Home | Community | Message Board


Myco Supply
Please support our sponsors.

Community >> Physical and Mental Well-Being

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1 | 2 | Next >  [ show all ]
Invisiblevampirism
Stranger
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/14/04
Posts: 8,120
i think im going to kill myself one day
    #3813079 - 02/21/05 09:12 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

and its not something I can change. I am in a mental phase where i constantly and surely swing from suicidal thoughts and depression to shedding all of that and looking for something new to satisfy me. I can't help it. The phase is cyclical and happens to coincide with moon phase. The full and new moons are the extreme turning points. I can't help it. By God, I've tried for years and years, I've tried everything I can think of, but nothing has worked.

As time goes by, the magnitude of the feelings gets stronger.. 10 years from now I will probably blow my brains out on a full moon , and I can't do a damn thing about it.

On the plus side, this extreme shift is very helpful to my artistic endeavours. It's almost as if I have manic depression, but it's very predictable.

I lose control of my mind sometimes.. My conscious, rational self is sometimes thrown out of my body. I become a throbbing mass of emotion. It doesn't show too often, as I've learned to mask what I'm feeling out of necessity. A realization that came to me today while I was painting was that time is a way we can analyze reality. I realized I am not always in time. Memory and time are very tricky to navigate..


YOU try living with this stuff on a daily basis. I'm beginning to give in and just let myself flow with it, amplify it even. Fighting it just wears me out. However, fighting it is also what keeps me from acting out things like suicide..


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleLocus
Male

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,049
Loc: ny/europe/other
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: vampirism]
    #3813369 - 02/21/05 10:01 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

have you tried getting help for this?
i would try everything possible to help myself before killing myself, and even then i would try to avoid it as much as possible if you cannot, as i already do.


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,364
Loc: In the jungle
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: vampirism]
    #3813498 - 02/21/05 10:30 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Get some help.  :heart:  Even just talking to someone like a therapist can be VERY helpful.  If you want to change, it's up to you to try and make that change. 

good luck


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisibletoad857
President of theUnited States

Registered: 02/02/04
Posts: 283
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: vampirism]
    #3814620 - 02/22/05 01:32 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

i love you!

:heartpump:

seriously


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisibleswm
Stranger
Registered: 01/29/03
Posts: 236
Loc: Ohio
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: vampirism]
    #3814728 - 02/22/05 01:52 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

You might want to talk to a therapist.If you have no insurance then maybe a friend or family member you can trust.Even if you don't have insurance a bill is better than death.
I was depressed and suicidal for years.Depression is no joke, it's a real disorder.It affects every aspect of your life.
Your brain is fucking with you,there is no need to terminate your life no matter how bad it is.
If you want to talk to a slow typer who has also been at the end of his rope,pm me.I promise to keep it anonymous.


--------------------
I can't spell and I have poor grammar.The crap I just posted is proof enough.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineDF2K
Me.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 5,826
Loc: The land before time
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: vampirism]
    #3815014 - 02/22/05 02:49 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

you have given up, if you see no end to problem but suicide, you seem to lack confidence, and i agree with other people on the boardss, get sone help\

because if you just sit and let all of you pent up emotion run rampent one day...you might just end up hurting yoursel, or worse yet, some one you love


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineFliquid
Back from being gone.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/18/02
Posts: 6,953
Loc: omotive
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: vampirism]
    #3815554 - 02/22/05 05:26 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Read this post by captbeefhead, I hope it helps you to step aside your thoughts.

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/remlinke...mp;Main=1251844


--------------------
:dancing: My latest music! :yesnod:


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinedanlennon3
LivingIsEasyWithEyesClosed.....
Male User Gallery

Registered: 10/29/02
Posts: 19,224
Loc: usa Flag
Last seen: 2 months, 10 days
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: Fliquid]
    #3816217 - 02/22/05 12:11 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

i kind of understand what you are going through. i never thought of checking the moon out but i do have these phases of bad depression. its like im happy for a couple weeks, then i go in to a depressed state where i feel i cant go on.. it feels that there is no reason to keep living and everything goes downhill. then i eventually feel better. then i gotta find something new to keep my brain busy. its a painful process

my best advice to you is when you are happy, write down the things that make you happy. when you are sad, do the same. this will help you understand yourself a little better. Another thing is to look for many hobbies to keep you busy.

lastly, the thing about the moon phases could pertially be psychological. if you plan to feel depressed on full moons, most like its going to happen. what would happen if you moved to alaska with many days of sunlight followed by monay days of darkness


--------------------
"Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineDreamer987
The VerbalHerman Munster
Female

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 5,326
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: vampirism]
    #3816544 - 02/22/05 01:24 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I don't know what to tell you man.

