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InvisibleBurningBeard
The IncomparableMr. Flannery
Male
Registered: 01/23/08
Posts: 327
Loc: The bottom of the bottle.
Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help!
    #7953172 - 01/29/08 09:53 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Okay... this is gonna be a little lengthie so try to stick with me here.

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about five months now. I found out that she'd become pregnant about four months into our relationship. When I was a kid, my dad took off... three days after I was born. So, for obvious reasons I felt an obligation to stick it out with my girlfriend and I made it abundantly clear to her that this is how I felt.

Some time passed uneventfully. I lapsed into a period of time where I was less attentive than I perhaps could have been and this irked her to no end. That was where things started to go downhill.

We discussed the matter pretty in depth, and had it resolved for the most part I think. I endeavored to grab a prepaid cell to keep in touch with her in an attempt to bridge the gap. She lives thirty mins away from me and as I am partially blind I can't drive to see her.

But, one thing lead to another, and as time passed, things became strained between us. We've not always seen eye-to-eye on matters, and part of that has to do with the gender line, part with her pregnancy and thus emotional overhaul, part to do with her relative inexperience and youth as compared to me, and a number of other factors. She went through a very tumultuous period in her job... as in she got laid off. This further compounded the other arguments we'd been having. I tried as best as I could to be a supporter in the matter, offering consolation, ideas, and simple empathy. However, every idea I'd offer, evry thought I'd bring to the table would be immediately shot down by her. It was as though she enjoyed the negativity... wallowed in it. For me, this was frustrating because all I wanted to do was be a supporting pillar and I got scorn in return for my attempts.

It all came to a head a couple of weeks ago. We had one particularly huge argument about all sorts of matters that I'm not going to go into here, and the end result was her saying she wanted to think things through... that she needed some alone time. Bitter and unkind words were thrown from both sides of the line and I gave her her solitude.

Two weeks have passed with us talking twice in that timespan. She's not even making a concerted effort to talk to me. Now, the issues that have arisen are far larger than meer attentiveness. Now, it's about us, the baby, and what we're gonna do in regards to that.

I was raised on a very oldschool line of thinking when it comes to couples. I was tought that commitment is the first and foremost goal if it can be achieved. But, as things stand now, I'm the only one willing to commit. She claims she needs time to think, but I've given her two weeks which I feel is more than sufficient. Instead of giving me a concrete response as to her line of thinking when it comes to us, she's dancing around the issue, not approaching it. I broach the topic, and she finds a side argument, degenerating the argument into a meaningless tangent.

As a case in point, I spoke with her this evening and told her how badly she was hurting me with her aloofness. instead of acknowledging this, she started complaining about how she's having to be embarrassed over government aid for the baby. She didn't even acknowledge the fact that this is bigger than just her and her issues. She's the sort that is unwavering in her self-righteousness, unwilling to either bend or give in an argument. I can't tell you folks how many times our arguments hav ended with me assuming responsibility, sometimes when it wasn't even my fault... just for the sake of finding peace.

I'm stuck now. She's being unresponsive, has our child inside her, and I'm left twiddling my thumbs like an idiot. I'm not going to do this anymore. I want to seek council from a lawyer. I'm afraid that she's going to go after me for child support. If she tries, she'll undoubtedly get it because guys are always fucked in matters like this. She's not due until August or September, but despite things being that far off, I'm terrified.

I'm literally powerless here. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to her. She's made that impossible. I can't seek legal recourse this early because it'll cause a fight or flight instinct in her. I know how she is. I'm at least going to speak with a lawyer and get a free consultation so I know what my rights are in the matter. I have an obligation to this child, if not to us and I mean to uphold it. Because of what I went through with my father, I couldn't handle being such a complete hypocrit.

So what now? If I can't talk to her, and if I can't seek legal recourse, what am I supposed to do? I'm completely horrified and totally stumped here.

