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I want to kill myself before I become homeless.
    #13633388 -

I am getting kicked out of my parents house because I steal drugs and get fucked up on almost a daily basis

I have nowhere to go, I work minimum wage with laughable hours for a job that works me harder than almost any I have had before.

I cant afford to live on my own, much less afford to live on my own and support my oppressive vices.

I can say more, but typing words about this makes me want to die even more.  I am an awful person, a disgrace to my family, and one of the biggest failures in relation to potential I have ever seen.

I cant live another day like this, I wont.

I, I, I I I I I.  Its all I can think about

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13633401 -

They have programs for people like you, dude. That's why we pay taxes so when people hit bottom of the barrel they don't kill their selves. Look into it.

There's always an answer to everything, and it is never suicide.

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #13633430 -

I have been subconsciously refusing help since I was 12

It will not change, I cannot change

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13633462 -

forget all the bullshit and go WWOOF
http://www.wwoof.org/

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13633465 -

Anonymous said:
I have been subconsciously refusing help since I was 12

It will not change, I cannot change



And thats your problem.

You obviously want help or you wouldn't have posted here.

Accept the fact that you want to change and suck it up and do it.

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #13634589 -

Anonymous said:
They have programs for people like you, dude. That's why we pay taxes so when people hit bottom of the barrel they don't kill their selves. Look into it.

There's always an answer to everything, and it is never suicide.


In many warrior societies bravery and courage in the face of death is viewed as a very important part of the honor code.  Many cultures around the world, including in the Phillipines (going berserk), and Japan (seppuku) leave no option open to an individual OTHER THAN to commit suicide if their honor or the honor of their families has been brought into question.

Sometimes, suicide is the answer.

It probably isn't this time though.  No matter what man you're still living in one of the greatest geo-political areas of the world with tons of opportunity.  Okay so you fell off from the top 3 percent to the top 5-7.

You've got plenty of gas left in the tank.  Once you wind up in Africa with a pot-belly yet haven't eaten for months while muscular motherfuckers run around cutting breasts off of your women and burning your house, then maybe I'd say suicide is an option.

Me personally?  There's way too much to do in life to EVER commit suicide.  There's so many fun and exciting things to do, even, hell, especially as a drug addict.


--------------------

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: Humility]
    #13634855 -

www.rainbowgatherings.org

rainbowgatherings man.  you will be taken in and loved and taken care of no questions asked. 



Edited by sleepy (12/15/10 01:36 AM)

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13634938 -

I go through a similar state of mind sometimes. My situation is a little bit different. Living on my own, barely getting by. I keep getting the feeling that I am going to become homeless. I'm just not making things happen like I want them to. Can't get a fucking job for shit. Can't pay my bills that are piling up. Feels like I'm alone, with the whole world against me. Matter of time before shit gets to that point. Nobody to turn to either. Feels awful. I don't even know what I'm gonna be doing a couple months from now.
Try and hang in there. I'm working on the same thing. Been so low before that I just wanted to give up. When looking back on some of those times, I'm glad I kept going because I would have missed some good times in life. Life just is what it is apparently. Some of us seem to constantly get dealt shitty hands and there's usually nothing we can do about it but try and play them anyways as best we can.


--------------------
Immortal / Temporarily Retired
The OG Thread Killer
My mushroom hunting gallery

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: eris]
    #13638403 -

I was Anonymous #2 but I want to go ahead and go on record claiming that societies encouraging suicide are fucking stupid.

Also, maybe if you go into rehab your parents will be a little more tolerant of your behaviors. You can run it by them at least. Don't bother if you're not serious though


--------------------
DG
:plur:

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: DeeGee]
    #13638447 -

i dont think that would help.  they expect him to go to rehab, then come out and never use again.  they will always suspect him and check his room and shit.  i'd say, promise never to use again in their house, and then keep that promise, or move out.  but i wouldn't go to rehab no matter what.  what a fuckin joke that is, for psychedelics.  definitely don't go unless you have the option to leave at any time.  if they are gonna lock you up, don't go.  then they have complete control and can make you take drugs that are alot worse for you than the once you've been taking.  drugs like zyprexa which makes your brain shrink when used for long periods.

Edited by sleepy (12/15/10 08:44 PM)

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: sleepy]
    #13639329 -

Dude, it's not like you can't redeem yourself, and make your parents proud one day. There's plenty of jobs you can do that aren't minimum wage, and as the economy picks up there will be more. You say you subconsciously refuse help, start some long-term therapy, that helps. Your going to die one day anyway, so why kill yourself now? As bad as shit can get in life it will always get better in time if you let it and give some effort.


