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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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A pirate walks into a bar...........
    #8228686 -

So how many A "something" walks into a bar jokes can we get here?
Here's a start....



A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you
in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate. "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"We were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

"OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

"In another battle I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was
cut off and I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and
one of them shit in my eye."

"You're kidding. You lost an eye from bird shit?"

"It was my first day with the hook."


--------------------
Welcome to The Shroomery... Show us your fruits!!!
HOW IT SHOULD AND SHOULDN'T LOOK - A GUIDE FOR NEW CULTIVATORS
GOT A CONTAM? NOT SURE WHAT? CLICK ME!
NOOB??? Start here
CreekFreeks Tradelist
Cops want drugs legalized too
The Beauty In Her Face
:band:My Live Music (and various other things) Collection... Possible trades in here :cool::rastana::banana:

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: creekfreek]
    #8228723 -

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe.
They both get pissed.
The giraffe falls over.
The man goes to leave and the bartender says,
"Oi. You can't leave that lyin' there."
And the man says, "No. It's not a lion. It's a giraffe."

I watched 28 days later a little while ago :p


--------------------
Orange Esplosion

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: creekfreek]
    #8228731 -

a neutron walks into a bar and orders a martini. Neutron asks "how much?". Wiping the bar down he goes "for you? no charge"


--------------------
omg really?

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: Pukgandi]
    #8228733 -

:thumbdown:uh not so much...:tongue:

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: weiliiiiiii]
    #8228737 -

The pirate one was ok but that last one was not good.

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: Pukgandi]
    #8228739 -

Good one.... :ilold:


--------------------
Welcome to The Shroomery... Show us your fruits!!!
HOW IT SHOULD AND SHOULDN'T LOOK - A GUIDE FOR NEW CULTIVATORS
GOT A CONTAM? NOT SURE WHAT? CLICK ME!
NOOB??? Start here
CreekFreeks Tradelist
Cops want drugs legalized too
The Beauty In Her Face
:band:My Live Music (and various other things) Collection... Possible trades in here :cool::rastana::banana:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: weiliiiiiii]
    #8228745 -

A man walks into a bar.....ouch.


--------------------
"I celebrate the Earth, my home, my mother, my grave, and as long as men are Man they must, if they would preserve the integrated being, do the same---[and preserve]--this rank casual hungry smelly sweaty lusting transitory body, my oozy pulpy liquid-bag-swollen body, bones, blood, hair glands, my bejeweled sex; I love and celebrate it all.  never to let men forget that they are animals as much as gods---that is one thing I shall say."

  Edward Abbey

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: hawksapprentice]
    #8228753 -

hawksapprentice said:
A man walks into a bar.....ouch.


Yeah yeah I suppose that had to get posted.
Now that thats over...........


--------------------
Welcome to The Shroomery... Show us your fruits!!!
HOW IT SHOULD AND SHOULDN'T LOOK - A GUIDE FOR NEW CULTIVATORS
GOT A CONTAM? NOT SURE WHAT? CLICK ME!
NOOB??? Start here
CreekFreeks Tradelist
Cops want drugs legalized too
The Beauty In Her Face
:band:My Live Music (and various other things) Collection... Possible trades in here :cool::rastana::banana:

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: hawksapprentice]
    #8228757 -

hawksapprentice said:
A man walks into a bar.....ouch.


hahaha!


--------------------
Orange Esplosion

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: impgl]
    #8228767 -

impgl said:
a neutron walks into a bar and orders a martini. Neutron asks "how much?". Wiping the bar down he goes "for you? no charge"


this one fucking rocks

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: hawksapprentice]
    #8228776 -

hawksapprentice said:
A man walks into a bar.....ouch.


Two men walk into a bar... the third one ducks.

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: creekfreek]
    #8228780 -

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder.

The guy sits at the bar, and the monkey walks a round the bar, and hops on a pool table. Suddenly it eats the cue ball.

The bartender was like WTF?! The guy says "yea he does that, just put it on my tab"

A few weeks pass and the guy comes in again, and the monkey walks around.

The monkey stops at a woman with a drink with a cherry. He grabs the cherry, shoves it up his ass, and eats it.

Again the bartender is like WTF?!

The guy responds "yea, ever since that cue ball, he measures everything first."


--------------------

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. Im not too sure about the former.      -Einstein

Of course the rules need to be enforced, but the goal of law and order should be to create a just society, not to enforce laws. -Unknown

“I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.”  -Stephen Roberts

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: creekfreek]
    #8228785 -

A polar bear walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "What'll it be?"

The polar bear says, "I'll have a rum and... ... ...coke."

"What's with the big pause?" the bartender smirks.

The polar bear replies, "Oh these? I've always had these."

-

... works better when spoken, obviously...

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: ThirdEyeOpening]
    #8228789 -

ThirdEyeOpening said:
The guy responds "yea, ever since that cue ball, he measures everything first."


Hah... what the fuck...

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: creekfreek]
    #8228790 -

creekfreek said:
Good one.... :ilold:


x2 lol

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: xdzt]
    #8228795 -

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"


--------------------
I don't believe in cops, bosses, or politicians. Some call that anarchism. I call it having a fucking heart that beats.


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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: xdzt]
    #8228800 -

Two strings walk into a bar.

The first one tries to order, but the bartender throws him out, shouting: "Get the hell out! We don't serve strings here!"

The second quickly ducks into the toilet where he ruffles up his hair. He returns to the bar and tries to order a drink. The bartender says "Listen, Bub! Didn't you hear what I just said to your buddy? I don't serve strings here."
"Yeah, so?"
"Well, aren't you a string?"
"No, I'm a frayed knot."

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: xdzt]
    #8228804 -

A man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac (pavement) rolled up under his arm.
The bartender asks, "What'll it be?"
The man replies, "One for me and one for the road."

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: ThirdEyeOpening]
    #8228811 -

a cheeseburger walks into a bar and orders a beer

the bartender says "I'm sorry... we don't serve food."


--------------------
when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro

what you're feeling is premature enlightenment

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Re: A pirate walks into a bar........... [Re: xdzt]
    #8228825 -

So a Panda Bear walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a sandwich.

The bartender is like, "Whoah! Cool! A Panda!", so he makes him a sandwich and brings it to the bear.

The bear eats the sandwich, pulls a gun out from behind his back, fires it into the ceiling, then turns around and walks out of the bar.

Nobody knows just what the fuck was happening. Once the bar had calmed back down the bartender pulled out an encyclopedia from behind the bar and turns to the entry for the Panda.

Everything is explained when he reads the caption under the picture...

Quote:
Bear, Panda : Eats Shoots and Leaves.



--------------------
After one comes, through contact with it's administrators, no longer to cherish greatly the law as a remedy in abuses, then the bottle becomes a sovereign means of direct action.  If you cannot throw it at least you can always drink out of it.  - Ernest Hemingway

If it is life that you feel you are missing I can tell you where to find it.  In the law courts, in business, in government.  There is nothing occurring in the streets. Nothing but a dumbshow composed of the helpless and the impotent.    -Cormac MacCarthy

He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.  - Aeschylus

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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