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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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I'm so lost I don't know what to do
    #18200641 -

I feel so alone that my stomach hurts. My family is basically non existent. All I have is a mother, sister, 3 uncles and a grandfather and grandmother. We never talk or have get togethers like I remember as a kid. My mother never sees my two children or me hardly for that matter. Every time I call her just to chat and see how she's doing, it seems as if I'm bothering her. There's so much that o can't put it all down without making a book on it all. I basically feel like Im alone and my family doesn't give a shit about me. I'm no crybaby sucidal whacko or anything but i just feel like I need to talk and maybe get some comfort from my brothers and sisters here. Does anyone else have a similar situation? How do you deal with it? I'd just like to be able to not think about it every day.

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18200748 -

all your isolations issues could be in your head, or if not there's some form of communication error on your part.I myself am guilty of this from time to time. Always insist people don't care about me or are secretly out to get me. While it may be true to some minuscule degree, it's mostly a false concept i have of the situation when in reality it's mainly due to my lack of self confidence. That may be your case may not. In any case, you actually need to tell these people you care about how abandoned you feel. They're not going to know whats in your head unless you tell them.
Also, i somewhat sense a lack of fulfillment in life in your post.
(ie. no job-nothing to look forward too) You could also change your surroundings to gain a fresh perspective on things to give your brain chance to flush out the bullshit/restart itself. Also, it's good to try and give yourself some new goals to look forward to and go out and do new things and get out of that mental repetitive funk you're in.

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18200749 -

Maybe this is just how it goes a you get older? I know one thing that can't be normal. My mother or any otber family didn't even come to the hospital when my kids were born. That really hurt. I couldn't imagine being this way to my kids. How can someone be so cold. Granted the fact both of my kids were born hours away from my county due to premature birth, my ex wife's family all came. Idk maybe I'm just being a bitch

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18200763 -

Anonymous #1 said:
Maybe this is just how it goes a you get older? I know one thing that can't be normal. My mother or any otber family didn't even come to the hospital when my kids were born. That really hurt. I couldn't imagine being this way to my kids. How can someone be so cold. Granted the fact both of my kids were born hours away from my county due to premature birth, my ex wife's family all came. Idk maybe I'm just being a bitch


yea, life sucks as you get older.
i'm desperately trying to keep some of my youth intact.
did your family give you a reason? was it plausible?
also, are you in a happy marriage? sounds like you need a change of scenery..permanently

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18200764 -

maybe your mother is a drug abuser or alcoholic?  Maybe she's isolating and it has nothing to do with you.

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18200770 -

Thanks #2. Yeah everything you said sort of fits. I do work and I just recently bought my first home. I do the best I can in life and always try to stay positive. Idk I've acheived pretty much what as a teen I always hoped, like getting a decent job, vehicle, home and all. I feel like that moment I'm the movie scar face where Pacino is in the restaurant and he's a made man finally and he finds it's not all he thought and says " So this is it huh?" I think maybe your pretty close to right though #2

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #18200775 -

I don't remember her reason she gave as why not to come to see either baby. My first was born 4 hours away and I let that slide. My second was only 2 hours away. I didnt speak to her for nearly a year over that.

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #18200778 -

I don't think she's an alcoholic or anything. She works and helps take care of my sister's baby

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18200787 -

sounds like she has issues of her own to work out.
you could also build or dedicate a room in the house to be your mancave and get involved again in childhood hobbies. Apparently that's crazy therapeutic...
you kids make you happy right? you don't hate them do you?

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #18200794 -

Heck no. I love my kids with all I got. It sucks being divorced and not having them home all the time

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18200798 -

Ive been working on the house trying to get it fixed up since I moved in. I have a perfect room for a mancave and plan on fixing it up when I get the time and money. I think I need to drink some beers and cut loose soon before I go crazy. It's been a long time since I had a good time for sure

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18200812 -

You say you have no family, but neglected to mention your own 2 children and your nieces/nephews in the OP..

You have at least 5 more family members than me.

If you didn't speak with your mother in over a year, maybe she feels hurt and isolated as well? We tend to think of our parents as somehow immune to normal human responses and reactions I think, even as we become parents ourselves.

Maybe you need to reach out a little and let your family know how you feel, sometimes you have to take the first steps toward reconciliation, you could all be waiting for the other to apologise or explain themselves while life drifts past, making these rifts deeper and somehow more normal.

