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Canadian-America Registered: 09/29/02 Posts: 1,894 Loc: Toronto, Ontario Last seen: 16 years, 11 months |
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So, my father has decided that I'm "out of control", and that I'm a danger to myself, and my family. He's taken away my car keys, and is talking about having me "hospitalized". Last night, and throughout the day, I laid in bed, but didn't sleep. I got out for a bit, but didn't eat at all, and certainly didn't do my normal daily exercises. I just grabbed the spare keys, and right now, I'm considering just driving up to my cottage. Why? I don't know, I'm not terribly logical now. The *only* think that is giving me any control, and sanity, is the fact that I have some freedom, and the ability to be with friends.
Well, that's gone. Now I am completely losing control, and I'm not really sure what that means, but I thought I had more willpower than this. -------------------- Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!
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Old Timer Registered: 01/04/04 Posts: 23,762 |
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Dude be responsible. i know its hard as fuck but you need to realize that your parents are only doing it because they care. They love you or they would just let you spiral down.. Listen to what they are saying
-------------------- Grumpy Old Man.
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Devil's Advocate Registered: 09/24/03 Posts: 22,518 Loc: Mod not God Last seen: 1 year, 6 months |
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Stay home, for now. Nothing good will come from leaving. You would only confirm your father's fears.
-------------------- Fiddlesticks.
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puter dork Registered: 03/05/99 Posts: 1,090 Loc: MA |
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If the car belongs to your father, DONT take it. He can call it in stolen (which it would be if he said you cant drive it) and then your in some serious shit. I would stay at home... find a happy medium that you 2 can agree on to keep things peacefull. If staying at home is not an option you like, then make sure that you are prepared NOT to come back. I moved out of my house when i was 16 and moved 2000 miles away. Dont just go nowhere, have a plan... make it happen.
Good luck dude, I know its rough when the rents come down on ya. It does get better tho, I know this for a fact.
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Gypsy Registered: 10/03/03 Posts: 535 Loc: Christ Light Last seen: 19 years, 6 months |
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dude just chill i know it's hard, but use this thime fer da positive, jus do some meditating and look with in, some times it's scary and it might not be what ya wanna see, but ya can face it with faith in da Light. Man i use to hate being grounded take a beaten any day thats why i stayed grounded all da time, but it aint noothing compared to a small jail cell.So just keep your head up and this to shall pass, peace
-------------------- "Well the first days are the hardest days." When life looks like easy street there is danger at your door.....
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Isanybodyreallyh Registered: 06/10/03 Posts: 553 Last seen: 17 years, 9 months |
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Institutions can hopitalize you and charge your dad's social-security. They keep a couple of bona-fide loonies on hand to scare the kids. It's no fun, no freedom. As long as you can go thru the motions you are better off. Overcoming our tendency to do something drastic can be real tough, especialy when we feel pushed to the edge.
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Canadian-America Registered: 09/29/02 Posts: 1,894 Loc: Toronto, Ontario Last seen: 16 years, 11 months |
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Ugh, I'm sorry, I need to come to the realization that I am far too cryptic, and subtle. This has nothing to do with being rebellious, or upset that my father took my keys away. Actually, I'm more worried that he's right, I am out of control. I've been yelling, and throwing things, and swearing in front of my parents/siblings, and I can't stop it.
I wanted to go to my cottage, because I wanted to get away from them, because I'm worried that I AM a danger to them.. I'm not so worried about the danger to myself. I can tell that I'm a huge burden on them, and I'm tired of it, yet I can't do anything to change it. I didn't end up going, because I calmed down a bit more, and decided that falling asleep to a movie would be far better. I'm feeling in control again, but I doubt it will last. The one thing that is keeping me sane at the moment, is the fact that I've finally got a regular appointment slot with a psychiatrist, and I don't need to go see another useless psychologist. Fucking researchers/scientists pretending to be doctors.. -------------------- Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!
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Devil's Advocate Registered: 09/24/03 Posts: 22,518 Loc: Mod not God Last seen: 1 year, 6 months |
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Good to know you are still there.
Let me say, I fear your Doctor may have put you on some unproductive medication. If you are going to a psychiatrist, and you are feeling like just posted, perhaps you are injesting something that is counter productive. Phwew... that's out of the way. You are sounding pretty down. You know there is hope... although it is nice to hear it from someone else. You can do something. I'm sure you know that too. I think meditation is wise. You seem shrouded in a negative energy and it seems hard to pull yourself out. Well, you can. Keep in mind, I don't have much to go on... you are more cryptic in your posts... and on IRC... than you may think. It seems like you are smart. It seems like you want to be happy. It seems like you want something to focus on. Something to feel passion towards. No, I'm not talking about a lover. Although you do seem to be lonely. Here's some stuff to think about. What do you want to be when you grow up? When you are old and serious. What do you want to do for the rest of your life that will bring you joy? What are you good at? What can you do to make sure you get to do it for a living? I don't care if you want to be a professional baseball player. What do you hope to do with your life? Finding something you are passionate about gives you focus. Taking responsibility for your actions gives you strength. Making sure you can spend your life doing what you want to do will bring you joy. These qualities will help you fight the constant battle over negativity. This will draw the people you wish to be with towards you. You know all this. And I know it is easier said than done. One thing a day. That is what I do when I am sad. At least one thing that moves me towards where I wish to be. And, as dumb as it may feel at first, a journal allows you to be honest with yourself. It is amazing. Write a few pages every day and you will quickly feel better. I write myself when I am most depressed. It always helps me sort things out. I should write myself more often. My journals tend to fill themselves with my most depressing moments. Still, it is fun to look back at what I have written and remember how things once were. -------------------- Fiddlesticks.
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Canadian-America Registered: 09/29/02 Posts: 1,894 Loc: Toronto, Ontario Last seen: 16 years, 11 months |
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My psychiatrist hasn't prescribed anything to me, yet, and that's probably part of the problem. I've been having these problems *long* before I've tried dexedrine, in fact, long before I even tried any controlled substance.
