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Anonymous #1
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:)
#8069792 - 02/25/08 07:28 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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healing
Edited by Anonymous (09/16/09 02:36 PM)
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wrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy



Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 13,676
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 14 hours, 24 minutes
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honestly, without sounding too emo about it...
sometimes i wish my parents would have aborted me. granted, i turned out alright (i think), i still got my issues but life has been fun. but neither of my parents were ready for a child, when they had me. my childhood suffered from this fact, and i am still dealing with issues from this.
basically, i dont think what you did was wrong at all. theres enough fucked up little children in this world. if you didnt have the means to care for the child at the time, you did it a huge favor by sending it back to where it came from before it had a chance to get all fucked up. dont feel bad about it...
-------------------- how's your WOW?
Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM)
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JoseLibrado
return


Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 569
Last seen: 15 years, 6 months
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hey, what a story.
I heard this does happen with alot of people. I dont like the idea of it anymore, yet i question why.
Life is good sometimes, but chances are you will live a shitty life in this world.
I know this - if you want proof walk around downtown toronto on a work day, peoples serious overworked faces tell it all, especially the feelings you get.
This world as of right now is heading towards self-destruction and war, ravaging lives, starving people over the pursuit of power and more of it.
Really i wouldnt want to be brought here if i had a choice. Maybe another world, that lives and is guided through truth, peace and love - not deception, fight and hatred.
I think your decision was the only one you could have made, because when we make decisions we make them under the question "What is best choice i can make?" Showing me that at that moment, this was the only decision to be made. And i think also, this decision was on the money, spot on, and in the best interests of the child.
ok peace to you and ease to your strenous moments.
-------------------- The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution. And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change. Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems. Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....
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qwertymkonji
on a stick



Registered: 06/26/06
Posts: 152
Loc: Universe
Last seen: 4 months, 13 days
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mod edit, this is a serious forum. and making light or fun of anothers situation is completely un acceptable, even if it was meant as a joke.
Edited by Capatalistc nomad (02/25/08 10:52 PM)
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wocka
Lurker


Registered: 10/26/07
Posts: 771
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
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Thats gotta be a wild experience you went through. I hope I would never have to have that decision in my life, it is a life I geuss. Where does it start "a life"?
not trying to be lame but why cant we look at it the same way some one gingering masterbates and aborts all that sperm. Im thinkng its because its a fruit almost like a mushroom because it has 2 parents?
I try to look at it as one door closed is another door open. And you cant have joy without pain/rain without sunshine/good and the bag
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I had an abortion [Re: wocka]
#8069931 - 02/25/08 08:06 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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healing
Edited by Anonymous (09/16/09 02:37 PM)
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wrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy



Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 13,676
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 14 hours, 24 minutes
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
wocka said: Where does it start "a life"?
This is a great question. I spent a lot of time trying to find the answer. I asked people of all ages. I searched religious texts. I googled it.
There is no right answer. There is no wrong answer.
in that case, your feelings of guilt are unsubstantiated. thats not to say i know how you feel, because i will never, nor will i ever have the ability to, abort a child... as i am a male. but seriously here, what is worse? preventing a more than likely fucked up life, coming into a fucked up world... or sending the soul back to the pool for someone else to abort?
-------------------- how's your WOW?
Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM)
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Anonymous #1
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yep
Edited by Anonymous (09/16/09 02:38 PM)
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JoseLibrado
return


Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 569
Last seen: 15 years, 6 months
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Who are you? this questions answere decides the answere to this question too; What would you look for in a living thing, to see yourself?
The shape of the eyes, the look of the mouth?
The desire for good, the longing for truth?
Go on, the symphony awaits maestra.
-------------------- The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution. And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change. Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems. Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....
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flangenips
Batshitinsanse



Registered: 01/20/08
Posts: 1,520
Loc: aotearoa
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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Interesting story. I hope one that one day in the future you can bring a new life into this world whom has a good father and is a good partner to you. You sound like you want to be a good mother and you probably made the right decision. That is not a bad selfishness, wanting to love a life, just then was not the time. Thus, i hope a child gets to experience your love and care and to grow up with it.
-------------------- All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher. - Ambrose Bierce
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wrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy



Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 13,676
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 14 hours, 24 minutes
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Quote:
Anonymous said: There is truth in what you are saying.
There is also a selfishness that lies alongside the guilt. Guilt is not the only emotion, although I think it is the dominant one. I want to hold that child in my arms and feel him, love him, protect ands support him. I want to help him, teach him. I want to know what his favorite color is and what kind of ice cream he likes. I want to look into another human beings face and see myself.
Maybe you could say that I did the right thing for him, but not so much for myself. I do not know. It feels good to talk about it.
give this love to the child you have when you are prepared to do so. let go of the guilt, and selfishness. there is nothing selfish about not bringing a child into a world that cannot take care of it. if anything, it is the opposite. i see it as, you loved the child so much, you spared it from a life that would have been potentially way fucked up. quit beating yourself up over it.
im not sure how you feel or what you believe about prebirth/afterlife states, but if anything you gave this child the chance to be born into a more welcoming state. into a life with parents more able to offer what the child needs. you will have your chance to be the mother you want to be, when you are ready.
-------------------- how's your WOW?
Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM)
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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It's always a very hard choice to make! The emotions you are dealing with are totally understandable and it's awesome that you're talking about it. That will definitly help the process of making peace with your choice.
Remember, you can always have a child now or later when you feel more prepared!
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imachavel
I loved and lost but I loved-ftw


