more....
"I think I am starting to realize why I have such a strong resistance to this place, why it gets under my skin like dirt and makes me so angry and unhappy all the time. How it invades my peace of mind, my good moods, sneaking up like a malevolent phantom stalking me with the sole intent of ruining my fleeting, flickering moments of joy. How it allows the slightest annoyance to push me deeper, further, lowering me into the depths of a depressed, pissed off, negative funk that I can?t shake off without a surf or a trip to a better place. It wasn?t always like this. I used to be different. I would have fit in here. But thank god I?ve matured enough to despise this goddamned *frat deleted* vibe. Sometime over the last year, my mind was opened to a whole new way of seeing the world. Miss Wanland, the best teacher I've ever had, laid the seeds of it in me sometime during my freshman year of high school, but I wasn?t mature enough to understand its true ramifications in terms of my own life style until last year. It must have been a combination of my transitionitory period in life, my increasing maturity, and three mind-bending, life changing psychedelic experiences I had over that period of time. What I learned from the culmination of these experiences and sources was that we as humans have a choice in terms of expressing our ego. Growing up in a market society such as this, it?s hard to even come to the realization that there is a lifestyle besides the get all you can consumerism one we?re taught all throughout our lives. But there is. I?m struggling to understand who I am, but in the face of this knowledge, I know at least who I want to be. And I have made great strides towards that position. I know my karma is better, and I want to be motivated to improve myself for the sake of those around me. To a certain extent, I am. But here?s my problem. *College Name Deleted* is not a place to learn how to reduce one?s ego. Neither is the fraternity row, nor the specific place I am in right now. I?m in the halls of a factory, churning out the womanizing, money making wheelers and dealers of the future. I fucking hate these people and what they stand for. I hate their stupidity, their ignorance of the bigger picture. I wish I could make them see, but it?s difficult for one human being to give enlightenment to another. Maybe impossible. If we?re all just cells of one greater creature, God or the transcendental object, then the people at places like *frat*, frat row, *college*, are like a cancer. Egoism is a cancer on our organism, our greater, superior organization. And I am stuck, like a sore thumb, here amidst that sentiment."
I'm really not that pissed off in real life, which is why my book is going so slowly. I can only write when I'm really pissed
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namaste said:
no flamz in da ODD, if you got nothing to contribute then keep yo lips zipped
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