I was talking about staying up for a week on dexedrine, because it seemed like a stupid thing to do. It was no more than that. I do not have an addiction. I do not use it regularly (until I get the doc's opinion on that), and I have never abused it. I've never taken more than 1 pill at a time, and never more than 1 pill per day. This week, I've been on it 3 days in a row, and on the 3rd day I'm feeling a lot better. -------------------- Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!
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Stop Bush's war Registered: 01/30/03 Posts: 1,457 Loc: Comfy chair in m Last seen: 12 years, 7 months |
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Sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you are goijng through an emotional time. Hopefully the psych will sort you out for a good drug soon.
Man, if it does come to it and you do go to hospital, they usually only keep you in for a short while. I used to work at a psych hosptial and the average stay was probably 1-2 weeks. Just - a lot of people seem to have an image of psych hospitals as they were in the 50s when people could stay for months or years. -------------------- Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. "Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium "My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.
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Devil's Advocate Registered: 09/24/03 Posts: 22,518 Loc: Mod not God Last seen: 1 year, 6 months |
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*CeeEssGee: I was talking about staying up for a week on dexedrine, because it seemed like a stupid thing to do. It was no more than that.
________________________________ OK... let's talk about our little chat we had on Sunday, since you are referring to something you said to me on IRC (In a public room) ^^^ and not something you wrote here in this thread. (Although these are not the exact quotes, this is very close to how our chat went down...) First, you asked if the Shroomery Chat was up yet (It wasn't... at least not to my knowledge). Then you said you wanted to go to your cottage and stay up all week on dextroamphetamine (DEXEDRINE) 'cause daddy took your T-Bird away. This caught my attention. Staying up all week an amphetamines is not a good idea. They are addictive. I KNOW. You were sounding like you wanted to abuse it, so I spoke up and informed you of my opinion. I asked where you got them and you said your therapist. I asked if you had an Rx, you said if all goes WELL, you'd get your Rx on the 22nd. I told you that you sounded like you were hooked on amphetamines. You were defensive in your response (human nature). But you did say you were only taking Dexedrine on a trial basis. You are new to them, so you don't think you can be addicted yet. I asked you why you were perscribed Dexadrine. You said you were being treated for Attention Defecit Disorder (ADD). I told you that Dexedrine was supposed to CALM and FOCUS people with ADD. I reminded you of how you were "talking about staying up for a week on dexedrine". I said it didn't sound like the right drug for you. Staying up all week is hardly CALM. This is when you typed a few scary things. First, you said you had really planned on taking ALL of the pills at your cottage. All of 'em in one swallow. Either you would OD or go insane, you said. You also, mentioned how you didn't really want to go to the cottage to stay up all week. You wanted to go there so you could kill yourself. You said you didn't think you would die, but you were pretty sure you would go insane. You said you have been depressed your whole life, and suicidal for a long time. The other thing that scared me was how you defended the Dexedrine with your life, and you said your shrink was the best you ever had because this doctor could perscribe you stuff, unlike a stupid psychiatrist. I reminded you that you were sounding like an amphetamine addict. You swore you were not addicted. I said I didn't want to see you pull a Ripper. Around this time, you stopped replying on IRC, although you stayed signed in, and didn't say you were going away from the keyboard. I PM'd you and you did not respond. I PM'd one of the site's administrators and got no response from him either, but I informed him of our discussion. I chatted with the other folks online and told them to keep an eye out for you. They generally thought (hoped) you'd be fine but, there was tension in the air. You said in this thread, you decided to watch a movie... instead of going to your cottage. Considering the nature of our conversation, don't you think you could have told me you were gonna' watch a movie? Surely, you didn't forget. You are smarter than that. You knew better. You knew exactly what you were doing. Perhaps this is the type of behavior that makes you fear you are a "Danger" to your family. Here's a link to a sight about Dexadrine http://www.rxlist.com/cgi/generi WARNING: AMPHETAMINES HAVE A HIGH POTENTIAL FOR ABUSE. ADMINISTRATION OF AMPHETAMINES FOR PROLONGED PERIODS OF TIME MAY LEAD TO DRUG DEPENDENCE AND MUST BE AVOIDED. PARTICULAR ATTENTION SHOULD BE PAID TO THE POSSIBILITY OF SUBJECTS OBTAINING AMPHETAMINES FOR NONTHERAPEUTIC USE OR DISTRIBUTION TO OTHERS AND THE DRUGS SHOULD BE PRESCRIBED OR DISPENSED SPARINGLY I could also, post a link to Ripper's old domain. It was named after another addictive perscription drug (Ripper's favorite). Now somebody else owns the domain and uses it to make fun of how Ripper (Brandon Vedas) died. Surely you know what it means to talk about killing yourself while on an OMS (Online Mushroom Community) chatroom. Surely you know how that would make people feel. Surely you know what they might think if you stop responding... but don't log off... Dramatic... Surely, you know better. I'm sure glad you feel better, cause you sounded very dire on Sunday evening. Many people were concerned about you. Be sure you do not abuse that privelidge by crying wolf any more! How old are you? enotake2 is right, a hospital isn't that bad ( and they can give you drugs )... please consider a hospital before you consider suicide or suicide chat EVER again. Suicidal thoughts are one thing. Entertaining those thoughts is quite another. CSG, I know you may be defensive when you read this, but I have your best interests in mind. You posted in this forum for a reason. Please think about what I have said before you reply. It is better to talk about the entire problem than it is to be cryptic. Oh, and I feel like, Dexedrine is the WRONG drug for you. Please see if there is something else you could try...Also, if you have been perscribed the wrong meds, perhaps your doc isn't as great as you think. Please, check your options. -------------------- Fiddlesticks.
