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Offlinesirreal
devoid
Registered: 01/11/03
Posts: 1,775
Loc: In the borderlands
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
I fucked up!
    #2111277 - 11/16/03 01:02 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Well, I fucked up and shot up again last night.Heroin.

I have been having a problem with keeping a firm grasp on reality lately. It is not necessarily a bad thing. I have learned alot about the fragility of my perceptions through my use of such drugs as mushrooms and acid. To what end I am not exactly sure, but it feels like I am learning something that just seems right.

But heroin just creates a nasty feeling of dispair that I do not jive with. But it feels so fucking good! I can see why some people commit suicide after prolonged usage.

compared to the bliss one feels on heroin, everything else seems mundane and out of sync. I truly do not want to expose myself to these feelings anymore. I don't trust myself with them.

Any one else ever feel like this after shooting up?

I am NOT going to kill myself, that is for sure. I just wanted to post this and get some feedback on other users heroin use.


--------------------
I may not always tell the truth, but atleast I'm honest
-----------

I see what everyone is saying. It is so hard to form an opinion when you see both sides so clearly!


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Offlinestudent
Stranger

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 137
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
Re: I fucked up! [Re: sirreal]
    #2111311 - 11/16/03 01:27 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

One of my best friends was using heroin a couple year ago. The only thing that got him to stop using was a rehab program. His girlfriend told his parents about his problem. And they had him admitted to a rehab program. He hated her for it. But it saved his life. No high is worth dying for.

I hope you find what you are looking for. It makes me so sad every time I hear about another person who is affected by heroin use. Please take all the help you can get. If you ever need someone to talk to please pm me.

good luck,
student


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Offlinesirreal
devoid
Registered: 01/11/03
Posts: 1,775
Loc: In the borderlands
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
Re: I fucked up! [Re: student]
    #2111635 - 11/16/03 03:42 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

I hope you find what you are looking for.  It makes me so sad every time I hear about another person who is affected by heroin use.  Please take all the help you can get.  If you ever need someone to talk to please pm me.

good luck,
student 





Student, you really seem like a caring person.

But, don't worry about me. I am gonna be just fine. I appreciate that you are willing to talk to me, I like to talk to people who feel like you do. I'll get in touch some time. :cool:

It's good to hear that your friend got some much needed help. I hope he hangs in there.

It seems that we are all on the edge of something and I am to curious to see what happens to bail out now.

I will be talking to you, brother. 


--------------------
I may not always tell the truth, but atleast I'm honest
-----------

I see what everyone is saying. It is so hard to form an opinion when you see both sides so clearly!


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Onlinewrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Chopper Challenge

Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 11,896
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 1 second
Re: I fucked up! [Re: sirreal]
    #2112142 - 11/16/03 06:40 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

im sorry i cannot relate to your porblem, so i probably cant offer much in the way of advice. but, here are my thoughts regardless....

you seem to be on the right path...in that you actually WANT to stop using heroin. that in itself is a very good sign. quiting a drug like heroin must be one of the hardest things to do, and i commend you for realizing that may be something you need to do. dont get down on yourself too much for fucking up, it seems like this is a stage everyone goes through when trying to quit...dont give up man, this stuff takes time. have you tried the various rehab programs available? they seem to help alot of people, and not help alot of people as well...i suggest checking it out and seeing if this is something that could help you....

im sorry i dont have much more to say....just stick with it dude, you can do this. i wish you the best of luck!

take care...


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Offlinesirreal
devoid
Registered: 01/11/03
Posts: 1,775
Loc: In the borderlands
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
Re: I fucked up! [Re: wrestler_az]
    #2116258 - 11/17/03 01:52 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Hey wrestler. No, I have not even considered rehab. I don't do it that often. I probably won't do it again, period.

Of course, I have said that before. That is what upset me about doing it again. It feels so fucking good, it is scary. But I don't go around craving it. I just need to stay away from some of my old contacts.

These contacts also have lots of coke, which can be very tempting for me. Although it has been quite a few months since I have indulged in that shit.

I know that if I fuck around with that stuff much longer, I would probably be fucked! That is why I am trying so damn hard to find a purpose. something I can stay sober for.

Thanks for your words of encouragement!


--------------------
I may not always tell the truth, but atleast I'm honest
-----------

I see what everyone is saying. It is so hard to form an opinion when you see both sides so clearly!


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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
Last seen: 6 years, 9 days
Re: I fucked up! [Re: sirreal]
    #2118588 - 11/18/03 12:41 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

What do you mean by "I am trying so damn hard to find a purpose" and how are you going about that?


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Onlinewrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Chopper Challenge

Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 11,896
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 1 second
Re: I fucked up! [Re: sirreal]
    #2118666 - 11/18/03 01:14 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

well, maybe you should check out one of the rehabs....it might be benificial for you. then again, it might not, but it wouldnt hurt to check it out, right?

ive never messed with heroin....but i have battled with coke once or twice! that shit is rough. im not sure if its fair to compare with heroin, but it is also a drug that will pull you under with out you even realizing it. i had to cut off alot of my old "friends" to get to the point where i could kick it....i still do it every so often, that urge is just too much for me to keep at bay....but i got to say i am in alot more control now than i was. hopefully some day i will be able to say goodbye for good...

again, best of luck to you and if you ever feel the need to talk, about this or anything else for that matter, dont hesitate to send me a PM...


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Offlinesirreal
devoid
Registered: 01/11/03
Posts: 1,775
Loc: In the borderlands
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
Re: I fucked up! [Re: enotake2]
    #2119198 - 11/18/03 09:34 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

enotake2 said:
What do you mean by "I am trying so damn hard to find a purpose" and how are you going about that? 





I guess my problem is that I struggle with nihilistic thoughts. It is hard to stay motivated to focus on life when dealing with overwhelming feelings of despondency. Like there is absolutely no meaning to this existence.

I am learning that we can create our own meaning and give ourselves purpose. things are getting better. :smile:

The shroomery has helped me more than anything else in my 31 years here in this existence, and I have been here less than a year.


I have already cut way back on my drinking because of this place, which was a real problem until recently.




 


--------------------
I may not always tell the truth, but atleast I'm honest
-----------

I see what everyone is saying. It is so hard to form an opinion when you see both sides so clearly!


Edited by sirreal (11/18/03 09:36 AM)


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OfflineGrav
 User Gallery

Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: I fucked up! [Re: sirreal]
    #2119708 - 11/18/03 02:14 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I've never done heroin but i tried some crystal meth recently and I know what you mean. A drug like that just makes everything feel so perfect and right. Your slumped over on a couch or a chair and everything is just beautiful.. all your problems vanish and you are left wishing you could just stay in that moment.
That's so dangerous. Get away from that stuff, and stop hangin with the people who do it because you Know the opportunity is gonna find you again otherwise. and even if your mind has made up a decision it sounds like your body has not.

psychedelics have the same alluring effect... a few shrooms or a couple hits down the hatch and it can make the world beautiful again. Sure, I owe alot of my new found perceptions to these barrier-melters, but when can you honestly draw the line between productive use and plain old psychological dependency ???


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