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OfflineGringoLoco
I spit in theface of peoplewho ain't cool.
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Registered: 10/08/01
Posts: 6,118
Loc: Monterey, CA
Last seen: 8 years, 20 days
I have become an unlikeable person
    #1886213 - 09/05/03 07:43 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Several years ago, I was a different person. I was quite outgoing, never really unhappy, a very optimistic person. People didn't like me because I was too "crazy" for them (mmm, streaking through high school halls, those were the days). I didnt give a shit about that. I was very proud of myself.

Sevveral years later, things have changed. My trust has been betrayed by friends, coworkers, family, you name it. I got kicked out of the house for being bad. I got caught up with a group of underachieving riff raff and started hanging out with them. They tried to make me a clone of them. They failed. They had no respect for other peoples shit, including mine. Stealing peoples cell phones, going to relative strangers parties and stealing their weed and glass pieces, getting me drunk and inviting like 30 people to my pad without asking were some of the atrocities. Basically their attitude was "I want that, and it will be mine.". They also were extremely arrogant, almost every conversation with them went like "I'm so great I do this and blah. But enough about me, what do you think about me?". Riff raff.

Eventually I ditched them, and quit work in the same week. My bosses lied to me. They treated me like I was a "team member" and tha I had a shot of being management. I was informed they had a conspiracy going to let me go because "I was a payroll leach", they would promote me to a certain position and terminate me because I wasnt good enough. They just didn't like me. Nobody wanted to hire me back. I couldn't sustain myself. I basically spent two months waiting for a call in my apartment just sitting on my ass.

I eventually begged to be let back into the house. I was accepted back, but because "You're under our roof and it's our rules", I basically am not allowed to have a life. I am 19 and too damn old to have a 9 o clock curfew. No bills to pay and better food is a plus, but I feel like this is an injustice. They are making me go to school at a community college for 2 years when I want to go to a university before I'm too damn old.

I feel like a victim of society, and like god hates me. Everyone's out to get me and make me ultimately suffer. That's how I have felt recently. I am extremely paranoid now. If someone tries to make a friendly conversation, I blow them off by saying something like "I can't be bothered." or just casually giving a nod and otherwise ignoring them. I have a massive superiority complex, I feel everybody just makes friends and socializes because they are inferior people who cannot think for themselves and need others to feel good about their own selves.

Since I am now very paranoid, self centered, and distant, I am convinced I have become a person not acceptable in any circles. I will probably never attract a girl because of my grumpy bitterness. I am not a bigot or anything, I just pretty much have lost all feelings of empathy and any caring for anyone other than myself. It will be a long time before I can get a job because I have no references and assholes aren't recieved well at any workplace, they want the cheerful outgoing types to cheer the place up, not just the people who work good but keep to themselves.


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OfflinePDU
travel kid vs.amerika
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Registered: 12/04/02
Posts: 10,675
Loc: beautiful BC
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1886291 - 09/05/03 08:04 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

" I feel like a victim of society, and like god hates me. Everyone's out to get me and make me ultimately suffer. That's how I have felt recently. I am extremely paranoid now. If someone tries to make a friendly conversation, I blow them off by saying something like "I can't be bothered." or just casually giving a nod and otherwise ignoring them. I have a massive superiority complex, I feel everybody just makes friends and socializes because they are inferior people who cannot think for themselves and need others to feel good about their own selves.

Since I am now very paranoid, self centered, and distant, I am convinced I have become a person not acceptable in any circles. I will probably never attract a girl because of my grumpy bitterness. I am not a bigot or anything, I just pretty much have lost all feelings of empathy and any caring for anyone other than myself. It will be a long time before I can get a job because I have no references and assholes aren't recieved well at any workplace, they want the cheerful outgoing types to cheer the place up, not just the people who work good but keep to themselves.

Yeah, im just getting out of the same crap. We our a product of our surrounding's, but obviously you and i fucked up somewhere along the way and got into the wrong surroundings, They mold you surprisingly quick.
Ive felt EXACTLY to the word, the way you describe in your last paragraph, not so long ago even. Im not sure what to offer you, but...

I acknoledged my problem, and dwelled on it, dwelled on it until it became horrible, just KNOWING how far youve let yourself slip, and how hard its going to be building yourself back up. Then in a series of positive trip's in positive atmosphere's with the few good friends i have left, i dealt with this subliminal demon. I KNEW what i needed to do, and so do you, and i used my trip's as motivation, a kick in the ass to get started. I went in knowing my last couple years sucked, and knowing i need to make the next year's fucking awesome, i gained the enthusiasm to make them awesome. I know i need to comprimise and maybe deal with alittle bit of social bullshit that's less desirable than smoking pot all day, but i know it will lead me to a productive healthy lifestyle.
Sounds like you need to do the same...


--------------------
GO OUTSIDE.


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Offlinepattern
multiplayer

Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,183
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 2 years, 8 days
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1886369 - 09/05/03 08:29 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

If your parents can't be reasoned with, then get out of there as soon as you can. Sure you get free food, but you also get no control over your life! Basically you are their slave now. Start a new life. You could get a job where assholes excel and makes lots of money.