To be fair, she's gone through a lot of stuff on her own... she's having to accept welfare, which is never easy. She's lost her job, which is also painful. But instead of letting me in to support her, she's shelled herself away and isn't even trying anymore. This is such a role reversal in terms of gender and I can't handle being so powerless.

Sorry to gush so personally here, but you guys seem very level-headed and in my very short time here I've gained a respect for you all. Any thoughts, prayers, or whatever would be appreciated because I'm out of ideas and have my back against a wall.


--------------------
Daedalus, your child is falling and the Labyrinth is calling.
Renegade heaps, humanity abandoned
Bower of the vowels, you lit them and fanned them.
Mercury, the courier, celestial messenger
Bed with Dawn, your bride.
Arrowhead of Diane, pierce the mind of a man,
Tongueless muse of time

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InvisibleFerris
PsychedelicJourneyman
Male

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 11,529
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: BurningBeard]
    #7953209 - 01/29/08 09:57 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

So, do you still love her?


--------------------

Discuss Politics

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InvisiblePenguarky Tunguin
f n o r d
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Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: BurningBeard]
    #7953246 - 01/29/08 10:01 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

BurningBeard said:
I was raised on a very oldschool line of thinking when it comes to couples. I was tought that commitment is the first and foremost goal if it can be achieved. But, as things stand now, I'm the only one willing to commit. She claims she needs time to think, but I've given her two weeks which I feel is more than sufficient. Instead of giving me a concrete response as to her line of thinking when it comes to us, she's dancing around the issue, not approaching it. I broach the topic, and she finds a side argument, degenerating the argument into a meaningless tangent.




Read this over again, and reread it, and maybe even reread it AGAIN.  Everything you need to know regarding you next step is in this paragraph. 

You're old school and want to put commitment first, she doesn't and she's being aloof and whatever. 

Launch her.

That's harsh, but you asked.  :smile:


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.

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InvisibleHELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
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Posts: 84,387
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Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: BurningBeard]
    #7953261 - 01/29/08 10:02 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

That sucks... is it too late to abort?


--------------------



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Invisibleim_on_a_boat
Stranger

Registered: 04/06/06
Posts: 3,950
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: BurningBeard]
    #7953285 - 01/29/08 10:06 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

i mean yeah dude you gotta do what you gotta do and im guess that she WANTS a baby or she is against abortion or something like that.. maybe she doesn't necessarily want you to be a part of that baby's life, which is fucked up..  like she just used you to get knocked up.. i know bitches that have done that.

have y'all ever considered adoption?  i mean if y'all cant give the baby a good life, give it to someone who can.. and i'm not saying that y'all cant and not that y'all aren't able to, but maybe give it an opportunity to be in a better situation which might be best for it.

i've imagined myself in this situation many times and dread it.. i'm not ready to be a father yet but i dont feel that i would be horrible it's just that there is so many more things that i need to do before i become a father.. like graduate and get a career established.. and get married :tongue:

i dont mean to offend i'm offering up suggestions.

if i were you bro, i would get this figured out before she comes running to you asking for child support for a kid you never get to see.

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InvisibleBurningBeard
The IncomparableMr. Flannery
Male
Registered: 01/23/08
Posts: 327
Loc: The bottom of the bottle.
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: Ferris]
    #7953286 - 01/29/08 10:06 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Ferris said:
So, do you still love her?




No. At this point, I'm justtrying to develo some semblence of a salvage from this gigantic clusterfuck. I don't expect us to even stay together at this point... but what I do expect is for her to grow the fuck up and be cooperative.