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Stop Bush's war Registered: 01/30/03 Posts: 1,457 Loc: Comfy chair in m Last seen: 12 years, 7 months |
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I understand your being scared and concerned for the guy posting that stuff in a chat room but I don't reckon you needed to spell it out for everyone else to read to get your point across. If he is depressed and esp if he has had suicidal thoughts he deserves compassion at the moment not berating, even though I know you mean well. When your mind is in such a cycle of negative thinkning, stuff is not likely to be interpreted neutrally. Unfortunately the negative mindset that goes with depression is self-perpetuating both biologically (underactivity or overactivity in different parts of the brain dealing with emotion regulation) and cognitively (negative memory/learning/judgement bias), and until some intervention, the cycle of negative thought is unlikely to abate .
-------------------- Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. "Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium "My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.
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Devil's Advocate Registered: 09/24/03 Posts: 22,518 Loc: Mod not God Last seen: 1 year, 6 months |
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Yes, I understand your point enotake2, I have had major battles with depression myself. I hoped CSG would be more forthcoming with his information but I have waited several days for CSG to explain himself in here. He posted this thread around the same time we had our conversation on IRC. He has been VERY cryptic in here. So cryptic, nobody has a chance of helping him with his situation.
I do appreciate you coming to CSG's defense enotake2, because I had to spill some dirty details in my last post. In fact, I'm glad my post inspired you to come to his defense. Had I inspired you to start flaming CSG, my last post would have been out of line. Nothing I wrote in my last post was told to me in private. It was all said in a public IRC chatroom. And... it isn't like I have made a habbit of posting IRC chat logs. My chat with CSG left me in an akward situation. Put yourself in my shoes. If CSG were to kill himself and I did nothing... I would be berated for my inaction. Perhaps liable. I would rather be berated for spelling everything out. Our conversation was in a public room so, I imagine CSG wasn't too concerned about the conversation remaining private. You must admit, Dexedrine, depression and suicide change his story a lot. I imagine that is why he posted in here... even though he said nothing about these things in his posts. CSG asked for help. At this point in time, the only way I can help him is by posting what I know. I can't keep all of that shit we talked about private anymore. How helpful would that be? At this point, it would be dishonest and counterproductive. Tough love is still love. I stayed up 'till 7 AM writing and editing that last post because I am concerned for CSG's emotional well being. After our chat... I was up all night on Sunday worrying about CSG... even though I had a job interview early monday morning. CSG needs to understand that his behavior can effect other people. He was discussing SUICIDAL thoughts the night he posted this thread. It is a major detail. A detail he left out. Believe me, I said what I did out of compassion. CSG is not the only one who needs help in here, I do too. If you had that kind of information pertaining to this subject... I'm afraid you might force yourself to do the same thing... confess what you know. And, let me tell you, it feels better now that I have spelled it all out. Now other people might be able to help CSG. Suicide and Dexedrine are out of my league. I hope you would do the same for me. Sometimes tough love is necessicary. Ask Dr. Phil Sometimes honesty is the only positive course of action. What's said is said. I hope you understand. -------------------- Fiddlesticks.
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Stop Bush's war Registered: 01/30/03 Posts: 1,457 Loc: Comfy chair in m Last seen: 12 years, 7 months |
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OK.
Maybe you're right that amphetamines would not be the best thing right now for him if he is depressed. I guess his psychiatrist should know though. Hopefully cee essgee will tell the psych about his depresssive symptoms and suicidal thoughts. -------------------- Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. "Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium "My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.
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Canadian-America Registered: 09/29/02 Posts: 1,894 Loc: Toronto, Ontario Last seen: 16 years, 11 months |
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When you want to try cutting apart what someone says, I would try someone else, who isn't as anal and unrelenting as me. I'm glad that you're trying to be helpful, but at this point, you're just getting fucking annoying, because you're not only misinerterpreting what I'm saying, you're making up outright lies.
Quote: Actually, that last part was your addition. I don't have a T-Bird, I have a maxima, and, actually, I still had the spare keys, but he didn't want me to drive it, because he thought I was out of control. I agreed, and that's what upset me. I don't give a shit if my parents want to punish me. Unlike some delinquints, I accept the consequences of my actions, and don't blame the nearest authority figure(s). Quote: Yes, you are right, it isn't a good idea. I never said it was, did I? I never said I'd done it before, either, huh? I should also point out that I've had many other zany schemes thought up in IRC, most of which include naked ken dolls. Quote: Nope! Sorry pal, I've acquired these illegally. I also mentioned that I've done about a total of 10-15 of them within a month and a half. Does that sound like something a doctor would prescribe? I think not. I'll probably get a prescription for them on the 22nd, because I've been paying attention to my psychiatrist, and that's what she seems to be about to do. I may be wrong, but I doubt it. I'm good at predicting peoples' actions in real life - it's a gift. Quote: Actually, I don't believe you said I sound like I'm hooked, you outright claimed that I was. I then explained to you how dexedrine works, with a very sophisticated time-release method, so that the user gets a very little bit of dextro-amphetamine at a time, and the only way to get addicted would be to abuse them. My friend takes 2 when he wakes up, 2 before lunch, and 1 or 2 more around 3-4:00 (as per his doc's orders, so that he's always in the peak), and he has stopped cold turkey numerous times just to experiment. As stated above, I've never taken more than one per day. Quote: I should remind you that this is an amphetamine. The calming effect on people with ADD (with hyperactive tendencies) is because normally, their mind is moving way too fast for their body to cope. With the amphetamines, the body catches up to the mind, and they're able to work. I know this is a very crude description of how it works, but it's very true. Regardless: it is still a stimulant. In fact, it's far more potent than ANY speed you can get on the street.. but it's just delivered in very small doses. So, while a person with ADHD may seem calm on amphetamines, if you give them a dexedrine and tell them to go to sleep half an hour later, they would have a very difficult time. (Unless they were used to taking it, which usually happens after a few weeks) Also, one more thing about this: many people are overwhelmed with the effects of dexedrine when they first take it, and do not attain the full positive effects until their body adjusts to it. A lot of people OD on it, their first couple weeks, and are not very calm. Quote: Maybe you should try reading above. I like my psychiatrist because every psychologist/therapist I have gone to in the past has been useless. Furthermore, psychiatrists are doctors, psychologists/therapists are cocksucking scientists . My psychiatrist is also very proud of the fact that she is not afraid to use drugs, because they bloody well work. As for the rest, about suicide.. I really don't remember saying I would kill myself, though I tend to subconsciously talk about wishing I was dead. Well, I do, constantly, and I can't help that. I try to cover it up most of the time, but sometimes it just gets out and I don't realize it. I'm not trying to cry out for attention. For the most part, I just want to talk, even if no one answers, because it helps. Now, wasn't that fun? -------------------- Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!