--------------------
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: sleepy]
    #13639389 -

sleepy said:
www.rainbowgatherings.org

rainbowgatherings man.  you will be taken in and loved and taken care of no questions asked. 






FUCKIN'-A-DUDE!:thumbup:


--------------------
:willynilly:

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: broken]
    #13640318 -

Actually Rainbow Gatherings are not a good idea if you become homeless. They camp out for two weeks and then they leave and it is very strenuous following them around. You are better off finding a city that is relatively homeless friendly and going to soup kitchens and getting food stamps.

Its really not bad being homeless, its not a big deal. Just do what it takes to maintain hygiene and remember to hit up all the free food places. If you need any further information on homelessness and living homeless there are many resources I can help you find and I can help you develop a strategy on how to deal with the situation,

I have been homeless before.

Feel free to send me a message you like.


--------------------
http://www.dlshq.org/teachings/brahmacharya.htm

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13640690 -

Anonymous said:
I am getting kicked out of my parents house because I steal drugs and get fucked up on almost a daily basis

I have nowhere to go, I work minimum wage with laughable hours for a job that works me harder than almost any I have had before.

I cant afford to live on my own, much less afford to live on my own and support my oppressive vices.

I can say more, but typing words about this makes me want to die even more.  I am an awful person, a disgrace to my family, and one of the biggest failures in relation to potential I have ever seen.

I cant live another day like this, I wont.

I, I, I I I I I.  Its all I can think about



I disagree, you are not an awful person.  You have a hard life and have done your best against the odds.

I support whatever choice you make as long as you don't physically hurt others. Good luck.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: Icelander]
    #13640751 -

Icelander said:
Anonymous said:
I am getting kicked out of my parents house because I steal drugs and get fucked up on almost a daily basis

I have nowhere to go, I work minimum wage with laughable hours for a job that works me harder than almost any I have had before.

I cant afford to live on my own, much less afford to live on my own and support my oppressive vices.

I can say more, but typing words about this makes me want to die even more.  I am an awful person, a disgrace to my family, and one of the biggest failures in relation to potential I have ever seen.

I cant live another day like this, I wont.

I, I, I I I I I.  Its all I can think about



I disagree, you are not an awful person.  You have a hard life and have done your best against the odds.

I support whatever choice you make as long as you don't physically hurt others. Good luck.


Icelander for President :bow2:


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: Icelander]
    #13640883 -

Icelander said:
Anonymous said:
I am getting kicked out of my parents house because I steal drugs and get fucked up on almost a daily basis

I have nowhere to go, I work minimum wage with laughable hours for a job that works me harder than almost any I have had before.

I cant afford to live on my own, much less afford to live on my own and support my oppressive vices.

I can say more, but typing words about this makes me want to die even more.  I am an awful person, a disgrace to my family, and one of the biggest failures in relation to potential I have ever seen.

I cant live another day like this, I wont.

I, I, I I I I I.  Its all I can think about



I disagree, you are not an awful person.  You have a hard life and have done your best against the odds.

I support whatever choice you make as long as you don't physically hurt others. Good luck.



Icelander just earned :mushroom2::mushroom2::mushroom2::mushroom2::mushroom2:


--------------------
:willynilly:

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: lines]
    #13641401 -

lines said:
Actually Rainbow Gatherings are not a good idea if you become homeless. They camp out for two weeks and then they leave and it is very strenuous following them around. You are better off finding a city that is relatively homeless friendly and going to soup kitchens and getting food stamps.

Its really not bad being homeless, its not a big deal. Just do what it takes to maintain hygiene and remember to hit up all the free food places. If you need any further information on homelessness and living homeless there are many resources I can help you find and I can help you develop a strategy on how to deal with the situation,

I have been homeless before.

Feel free to send me a message you like.


actually, you can go to a rainbow gathering and then connect with rainbow family that have land like a farm or something and then chop wood for room and board + foodstamps. so you don't have to follow them around, but that can be fun too for a while.

life can definitely be fun living on the fringe.

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13670303 -

My situation is similar to eris.

I have thought of suicide almost every day of my life. suffering from depression & social anxiety. Seems never ending. No way out. Just a miserable shit way for a human being to exist. 2 months ago I quit my job cause I just couldnt take the condescending attitude of the guy I worked for.