- Sales
- Construction
- Trucking
- Work at a bar



--------------------
man = monkey + mushroom


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Invisible0toxic0
Stranger
Registered: 07/21/03
Posts: 181
Re: I have become an unlikeable person *DELETED* [Re: pattern]
    #1886542 - 09/05/03 09:48 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Post deleted by 0toxic0

Reason for deletion: No Reason.



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OfflinePDU
travel kid vs.amerika
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Registered: 12/04/02
Posts: 10,675
Loc: beautiful BC
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: 0toxic0]
    #1886791 - 09/05/03 11:17 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I would say you PROVE to your parents that you can do BETTER than 2 year community college. Trust me i know damn well how hard this is. you NEED to get up and start DOING. As fucking painful as it is, you have to. Its the only way you'll get out. its just like an addiction..you get so used to your negative unproductive lifestyle, that you cant give it up and look for ways to justify it. NOW, while you have it identified, get out, get out while you can. Dont worry about the fucks from your past. Go ENJOY the sun, even if it is by yourself. Get a puppy or a kitten or a lizard or whatever tickles your teste's to look after and dedicate some love to. YOU have to CONSCIOUSLY do these thing's. Eat a healthier diet, and enjoy it. Make a sandwich and go for a Hike. Go talk to a stranger on the bus about quantum mechanic's....expose yourself to a variety of situations, and a variety of people's.
I dont mean to sound...bossy, and if i do, im sorry. Im just continuing on, with how i remedied my situation.

Make a conscious act to smile at someone as you walk by, walk with your back straight and shoulders high. Present yourself nicely, MARKET YOURSELF. YOU CAN GET EMPLOYED AND GET A GIRL AND GOOD FRIENDS, the only thing holding you down is your own mind, and its the biggest barrier of all. I find nothing will overcome my own psychological dilema's aside from tripping and dealing with them.

Go to bed early, get up early, and have a productive day. Dont allow yourself to sit on the shroomery and talk about crap all day, dont dwell on these feelings anymore, make a resume, smile, dress up, and fool them all. When you start acting mature, you will gain respect, and options...including happiness, this im sure.


--------------------
GO OUTSIDE.


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Invisibledilatedcreature
veteran

Registered: 07/17/02
Posts: 1,450
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1887064 - 09/06/03 12:56 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

everything in this post is so true

you have realized whats really going on \
and you don't want any part of it congrats


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OfflinePDU
travel kid vs.amerika
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Registered: 12/04/02
Posts: 10,675
Loc: beautiful BC
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: dilatedcreature]
    #1887183 - 09/06/03 01:31 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I would just like to add, everything ive said in my posts, i internally bitch at myself all day everyday. Repetition get's thing's done....im nearly out of my hole, i know i can do it, and you can too.


--------------------
GO OUTSIDE.


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OfflineGringoLoco
I spit in theface of peoplewho ain't cool.
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Registered: 10/08/01
Posts: 6,118
Loc: Monterey, CA
Last seen: 8 years, 20 days
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: PDU]
    #1888436 - 09/06/03 02:56 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Money or lack of it will keep me here for a while. Theres the whole no job thing right now.

My parents are good people, they just are very behind the times (They are brainwashed by Dr Laura). It doesn't help that we live on a government owned Air Base. Did I mention they're strict republicans and I'm not? I don't know what the hell my political alliance is right now, but I sure don't support the schucks in the white house.

After 7 months of living by myself and failing at it, I need some time to regroup.

Around January or February, I need to start planning again. My father has promised to get a new car and hand me down his Civic. I have a CRX, but it's kind of beat up and making a squeaking noise now and then.

I have accepted my share of the responsibility for fuckups in the past, now it's time for others to accept theirs.

I am being productive rather than a lazy schlep now.


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Invisibledownforpot
Stranger
Male
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 5,715
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1888840 - 09/06/03 06:03 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Man you just described me. I am loosing all my feelings, the only thing that brings them back is alcahol. Nice post people.


--------------------



http://www.myspace.com/4th25


"And I don't care if he was handcuffed
Then shot in his head
All I know is dead bodies
Can't fuck with me again"


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OfflineFractals
Humble Newguy
Registered: 08/07/03
Posts: 32
Loc: Texas!
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: downforpot]
    #1893485 - 09/08/03 11:14 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

"No bills to pay and better food is a plus, but I feel like this is an injustice. They are making me go to school at a community college for 2 years when I want to go to a university before I'm too damn old.
"

Look man lets be honest here.. as far as the law goes you are an adult. ON my 18th birthday, i came home and my shit was on the patio with a 'fairwell' from my parents. I did some similiar shit as you and when i was 19 i mioved back home, and was given 9 months to get a plan together, I also had a curfew etc.. Well I spent the next 3 years working my ass off just to get the money to go to 'community college'. Don't look a gifthorse in the mouth, if your parents are willing to help you out, then you OWE it to them to follow thier rules. thats life man, they don't OWE YOU shit.

man curfews don't matter, one day you'll realize that you have the rest of your life to go out at night. i wish someone had explained that to me when i was a teenager, or i wouldn't have almost completley ruined my relationship with my parents..Shit life didnt get really fun till i was 21 anyways..