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Canadian-America Registered: 09/29/02 Posts: 1,894 Loc: Toronto, Ontario Last seen: 16 years, 11 months |
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Just to sum things up:
Yes, I am depressed, I have been for a long time, it has just been further amplified, and thus, harder to deal with, within the past 12 months, because of a lot of bullshit. Yes, I constantly have suicidal thoughts, and really do wish I was dead. Regardless, I doubt I will ever kill myself. There's far more constructive ways to die. No, I am not fucking addicted to amphetamines. I have a hefty supply of them, and I do not delve in to them very often. I have a good friend keeping close watch over me, because I do tend to overdo drugs occasionally. Why would I lie about this? I've already told you I'm depressed, suicidal, etc etc, what purpose would I have for covering it up? Yes, I'm an asshole. Also, I'd just like to add that I *can* fall asleep about 3 hours after taking dexedrine. I find it easier to fall asleep if I've been on dexedrine, although, if I really want to, I still have the energy to stay up for as long as 8-10 hours after I take it. -------------------- Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!
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Canadian-America Registered: 09/29/02 Posts: 1,894 Loc: Toronto, Ontario Last seen: 16 years, 11 months |
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Quote: The majority of people with ADD are also depressed, because of it. Taking amphetamines (I don't mean meth, I mean psychiatric medicine) actually acts as an anti-depressant, by destroying a major cause of depression. The term I like best is: "equilized". After taking dexedrine, I feel like I am finally at my equilibrium, like I have the power to be happy, angry, sad etc, and like I can be myself. I don't go about cleaning my house and scratching at my face, sometimes I sit down and read, or just go to sleep. Doctors can't even tell when I'm on it, because it makes me.. normal, the way I should be. -------------------- Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!
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Devil's Advocate Registered: 09/24/03 Posts: 22,518 Loc: Mod not God Last seen: 1 year, 6 months |
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I just want to clear one thing up, when I said, " 'cause daddy took your T-Bird away...," it was a refrence to a Beach Boys song. It was an attempt at humor. A joke at the begining of the monologue, if you will.
I never meant to imply you drive a T-Bird. I hope I didn't hurt your Maxima's feelings. Amazing you forgot about saying you wanted to kill yourself, you were quite explicit. Especially considering you also remember everything that happened in our chat with striking detail. Just so you know. You did. And you were specific about how you wanted to do it. I wan't the only one to ask you what you were trying to say. Honesty. As for the rest... peh... you know how I feel. I have said enough. Good luck. -------------------- Fiddlesticks.
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Canadian-America Registered: 09/29/02 Posts: 1,894 Loc: Toronto, Ontario Last seen: 16 years, 11 months |
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Oh come on, you can't expect me to let you get away with that! Do you still think I'm addicted to amphetamines? Why? How about your 'calming effect' theory? Is that sufficiently quashed for you to admit defeat, or do you want me to go in to further detail?
I don't like people making up bullshit about me. There's enough negative aspects about me that are true that you can pick apart. For example, I did abuse E, especially over new years. I was never addicted to it, but I abused it by staying up 5 days on it (okay, with a couple power naps, but they were only half-sleep). When I was in grade 6, and 7, I was hopelessly addicted to cigarettes. I'm an asshole. I have a bad complexion. I was addicted to alcohol in grade 9. You see, that's just off the top of my head, there's plenty of material. Regardless: I am not now, or have I ever been addicted to psychiatric amphetamines, nor have I ever abused them. I'm sorry, but you're wrong. I don't care what I sound like, I'm not addicted to dexedrine. If I was, I wouldn't be afraid to admit it (and to be quite honest, I would probably proclaim it with great pride). -------------------- Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!
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Stop Bush's war Registered: 01/30/03 Posts: 1,457 Loc: Comfy chair in m Last seen: 12 years, 7 months |
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Right. I didn't know that about ADD and depression. I don't know much about ADD.
-------------------- Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. "Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium "My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.
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Devil's Advocate Registered: 09/24/03 Posts: 22,518 Loc: Mod not God Last seen: 1 year, 6 months |
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ADD is also known as Attention Defecit Disorder. Ritilin used to be the drug of choice for ADD. Now there are many options.