:2cents:

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #18200837 -

:seriousthankyou:When I named what family I have I guess maybe I didn't mention how nobody sees or talks to each other. I don't even know how to get in touch with the uncles. Maybe I should just go out of my way to see everyone and tell them I love them and miss them. I have in the past and I never get the same treatment. It would make me so happy for someone to come to my house just to visit and catch up. One uncle has like three or maybe four kids and I've only met one and I don't even know their names. It's kind of sad. I guess I'm just as much to blame as everyone else.

Edited by Anonymous (05/02/13 03:58 AM)

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18201061 -

I have 3 cousins I have never met, my uncle (their father) only turned up to his Father's funeral for about an hour and a half, didn't stay for the wake/reception or whatever and wouldn't sit next to his sister (my mother) during the service, he shuffled in, sat at the back and left without talking to anyone.

He is a millionaire corporate lawyer and maybe emails his sister (my momma) once or twice a year at best. Some people just don't bother with family, if I didn't make the effort to arrange things I don't think I would ever see my sister. Our dad died when we were young and the whole family thing just never really existed.

When I do make the effort and get my mother and sister together we have a great time, someone has to be the instigator in every relationship or group dynamic, perhaps you need to recognise that in your situation that person may be you. I actually take pride now in being the person that does bring us together and have adopted the role quite happily after years of resentment and wondering why it always had to be me.

Do what you can and then at least you can rest easy knowing you tried if nothing else, swallow all pride, forget about the past or at least don't get tied down by it, and see how you can help things move forward.

Good luck, I relate to a lot of what you have said.  Someone always has to make the first move I guess is my main point. :peace:

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #18201355 -

Anonymous #2 said:
yea, life sucks as you get older.



Older I get the more I'm coming to realize this.

I'm in same exact boat as you OP, well sorta. I had a very similar family situation to yours and as I grew up, the family gatherings just stopped happening. Was pretty fucking depressing for many years, but I'm used to it now, that is it doesn't bother me anymore. My birthday is about 2 months away, will be like my 11th or 12 birthday I've non-celebrated.. No cake, no presents, no family/friends.. Just me, some drug to dull the pain (the loneliness does get to me on my b-days, it's the only time) and my wife there to watch me spiral out of control and make sure I don't do something stupid and irreversible.

Edited by Anonymous (05/02/13 09:22 AM)

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #18201473 -

Focus on your children, be the best father you can be, you can only control what you do, not what your family does.

You have a job, home, children, and a woman, so stop complaining, you have more than most.

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #18203391 -

Wow !! Thank you guys so much. You all have helped a lot. # 4 that was great advice thanks brother.

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #18206562 -

More than welcome #1.

Shocks me how people with wives etc think they are alone..

I have been single for well over 6 years, lost EVERY friend I have due to my substance abuse issues. People see a needle and never speak to you again.

Got a mother, sister and 2 nieces, that's it. I have spent every birthday, NYE etc alone for at least 8 years. Haven't 'celebrated' my birthday since I was 18, now in my mid 30's.

I quite enjoy solitude and just feel sorry that "friends" etc are so judgemental, my behaviour never impinged on anyone else, no stealing or even borrowing cash. I think they may miss out on a lot a of deep and meaningful relationships and friendships if they continue to think and act the way they have toward me. Makes me sad for them.

Never feel sorry for yourself, do your best and rest easy knowing you are sincere and considerate of others. Always leave the door open, some people may surprise you years after you have given up on them. I babysit my nieces whenever I am asked (NEVER get high around them), take comfort in whatever you have, there can always be less and things could always get worse. That is a very weird way to make a positive point, but it's true.


    -EDF

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #18206949 -

Anonymous #4 said:
Shocks me how people with wives etc think they are alone..


I can't speak for anyone else but me and my wife have been married for almost a decade.. I honestly think of her more as an extension of me, than an entirely different person. It's very possible for me to get lonely despite having a long term relationship. I wish just having someone near was enough to stave it off, but it's not. Loneliness manages to touch all of us.

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Re: I'm so lost I don't know what to do [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #18210896 -

Exactly. Also I guess dude missed where I said I was divorced. My wifeis an ex and no longer anywhere near me.

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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