But realize this too.. when you get to your mid twenties, you will lose a lot of that 'society hates me, god is against me shit' everyone goes through that, if your willing to fight that then you will come out on top. Just keep your eyes on your target, and if you want it bad enough, that will manifest in your work.

Im 26 now, i spend most of my late teens/early twenties working my ass of for things many people take for granted (true independence, college money etc.)



good luck man..


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OfflinePDU
travel kid vs.amerika
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Registered: 12/04/02
Posts: 10,675
Loc: beautiful BC
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: Fractals]
    #1895062 - 09/08/03 06:08 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

I just got back from loading a semi with hay. Why? Just because...to get out, and meet some new people. Ive got a "to do" list sitting infront of me, and its ever so satisfying to cross off thing by thing. Getting up early, and being motivated. Ive told myself im not buying any pot for awhile....step in the right direction. Im very much likable again, and my transformation has occured surprisingly fast. Enthusiasm....that's what i have now, zest for life. Fuck everything in the past, it doesnt matter, we have to build our own live's, and EARN our future's, get our eye's on the prize and fucking go.


--------------------
GO OUTSIDE.


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OfflineLaxy
member

Registered: 08/11/03
Posts: 146
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: Fractals]
    #1896915 - 09/09/03 03:48 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Fractals, much respect to you man. I admire your wisdom. However, it's difficult for spoiled kids (such as myself) to realize what you have stated. When you grow up and everything is handed to you, I think you pretty much have the attitude that EVERYONE owes you something. I've definately lived with this horrible attitude and have to try my hardest to change it. Sometimes, in all honesty, I wish my parents would have never of spoiled me. I have a good friend that's had a very rough life. I've broken down and cried to him before (mind you I was drunk) but I told him all this money and everything is bullshit, it doesn't mean anything. What a fucking prick I was. Guess I am done babbling, take care ya'll.


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OfflineFractals
Humble Newguy
Registered: 08/07/03
Posts: 32
Loc: Texas!
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: Laxy]
    #1897489 - 09/09/03 10:19 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

well the fact that you recognize this is awsome

I have a friend that is 32 years old, and still lives basically like a spoiled kid because he was, he doesnt work, and when he does he can't hold a job for very long. He isone of the most awsome people i know, but his parents spoiling him sorta ruined his understanding of responsibilty and consequence. He now understands this,and he said the same thing you did about wishing his parents hadn't spoiled him.



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Invisiblefarfelu
Stranger
Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 104
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1897588 - 09/09/03 11:15 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

GringoLoco,

The older you get, the less patience people will have with you. When we are young, people will forgive us our personal failings and chalk them up to youth and inexperience. As we get older, our failings seem more threatening to others, more intractable. It doesn't get any easier . . . time waits for no man . . . time is a stripper, etc.

btw, even the folks who hate you seem to like you, judging from your Shroomery ratings. :smile:       


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OfflineJuggaJoe
PracticingTriptician

Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 82
Loc: Cana-duh
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1899733 - 09/09/03 08:57 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Man, I've felt that way too. But I DO have a full time job, that pays real nice, a car, my own place.. and none of that shit really helped.
I always feel like I'm being shit on by people.. but i think about two things man.

1. Anything that doesn't shit on me. My parents, my good friends, my Xbox, weed, shrooms, my cartoons, books...anything man.

2. Things could be ALOT worse. I really turned around when I watched a show on the Discovery Channel called The World's Most Dangerous Places. It was about the war going on in Liberia (and has been going on for a decade). I seen a picture of an 8 year old boy holding an AK-47. That shit hit me like a brick in the face. I'm upset about my life...while there's people out there who have been killing/being killed their entire lives just to get the chance to have a bag of fuckin' rice! I decided that instead of coming down on myself, i would do everything i can to help bring people like that up to me. And i started to feel good about my life again.


--------------------
Uppa da bum, no babies!


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OfflineTwista
Fire it up
Male

Registered: 04/05/02
Posts: 554
Loc: Central Florida
Last seen: 1 month, 18 days
Re: I have become an unlikeable person [Re: JuggaJoe]
    #1901560 - 09/10/03 11:09 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

wow pdu, everything you've said hit home on many levels. God is in your life. I honestly feel like I can just hear you screaming when I read your posts in this thread.

grinco, listen to pdu, this guy has learned how to work around his weaknesses which is key to surviving in our society. We cant expect immediate satisfaction with anything but drugs. Life's lessons are earned. Write down your goals. Everytime I've written my goals down I've acheived them. It wasnt easy but writing them down gave me something to focus on. Pot and alcohol confuses everything, lay off them for a while.

My problem is I'm always doing something and I can never can have time to myself. Free time to interact with people and make new friends.

I have friends like you had grinco and they're starting to let me down. I recently broke up w/ my gf (now we're back together) but during that time I was abandoned and pushed aside by who I thought were the closest people to me.

The best thing you can do is set the example, 'actions speak louder than words' comes to mind. Like PDU said, its time to start DOING. best luck to you, stay in touch.


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