Even though I have always thought about suicide, I have never went this far. I have been planning it carefully. I have even went as far as to build a "death device" from all my research. It is something I have not seen before suggested anywhere. It is of my own invention for a quick, painless, and clean exit from this world.

Then I read about the rainbow gatherings and I may even see a way that I may live. My hope is to find one of these farms that would take me in. I have a love of earthly stuff (plants, farming etc). I also have 28 years of construction experienced in many trades. Thinking I could use these skills in exchange for a place to live.

This is probably my last chance at life, so I am sooo glad this forum is here. So thanks to whoever put the rainbow link up for the suggestion. It may work out it may not, but I am still seeking another way to live instead of dying. ugggghhh! Life sux for losers like me.

As for "Anonymous #1", I feel your pain. I never was that bad on drugs in my youth, but I do believe that is the biggest cause of your situation. If it were me I would begin to moderate (less & less) drugs. Try doing one day without them out first. You will probably get to a point where you can get high on less. In my experience when you do without it and suffer a bit or restrain yourself from doing them for a while, it is that much better of a high or experience when you do them again. Get your head cleared so you can think straight may give you a bit of different perspective.

My best friend growing up would skip school everyday and rob houses to get money to get high.
His dad would beat him with switches from a peach tree every time he got in trouble. He would show me the marks across his back. Eventually he went to jail. He would get out for about a month then right back in. Now he is in prison. He is institutionalised and knows no other way of life.

Like everything else in life (from my experience) too much of good things tends to be bad for you. It seems we need to find a middle point or moderate our activity to find a decent balance, so things do not get out of our control. Dont over-do shit or it becomes all you live for. Gotta find other shit to live for. Find what you are good at and emerse yourself in that. Preferably something that could turn into something you can make money at.

It seems though if you are living life just to be high, I can see why it would seem worthless to live. Of who the hell am I to give advice. My life being so fkd. I just want to help. I know from my experience some of the shit people tell you sounds like just dumb shit cause they really dont know you or your exact situation, but mostly people are just trying to help.

Being homeless is a horrible thought. Dont go there! It will not likely help your lot in life. Somewhere in your mind you have to decide between what you parents want and what you want.
Maybe something in between. I hope this makes some kind of sense to you. I am not trying to say I know evrything or judging you in any way. I do hope the best for you.

Oh yeah I also agree,

Icelander For President!!!


--------------------
Knowledge and experience are great attributes, but without common sense you probably wont get very far.(Me)

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: 2fukd]
    #13670402 -

buy your own farm for cheap and sell vegetables, that's what i might do.  if you buy land that has no house on it and you live in a tent or yurt or build a small house out of Cob http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cob_(material), it's pretty cheap.  even if you are at rock bottom as far as being broke with no money, you can go to rainbow gathering, get your head strait, which will help you get a job, and save up money for 1-3 years or however long it takes.  to put a downpayment on a 1+ acre of land is only a few thousand dollars in most places, then you gotta pay a few hundred a month until you own the land, but youd be living in nature and just be your own boss.  heaven?  maybe.  some people go on the "rainbow trail" for years, and thats an option too.
here's a beautiful piece of land for 35,000, and this is really high end as far as i'm concerned.  you can find cheaper land easily
http://maine.backpage.com/LandForSale/35000-blueberry-fields-light-forest-some-w-river-front/2560477

my parents might even buy me a farm since i never went to college and a farm would be cheaper than school anyway, and i could never be fired either!

Edited by sleepy (12/22/10 02:37 PM)

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Re: I want to kill myself before I become homeless. [Re: sleepy]
    #13670458 -

sleepy said:
lines said:
Actually Rainbow Gatherings are not a good idea if you become homeless. They camp out for two weeks and then they leave and it is very strenuous following them around. You are better off finding a city that is relatively homeless friendly and going to soup kitchens and getting food stamps.

Its really not bad being homeless, its not a big deal. Just do what it takes to maintain hygiene and remember to hit up all the free food places. If you need any further information on homelessness and living homeless there are many resources I can help you find and I can help you develop a strategy on how to deal with the situation,

I have been homeless before.

Feel free to send me a message you like.


actually, you can go to a rainbow gathering and then connect with rainbow family that have land like a farm or something and then chop wood for room and board + foodstamps. so you don't have to follow them around, but that can be fun too for a while.

life can definitely be fun living on the fringe.


i was homeless by choice for a year and it wasnt that bad but rainbowgatherings are alot more fun and healing, to me at least, because you are among people who accept you as equal to them

Edited by sleepy (12/22/10 02:38 PM)

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