Attention Defecit Disorder is what it sounds like. It is when someone has trouble focusing on one thing for a "Normal" length of time. My experience with ADD comes from school aged children. I imagine CSG is not a child... but I will start describing a child's behavior. ADD is a little different for young adults. I will address ADD in young adults later. People with ADD often have trouble getting good grades in school, not because they are dumb but because, no matter how hard they try, they can't focus enough to study productively. Often times, in school, a person with ADD will need more time to finish a test. They simply can not focus on the test the whole time. They often need time to let their thoughts wander, and then return to the test. To a common observer, a child with ADD is most often distracted by having fun. They will create mischief... just to see what will happen. Often, they cry wolf, for the same reason. This is common ADD behavior. When asked why they are misbehaving or not paying attention, they often reply "I don't know." or "I can't help it." or "I didn't do it." Often, children with ADD are hyperactive, but this is not always the case. A classic example of an American child with ADD is Bart Simpson. Yeah... he is a cartoon... but listen to me. He always tries to be good, but he usually ends up doing something that gets him in trouble. He doesn't work his ass off in school but he isn't dumb. His grades suffer... his teacher hates him. He is a class clown. He is very distracting. I could go on, but you get the picture. ADD children often have a hard time in school. Teachers will often get fed up with an ADD student. They can be so distracting, the teacher can't focus on the rest of their class. If they are not under control, an ADD student will take ALL of a teacher's time. This is not fair to the others in the room. ADD students are often punnished for their behavior in school. Sometimes, like Bart Simpson, they are rewarded with laughter. A person with ADD who is also depressed, tends to act out in negative ways. A person who is NOT depressed but has ADD tends to act out in more humorous and fun ways. Many famous people have been diagnosed with ADD including several presidents. Bill Clinton comes to mind. As a person with ADD reaches adulthood, often they are able to focus as good if not better than a "Normal" person. This is because they do not take focus for granted and know exactly what it takes to focus on something important. Now, young adults with ADD. Young adults with ADD fall into a couple categories... dependant on how people reacted to their childhood behavior. Either they have found something worth focusing on or they are in CSG's situation. The amazing thing is people with ADD shine when they are in charge of something. Class President, Director of a play, lead singer/guitarist of a band... Army General. You see, people with ADD want to focus. They EED something important to focus on. Otherwise they will be distracted. If they are focused on something important, nothing will draw their focus away. I have seen this happen countless times. It is uncanny. The problem is, by young adulthood, many with ADD have been beaten down by school, their peers and disaproving teachers and parents. By young adulthood, many with ADD are just hoping to be considered mediocre. They have lost faith in themselves because everybody seems to have lost faith in them. I hope this gives you a better understanding of ADD. I am sure CeeEssGee knows the symptoms better than me. He can correct any of my mistakes in this post. -------------------- Fiddlesticks.
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Devil's Advocate Registered: 09/24/03 Posts: 22,518 Loc: Mod not God Last seen: 1 year, 6 months |
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Quote: CeeEssGee, I am sorry I haven't been more clear about this point. I really didn't mean to be so vague about it. If what you said is true, I do not think you are a Dexedrine junky... yet, but I was worried when you first mentioned your weeks worth of pills and how you intended to use them. If you have been taking the pills as suggested. I think you are fine... for now. Of course, you just posted that you obtained these pills illegally. You are going to a doctor, but you are self perscribing. I thought you said your doctor gave them to you. It is entirely possible I misunderstood. Although I speciffically asked if you got them from a dealer or if you had an Rx... you said you didn't have an Rx yet but you would on the 22nd. I assumed this meant your doctor gave you some trial samples or something. How the hell do I know weather you are addicted to them or not? I can't see you from my computer. I did not make any acusations of you being an addict in our chat but I said on several occasions that you were showing classic addict behavior... You say you aren't addicted to Dexedrine. That will have to do. There, feel better? Good. By your own admission, you have a very addictive personality. For that reason alone, Dexedrine is a bad drug for you. Eventually it could be a problem... if it isn't already. You have a friend who is making sure you don't abuse these pills. Does your friend posess the pills or do you? Is your friend with you all the time? Is this the friend who has a perscription himself? As for the pills, you mentioned wanting them to stay up all week. Then you mentioned how you PLANNED on taking them all at once. I am glad you didn't. That was smart of you. I am still gonna' stick to my "Calming" theory. If used properly by the right person, Dexadrine should calm (at least most of the day)... not keep you awake. You wanted to use them to stay awake all week. Depression is a side effect of chronic amphetamine abuse... so is lying... so are suicidal tendancies, paranoia and schitzophrenia. Self medicating an addictive personality is not wise. Especially if you are using an addictive substance. If you are taking Dexadrine 3 hours before bed... you probably aren't following directions. For many young adults who live with their parents, 3 hours before bedtime is a great time to get fucked up, cause the 'rents are asleep . You should not be self perscribing medication. Let your doctor do their job. And keep us posted on how it goes. P.S. Here is a test to see if you are addicted to Dexedrine. How would you feel if I asked you to take all the pills and flush them down the toilet? Feel that knot in your stomach telling you not to flush them? That is addiction. -------------------- Fiddlesticks.
Edited by Rose (03/13/04 02:56 AM)
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multiplayer Registered: 07/19/02 Posts: 2,185 Loc: Canada Last seen: 3 years, 10 months |
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Hey CSG, I think you need your own apartment or place to live. Find a stable job and live on your own, maybe its the stress of living at home thats getting to you.
You sound like you want adventure but aren't getting any. You gotta go find it. -------------------- man = monkey + mushroom
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Canadian-America Registered: 09/29/02 Posts: 1,894 Loc: Toronto, Ontario Last seen: 16 years, 11 months |
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First off, I don't lie. Too many stupid people try and do that to me (especially of the female persuasion..), and expect me to believe them, so I don't even attempt to make such a fool of myself.
