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Does ignoring my father make me a bad person?
    #10403068 -

I struggle with this.

A little background information...

My parents divorced when I was around 9 or 10 years old. My real dad was an alcoholic and was never really around before that. I have no vivid memories of times spent with him, just very few partial ones.

My mom remarried shortly after that and we moved when I was 10 or 11. I only recall this being a confusing time. The move forced me 30 miles away from where I was living then, but also forced me to change schools. I recall being most upset at having to leave behind the friends I had had my whole life up to that point. I resented this and wasn't all that accepting of my stepfather at first. In fact, I would say it took a long time before I really grew to accept that fact.
During this time, I mean...for the first 5 years or so, I suppose my brother and I visited my real father on the weekends. I only really recall never really wanting to.

This grew to be less and less as we grew up and began being able to make our own decisions and say no, up until the time where I graduated high school in 2001 and actually didn't see him at all for nearly 2 years.

Off and on I would go up there on the weekends to do odd jobs and spend time time, but other than that our visits were primarily limited to holidays.

Fast forward to now. The last time I saw my father was when his mother died, around 6 months ago. Before that, it had been a year or two I think. He calls every now and then, but I never can bring myself to call him back.

On one hand, I feel guilty, because I feel as though I should make the effort. I feel sorry for him because he has lost his mother and father, and his children (my brother and I), really don't make an effort to be in his life.

On the other hand, I simply never developed those types of feelings for him. He is my biological father and I don't hate him, but beyond that it's difficult for me to feel much. I don't feel as though he was around at a time in my life that he should have been, and I don't feel as though he has put forth all that much effort until lately, because I feel as though he is realizing the mistakes he made as a parent. To me, my stepdad is my father. He shouldered the burden of raising two children who were not his and taught me so many things about life. I respect and admire him more than I could ever put into words, and hope to one day grow into half the man that he is.

Lately I've been having lots of my own trouble with life. My relationship with my girlfriend of 4 years, whom I live with, has been rocky lately. My financial situation has been a mess and it's all I can do to keep my mind off of it on a daily basis. I'm trying extremely hard to get out of debt and I never seem to make much headway. Work has been demanding and extremely frustrating.

All of this, combined with everything I said before, just leave me feeling like I have absolutely NO energy to devote to mending a relationship with my father. Maybe it sounds bad, but I feel like I have more important matters to deal with at this point in my life.

With all of that said...and I know it's not all that detailed, but I just wanted to give a short overview.

Do you think I should feel guilty...?

Just looking for any insight, thoughts, comments...anything, really.

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Re: Does ignoring my father make me a bad person? [Re: usr]
    #10403088 -

feeling guilty will just waist time... try to get back into contact with him as soon as you can! there's no time like the present!;)


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:sun:Variety is the spice of life!:sun:



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Re: Does ignoring my father make me a bad person? [Re: psychedelicSLUG]
    #10404310 -

You can't force it. If you don't wanna, then you don't wanna. Good thing about being an adult, is that you can do what YOU want.

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Re: Does ignoring my father make me a bad person? [Re: Fraggin]
    #10404329 -

Fraggin said:
You can't force it. If you don't wanna, then you don't wanna. Good thing about being an adult, is that you can do what YOU want.


this is extremely true and equally important...


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:sun:Variety is the spice of life!:sun:



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Re: Does ignoring my father make me a bad person? [Re: usr]
    #10404657 -

I ignore my father too and I don't feel guilty
that floozy should feel guilty for cheating on my mother and forcing her to divorce
all of my siblings talk 2 him tho, chumps


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