Basically an extremely generalised version of my story is, 2 years ago my dad got diagnosed with cancer and it got treated and went away and then it came back and it is now terminal and there is nothing they can do to treat it. My dad gets worse and worse everyday, the tumours in his neck are changing his voice really quiet and different like, its weird. And he can't walk because of the tumours in his leg and is getting really skinny, its horrible. But yeah until recently I havn't felt depressed about this situation (I think maybe because the effects of the illness were not physically aparent until more recently) I have felt feelings of dispair when thinking about what my mum is going through, losing her husband of 29years and how depressed my dad must be. And its worse because there is nothing any of us can do. But these feelings and emotions are only prominent when I'm experiencing the situation 1st hand, ie. when I'm at home with my mother and father and see this situation slowly unfolding. But when I'm not exposed to it directly, like when I'm out with my friends, or away from home for short periods of time, this dispair and depression is absent within a few days of being out of the house. My general mental and physical health is good IMO, I smoke marijuana regularly, and have used psychedelic drugs for the past 5 years which started recreationally and then as most people find, turned out to be much much more in ways i would never have imagined. And i don't want to lose these profound experiences which i love so much.
So my questions are
1) Am i going to be depressed, be it subconsciously or consciously until this situation is over? (so when i don't feel depressed when i leave the home am i still subconsciously depressed?
2) And if the answer to the last question is yes, will psychedelic drugs unroot the depression at a time when it resides subconsciously within me?
And finally 3) If the answer to the last question is yes, then is this confrontation of depression on psychedelic drugs more likely to be either negative or positive? Could it be constructive and beneficial for me to relate to these feelings on a more profound intimate level, or would this just screw me mentally for the rest of my life?
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