--------------------
Daedalus, your child is falling and the Labyrinth is calling.
Renegade heaps, humanity abandoned
Bower of the vowels, you lit them and fanned them.
Mercury, the courier, celestial messenger
Bed with Dawn, your bride.
Arrowhead of Diane, pierce the mind of a man,
Tongueless muse of time

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OfflineCubie
Moderator
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Posts: 8,840
Loc: Down the rabbit hole...
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #7953288 - 01/29/08 10:06 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

She's prego she's gonna be crazy off the top

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InvisibleDirtMcgirt
in a pinch
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Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 2,213
Loc: city of angels
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: BurningBeard]
    #7953291 - 01/29/08 10:07 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Yeah, nothing you can do now except boot her, be there for the kid, and find a way to make money off the books. As long as abortion or giving it up for adoption isn't an option


--------------------
"And we, inhabitants of the great coral of the Cosmos, believe the atom (which still we cannot see) to be full matter, whereas, it too, like everything else, is but an embroidery of voids in the Void, and we give the name of being, dense and even eternal, to that dance of inconsistencies, that infinite extension that is identified with absolute Nothingness and that spins from its own non-being the illusion of everything."

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InvisibleBurningBeard
The IncomparableMr. Flannery
Male
Registered: 01/23/08
Posts: 327
Loc: The bottom of the bottle.
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #7953306 - 01/29/08 10:10 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

HELLA_TIGHT said:
That sucks... is it too late to abort?




You have to understand her. She is juvenial to a fault. So, too late or otherwise, she would never go along with me. She is hopelessly self-righteious in all matters where we disagree. She has never even so much as apologized to me once in the entirety of our relationshiip... which was fine when we didn't have a kid and I had a lot more control.


--------------------
Daedalus, your child is falling and the Labyrinth is calling.
Renegade heaps, humanity abandoned
Bower of the vowels, you lit them and fanned them.
Mercury, the courier, celestial messenger
Bed with Dawn, your bride.
Arrowhead of Diane, pierce the mind of a man,
Tongueless muse of time

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleBurningBeard
The IncomparableMr. Flannery
Male
Registered: 01/23/08
Posts: 327
Loc: The bottom of the bottle.
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: Cubie]
    #7953309 - 01/29/08 10:11 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Cubie said:
She's prego she's gonna be crazy off the top




Are you ever going to contribue more than some snarky piece of shit remark? I've seen it constantly from you and it's the last thing I need right now.


--------------------
Daedalus, your child is falling and the Labyrinth is calling.
Renegade heaps, humanity abandoned
Bower of the vowels, you lit them and fanned them.
Mercury, the courier, celestial messenger
Bed with Dawn, your bride.
Arrowhead of Diane, pierce the mind of a man,
Tongueless muse of time

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleBurningBeard
The IncomparableMr. Flannery
Male
Registered: 01/23/08
Posts: 327
Loc: The bottom of the bottle.
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: im_on_a_boat]
    #7953327 - 01/29/08 10:15 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

drkrobotnik said:
i mean yeah dude you gotta do what you gotta do and im guess that she WANTS a baby or she is against abortion or something like that.. maybe she doesn't necessarily want you to be a part of that baby's life, which is fucked up..  like she just used you to get knocked up.. i know bitches that have done that.

have y'all ever considered adoption?  i mean if y'all cant give the baby a good life, give it to someone who can.. and i'm not saying that y'all cant and not that y'all aren't able to, but maybe give it an opportunity to be in a better situation which might be best for it.

i've imagined myself in this situation many times and dread it.. i'm not ready to be a father yet but i dont feel that i would be horrible it's just that there is so many more things that i need to do before i become a father.. like graduate and get a career established.. and get married :tongue:

i dont mean to offend i'm offering up suggestions.

if i were you bro, i would get this figured out before she comes running to you asking for child support for a kid you never get to see.




No offense taken man. I appreciate your constructive feedback a lot. The thought of being used as a doner has crossed my mind. But, I can't really say that with any certainty and she'd never admit it, you know?

She's essentially making it impossible for me right now... not giving me any options. I've tried talking... tried yelling... tried ignoring... tried a little of everything. At this point, I'm gonna hit the lawyer and pray because I don't feel there are many other choices. She won't do the adoption thing, she won't do the abortion thing... and s she's adamantly against birth control and has said she wants SEVEN fucking kids before. I didn't think she was serious, but now that I look at it ... I'm starting to wonder.


