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 RebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
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 I did something very bad last night... 
#1352980 - 03/05/03 03:09 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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Okay... I will try to keep this short.
Yesterday was the last day of classes before spring break, and I went to a big party at my friend Kyle's house to celebrate. I ended up getting a lot more intoxicated than I had intended.
When I finally went to walk home, this gay guy who I have met once or twice said he was going the same way and would walk with me. It was a pretty long walk, and we were both really drunk and doing more stumbling than walking.
Somehow we started flirting a little bit, and I was so drunk that I asked him to go back to my apartment with me and have sex. Mind you, I haven't had sex for almost three years and this is very untypical of me!
Anyway... He said he couldn't stay the night at my house. He had to go home. So then we passed by this big, abandoned building with this weird little alleyway behind it. He asked me if I wanted to go fool around back there, and although I was a little apprehensive; I was too WASTED to care.
So... Long story short, I ended up on my knees in the snow, sucking this kid's dick in some dark alleyway. It was SO crazy! Afterwards, we walked the rest of the way home and simply went our separate ways.
My roommate was still awake when I got home, and I told her everything that happened. After telling her, I lay on my bed and SOBBED because I was so upset at myself for what I had done. I felt SO dirty and disgusting, and I was so drunk that I just cried for a really long time. Then I took a shower and brushed my teeth really well, and eventually fell asleep.
Today I haven't been able to stop thinking about what I did. It was such a STUPID mistake and I am SO mad at myself for making it. I've never let alcohol take away my inhibitions that much before. This is my fourth semester at college, and I have remained abstinent the entire time until now.
I feel like a cheap, dirty slut. 
I can't tell anyone else except for my roommate, and she left for spring break today, so some sympathetic words would be greatly appreciated.
-RebelSteve
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Namaste.
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Room4Shroom
Registered: 01/15/03
Posts: 1,195
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 Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1352985 - 03/05/03 03:14 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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I wouldn't worry about it - we've all done some stupid things in our lives...especially while drunk.
I know I have at least!  Don't sweat it though 
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downforpot
Stranger
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 5,715
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1352990 - 03/05/03 03:16 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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That is why I never get drunk around strangers...
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http://www.myspace.com/4th25
"And I don't care if he was handcuffed
Then shot in his head
All I know is dead bodies
Can't fuck with me again"
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 Dobie
Dopeless Hopefiend
Registered: 08/15/02
Posts: 52,841
Loc: ON DA BLOCK
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: downforpot]
#1353452 - 03/05/03 09:42 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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makes you wonder why the stuff is legal doesnt it
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This place is gayer than when the balls touch
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sirreal
devoid
Registered: 01/11/03
Posts: 1,775
Loc: In the borderlands
Last seen: 18 years, 1 month
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1353470 - 03/05/03 09:59 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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If I was to make a mistake like that, the first thing I would do is get an aids test.
Fortunately I have never had to go through the anguish you are probably going through right now. I have come close a few times but never followed through with it. I got really drunk one time and picked up this women at a bar and passed out in the back seat of my car before we did anything.I have not been to the bar since!
Good luck and I hope you test negative.
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I may not always tell the truth, but atleast I'm honest
-----------
I see what everyone is saying. It is so hard to form an opinion when you see both sides so clearly!
Edited by sirreal (03/05/03 10:00 PM)
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felix
Registered: 01/20/00
Posts: 10,503
Last seen: 1 month, 10 days
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 Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1353541 - 03/05/03 11:32 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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oh man..[wrinkles nose]...hmmm. are you embarassed? or just mad at yourself? what is it that makes you feel bad about the situation?
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Real botanists laugh at HPS systems, we do however use high pressure sodium in the parking lot. - artthug
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Jackal
Well Versed In Etiquette
Registered: 10/16/02
Posts: 4,576
Last seen: 10 months, 3 days
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1353604 - 03/06/03 12:39 AM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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Just put it down as experience. I had something similar happen to me; my best friend (I'm not gay) and I had been friends for years, from since we were in school. We got drunk and had oral sex, and to cut a long story short - it ended our friendship. The awkwardness when we were together was too much, and we gradually drifted apart.
However, yours is a different story; If its a guy you've only met once or twice - just put it into the back of your head and get on with things. You surprised yourself - you should do something everyday which shocks or surprises yourself. Soon enough you'll look back on the incident with a private smirk on your face and think "I had drunken gay sex in an alleyway"
p.s. Personally I think alcohol is the devil, and am surprised at how socially acceptable it is compared to other banned substances. I haven't had a drink for 9 weeks.
