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NastyDHL



Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 3,586
Loc: New England
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Roommate problems...seeking advice from the shroomery
#8956839 - 09/19/08 10:07 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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So I transferred to a University this year. For the first time In my life I have a roommate, actually, I have 3 of them. I live in a suite with 2 bedrooms and one common room so the conditions are pretty nice. Seeing as this is my first time with a roommate, especially someone I don't know well, I need advice. Just a heads up, I'm extremely considerate and respectful but not afraid to voice my opinion which pisses some people off, but I sometimes find myself keeping my mouth shut to not piss off people, just because it has little effect besides pissing people off by confronting their denials out loud.
Anyway, one of my roommates is a former high school football player/wrestler (thank god we don't share a bedroom). I started going to the gym with him so we chill and talk. As soon as I got to school here people were telling me all sorts of things about him, he's the type of kid everybody fucks with because even though he is jacked, all he does is get pissed and insult people. His father owned a gym and just sold it and his mom was a former body builder (for a little more background).
Recently shit has been tense between us. He is not simple minded so much as he is close minded, absurdly close minded. Let me stop here to give you an idea of his perceptions by giving an approximate excerpt from an "argument" we had last night while drinking. (W is for me, D is for my roommate...earlier in the night I had said that our RA lives on a different floor while he said that he lives on our floor, we find out from a couple other people that Tommy does indeed live on our floor)
D: I told you so, you're fucking wrong, I'm right end of story. W: I think it'd be better to say my thought was wrong, your thought was right D: Don't try this hippy bullshit and try to circle around the issue (we attempted to trade points for about 30 minutes, I gave him time to speak, when I attempted to talk he loudly interrupted me for getting off topic, finally someone else comes by and takes the role of a referee, this person attempts to give us each 2 minutes to talk, needless to say my 2 minutes were interrupted repeatedly...I realize arguing while drunk isn't too effective btw, the rest of the argument is under supervision of our buddy) W: My point here is that you are far too attached to the idea that you are right and I am wrong, that is why I'm saying your thought was right and my idea was wrong, I've already conceded that. D: NO! Don't tip toe around this bullshit, I'm right your wrong, stop trying to deny it. (I really don't want to go on with this argument, but it was alot worse in person...I honestly remained extremely calm, I kept trying to get him to lower his voice so we could have a reasonable discourse instead of having a shouting contest)
Anyway, D insults everyone constantly. I realize this is a reflection of his insecurities but as I try to 'help' people (its in quotes because I view it as helping, you may not). One kid he especially insults is his friend named Gary. He constantly talks about Gary and his cockiness, referring to him as "The Gary." He talks about Gary all the time, but he's always making fun of him. I've told him before people like that thrive off of haters and he is just contributing to Gary's successful social life, while being detrimental to his own. He responded to that semi-maturely.
After a girl came to our room tonight looking for Gary's room, he said, "Wow how embarassing for us." I said, "Dude, I can't believe how much you are on Gary's dick, all you do is diss him but really you are dissing yourself because you consider him better than you." He flipped and said (he usually responds by recycling what I say), "Fuck you and your pussy hippy bullshit. I can't believe how much you are on my dick cause all you do is try to argue with me." I said, "Dude I'm not trying to argue with ya, don't take my opinion so strongly, you don't have to get defensive."
He constantly claims how I am always wrong, and he is always right (seriously.) In any argument he resorts to immature tactics such as labeling and insults. He constantly tells me how I'm a pussy hippy, and not that it gets to me, but I can't believe how immature he gets and it sucks to have to live with someone like this. My other roommates are "cool." I say "cool" because although they also are typical college students (drinking alot is badass, smoking weed and drugs are cool, can't talk to a girl unless she is hot, excessive use of swears, especially racial slurs, etc...its pretty easy to stereotype them compared to typical college kids and be accurate) we still get along (due to my patience and keeping my opinions to myself).
I realize people who constantly speak their mind are annoying but I really don't constantly speak my mind, I have to restrain myself in order to get along with these people who don't have the same morals as me. I'm sure I missed alot, there is so much wrong with this kid you have no clue...he says he can't wait to be on the side of the law so he can get away with shit...when I respond to that with "At least you realize how it works," he responds with, "Blah blah blah...fuck the government they don't do shit for us, fucking hippy bullshit."
How do I handle this? (aside from the fact that everyone I have met at this school is overly materialistic and shit like that)...sorry for the lack of proper articulation of my thoughts, I'm just very frustrated with my situation...
Sorry this is long, but I really do appreciate anyone who reads this and gives me advice, I realize most people on here are older and more experienced than I am.
Edited by NastyDHL (02/18/13 08:20 PM)
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BoneMan
Shrimpin ain't easy


Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 2,032
Loc: new new england
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Re: Roommate problems...seeking advice from the shroomery [Re: NastyDHL]
#8956882 - 09/19/08 10:20 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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You can't win. You should have just admitted you were wrong in that argument instead of trying the "my thought was wrong" thing. It means the same thing.
I've been to southern a few times. It seems like there are tons of people like that there. Tons of football players, frat guys. I've heard a bunch of stories about guys at southern putting roofies in girls drinks at parties and getting caught. Especially in campus housing and dorms you're going to have to deal with a whole lot of people who are like your roommate D. And a lot of the other people are just going to try an take on the college student persona you described (drinking alot is badass, smoking weed and drugs are cool, can't talk to a girl unless she is hot, excessive use of swears, especially racial slurs, etc)
Where did you transfer from? Are you originally from CT? I'm down in bridgeport.
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Kada
Asha'man


Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 12,394
Loc: Buckeye
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Re: Roommate problems...seeking advice from the shroomery [Re: NastyDHL]
#8956901 - 09/19/08 10:23 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Some people you just can't talk to. If his dad is a tough guy, i bet he didn't get much sympathy or respect around his house, and was constantly told to shut up.
That kid needs to chill out. If i was you, i might consider dosing him to knock him off his pedestal lol. I'm not a jerk like that, but i would consider it.
-------------------- ~The Cultivators Motherload~ "I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein "There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama Live long and prosper.
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NastyDHL



Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 3,586
Loc: New England
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Re: Roommate problems...seeking advice from the shroomery [Re: BoneMan]
#8956910 - 09/19/08 10:27 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
BoneMan said: You can't win. You should have just admitted you were wrong in that argument instead of trying the "my thought was wrong" thing. It means the same thing.
I've been to southern a few times. It seems like there are tons of people like that there. Tons of football players, frat guys. I've heard a bunch of stories about guys at southern putting roofies in girls drinks at parties and getting caught. Especially in campus housing and dorms you're going to have to deal with a whole lot of people who are like your roommate D. And a lot of the other people are just going to try an take on the college student persona you described (drinking alot is badass, smoking weed and drugs are cool, can't talk to a girl unless she is hot, excessive use of swears, especially racial slurs, etc)
Where did you transfer from? Are you originally from CT? I'm down in bridgeport.
I realize it's the same thing, I admitted that I was wrong, but he was adamant on my submission to his superiority and I wanted to enlighten him to the rationale behind his ego feeding craze.
I'm originally from Louisiana but I moved to CT in 1996. I lived near Waterbury for like 11 years, recently moved to New Haven with my parents and now I'm going to school at Southern and obviously dorming here. I transferred from Naugatuck Valley Community College and I'm a sophomore here.
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Ram Dass
Challenger



Registered: 02/08/08
Posts: 693
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Re: Roommate problems...seeking advice from the shroomery [Re: NastyDHL]
#8956925 - 09/19/08 10:32 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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There is a personality clash, I don't know what you really can do. In my opinion you have done way more than your part to get along with him. I guess if he gets to the point where you cannot live with him anymore you could switch roommates, but as far as trying to be friends with him, I just don't see it as working out. Your roommate is a perfect example of a person with a personality like a brick wall. I don't think I could live one day with this guy.
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isaacein
exp(ix) = cosx + isinx


Registered: 05/21/08
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Re: Roommate problems...seeking advice from the shroomery [Re: NastyDHL]
#8956927 - 09/19/08 10:32 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Dude, it seems like you're making a big thing out of it too. You should have just brushed it off if you acutally didn't care; but you obviously cared if you went all the way to argue for 30 minutes about it.
And when people say that somebody is wrong, they mean that what the person is saying is false. You're just playing on words... What do you consider to be the difference between "you're wrong", and "your thought is wrong", except the wording?
Just don't argue about meaningless stuff with people. Details don't really matter as much as being comfortable around the people you live with. Let other's small errors go right through you. Especially when you're wrong.
As for his attitude with people - that's his problem. You're probably not the first who wants to change him. It sounds like this guy is just living in a thick shell like a lot of people out there. You're not going to free him from it anytime, at least not like this, that's for sure.
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Drewwyann
Slayer of ticks



