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Boke, confused
    #10850832 -

Hey everyone, sorry to bug you all with my problems again.

Ill keep this short.

I just feel completely broken. I don't know what I like, I don't know what I dislike. I have felt like this for awhile but I was starting to pick up the pieces and move on now I am back and feel worse than ever.

My brain just feels like it is dying. I can't enjoy music I can't connect with my artistic or intelligent part. I can't connect with others, I can't even speak right I feel like I have went from being a very intelligent guy to a dumbass. I also have some fears which mainly include becoming what I dislike in others or the fear that I am not going to live up to my potential because I have realized that I actually have alot. Also, I am worried that all this worrying and doubting myself is going to rewire my brain and keep my stuck like this forever and cause me to not be able to think for myself. I keep thinking about the theistic god and traveling to a world where I am constantly being watched and judged. I don't really believe this but my mind keeps bringing it up.

If I stop the fear and worry I still don't feel like myself. I just feel like a mess of broken thoughts with no personality. I wish I could even enjoy the simple things like listing to music and thinking for myself but I can't.

I am starting college in a month and I am wondering if I should wait and put it off until next quarter. I couldn't do well feeling like I do. I can't even read or process information correctly.


--------------------
“The person lives most beautifully who does not reflect upon existence” - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Change my mind so much I can't even trust it. My mind changes me so much I can't even trust myself."

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Re: Boke, confused [Re: Realized]
    #10850968 -

Hi!

Sorry your going through this mate, you sound very unmotivated to do things. I'm not the best at giving advice, but I saw you say 'I am starting college in a month and I am wondering if I should wait and put it off until next quarter.'

Please don't do that, I recommend going through with it. The more you are forced to socialize in college, the more you are rewiring your brain to do so, and maybe this will bring you out of your rut. But if you decide to not go to college, you will continue sitting at home, thinking the way you are and as you say, rewire your brain in a negative way.

You seem like an intelligent person to me, capable of writing an informative post atleast.

Start thinking positively about college, try look forward to it, try and believe that it will change you for the better, that it will make you more motivated to do creative things, to socialize and listen to music with friends AND enjoy it! Don't start pressuming that everything is going to go wrong, because then maybe it will.

It's easier said than done of course, but you have to try.

Good luck!

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Re: Boke, confused [Re: Realized]
    #10852172 -

How do you spend your time?

I know that I get slower and dumber when I'm not staying busy.


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Re: Boke, confused [Re: Realized]
    #10852480 -


Lack of a challenge can lead to apathy.

Watch this.

College might be just what you need.

Edited by koppie (08/13/09 12:55 PM)

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Re: Boke, confused [Re: koppie]
    #10852563 -

Because college is so challenging. :lol:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: Boke, confused [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #10852619 -

Well, you don't have to get an MBA, you could get into astrophysics, mathematics or engineering, you know, stuff  where you need to use your brain.


--------------------

"You should view the world as a conspiracy run by a very closely-knit group of nearly omnipotent people, and you should think of that group as yourself and your friends."

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Re: Boke, confused [Re: koppie]
    #10852882 -

WhiskeyClone said:
How do you spend your time?

I know that I get slower and dumber when I'm not staying busy.


Recently I haven't done shit. I am to depressed to socialize especially since I don't even feel like myself and cannot hold a decent conversation. This depresses me even more. I have been talking to a girl though. I am 19 and she is a 25 so that's cool. I have always felt more mature than most people I am around so talking to someone older is nice. All this anxiety and apathy is making me feel like a week little kid again though. She has done stuff for the hustler magazine and is extremely good looking but I can't even feel anything for her or anything.  I don't have feelings anymore.

Also, I still live at home and have just been watching my parents behavior. My dad freeks me out. He acts like a 2 year old in a mans body. He says the dumbest most random things in the world ( one example is don't you wish your toilet was poopey doopey and he randomly say highaaaahhh). Being around him is starting to bother me. I don't disrespect him but I just feel like I am doomed to become him or something. He is pitiful. My mom is also a christian who thinks Satan is talking to me lol. I can usually just laugh at this but I feel like I am in a fucking mad house and I just want to get out of here but I don't have the means.







koppie said:
Well, you don't have to get an MBA, you could get into astrophysics, mathematics or engineering, you know, stuff  where you need to use your brain.


I am going to be majoring in psychology. I feel like I have had several mental problems in the past and overcame them so I want to help others and feel like I would be able to 'connect' well with people instead of just giving them answers I have learned or putting them on pills. I was thinking about astrophysics but I am not the best at math.


--------------------
“The person lives most beautifully who does not reflect upon existence” - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Change my mind so much I can't even trust it. My mind changes me so much I can't even trust myself."

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Re: Boke, confused [Re: Realized]
    #10853243 -

Also, I have been trying to rejoin the world and it has dawned on me how fucked up it is. I have seen some fucked up shit this past month and it makes me not even want to get out. People just weird me out... I use to think that I was insane but I have been realizing that I was almost perfectly sane while everyone else in in some delusion. This probably just a further case for my insanity but it seems to be true.

I spent a year only hanging out with my close friends who are very similar to me. All they do is smoke pot and play guitar now though and I felt like I needed to move on. I contacted some old friends and hung out with them a few times, trying to open doors to meet new people but I realized they are not the right kind of people for me to be around. They are the 'generic' people. They are good people but I just can't relate and being around the popular culture just makes me insane. I can blend in with the popular culture but I don't want to be a part of it. I guess I am anti social but I would like to be social. I can barley even talk to my old, closer friends and I miss it. I miss having my close friends that I can relate to directly. I would like to see them more but like I said, I feel like shit and can't even speak to anyone.

Even me dealing with these problems makes me feel like a bitch.


--------------------
“The person lives most beautifully who does not reflect upon existence” - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Change my mind so much I can't even trust it. My mind changes me so much I can't even trust myself."

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Re: Boke, confused [Re: Realized]
    #10857762 -

If you avoid sexual activity you will have more energy.


--------------------
http://www.dlshq.org/teachings/brahmacharya.htm

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