Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help!

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BurningBeard
The IncomparableMr. Flannery

Registered: 01/23/08
Posts: 327
Loc: The bottom of the bottle.

Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help!

#7953172 - 01/29/08 11:53 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Okay... this is gonna be a little lengthie so try to stick with me here.

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about five months now. I found out that she'd become pregnant about four months into our relationship. When I was a kid, my dad took off... three days after I was born. So, for obvious reasons I felt an obligation to stick it out with my girlfriend and I made it abundantly clear to her that this is how I felt.

Some time passed uneventfully. I lapsed into a period of time where I was less attentive than I perhaps could have been and this irked her to no end. That was where things started to go downhill.

We discussed the matter pretty in depth, and had it resolved for the most part I think. I endeavored to grab a prepaid cell to keep in touch with her in an attempt to bridge the gap. She lives thirty mins away from me and as I am partially blind I can't drive to see her.

But, one thing lead to another, and as time passed, things became strained between us. We've not always seen eye-to-eye on matters, and part of that has to do with the gender line, part with her pregnancy and thus emotional overhaul, part to do with her relative inexperience and youth as compared to me, and a number of other factors. She went through a very tumultuous period in her job... as in she got laid off. This further compounded the other arguments we'd been having. I tried as best as I could to be a supporter in the matter, offering consolation, ideas, and simple empathy. However, every idea I'd offer, evry thought I'd bring to the table would be immediately shot down by her. It was as though she enjoyed the negativity... wallowed in it. For me, this was frustrating because all I wanted to do was be a supporting pillar and I got scorn in return for my attempts.

It all came to a head a couple of weeks ago. We had one particularly huge argument about all sorts of matters that I'm not going to go into here, and the end result was her saying she wanted to think things through... that she needed some alone time. Bitter and unkind words were thrown from both sides of the line and I gave her her solitude.

Two weeks have passed with us talking twice in that timespan. She's not even making a concerted effort to talk to me. Now, the issues that have arisen are far larger than meer attentiveness. Now, it's about us, the baby, and what we're gonna do in regards to that.

I was raised on a very oldschool line of thinking when it comes to couples. I was tought that commitment is the first and foremost goal if it can be achieved. But, as things stand now, I'm the only one willing to commit. She claims she needs time to think, but I've given her two weeks which I feel is more than sufficient. Instead of giving me a concrete response as to her line of thinking when it comes to us, she's dancing around the issue, not approaching it. I broach the topic, and she finds a side argument, degenerating the argument into a meaningless tangent.

As a case in point, I spoke with her this evening and told her how badly she was hurting me with her aloofness. instead of acknowledging this, she started complaining about how she's having to be embarrassed over government aid for the baby. She didn't even acknowledge the fact that this is bigger than just her and her issues. She's the sort that is unwavering in her self-righteousness, unwilling to either bend or give in an argument. I can't tell you folks how many times our arguments hav ended with me assuming responsibility, sometimes when it wasn't even my fault... just for the sake of finding peace.

I'm stuck now. She's being unresponsive, has our child inside her, and I'm left twiddling my thumbs like an idiot. I'm not going to do this anymore. I want to seek council from a lawyer. I'm afraid that she's going to go after me for child support. If she tries, she'll undoubtedly get it because guys are always fucked in matters like this. She's not due until August or September, but despite things being that far off, I'm terrified.

I'm literally powerless here. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to her. She's made that impossible. I can't seek legal recourse this early because it'll cause a fight or flight instinct in her. I know how she is. I'm at least going to speak with a lawyer and get a free consultation so I know what my rights are in the matter. I have an obligation to this child, if not to us and I mean to uphold it. Because of what I went through with my father, I couldn't handle being such a complete hypocrit.

So what now? If I can't talk to her, and if I can't seek legal recourse, what am I supposed to do? I'm completely horrified and totally stumped here.

To be fair, she's gone through a lot of stuff on her own... she's having to accept welfare, which is never easy. She's lost her job, which is also painful. But instead of letting me in to support her, she's shelled herself away and isn't even trying anymore. This is such a role reversal in terms of gender and I can't handle being so powerless.

Sorry to gush so personally here, but you guys seem very level-headed and in my very short time here I've gained a respect for you all. Any thoughts, prayers, or whatever would be appreciated because I'm out of ideas and have my back against a wall.

--------------------
Daedalus, your child is falling and the Labyrinth is calling.
Renegade heaps, humanity abandoned
Bower of the vowels, you lit them and fanned them.
Mercury, the courier, celestial messenger
Bed with Dawn, your bride.
Arrowhead of Diane, pierce the mind of a man,
Tongueless muse of time

Extras:

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