--------------------
Daedalus, your child is falling and the Labyrinth is calling.
Renegade heaps, humanity abandoned
Bower of the vowels, you lit them and fanned them.
Mercury, the courier, celestial messenger
Bed with Dawn, your bride.
Arrowhead of Diane, pierce the mind of a man,
Tongueless muse of time

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisibleim_on_a_boat
Stranger

Registered: 04/06/06
Posts: 3,950
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: BurningBeard]
    #7953518 - 01/29/08 10:40 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

all i can say to that is man.. that's some bullshit.

you have met the chick that every college guy fears.

good luck bro is all i can say..

and dont get mad at that one dude for calling her preggo and crazy.. it's a proven fact that chicks get like that when they are pregnant man.. it's just something you are going to have to deal with.

but from one man to another, i can see where you are coming from and you're taking a very mature stance on your predicament. if she's being unreasonable then i would probably just say 'fuck it' myself..

i would make sure you get a lawyer involved because it can be a serious thing.

a child should be brought into the world into a loving family, sadly this isn't the case so you should do whatever you can to help that child and at this point in your life i would say adoption would be the best option.. but that's just me bro.. good night and good luck.

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InvisibleBurningBeard
The IncomparableMr. Flannery
Male
Registered: 01/23/08
Posts: 327
Loc: The bottom of the bottle.
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: im_on_a_boat]
    #7953736 - 01/29/08 11:13 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Yeah... that outburst was more a product of the moment than anything. The shit's just kinda weighing down hard right now. So my bad on that.

I have just gotta say thanks to this community. After some good herb I've managed to chill out a bit. And if it weren't for you guys as a sounding board I'd probably have flipped out. I officially fucking love this place.

Either way, the lawyer's in. I don't know where this is going. Maybe I'll be lucky and she'll realize how fucking childish she's being. If not, then I'll just roll with the punches, get my lawyer, plan my moves and pray to dear fucking god that all works out. It usually does. Fuck, if not, then time heals all.


--------------------
Daedalus, your child is falling and the Labyrinth is calling.
Renegade heaps, humanity abandoned
Bower of the vowels, you lit them and fanned them.
Mercury, the courier, celestial messenger
Bed with Dawn, your bride.
Arrowhead of Diane, pierce the mind of a man,
Tongueless muse of time

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineCubie
Moderator
Male


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Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 8,840
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Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: BurningBeard]
    #7953810 - 01/29/08 11:27 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

BurningBeard said:
Quote:

Cubie said:
She's prego she's gonna be crazy off the top




Are you ever going to contribue more than some snarky piece of shit remark? I've seen it constantly from you and it's the last thing I need right now.





ALL GIRLS ARE PSYCHO WHEN THEIR PREGO
Derr :rofl2:

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InvisibleBurningBeard
The IncomparableMr. Flannery
Male
Registered: 01/23/08
Posts: 327
Loc: The bottom of the bottle.
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: Cubie]
    #7953836 - 01/29/08 11:31 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Cubie said:
Quote:

BurningBeard said:
Quote:

Cubie said:
She's prego she's gonna be crazy off the top




Are you ever going to contribue more than some snarky piece of shit remark? I've seen it constantly from you and it's the last thing I need right now.





ALL GIRLS ARE PSYCHO WHEN THEIR PREGO
Derr :rofl2:




See above.


--------------------
Daedalus, your child is falling and the Labyrinth is calling.
Renegade heaps, humanity abandoned
Bower of the vowels, you lit them and fanned them.
Mercury, the courier, celestial messenger
Bed with Dawn, your bride.
Arrowhead of Diane, pierce the mind of a man,
Tongueless muse of time

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleSenor_Doobie
Snake Pit Champion
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Registered: 08/11/99
Posts: 22,678
Loc: Trump Train
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: BurningBeard]
    #7953842 - 01/29/08 11:32 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Yeah, that's a crap situation, no doubt. Sounds like the chick is no good which sucks...Most you can do is get whatever custody you can live with when the time comes. The relationship sounds pretty unsalvageable.