Registered: 06/06/07
Posts: 31,375
Loc: You get banned for saying that
Last seen: 1 hour, 8 minutes
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god, that really sucks, you were awake? and could feel the pain? man, that's rough......
if it makes you feel better, i watched this freind of mine get pregnant, quit hard drugs, go through poverty, problems with her family, the fathers family, and all types of shit, and have no idea if she'll be a good mother, without a good job or an education. I mean, shit, who knows what life that kid will have, could be anything.
shit, i wish there was something i could tell you... anyway .........
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I did not say to edit my signature soulidarity! Now forever I will never remember what I said about understanding the secrets of the universe by paying attention to subtleties!
I'm never giving you the password again. Jerk
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ZippoZ
Knomadic



Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
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Re: I had an abortion [Re: imachavel]
#8070696 - 02/25/08 10:59 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Im sorry that you had to go through somthing so rough, its was truly a horrible situation that you were in.
I Was talking to my girl the other day about abortion, and what would happen if she were to get pregnant (we do take the proper precautions, but you never know)
she pretty much said that she would have an abortion, hands down, no question about it..
personally I would never be able to live with my self if my child was aborted. i dont think that i would ever be strong enough to get past it. I would want to have that kid, and raise it as my own.
then again, i say this now, but who knows what might happen if i was actually in that situation.
-------------------- PEACE
zippoz "in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption" "People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."
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sterilite
Peku



Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 87
Loc: d-town
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
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you are very brave to share your story. i commend you for opening up. this is a side of abortion that the debates aren't interested in talking about, of course.
in reference to the question about when life actually starts-it's all a matter of opinion. some feel that life starts with the first sign of a soul, others believe it is the first sign of brain activity. in reality, it can be numerous things to many people...there will never be a definite answer (until the government decides to choose one, i guess...).
good luck with everything. im sure it will be a continuous emotional struggle.
-------------------- "What did Noam Chomsky say about eating pussy?"
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I had an abortion [Re: sterilite]
#8071548 - 02/26/08 08:06 AM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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again
Edited by Anonymous (09/16/09 02:38 PM)
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I had an abortion [Re: sterilite]
#8071581 - 02/26/08 08:28 AM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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....
Edited by Anonymous (09/16/09 02:39 PM)
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BrAiN
Art Fag


Registered: 03/01/01
Posts: 6,875
Loc: Chocolate City
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I was 24 years old when I did it. I was in a fucked up relationship with someone who was full of manipulative lies and emotional abuse. The sad part about the whole thing is that I thought that I actually wanted to keep the baby... but it had to be a family situation. I didn't want to be a young, single mother with no education or income.
I remember everything about the procedure. It's burned into my memory. The smell of the clinic, the sound of the machines, the voices and words of the nurses...and the pain as they removed my 8 week old baby from my body. It hurt like a motherfucker. I was on Ativan, IV Morphine and N2O. It was the worst trip of my life and I've eaten a lot of acid in a lot of bad situations.
This was a few years ago and I still think about it all the time. I always think how old my kid would be, I even look at kids clothing and toys in stores. I was severely, chronically depressed for a long time after this. I would cry if I saw babies and thier mothers, I hated myself for what I had done. Not just a few tears easily hidden. Full on out-of-control sobbing. I stopped eating. I was down to 105 pounds of nothing. I was hungry because my body thought I was pregnant, but I felt like I didn't deserve to eat, to fill the need for food because I had killed my baby.
I still have dreams. Last night I had one. It was a baby boy in my arms and I watched him slowly grow into a toddler, helped him take his first steps, comforted him when he was upset, protected him from outside dangers. I felt so happy to be with him, close to him. I just wanted to keep him close to me and I know it was my baby boy because he had his fathers eyes.
I'm doing a lot better now. I eat, I've gained my weight back. I've stopped random bouts of wailing at the sight of babies and small children...but I'm still really touchy when it comes to the subject of abortion. I didn't make this thread to discuss the morals and the right or wrongness of it.
I just wanted to say I did it, and it fucks with my head every day of my life and it's really, really hard to deal with. I guess you could say I've dealt with my sadness...and now I'm just really angry. Angry with the father, angry at myself. Angry at every person who told me I had to make this decision on my own.
Dear little baby. Girl or boy. I love you.
How long's it been since?
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I had an abortion [Re: BrAiN]
#8071635 - 02/26/08 08:55 AM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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It's been a few years.
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boxcarguy07
Uno



Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 3,942
Loc: SC
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
wocka said: Where does it start "a life"?
This is a great question. I spent a lot of time trying to find the answer. I asked people of all ages. I searched religious texts. I googled it.
There is no right answer. There is no wrong answer.
The question is not when is it alive. It is alive at conception. That can't really be disputed. The question is "When is it a human?" That's a little harder to answer.
--------------------
Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart.
"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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