Because I have ADD, dexedrine acts as an antidepressant for me. Am I depressed when I don't use them? Yes. I suppose you could say that after the first time I tried them then, it was a mental addiction. But, wait, wasn't I depressed all of the time *before* I took them? Yes. So what's changed? Nothing. When I take the pills, I'm happy. That's all. Also, there's no knot in my stomach when you mention me throwing away my stash of dexedrine, because I don't have any more. I won't have any until the 22nd, when my psychiatrist will (probably) prescribe them for me. If one of my friends (who I've obtained them illegally through, before) happens to offer me anymore, I might take 1 or 2 before then. I'm sorry if you've had so much trouble with addiction to amphetamines, but it's not going to happen. If I did meth, or any other form of street speed, maybe, but then again, it doesn't have the very specific effect of dextro-amphetamine. And no, I haven't tried taking dexedrine before sleep, and I certainly do not take them to get "fucked up", so ESAD for even suggesting that. Any relatively intelligent person can feel the difference between the peak in dexedrine, and.. the rest. It's not a come-down at all, but it's.. different. It's even possible to fall asleep during the peak, but you wouldn't want to go to sleep, which would make it extremely difficult. Now look, I do have a pseudo-addictive personality. When I find a fun drug, I overdo it. I do not, however, continue doing so. I have fun, realize it was too much fun, and stop, or slow down. It's that simple. With dexedrine, I don't need to, because I don't take it to get "fucked up", as I stated before, and there is no reason to take more than 1 before I get a prescription. Afterwards, I'll follow the doctor's advice, of course. There's no problem with double-dosing them multiple times per day in order to ride out the peak for a while, but I don't feel comfortable doing that until a doctor tells me it's okay. If you want to stick with your calming theory, you can stick it up your ass, because it's outright fucking wrong. It calms the mind, but stimulates the body, so it doesn't matter. Just like if your mind is awake but your body is tired, you won't be able to sleep if your body is awake, but your mind is tired. Anyway, like I said, when you're in the peak of dexedrine, you wouldn't want to go to sleep (much like a sane person wouldn't want to stay awake when prescribed hypnotics). Finally, I want to say this one more: this is not an addictive substance. Yes, the pure, raw form of the drug is, or if you take a whole shitload of them at a time, but the time-release pills make it very, very difficult to get addicted to them. Fuck, just look at the size of these pills, and they take 10 hours. They kick in in 6 minutes. I don't mean to fight with you, but make sure you know what you're talking about before you spout this drivel. I won't even touch your description on ADD. It's wrong, for the most part, but that's something that I thought I used to know quite a bit about, but my psychiatrist has proven me wrong. (The actual truth is that no one really knows much about it..) I know I said finally, but here's one last paragraph: you're right, staying awake from dexedrine for a week would be very, very bad, and it would probably get me addicted to them. In truth, in order to stay up for that long, I'd probably have to OD on them, and that alone would make me tweak out for about 3-4 days and feel like shit for another 3-4 more. Thank you for showing concern, but I won't do it. I'm feeling a bit better now that I've had time to think, and I even got the keys back a couple days ago. -------------------- Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!
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Devil's Advocate Registered: 09/24/03 Posts: 22,518 Loc: Mod not God Last seen: 1 year, 6 months |
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Quote: These are just the among the first 20 links I found by typing Dexedrine on Google. You may want to click the links... they contain much more information but I didn't want to paste it all in here. The addiction information is easy to find on all of these links. Be sure you know what you are talking about BEFORE you take it. I am not accusing you of being addicted to Dexedrine, just correcting you. It is addictive. It has abuse potential. I am very happy things are going better for you. Now... on with the links. http://www.rxlist.com/cgi/generic/dextroamphetamine.htm WARNING: AMPHETAMINES HAVE A HIGH POTENTIAL FOR ABUSE. ADMINISTRATION OF AMPHETAMINES FOR PROLONGED PERIODS OF TIME MAY LEAD TO DRUG DEPENDENCE AND MUST BE AVOIDED. PARTICULAR ATTENTION SHOULD BE PAID TO THE POSSIBILITY OF SUBJECTS OBTAINING AMPHETAMINES FOR NONTHERAPEUTIC USE OR DISTRIBUTION TO OTHERS AND THE DRUGS SHOULD BE PRESCRIBED OR DISPENSED SPARINGLY http://www.mentalhealth.com/drug/p30-d04.html Precautions The possibility of tolerance and psychological dependence should be kept in mind, particularly with excessive use. Therefore, care should be used in the selection of candidates for amphetamine therapy and prescription size should be limited to that required to achieve the immediate therapeutic goal. In addition, patients should be cautioned against increasing the recommended dosage... http://us.gsk.com/products/assets/us_dexedrine.pdf http://www.healthsquare.com/newrx/DEX1129.HTM Most important fact about this drug Because it is a stimulant, this drug has high abuse potential. The stimulant effect may give way to a letdown period of depression and fatigue. Although the letdown can be relieved by taking another dose, this soon becomes a vicious circle. If you habitually take Dexedrine in doses higher than recommended, or if you take it over a long period of time, you may eventually become dependent on the drug and suffer from withdrawal symptoms when it is unavailable http://www.whatmeds.com/meds/dexedrine.html Warnings and Precautions Dexedrine and other stimulants have the potential to be abused. Long term Dexedrine treatment in children may cause unwanted effects on behavior and growth. http://www.psyweb.com/Drughtm/dexed.html Warnings The habit-forming potential is high. Psychological and physical dependence is possible. Addiction is rare in children but a problem with adults. Do not drink alcohol while taking this drug. Do not use if: You had negative reactions to this or any other amphetamine in the past. If you have a history of drug alcohol abuse. If you have a psychotic disorder of any type. And my favorite... http://www.drug-rehabs.org/faqs/FAQ-dexedrine.php Dexedrine Addiction Dexedrine addiction is a very serious and sometimes life threatening dilemma. Not only is it difficult for the addict, it is extremely hard on those around them who care about them. For the addict, admitting they have an addiction problem can be difficult. However painful this may be, it must be acknowledged as the first gradient to overcoming the problem. The next hurdle is being willing to seek & accept help from an addiction professional. It can be hard for an addict to confront the fact that they can not do it alone. Once this fact is accepted, it is time to seek the appropriate professional treatment. Drug rehab programs based on the social education modality are highly successful. This means that individuals who are recovering from Dexedrine addiction are not made wrong for their past indiscretions, but are taught how to avoid future ones. They are provided with knowledge on how to change their lives and how to live comfortably without Dexedrine. Receiving treatment for addiction should be done in a safe & stable environment that is conducive to addiction recovery. Research studies show that residential treatment programs of at least 3 months in duration have the best success rates. 3 months may seem like a long time, but one day in the life of an individual addicted to Dexedrine can feel like an eternity. Addiction is a self imposed hellish slavery. The chains can be broken people do it everyday. You can be free! -------------------- Fiddlesticks.
