Captain Gardens post has made me think that I need to clear the air. I frequently worry that people know ways to read my user-name in the SA forum, but I don't really care right now, so here goes:
I am a virgin. I haven't admitted this in a long time. I've had many opportunities to get pussy, but I don't know how to pull the trigger and make it happen (I'm 21). I beat myself up over this almost every day.
I'm inconfident, even though I have no reason to be. I make decent money, have a lot of nice possessions, I have an above average dick, my mind/spirit/whatever is pretty strong, and I know I can take care of whatever situation comes my way. Still, it doesn't seem like anybody ever listens to me, and constantly feel like everyone is trying to walk over me. This makes me defensive and I then tend to be quiet and shy away.
I care too much. Sometimes I get really fucked up and I take a chance at a girl, or I get into a fight, etc. The next day I always think that I fucked up a friendship, or that people think worse of me, and I genuinely feel sorrow and regret for my actions, even though I think I might deserve the right to act that way for all the shit I put up with.
Sometimes I just want to say fuck all of my friends, and quit talking to all of them, even the ones I've known for over a decade. I feel like I show them a lot of respect, and get a lot less in return.
I'm a liar. No other way to put it, I lie, a lot. Most of the time its about stupid shit (like my virginity). Ironically, I very rarely lie on this website, its almost always IRL. Some of the time its to make money, and sometimes its for no good reason at all. a lot of it comes in the form of embellishing stories. I know a lot of people do this, but not all the time, right?
I find it increasingly difficult to not fuck everything up. I want to fight everyone I know, become a huge asshole, and fuck off all the shit I've worked for. None of it has paid off. I think that if I maxed out my credit, blew all my money, and became a criminal, I wouldn't feel pressure to excel at life. I think that if I could get laid, i'd calm the fuck down, but its not happening quick enough.
What pisses me off more than anything listed above, is that I have this false image that I project in the real world, and I doubt a single one of you would guess any of the things I posted above if you met me IRL. I don't believe that anybody wants to help me with my problems, so I hide them, and even lie to myself about their existence. This right now is one of the few times that I will be honest enough with myself to admit these things.
Anybody else feel like confessing a bunch of shit at once?
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I have only had sex once and I am 20.............. guess I have more opportunities, but the girl as giving me the fucking eye and I was too high or pussy to initiate, maybe if my friends weren't with me it would have been easier.......................
and once I am high then I can't even be bothered to hang out with any one that isn't my best friend and I don't know a single girl out here 
what can I say 
the main reason being I'm worried about fucking it up and the girl telling everyone and them laughing at me.
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