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Captain Jack
i [heart] you
Registered: 01/23/00
Posts: 4,113
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 Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1353846 - 03/06/03 03:59 AM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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casual sex is ok in my book, just be careful
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-
Captain Jack has been hailed as a brilliant scholar, discredited as a brilliant fraud, and mistaken for a much taller man on several occasions.
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Oscuro_lobo
Dark Wolf
Registered: 04/15/02
Posts: 813
Loc: it doesn't really matter.
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1354375 - 03/06/03 07:37 AM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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you didn't do anything bad...
You just learned one of your limits, something you don't wanna do again. It's not a bad thing, you'd never learn unless you tested em..
You probably have nothing to worry about, but if you're really worried, wait a couple weeks (3-4) and goto the doctor to get a full spectrum STD test, don't get an HIV test yet, would be pointless... wait three months or so, while being 'good' for those 3 months and go get an HIV antibody test... it comes out negative, you should be fine.
if you're super paranoid, get another one 3 months after that.
-ol
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Bilge
longtimenoC
Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 1,858
Loc: USA
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1354531 - 03/06/03 08:32 AM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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i don't see what's wrong with being a "slut". i see nothing wrong with random, spur-of-the-moment safe sexual encounters between consenting adults. if i were still single, i would have such encounters with any attractive woman that would have me. and i wouldn't feel bad about it. it is a natural feeling; only man's morals-of-the-day make it anything but positive. nature is forever but morality is an ever-changing beast.
p.s. i spent many years in dreary erie. i feel your pain.
--------------------
Shopping for your head? Visit HeadShopFinder.com or find Online Head Shops.
Edited by Bilge (03/06/03 08:33 AM)
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Skikid16
fungus fan
Registered: 06/27/02
Posts: 5,666
Loc: In the middle of the nort...
Last seen: 20 years, 2 months
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1355064 - 03/06/03 12:38 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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Dude, who cares, I mean, yeah, I don't know what its like to suck some guy off in an alley, but I've had plenty of one nighters with random chicks I've met at bars and the like.
I mean why do you feel bad about it?
Quote:
This is my fourth semester at college, and I have remained abstinent the entire time until now
Why the gay (pun intended ) would you try to stay abstinent? I mean if you are safe, why not take as many test drives as you can until you have to buy a car?
Sex is fun, enjoy yourself, there is NOTHING wrong with two consenting adults having sexual contact.
Please, let go, live your life today, cause you never know what tomorrow will bring.
Oh, and no more BJs in dark alleys.......... 
--------------------
Re-Defeat Bush in '04
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1355170 - 03/06/03 01:55 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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are u a guy or a girl. i am having trouble seeing if u are feeling bad because u went gay or because u put out to someone u don't know
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TheShroomHermit
Divine Hermit of the Everything
Registered: 02/19/02
Posts: 7,575
Loc: border of Canada and Mexi...
Last seen: 2 years, 5 days
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1355234 - 03/06/03 02:34 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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Well, I hope you feel better soon. I think the best way is to not get to beat up about it. There is, after all, nothing you can do about it. You had drunken sex, that you came to regret in the morning. This has happened a million and a half times!
Anyways, if you're worried about what your freinds think... don't be. You are who you are. If you consider yourself gay after this (which I don't think judging by your over all reaction) you're freinds won't hate you for it. And if you think that blowing some guy in an alley makes you gay, don't! It's experimentation; and if you find yourself still straight after this... Then god damn, I'd consider you more straight than the homophobic football player at (insert your old high-school)
Snap out of it! You'll be fine. The best advice I can give you is just look inside yourself. When you feel you can muster it, take a shroom trip. Shroomies help recalibrate your mind to the universal setting. Maybe then you'll realize that so many taboo's are just bullshit.
You are you are. Count it as an experience, my freind.
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rosewoodpete
a grain of sandamongst thedunes
Registered: 05/11/02
Posts: 1,481
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: TheShroomHermit]
#1355464 - 03/06/03 04:47 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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Steve... just so you know man.... although we share no similarities in our preferences, both us have experienced very similar feelings. those feelings are basic to being human and I mean EVERY person has them at some point around our age group. And i do mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON. You have to learn to detach man. Just keep repeating that, detatch Steve, detatch. Let go of it all and learn to live with little goofups. its part of the beauty of being a higher order of animal....hope it helps 
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Phluck
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 04/10/99
Posts: 11,394
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: sirreal]
#1355542 - 03/06/03 05:40 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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"If I was to make a mistake like that, the first thing I would do is get an aids test. "
The odds of getting HIV from a simple blowjob are pretty damn low. If this were a girl who blew some guy would you be saying the same thing, or are you just assuming that because the guy is gay he must be HIV positive, and spreading it like mad?