Edited by Rose (03/14/04 03:06 AM)
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Stop Bush's war Registered: 01/30/03 Posts: 1,457 Loc: Comfy chair in m Last seen: 12 years, 7 months |
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From what CeeEssGee says he is not really displaying any signs of addiction. Just because you take an addictive drug doesn't mean you automatically lose control eg. alc ohol, or recreational or prescribed use of any other drugs. Even people with so called 'addictive personalities' use drugs in a controlled way that are not their drug of choice.
-------------------- Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. "Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium "My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.
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Devil's Advocate Registered: 09/24/03 Posts: 22,518 Loc: Mod not God Last seen: 1 year, 6 months |
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Enotake2, I am afraid you are missing my point... of course, my posts are long. By the time you get to the end of one of my posts, you may have forgotten what I said in the beginning. Sorry about that. This subject has required many words from me... and just because CeeEssGee has disagreed with everything I have said, doesn't mean I am completely wrong.
I am not accusing CeeEssGee of addiction. I have said this in my last THREE posts. I'll keep typing it until someone notices. I do not know if CeeEssGee is addicted to Dexedrine. I don't. I don't. If he is being honest about how often he has used them, he shouldn't be addicted... yet. Some of the things he has said about this drug are just plain wrong. ie: It IS addictive. CeeEssGee, time after time, has sworn it is not. He is wrong. Dexedrine is addictive. This is a fact. I have provided several links that can explain this in more detail. There are even Dexedrine withdrawl treatment programs. CeeEssGee obviously does not understand the dangers of self perscribing an amphetamine. Perhaps this is because he was given some bad information when he was given a supply of pills. Time released amphetamines are still addictive. People who have been addicted to other chemical substances should not use Dexedrine. This is a medical fact. Dexedrine has potential for abuse. People with self proclaimed "Addictive type," personalities should not be taking it. Period. Look at those warnings I posted in my last post if you do not believe me. Then click on the links. CeeEssGee has a psychiatrist. This Dr. can perscribe him medication. HE SHOULD NOT SELF PERSCRIBE MEDICATION WHILE HE GOES TO A PSYCHIATRIST. If he does, this may misinform his doctor. The doctor expects him to be UNMEDICATED until she gives him a perscription. A psychiatrist must evaluate a person before they medicate them. During this evaluation, CeeEssGee should not be self medicating unless he has consulted his doctor first. He should tell his Doctor he has been taking Dexedrine. It has to do with his mental health. You should ALWAYS tell your doctor what you are injesting, some drugs do not mix well, besides a Doctor must remain confidential. He won't get in trouble. If he does not tell his Doctor that he has been taking Dexedrine, he is doing himself, and his doctor, a disservice. If CeeEssGee likes his doctor, and it sounds like he does, he should let her do her job. I know, one dose of Dexedrine will not turn you into a "Reefer Madness" type zombie. If CeeEssGee is being honest, he shouldn't be addicted. The thing is, he has changed his story about the Dexedrine at least three times. I won't even begin to explain how many times he has changed his other stories... like subconsciously forgetting he said he wanted to kill himself... COME ON! I have no Idea which story is true. This is the problem encountered when someone is caught crying wolf. You don't know what to believe anymore. CeeEssGee is taking the WRONG medication. Even if it seems to be working. There are MANY other medications he should try before Dexedrine. ESPECIALLY SINCE IT WAS NOT PERSCRIBED BY HIS PSYCHIATRIST. He was self medicating with an AMPHETAMINE. He may do it again. If he continues using dexedrine without supervision, he is playing with fire. Enotake2, remember when you said I should be more positive while talking to CeeEssGee? Thank you, you were right. Now I have some advice for you Enotake2. Do not support CeeEssGee's decision to self medicate. Weather he is addicted or not... it is a bad idea. CeeEssGee is going to a Doctor for his ADD. He should let his doctor do their job. -------------------- Fiddlesticks.
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Canadian-America Registered: 09/29/02 Posts: 1,894 Loc: Toronto, Ontario Last seen: 16 years, 11 months |
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1. I'm always honest with my doctors. My psychiatrist, and physician both know about every single drug I have tried in my life. This is the only reason my physician has not prescribed me anything.
2. I have never been addicted to any substance before except for cigarettes, and alcohol when I was younger. The latter wasn't so much an addiction, as something I did way too often, and didn't bother trying to stop. As soon as I realized I was doing it too often, I stopped. Cold turkey. 3. Fuck you. You keep suggesting that, even if I'm not addicted now, that I'm going to be in the future. Take your links, and shove them up your tight ass. I'm sorry if I hit a nerve, when I suggested that not everyone is as weak as you when it comes to addiction. Those links are WRONG. Yes, dexedrine can potentially be addictive through EXTREME abuse. Through normal use, it is near impossible, unless someone is so weak that they decide it would be a good idea to get "high" off of dexedrine. They are designed this way, specifically, so that people cannot abuse them as easily as other psychiatric drugs (xanax, and ritalin, for example). Read all of the articles and websites you want, but you have no fucking clue until you've a) talked with doctors b) taken it yourself and c) seen your friends abuse it. I've had enough of your ignorant crusades, go play elsewhere. -------------------- Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!
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Devil's Advocate Registered: 09/24/03 Posts: 22,518 Loc: Mod not God Last seen: 1 year, 6 months |
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I wanted to play elsewhere... you asked me to stay. Remember?