--------------------
"America: Fuck yeah!" -- Alexthegreat

“Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle. The real extent of this state of misinformation is known only to those who are in situations to confront facts within their knowledge with the lies of the day.”  -- Thomas Jefferson

The greatest sin of mankind is ignorance.

The press takes [Trump] literally, but not seriously; his supporters take him seriously, but not literally. --Salena Zeto (9/23/16)

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InvisibleCrasher
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Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: Cubie]
    #7953844 - 01/29/08 11:32 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

My wife is pregnant with our second and I can vouch when I say:

Pregnant=Crazy.

Other than this, I won't touch it... you're two concenting adults, so abortion shouldn't be an option.


unless you raped her.









this was not an attempt at an abortion discussion.


--------------------
Give me silence, water, hope;
Give me struggle, iron, volcanoes...

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InvisibleSenor_Doobie
Snake Pit Champion
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Registered: 08/11/99
Posts: 22,678
Loc: Trump Train
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: Crasher]
    #7953850 - 01/29/08 11:34 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

>you're two concenting adults, so abortion shouldn't be an option.

Am I the only one who finds this statement contradictory?


--------------------
"America: Fuck yeah!" -- Alexthegreat

“Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle. The real extent of this state of misinformation is known only to those who are in situations to confront facts within their knowledge with the lies of the day.”  -- Thomas Jefferson

The greatest sin of mankind is ignorance.

The press takes [Trump] literally, but not seriously; his supporters take him seriously, but not literally. --Salena Zeto (9/23/16)

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InvisibleCrasher
αἱρετίζω
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Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: Senor_Doobie]
    #7953874 - 01/29/08 11:37 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

What? Two adults indulge in a process designed for procreation, and are reluctant to accept the obvious outcome?

So abortion is proposed as a contraceptive?



How is that contradictory?







Once again, this is not an attempt to discuss the pro-bullshit philosophies on either side.


--------------------
Give me silence, water, hope;
Give me struggle, iron, volcanoes...

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Invisibleim_on_a_boat
Stranger

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Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: Senor_Doobie]
    #7953886 - 01/29/08 11:40 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

not really.

i feel somewhat the same way about it..

no offense to the OP, but if you consent to it you know the consequences you have to accept responsibility for your actions.

i'm not pro-life but i mean abortion shouldn't be used lightly as an 'oops.. fix this little mistake' kinda thing.

i know bitches that have done it and it was definitely for the best, but they should have definitely been more careful.

there's always the day-after pill..

but i say adoption is the best option.. it pleases all parties.. except maybe the kid.. but it will probably have a better life than you could give it at that point in your own life.

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InvisibleBurningBeard
The IncomparableMr. Flannery
Male
Registered: 01/23/08
Posts: 327
Loc: The bottom of the bottle.
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: Crasher]
    #7953901 - 01/29/08 11:42 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Well I've already laid out why it is absolutely no option for me. Due to the past I have I couldn't do it and live with myself. The concept of abandonment in any form does not sit well with me.


--------------------
Daedalus, your child is falling and the Labyrinth is calling.
Renegade heaps, humanity abandoned
Bower of the vowels, you lit them and fanned them.
Mercury, the courier, celestial messenger
Bed with Dawn, your bride.
Arrowhead of Diane, pierce the mind of a man,
Tongueless muse of time

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisibleim_on_a_boat
Stranger

Registered: 04/06/06
Posts: 3,950
Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: BurningBeard]
    #7953907 - 01/29/08 11:44 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

from what i read, you might not have a choice brah..

:justdontknow:

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OfflineCubie
Moderator
Male


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Re: Problems of the female and fetal persuasion. Please help! [Re: Crasher]
    #7953936 - 01/29/08 11:50 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Crasher said:
My wife is pregnant with our second and I can vouch when I say:

Pregnant=Crazy.





:thumbup:

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