It's not so bad, you did something a little bit silly, but I'm sure you'll be fine.
There is nothing wrong with sex, just be safe. Use a little more discretion next time, but it doesn't seem like anything bad came of this.
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"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us
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sirreal
devoid
Registered: 01/11/03
Posts: 1,775
Loc: In the borderlands
Last seen: 18 years, 1 month
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: Phluck]
#1356008 - 03/07/03 01:56 AM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
"The odds of getting HIV from a simple blowjob are pretty damn low. If this were a girl who blew some guy would you be saying the same thing, or are you just assuming that because the guy is gay he must be HIV positive, and spreading it like mad?
Swallowing someone elses semen is cause for concern when you do not know the person!
I said this because ANYONE who would meet someone and then take them into an alley to exchange body fluids is at risk of having aids. How do you think it spreads?
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I may not always tell the truth, but atleast I'm honest
-----------
I see what everyone is saying. It is so hard to form an opinion when you see both sides so clearly!
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: sirreal]
#1356042 - 03/07/03 02:21 AM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -
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Fliquid
Back from being gone.
Registered: 03/18/02
Posts: 6,953
Loc: omotive
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1357158 - 03/08/03 12:00 AM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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Don't drink alcohol any more. You can't handle it if something like this happens.
Did you enjoy it at the moment? If so, you should not feel guilty.
--------------------
 My latest music! 
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MetaShroom
菌类人
Registered: 06/02/02
Posts: 1,462
Loc: East Anglia UK
Last seen: 18 years, 8 days
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: Fliquid]
#1357445 - 03/08/03 04:44 AM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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Exactly, but you shouldnt feel guilty in any case. Its an experience, thats all, and experience is a good thing. Now you know that you dont like giving random blow-jobs when you're drunk. Next time a similar situation arises, maybe you'll decide to swap phone numbers instead and meet another day when your sober, or remind yourself you've tried quick sex and would rather have a relationship.
--------------------
  
JOIN MAPS -> www.MAPS.ORG
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jarby
Stranger
Registered: 03/08/03
Posts: 754
Last seen: 19 years, 6 months
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: MetaShroom]
#1358508 - 03/08/03 01:48 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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Even if you think you're gay (which you don't from what you're saying), there is nothing wrong with it.
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Sheepish
Registered: 04/02/02
Posts: 10,137
Loc: Exile
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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 Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: jarby]
#1358697 - 03/08/03 03:28 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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He IS gay, he just feels ashamed of what he did.
Just remember, what's happened is in the past, so move on and learn from your mistakes.
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G a n j a
Pictish and proud
Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 7,860
Loc: Zone ate
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1359158 - 03/08/03 09:03 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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Ha ha ha ha lol that was a good read..
Especily after your first thread here.Looks like your finding your feet.
Ah the joys of beer lol.Youll look back on this and laugth in a year or two.
Even within a week you wont feel like it was so dirty a thing to do.
Dam enjoy your youth while you have it..Only worrie about such things if
you make them a habit...
Good luck with life steve.
--------------------
er
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Asante
omnicyclion.org admin
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 90,082
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1364310 - 03/10/03 10:35 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm not a regular imbider, but when I drink it can be quite much for my standards. Nevertheless I've never lost my inhibitions really far, nor have I gotten into bar fights etc. Everybody reacts differently to alcohol, but you really should be careful with it. We Dutch have a saying: "Children and drunks always speak the truth", meaning that if you're intoxicated you're still YOU.
"Dirty, disgusting.." Do you mean the gay/bi-curious part or that no love was involved other than the heat of the moment?
I strongly believe what happens between mutually consenting adults is 100% OK even if this involves man2man sex, being an Assgoblin myself & being at peace with that I can say it's a good thing. But I find sex for fuck's sake totally meaningless. If sex is the outcome of friendship deepening beyond the boundaries of love I think it's Divine, but casual sex whilst inebriated & regretting it later would make me feel like shit too.
I know alot of people (gay or straight) are into that casual thingie, but it's just not for me.
Some sage once said: "If you really can't change it, stop worrying about it as this'll only make you less happy" That might be culinary sage wisdom to you, but I really believe it's true. Try to find peace with yourself & what happened. We're all here to help you
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Omnicyclion.org
higher knowledge starts here
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: Asante]
#1364414 - 03/11/03 12:17 AM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -
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canid
irregular meat sprocket
Registered: 02/26/02
Posts: 11,946
Loc: looking for zeebras, n. c...
