I have been meaning to post a thread because I haven't told any of my friends or anyone yet i just can't do it, i'm ashamed.
we were together for about a year and she broke up with me for seemingly no reason. she came back telling me that i was the best thing that ever happened to her, all this. no. i was her obsession and that's all, she was diagnosed with bulimia along with OCD and something else. i didn't take her back and vowed never to again.
her life just started going down hill. she got caught selling weed and prescription pills, her dad died of cancer, a good friend of hers was shot in the head in front of her.
after rb died she tried committing suicide for the second time (forgot to mention the first time) downing something like a bottle of hydrocodone and tramadol.
we would fuck sometimes, just because i knew i could. she'd come over and fuck (not as frequently as when were together though) and it would be whatever because i could do whatever i wanted to her.
she came over on her birthday and i gave her the dick again but i hadn't fucked her in a while so i wasn't sure what she had been up to. i didn't use condoms too much but i had never came in her. i told her i was shitfaced and didn't wanna come inside her. she told me she was on birth control which led to a conversation saying how she would have an abortion if anything DID happen to you know....happen.
we fucked like animals. i say this because i have honestly never fucked anything like i did that night. her face was getting smothered in the pillow while i hit it from behind and i didn't know a woman was capable of an orgasm like she did. i came in her twice and told her that i was going to bed.
so she is pregnant with my baby. i'm broke as shit - i still live with my parents, i am starting school in the fall, she has no support as her family is barely making it, and i'm all around fucked. i have no time or reason to be raising a kid right now, i am a fucking kid myself. i realized i fucked up and am going to have to pay for the rest of my life but i fail to realize why she knows this too but wants the baby anyway. the only reason i can think of is a way to drag me along with her forever, she needs a crutch to stand on and i am on a solid path which she has never had.
aw fuck it. there is nothing really for me to gain posting this on here, but hey. the shroomery has very unique people, maybe people that have something else to say besides "you are fucking stupid.". maybe someone will feel for me.
Edited by Anonymous (07/30/09 06:29 AM)
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