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Leave town or go to rehab?
    #9495597 -

I'm just looking for some input or experiences that could maybe help point me in the right direction.

I attempting to go sober for 2009.  I've tried quitting more times than I can count but I'm not just fed up with it, I'm shit scared and more vulnerable than I've ever felt in my life.  I've crossed so many more personal boundaries this year at such a rate that I'm starting to lose faith in myself.

When I made this decision I realized that every year I try to do this, I end up getting so fucked up right up until new years that i never take it seriously.  So I tried to quit dope right off the bat yesterday morning, as that seems to be the main thing that has me in such a state.  I didn't make it far, I managed to have a major breakdown which I will write about in my journal later.  Was much worse than I expected and I snapped.  Call me weak, call me a shithead but I never thought I would end up like this and I am so ashamed of it.

I really have no confidence in my ability to do this alone, which is the real difference between this kick and all the others in the past.  Only a few close friends know of my situation, I'd prefer to keep it that way.  My parents seem to have no idea which is shocking considering the state I was in today, guess they don't want to see the truth but I know they would do anything for me if I asked.  I just don't want to cause them pain but telling them now should seem trivial compared to them finding me blue-face-down one morning or coming to visit me in jail.

I know you all know very little of me, I would be willing to answer most any question if you need more info.

What I want to know is do you think I am kidding myself by saying that going to live with clean friends will be of any benefit as compared to a formal rehab/detox?  If you've been in rehab/detox what type was it and what were the benefits/drawbacks?  I tend to hate all sorts of authority and I know that if all they're doing is locking me up for a while I'd be better off with people that actually care about me.  By all appearances I am not a lost cause and as bad as things are, I keep telling myself that I am blowing this out of proportion.

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Re: Leave town or go to rehab? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #9495660 -

If your parents have enough money, just talk to them about it and ask for their support to pay a rehab program. Don't look at it as a "cop out", just see that you are getting the support you need.

You know how important it is, so don't joke around with it. It's good that you've made some realizations about where you are at.

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Re: Leave town or go to rehab? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9495703 -

Heroin right?

It sounds like you're pretty into it. If I were you I would definitely consider talking to my parents or another loved one about it. Do some more research into rehab programs to see the success rate (which WILL seem scary).

I would, assuming I had the money, most definitely go to a rehab program for a heroin problem.

You know more about your situation more than any one of us could over the net and you need to make the call.

My best wishes to you, and good luck.


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Re: Leave town or go to rehab? [Re: Your Destination]
    #9495740 -

Yeah, sounds like a heroin addiction.

One of your options is to leave your current town and get rid of your smack connects, right? Well, in the drug world, this is referred to as a "Geographic", when someone attempts to quit by changing their location. It actually almost never works. The sad thing is, junkies KNOW how to sniff out other junkies and find their dope....and I'm assuming you have a love/hate relationship with the stuff. If you change locations, I'd imagine you are going to subconsciously notice and run into people that are heroin users themselves. You can just tell who uses heroin, right? That's going to be your problem. The first guy you run into that uses, you will be extremely tempted to go up to them and ask them for a gram, or a slam. They will most likely say yes, because they too, know you're a user.

I strongly recommend checking into a rehab facility, if you've got the money. Also, check out the book Cracked by Dr. Drew Pinsky. There's a few heroin junkies that are included in the book and Pinsky writes about their withdrawal, suffering, and how they cope.

Best of luck to ya, man. I know how addicting the stuff is, and I only tried it once...never again...I had withdrawal symptoms for a week. I felt like shit and got really really sick. And I still think about it all the time. But you gotta start thinking about your future and long-term. Heroin tends to just paralyze people...their top priority is their smack and it's very sad, I feel bad for anyone out there that is going through this, because it is tough.

I'm sure you've heard of the movie Requiem for a Dream...that movie, my willpower, along with a higher power is what keeps me from riding the Helicopter again.

For addicts, it's a slow process. You can't just throw away all your crap and just quit. When withdrawal kicks in, the brain practically SCREAMS for the drug. It pleads and begs and makes you feel like total crap until it gets what it wants...and even after you become sober for four months, six months, whatever, you're always going to have thoughts about the drug, but at that point, you have to keep reminding yourself that you are better off, that you don't need it, that addiction is a spiral down into a bottomless pit of self-destruction and despair.

Yes...definitely read the book Cracked.


--------------------
"As a man who has devoted his whole life to the most clear headed science, to the study of matter, I can tell you as a result of my research about atoms this much: There is no matter as such. All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force which brings the particle of an atom to vibration and holds this most minute solar system of the atom together. We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent mind. This mind is the matrix of all matter."  --Max Planck

Edited by tyler_0_durden (12/26/08 01:15 AM)

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Re: Leave town or go to rehab? [Re: Your Destination]
    #9495752 -

Your Destination said:
Heroin right?

It sounds like you're pretty into it. If I were you I would definitely consider talking to my parents or another loved one about it. Do some more research into rehab programs to see the success rate (which WILL seem scary).

I would, assuming I had the money, most definitely go to a rehab program for a heroin problem.

You know more about your situation more than any one of us could over the net and you need to make the call.

My best wishes to you, and good luck.


Yeah I was the classic pill popper who said he'd never do heroin.  I mean I do anything I can get my hands on (oxy, fent, hydromorph) but this year has been mostly about the H.

The success rates I've heard is one of the reasons I'm so hesitant.  I have this idea that it will make me into more of a junky for some reason but it seems that will happen regardless these days so 10% or whatever is better than zero.

Thanks to the both of you for getting back.  I feel foolish now because I already knew what people were going to say.  My ability to pull wool over my eyes is really the only thing I've gained from all this.  I'm just trying to figure out if I'm going to be able to keep my job, among other potential complications but I think its time I take this problem away from the Shroomery to my real life.  I really want to tell myself that it can wait but I don't know how long I can keep feeling like this, high or not I find it very draining.

I really have got a lot out of being around the shroomery.  I will probably keep posting in my journal on how I do as my friends are getting pretty sick of hearing this shit.

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Re: Leave town or go to rehab? [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #9496011 -

Get on suboxone. Google it to find their website then you can search for a doctor in your area. It keeps you straight, helps cravings, blocks opiates from workin, and most importantly helps you build a life outside the junky routine. Ive been on it so if you have any questions I can help you out.

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Re: Leave town or go to rehab? [Re: Nova]
    #9496022 -

Nova said:
Get on suboxone. Google it to find their website then you can search for a doctor in your area. It keeps you straight, helps cravings, blocks opiates from workin, and most importantly helps you build a life outside the junky routine. Ive been on it so if you have any questions I can help you out.


Yeah that is something I'm seriously considering.  I've taken it before, almost always just to fill in the gaps rather than to quit.  Never really was a fan but that's cause I've been trying to get high and the blocking effects do not allow that without spending extraordinary amounts of money.

I'm not really sure I know how to use it properly so once I get things sorted I may have some questions for you.

I'm hesitant about buying it unprescribed but I'm not sure at this moment how this whole thing is going to happen financially so I may have to resort to that.

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