The Unburdened Soul
I have seen and heard the canyons cry, their presence alone is more majestic than I could ever imagine. As I walked across the flat rock formations high above the jagged rock cliffs that split the adjacent rivers bordering the state lines, I saw a sight I thought I’d never see. A pair of clouds that looked like the word Hope caught my stare and immediately I felt more peaceful than I’ve felt since this whole thing started.
This thing begins in a small town in central Mississippi. There once was a loving wife and her devoted husband. Three boys and one girl are here today because of this faithful union. Life as a child went fast for me, my older brothers and I rarely fought, until the day the news broke. Everything went downhill about as fast as they can, but our bond was stronger than any sin could break. Demons must run this place I thought, as my dad began to pack. I’ve tried anything and everything to ease my troubled mind, everything short of my last bullet. I’ve seen animals come and go and Death is as much a part of my life as the evening wind.
Death in its own sense is the ultimate reprieve, the last burden. We should welcome this beauty as if we lived to die. The mere thought of dying makes most people cringe, for me it is a desire to part from this world yet I’d never take my own life. That just wouldn’t make any sense. I can’t remember the last time I woke with out feeling life’s pain, a split parenthood is to blame. I’ve known Jesus Christ since I was fifteen, and without him I’d have never come this far. He is my rock, my cave where I can just crawl and cry alone. Even now with people all around, none know the pain I feel. The world cares not for me, and I not for it. That is why I dread this place, its just not for me, I want to be in a heavenly place, where Death is not the last burden, but Life redeems itself continuously, where people are always truthful and sin cannot enter. These are my wishes for every man: to know Christ’s love, to see the truth, to walk in faith, and to reap the joys of being heaven bound.
The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is to learn how to love. Even now I struggle with this, I used to question if I even knew what that meant, to love. And even though I’ve said it many times before, who is to say I ever really meant it. Love is an inanimate object that cannot be seen, heard or bought. Without it though, we are helpless. God’s love for us is the only thing that is keeping the world alive. If it weren’t for the few that love him back, we’d all be rotting corpses. I do believe he pities our frivolous pursuits for a better life. He probably laughs when we fret to and fro, forgetting him everyday.
How terrible it must be to live a life completely absent from him. My heart goes out to those who’ve never heard his name. A particular story comes to mind. My mom took me along on a business trip to California and we stayed in a little town north of Sacramento. In this town there was a little girl that had never heard of Jesus or the Bible. I was shocked beyond myself and promptly pulled out my Bible and gave it to her. I don’t remember her name and don’t know if she ever read it, but to think I may have made a difference in her life is probably my greatest achievement to date.
I think that is what we all want, to make a difference. To do something that will last, and the only thing that will last is what we do for Jesus Christ. I am a sinner, I have been sexually immoral, I’ve done drugs and I’ve hurt a lot of people because of my sin. I am striving to make a more positive impact on the world by revealing my story and how I came to cope with it all. Jesus is my rock. Without him, I’d be dead. He doesn’t just give us a coat of armor and a shield of faith, but he also gives us the compassion and courage to help others. That is our goal as Christians living in such an ungodly place. We are to bring as many souls as we can to him, and at this, I have failed miserably.
If only we could just be born straight into heaven without the trials and tribulations of this place, why God do we have to make these tough choices? I love you and you know this. Will you please remove the Ungodly one’s talons from my throat? He consumes my thoughts at times, I feel anger, I feel hate. I hate to hate. All I want is to be in your presence. How long must I live in this evil place? I know you’ll never give me more than I can’t handle, but must you push the line this far? You are my rock, without you I’d be dead. Peace comes to me when I think of the pain you endured on the cross, and for the sake of mankind you saved any willing man. How can I not tell of this? Your ultimate sacrifice that saved us all. The one thing every man should know. Sin is everywhere, it consumes us daily. We must straighten our paths and free ourselves from the ultimate death. The one where this is no light, only darkness.
Give me the courage to do you will, whatever that might be. I am no longer myself. You live in me, and even though it will be the hardest path any man can take, full of snares and snags, I devote my life to you Jesus, my rock! ~My saviour~!
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