Last seen: 2 months, 28 days
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: ]
#1367515 - 03/11/03 10:54 PM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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when something like that happens one of the following three things will happen:
1.) you will realize that what you did was not worth repeating and accept that you let it happen so that you would know for sure.
2.) you will worry about why you did it, worry about the morality of it, worry that it says something bad about your character, and remain in turmoil for a long time.
3.) you will decide that it was a realization of a part of your character and accept the repercussions of it on your lifestyle.
i recomend either 1 or 3. the second will lead only to more self doubt and anger. these options apply to most any uncomfortable experience, as discomfort is a telltale sigh of growth.
i wish you ggod luck on your path.
--------------------
Attn PWN hunters: If you should come across a bluing Psilocybe matching P. pellicolusa please smell it.
If you detect a scent reminiscent of Anethole (anise) please preserve a specimen or two for study and please PM me.
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RebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: canid]
#1368109 - 03/12/03 04:57 AM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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Thank you, everyone, for your supportive comments! I can already look back at the experience and laugh about it! I made this post the day after the experience occurred, and I was still rather shaken up about it then. Now I realize it was just a stupid, drunken mistake that I will (hopefully) not repeat in the future.
For me, casual sex (especially drunken casual sex that involves me on my knees in the snow of a dark alleyway) is not an "okay" thing, and that is why I was so upset about what I did. Like I said, though, I've accepted the mistake I've made and there is no lasting damage. I see it as a learning experience.
You guys all rock for responding to my post!
I actually thought this forum was a bit silly when it was first created, but the responses to the two posts I have made here have really helped me a lot!
Thanks again you guys! Keep being awesome!
-RebelSteve
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Namaste.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1368576 - 03/12/03 07:53 AM (22 years, 3 months ago) |
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- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -
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Fliquid
Back from being gone.
Registered: 03/18/02
Posts: 6,953
Loc: omotive
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
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 Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1816229 - 08/15/03 06:44 AM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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It happens that Awesome is my middle name..  
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My latest music!
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MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1816242 - 08/15/03 07:03 AM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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RebelSteve33!!!!
Heres a hug for you----> ((((((((((RebelSteve33))))))))))
I understand how you are feeling! I can't count the number of times where I've done regrettable things while drunk! Probably the reason I don't drink much anymore... 
Everyone makes mistakes! You're human too...
Life goes on...
-ShadeGirl
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant
Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1816323 - 08/15/03 08:00 AM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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down with the white man's guilt
you should feel no wrong
you did nothing wrong
society conditioned you to believe there's a certain way things should proceed sexually and if they don't then you're going to feel real guilty, but those certain ways will never be the gay way, and i tell you, that was a really hot story, and the only way to end it is to realize that it was kind of hot.
maybe one day you won't need the alcohol to do exactly what you wanted to do and the tension between your varied senses of self will ease up.
listen to the alcohol, bro, march straight ahead, err gaiely forward... you'll get over whatever it is you're going through.
--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good.
If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.
It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.
I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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Shaw
Registered: 06/27/01
Posts: 2,263
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: Fliquid]
#1817193 - 08/15/03 02:06 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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why did you decide to up this 5 months later? anyways, you should have got the guy to go down on you. then you wouldn't feel bad. at least you didn't take it in the ass for no reason. that would have been worse, cause then you'd have had to get tested and prolly have aids if you didn't have condoms.
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vampirism
Stranger
Registered: 03/14/04
Posts: 8,120
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1817377 - 08/15/03 03:03 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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edit: damn. apparently this was already well-answered 5 months ago :x .. thatll teach me for replying first
learn from this, but don't shun anything because of it..
when we do things we want to regret, that make us feel like hiding in the shadows and disappearing then we are given more reason to be happy
[/cryptic]
i cant explain why, but the more I do things I'd pretty much regret, the happier and generally more in control I am. Don't be hard on yourself at all.. embrace EVERYTHING you ever do, and the reasons are entirely yours, and no matter what the reason- it's perfect because it's yours and in you..
ie, everything you do is perfect because YOU have done it, and only you would have done it that way
Edited by Morrowind (08/15/03 03:05 PM)
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RebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: ]
#1817613 - 08/15/03 04:06 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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wow...
i'm kind of embarrassed this post got brought back from the dead, but the new replies have some really wise words in them.
once again, you people rock! 
--------------------
Namaste.
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wingnutx
Registered: 09/24/00
Posts: 2,287
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Re: I did something very bad last night... [Re: RebelSteve33]
#1817779 - 08/15/03 04:54 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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Hey, it's not like you hurt anybody. Chalk it up to experience.
I've done similar dumb things, and I got over them.
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