel negative.  It isn't what happens that "makes" you angry or worried, it is your demands backed by emotion towards what happened that determines how you feel.  These demands bring fear of non-fullfillment; jealousy that someone may steal our source of fulfillment; anger when someone twarts us; cynicism if constantly undersupplied; paranoia if constantly threatened; boredom when we aren't making progress towards satisfying our demands (no matter how small they appear to be); worry if we can't see a steady supply; anxiety if we are worried about being worried; and total unhappiness when the outside world does not supply us with whatever it is we are demanding.

now you might be asking why would I listen to that advice?  I ask you to use your common sense here: why depend on what happens for happiness when in life you win some and you lose some?  We will never find happiness if we are constantly trying to change or rearrange the world and people and things outside of us to fit our desires.  All you have to rearrange is the internal programming on how you deal wtih situations in life.  You have always had enough to be happy, you jsut aren't leting yourself be happy and comfortable. 

It's hard to think this way at first because in almost every way we were taught to work towards happiness only reinforces the feelings and activities that make us unhappy. Many of us assume our desires (back by an array of emotions) are the true guides to doing the things that will make us happy.  I guarantee that no one has yet to find happiness in this way.  flashes of pleasure..sure, but not happiness. 

our wants and desires are very seductive....They masquerade as "needs" that must be satisfied so we can be happy at last.  "If only I can do this...If only I did that...If only she'd say something nice about me..."  this type of thinking puts conditions on things.  I'm not syaing this is bad, but it sure feels really uncomofrtable to think this way.

That's what I meant by unconditionally love yourself, and the poeple around you. Real love has no conditions...you undermine love when you put conditions on the people or situations around you.  WE really don't know how to love

"If i could only find the right person..." sure in a relationship you will have some great moments...but since we put conditions on each other and ourselves...the relationship with another deteriorates, jsut like the relationship with yourself deteriorated.  SOon we'll decide we didn't really find the right person at all and it wasn't "meant to be" 

It's important to really be the right person than to find the right person.

see your problems and see what happens, observe them.  Now these probelms have solutions...or they don't.  If you can do something about it, then by all means do something about it, even if it's jsut a first step.  Do what you can do, but don't have emotional beacked demands riding on the result.  again...in life you win some and lose some, so it doesn't make sense to depend on what happens for your happiness.  if you can do osmething about a problem, but not at this very minute, then why make yourself wouncomfortable and drain yourself by worrying about the results.  It is the part of the here and now in your life, that's all there is, here and now.  Worry, anxiety, and other unpleasant emotions are 99% of the time unecessary, and only lower the ffectiveness of your actions.

learn to flow with the things and people around us. 

now here comes the great part, use your negative emotions as a guide. Everytime you catch yourself feeling negative, not what happened that got you to that point.  use your common sense, ask what would you want right now that would make you feel better.  when you see this, then you can pinpoint what desires you need to change.  it's all about repetition.  convince yourself that the negative emotion wasn't necessary.  bring the emotion to the forfront of your mind and analyze it to death.  the more you do it, the easier it gets, and you will notice how often we really do feel uncomfortable.  it's to the point where a lot of poeple don't even realize it. 

heh, this is really long so I'll stop here :grin:  I hope you do read it, cause to me, bettering yourself on a minute to minute basis is the way to go.  :heart: :sun:


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.---senior doobie


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OfflineJCoke
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Registered: 02/17/04
Posts: 1,229
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Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2750210 - 05/31/04 06:20 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

i know exactly how you feel, i've been depressed pretty much my whole life, never had any friends, always afraid to speak my mind because I was afraid everyone might laugh at me or think i'm too weird to hang around with, oh hell, I still remember my older brother and his friend running away from me for no reason everyday and was left to cry my eyes out alone, and those memories never really stop hurting, they still hurt me in my heart, and i'm still worried someone i know is reading what i'm typing right now, it well hurt until the day I die.

but i have my way(s) out, lately i've been writing down poetry, reading the bible, been playing the guitar again, my last Delsym beng left me glowing (I think i wrote something down in the trip tips forum this morning??), after a life time of depression i'm still surprised I can still smile again, thats good enough reason to belive there may in fact be a heaven and everything might just turn out alright in the end.


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OfflineStrumpling
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Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 6 years, 2 months
Re: about to lose it -- extremely low self esteem [Re: ]
    #2759429 - 06/03/04 03:21 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

oh come on man you know you're the shit, so stop worrying about it.

If you act like everybody already knows you're THE MAN, they'll learn it very quickly.


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


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