I'll probly kill myself too, but only if i get old, or brain damaged, or cripled. Or imprisoned for to long.
If you'v got a healthy body, and mind, theres no since in wasting it. Depression dosen't count. You can cure that shit.
Mushrooms did it for me. Try mushrooms, Nature, Friends.


--------------------


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: vampirism]
    #3816620 - 02/22/05 01:49 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Man, you are not the only one who finds themself affected by the phases of the moon. I know several others, myself included. Lucky for me, I don't ever feel like killing myself, but I certainly find myself very depressed and hopeless around the full moon. And yeah, I realize most people think this sounds like a bunch of mystical bullshit, but for me its very real and it sounds like it is for you too. The only advice I can give you now is to try and create good things in your life to offset this cyclical depression. Or blow the moon out of the sky. :smirk:


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisiblegdman
badger, badger,badger...
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/10/02
Posts: 16,286
Loc: Dancing In the Streets
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: vampirism]
    #3816638 - 02/22/05 01:55 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

You don't want to kill yourself, think of all your loved onesand people who care about you. Your still young too, you have your whoile life ahead of you. Keep your head up my friend, if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here.


--------------------


Got a question about a substance?  Erowid might already have your answer! Have questions about the  mushroom experience? The  Tripper's FAQ may have your answer or someone else might have had your question before.
         
I know up on the top you are seeing great sights, but down at the bottom we, too, should have rights.
  - Theodor Seuss Geisel Dr. Suess

"I didn't come here to be easily understood" - Steve


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineWysefool
I AM SKELETON JELLY
Male User Gallery
Registered: 12/26/02
Posts: 6,641
Last seen: 18 days, 3 hours
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: adrug]
    #3816650 - 02/22/05 01:58 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

That's pretty interesting, anybody have more info on the moon's phases affecting depression?

And I know you'll pull through Morrowind, just keep being creative in those sad times so you can be happy in those happy times.  :heartpump:


--------------------
GET MAD SWAG MONEY BIG PIMPIN


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineSWEDEN
Miracle of Science

Registered: 10/25/04
Posts: 2,577
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: Wysefool]
    #3817296 - 02/22/05 04:45 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I think I have what's called "winter depressions" and "spring/summer mania" like some sort of crazy yearlong cycle of mental states. Everything about my environment during winter sucks, the cold, the grey skies, the short periods of sunlight, it just bogs me down. But I feel great in spring/summer. Heck I am feeling better already!

And in response to Wysefool here is a link I found on google.
http://www.wintersteel.com/LunarPoll.html


--------------------


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinesketchytripper
Stranger
Registered: 02/12/05
Posts: 4
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: SWEDEN]
    #3817470 - 02/22/05 05:23 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

you defenently shouldn't be tripping on any sort of drugs untill your in a happy state of mind otherwise it will just amplify the way your feeling. I suggest you stop tripping, and get help. Don't kill yourslef.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,364
Loc: In the jungle
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: Wysefool]
    #3817961 - 02/22/05 07:07 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Wysefool said:
That's pretty interesting, anybody have more info on the moon's phases affecting depression?

And I know you'll pull through Morrowind, just keep being creative in those sad times so you can be happy in those happy times.  :heartpump:




I do know that I get sometimes get suicidal and psycho around the full moon.  But this is mostly because of my period mood swings, which wreak havoc on my emotional state once a month like clockwork.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisiblevampirism
Stranger
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/14/04
Posts: 8,120
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: SWEDEN]
    #3817983 - 02/22/05 07:09 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

hm thanks for the responses- i didnt think id get so many

but i'm really not planning on killing myself any time soon. It's not that I'm constantly suicidal, I swing from elation to depression uncontrollably and in sync to the moon - Why should I keep trying if it gets better at the same rate anyway? Im usually at peace and calm and I have a very good amount of control over my mind. I once was depressed all the time, but now I've changed that, but I can't get it *any* better. The problem is that I'm very very sensitive to the moon for god knows what reason.


also, as to
Quote:


you have given up, if you see no end to problem but suicide, you seem to lack confidence, and i agree with other people on the boardss, get sone help\


Confidence isn't an issue, I am steelhardy up until the moment all control magically slips away. While this probably doesn't sound reassuring to any of you, I will get help only when I feel it is completely impossible to live with the problem on my own. I refuse to take medications to curb how I am feeling; that's a personal issue.



