I want to kill my 'father'.

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Anonymous #1

I want to kill my 'father'.

#15756565 - 02/03/12 05:57 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

I'm 23 years old now. My sister is a couple of years younger than me. We used to live with our father until my mother divorced him (I was approximately 12 years old when they divorced and 14 years old when both me and my sister went to live with our mother).

He's a scumbag that has beaten up my mother, my sister and myself for over a decade and a half - up until the point where my mother divorced from that son of a bitch and both me and my sister went to live with her, trying to avoid all contact with that piece of shit. For instance, he used to lock the door of my parent's bedroom and put on the vacuum cleaner so we couldn't hear him (at least, he thought we didn't hear him) while he was beating the crap out of my mother. He also used to humiliate and beat both me and my sister up when we had friends from school over. Needless to say, most friends didn't came over a second time. He also made me break into the house my mother was renting after they separated, and searched the whole place and went through the garbage and stuff (I did what he asked because I was so afraid of him at the time that I honestly thought he would kill me if I refused - I was 13 years old back then). Shit was fucked up back then...

About 12 years ago, my mother started dating another guy who is now the father (my stepfather in a way) of my maternal half brother, although they aren't married. He lived in a remote house (both he and my mother still live there), the last house in a dead end street. One night -during their divorce- my 'father' drove up there to spy on them, but he didn't know they weren't home. My mother was at friend's place at that moment. At that time my stepfather and his friend were going to his house, when they saw my 'father' parked in his car, looking through the windows and stuff (they knew about the fact that he was -and still is- very aggressive and used violence against my mother, my sister and me). My 'father' noticed them and tried to flee (since my stepfather -he's almost an exact copy of Danny Trejo, including the long hair- is a huge guy, and so was his friend)... But since it was a dead end street they blocked his car, got out of their pwn car, kicked the front windows out and started beating him until he had lost consciousness. They then dragged him inside, cleaned him up, and drove him home (yes, they were too kind).

When I saw him the next morning sitting on the couch with his face black and blue and his clothes full of blood, trying to explain what happened the night before and what a 'bitch' my mother was and what an 'aggressive asshole' her new boyfriend was. I didn't understand little old daddy very well since his lips were swollen and his teeth knocked out, but I literally had to go to another room to laugh out loud. This was sincerely one of the best moments in my life.

He keeps going to court though (so he doesn't have to pay for child support anymore and stuff), he's been doing this for the last 10 years. Every single time the judge didn't swallow his shit though - one judge even told him that he needs mental treatment.

Also, my father isn't an alcoholic. He did these things while being sober. He's just a natural scumbag. We also went to the police after we moved to live with my mother to report his abuse, the fact that he made me give him access to my mother's rental house, the fact that he had a bought a double barreled shotgun and sawed off a piece of the barrels to -and I quote the son of a bitch- "kill your stepfather, your mother and your little baby brother". He had to hand in his gun, but he never even had to appear in front of a judge for his crimes. Needless to say, this pisses me of enormously. He got away with it all.

When I was 13, he even took me to the police where I had to make false statements (like for instance, he accused my mother of being a drug addict and made me tell that I saw the needles and the drugs - he dictated everything I had to say before we went to the police office). When I finally was allowed by the judge to live with my mother, we went back to the police office to withdraw my false statements and explained the situation (my mother had called them many times before after he had been beating us up), and the officer we were talking to started yelling at me for making those false statements, etc. For fuck's sake, I was 13 and in fear of my life -as well as that of my mother and my sister- at that time. I've lost confidence in the police ever since.

I'm telling only a small part of the things that he has done, since it would take me over a day to sum up all of his actions... He's been remarried now and still lives in the same house that I grew up in. With his shining black Porsche parked in front of it. He lives like 4 miles (or less) from where my mother lives, so it's not a long drive.

For some years now, I've been playing with the thought of kicking his front door in and punch him in the throat and start kicking him until he stops moving, for everything he's put my mother, my sister and me through. I'm not the twelve year old kid that he could beat up in front of his little friends anymore, I'm a grown-up young man now, and I've outgrown him a long time ago. I'm not afraid of him anymore (although I still have nightmares about him almost every day). The urge to literally beat him to death is getting bigger and bigger by the day. I honestly want to harm him up to the point that he dies.

If someone has had a similar experience or someone has some advise, please feel free to comment...

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