As for your post... 1. Good 2. OK... that isn't what you said earlier. 3. Read the forum rules. They will address your "Fuck you." You didn't hit a nerve... but it looks like I must have. Good luck. CeeEssGee, Obviously you don't want me to deal with your problems through discussion. You have lied to me countless times in this thread (a careful reader could catch several of your lies by reading your changing story from post to post). You think I am accusing you of things you have not done. You constantly put words in my mouth. Obviously I am not helping you with your problems... although I have put a finger on several of them. I am sorry more people haven't responded to your thread. I wish Enotake and I weren't the only two folks dealing with you this last week. Other people's opinions would be helpful. I am so sick of your lying, I can't help but take a stern tone when I reply to your posts. If you want me to tell you I think you are fine... you will have to wait a while. I don't think you are yet. But, it seems you are taking steps in the right direction. Start owning up to your past actions... you have lied to me and others countless times about your problems... IE: Lying about making Suicide threats... lying constantly about how many pills you had... lying about where you got them... lying about what you remember and forgot... lying about how addictive Dexedrine can be... need I go on? OK I will... you have been very cryptic... you have left out important details... and you haven't aknowledged any of the advice that has been given to you in this thread. Honesty is better... You can solve problems with honesty... you can only cover problems up with lies. Oh... and how about giving a shit about me. I have worked my ass off trying to help you. I don't know you. Don't get upset when I suggest something that has nothing to do with your particular problem... there are better ways to handle this. How would I know unless you told me? I can only look at your behavior and report it back to you. Read my posts. That is what I have done. I have shown you examples of your own behavior. I make no judgements. You may hear me saying "You are a liar." or "You will become addicted to Dexedrine." I have not. I have shown you where you lie and I have said you are at risk of Dexedrine addiction. You said in an earlier post that you have an addictive type personality. "Now look, I do have a pseudo-addictive personality." Your words ^^^. I used them to make an evaluation. Of course I could be wrong... but your behavior and words have mislead me. Why won't you look at my links? How are they wrong? Did you even read them? Dude... you must think I am an angry man. I am not... I am not upset in the least. I am trying to help you... remember which forum this is. Stop treating me like shit for trying to help and my tone WILL change. If you don't want me posting, put me on ignore. I will try to curb my future responses in this thread unless you speciffically mention my posts or ask me for a reply. -------------------- Fiddlesticks.
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Canadian-America Registered: 09/29/02 Posts: 1,894 Loc: Toronto, Ontario Last seen: 16 years, 11 months |
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Quote: I didn't mean to make "suicide threats". That was my fault, I was a bit dramatic, and that's why I didn't know what you were talking about. I never lied about how many pills I had. I had access to many pills, but only took a small amount, in the end. I don't have anymore, because, although I still have *access* to them, I'm not going to bother, since my appointment is on Monday. I never lied about where I got them, you didn't properly read what I said (numerous times). I may have been somewhat cryptic (it's in my nature, I don't do it intentionally), but I never once said anything remotely close to what your delusions are leading you to believe. I'm not lying at all about how addictive dexedrine is, you just have to stop believing everything you read, just because it fits with your inane theories. Quote: pseudo adj : (often used in combination) not genuine but having the appearance of; "a pseudo esthete"; Actually there was another word I was thinking of at the time, but that works just as well. Not quite an addictive personality, but it appears to be. I don't think you're reading my posts at all, just making highlights, because I swear that I explained all of my past and present vices.. but because you're too lazy to read back for anything of actual substance, you'll just call me a liar. That's something I cannot abide. I don't care how much you want to help me, you will not call me a liar. Every person who knows me, knows damn well that I'm honest, and I refuse to let you make such arrogant statements which state the contrary. -------------------- Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!
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Devil's Advocate Registered: 09/24/03 Posts: 22,518 Loc: Mod not God Last seen: 1 year, 6 months |
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Quote: That is more like it. You are talking much less cryptically. You have covered every single concern of mine and put it into context in a very concise post. I think the word you were looking for was quasi. You have proven me wrong where I was wrong... and set my mind at ease everywhere else. If you were talking about things this clearly to begin with, we wouldn't have been in this situation in the first place. I am serious... you were sounding suicidal... you sounded depressed... you were pissed... and you had enough Dexedrine to kill a horse... You also backtracked on some statements... or sounded like you did. OF COURSE I WAS CONCERNED! Of course I was going to be stern. Of course I was going to doubt your responses. Of course I was going to do what I could to help... Do you see the difference in your last post and your first few? Most importantly, you sound passionate. You sound sincere and you sound like you know what you are talking about. I believe you. In this situation, I didn't know what to do exactly. The only thing I could think of was to try to focus your anger. Anger is not depression. Focus is not ADD. Do not think this was all a master plan... but I was prodding you intentionally and I am relieved it hasn't backfired completely. All my assumptions were based on your behavior... or what I percieved your behavior to be from your posts. Please forgive my mistakes. I am no pro. I had good reason to believe your problems were much more serious than you posted. I am sorry for any embarrassment this may have caused you. Part of me always wanted to piss you off so much you would start talking less cryptically and with passion. It is a harsh way to help. I am sorry you were on the recieving end. I hope it can help you in the future. I have a lot of experience with ADD... I know you aren't a loser... or you wouldn't have posted this thread. For what it is worth, I like the non Dexedrine you better... but if Dexedrine is what your Doctor gives you... that is what she gives you. Let me just say, you have no idea what it is like to be addicted to a serious drug. Opiates and Stimulants are TOUGH once you are hooked. I think they should be avoided as social drugs and as medicinal drugs... unless they are used a last resort. The cravings are nothing like cigarette or alcohol cravings. I don't want you to ever have to experience this. You can cure your ADD and depression on your own... when you must. Sorry for the misunderstandings... welcome back... have a good appointment with your doctor. No hard feelings.
-------------------- Fiddlesticks.
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)... please consider a hospital before you consider suicide or suicide chat EVER again. Suicidal thoughts are one thing. Entertaining those thoughts is quite another.
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