Also, I have much reason to expect that mushrooms are a LARGE part of my hypersensitivity.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinesignoffate
Only Human
Registered: 02/22/05
Posts: 161
Loc: Where is here?
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: vampirism]
    #3818290 - 02/22/05 07:56 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Perhaps you should abstain from drugs for a time, like maybe 3 months, if you could manage such a thing. In that time you can reflect on the emotions that arise from the temptation to smoke and the feelings of dependancy you may face. Come to Grip with your life, remember we all have it GOOD when you look at someone who is facing death by starvation every FUCKING DAY!!! Your Special and you have a special purpose, think about all that and more. You should also consider perhaps taking a wild salmon oil supplement to get your brain chemisty back into balance. Kill your fear not yourself.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisiblevampirism
Stranger
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/14/04
Posts: 8,120
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: signoffate]
    #3818452 - 02/22/05 08:27 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

i dont do drugs. Last time i smoked was.. 2 months ago? Last time I did another substance.. 5 months? Once in a while I drink, but not enough to get drunk


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinesignoffate
Only Human
Registered: 02/22/05
Posts: 161
Loc: Where is here?
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: vampirism]
    #3831314 - 02/25/05 02:51 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I'm sorry I should not have presumed that about you. It's just that for the last 4 years I had suicidal feelings and I thought weed was helping me cope, haha, nope!
Up till only November 28 I still had these feelings and thoughts, (like jumping off a tall building, or simply walking out into the wilderness and let fate take care of me), silly it all seems to me now... I think I just liked the drama of it all... feeling like I Have THE Power! We all have the power, we can use it to end things but there is also a million other things we can do with it (like helping one other suffering person smile for a just moment). Thats pretty cheesy but I think you know what I mean.
You know, come to think of it, the thing that happened to me, that changed my whole outlook on life didn't come from someone else, but came from myself. I had a dream that night where I was shown my life, as I've lived, how I am and my personal habits... and then told that my 'lifetime' will end within a year, and also to begin looking for a specific sign in my life. This dream changed my life. No doubt about it! I thank God/Life/Self every night for the turnaround, and I when I look back, I don't feel sad for who I was, because I know it was shaping me into this.
If I could be honest with you, I would say your desire to end this life will only serve you and not hinder you... I pray you feel this too.


J


Edited by signoffate (02/25/05 02:55 AM)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinegnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/30/99
Posts: 6,481
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 2 months, 29 days
Re: i think im going to kill myself one day [Re: signoffate]
    #3836219 - 02/26/05 11:28 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

consider www.google.com : cyclic dysthymia alternative therapy


--------------------
old enough to know better
not old enough to care


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1 | 2 | Next >  [ show all ]

Community >> Physical and Mental Well-Being

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Done with denial, now for treatment (Depression related)
( 1 2 all )
Anonymous 1,690 21 06/08/05 10:29 AM
by egghead1
* Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please
( 1 2 all )
CrazyShroomMan 2,447 23 04/23/05 06:00 PM
by Psychoactive1984
* depressed =( going to doctor tomorrow for help
( 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 all )
swiftrance 12,456 130 10/28/05 05:09 PM
by Deviate
* Mental Health: It's Life, Not Depression shroomzey 1,326 5 03/14/09 06:57 PM
by Jufin
* Am I Depressed? I_Didnt_Inhale 2,572 10 04/05/03 08:09 PM
by enotake2
* A story of depression and healing Anonymous 808 3 07/23/08 12:09 AM
by trepanib
* my friend is depressed...(long...but please read) !!!HELP!!! TODAY 1,003 4 12/12/03 03:19 AM
by TODAY
* Extreme Depression AxXe 1,519 13 06/21/05 10:08 AM
by nancy1

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: CherryBom, boO, Ped, Acidic_Sloth, ZippoZ, Rose, yogabunny, Jokeshopbeard
2,351 topic views. 0 members, 22 guests and 2 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Toggle Favorite | Print Topic | Stats ]
Search this thread:
Out-Grow.com - Mushroom Growing Kits & Supplies
Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2016 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.09 seconds spending 0.004 seconds on 17 queries.