Registered: 10/30/06
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Re: Roommate problems...seeking advice from the shroomery [Re: NastyDHL]
#8956937 - 09/19/08 10:36 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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My advice would be to just put up with it in any way you can. Like Kada said, it is likely that he had to tough it out while growing up. Try to get on good terms with him. You will not get anywhere trying to change the minds of some one that is your enemy.
I find that people I'm nice to will listen to what I have to say. They aren't mean to you if you aren't mean to them. If they disagree with you, it's a disagreement.
The best thing you could do for both of you is sort of look at him as some one that takes and sends information differently, which in essence is completely true. But you have to take what he says in stride. If you are talking about mushrooms to some one, and he comes over and says "mushrooms?! Fuck you! those put holes in your brain, I'm an Asshole-McDickface-Vanilla-Cuntberry-Mungwich!!", you have to take it as "I don't understand why people do mushrooms, I was raised differently than you."
So even though he is an asshole, I think that would be your best option. If that sounds too hard, and it very well might be, then see if you can't switch rooms with some one, or get an apartment off campus ASAP with some friends you've made, or something l ike that.
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 Anyone need a glass pipe? : http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002435158931 Love powerfully  
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NastyDHL



Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 3,586
Loc: New England
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Re: Roommate problems...seeking advice from the shroomery [Re: isaacein]
#8956957 - 09/19/08 10:43 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
isaacein said: Dude, it seems like you're making a big thing out of it too. You should have just brushed it off if you acutally didn't care; but you obviously cared if you went all the way to argue for 30 minutes about it.
And when people say that somebody is wrong, they mean that what the person is saying is false. You're just playing on words... What do you consider to be the difference between "you're wrong", and "your thought is wrong", except the wording?
Just don't argue about meaningless stuff with people. Details don't really matter as much as being comfortable around the people you live with. Let other's small errors go right through you. Especially when you're wrong.
As for his attitude with people - that's his problem. You're probably not the first who wants to change him. It sounds like this guy is just living in a thick shell like a lot of people out there. You're not going to free him from it anytime, at least not like this, that's for sure.
The only reason I played with the words was to expose him to the fact that he is far too into feeding his ego, he needed me to submit to his superiority, I told him that I realize Tommy does live on our floor, but he wasn't seeking the truth, he was seeking an ego trip.
In 20/20 hindsight I realized it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do but I really was attempting to help him but trying to enlighten him.
And to be honest, I think I probably am the first person that has tried to change him, most people just take him as a joke and laugh at him non stop, while he thinks they are laughing with him...I realize he has good qualities, he's intelligent but very close minded, I feel as if he has a chance to be a good person so I'm trying to help him and the world by ridding a shitty persona and trying to cultivate a 'good' person.
Thanks for the advice though, I appreciate it.
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BoneMan
Shrimpin ain't easy


Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 2,032
Loc: new new england
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Re: Roommate problems...seeking advice from the shroomery [Re: NastyDHL]
#8957012 - 09/19/08 10:59 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
NastyDHL said: I feel as if he has a chance to be a good person so I'm trying to help him and the world by ridding a shitty persona and trying to cultivate a 'good' person.
I don't think theres anything you can do to help him that doesn't involve somehow destroying his illusion that people think hes cool and enlightening him to the truth that everyone thinks hes a jerk and a joke. Otherwise he'll have no reason to change anything about himself. Clearly he thinks hes the man, or puts on that act to attempt to be the dominant personality in the room. Furthermore, its not really your place to decide that his personality sucks and that you're going to change it.
There are little things you can do to chip away at his ego. One thing would be shrugging off his comments about 'I'm right and you're wrong' just laugh at him. If he sees that it upsets you then it shows him that hes in control and it'll lead to further manipulation. Don't argue with him, you know you can't win and he will never accept defeat so find ways not to argue with him. Laugh at him when those things come up. Say shit like "oh god, are you going to talk about that again?"
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Liquidkick
H2O
Registered: 05/03/02
Posts: 2,635
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Re: Roommate problems...seeking advice from the shroomery [Re: NastyDHL]
#8957167 - 09/19/08 11:37 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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umm... yeah, you got yourself in a bind...just be cool and chill with the fellow... your new goal is to get with as many chicks as possible and forget the quibbles with your roommates. You can not help others who do not ask for it.
Spend time on the putang.
-LK
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denots87
Shroomerite



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Re: Roommate problems...seeking advice from the shroomery [Re: NastyDHL]
#8957175 - 09/19/08 11:39 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yea dude, if one thing I've learned ya can't change people for the life of ya, they change themselves. You CAN try to show them new ways of thinking, but its up to them to bite on it or not, and sounds like this dude is set in his ways. Don't even bother with this guy's shit. Go with Boneman's advice, brush him off, take it in stride and show your not going to feed his "I'm right, your wrong" complex by telling him "alright whatever dude" or something along that line.
Just keep shit cool and try to get by with him and not create shit or tension (in his view). But don't let him walk on ya. Bad vibes with roommates only lead to shitty situations in the end.
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