mushbaby said:

Oh yeah, I am sure the guys screwed these chicks.  So yes they were attracted to them ............. temporarily.  But that isn't what jelly is looking for.  And there are alot of girls that think if they sleep with a guy that he is her boyfriend.

That's the mistake I am trying to help her avoid. 

---

HB said:

I'm sorry to interrupt this thread, but Hakim0777 has the most badass avatar ever.

that said, when I was in high school, I felt blessed to have felt that I found my soul mate so early in my life. we broke up after a few years however (I cheated on her, lied about it forever, and fucked up the whole dynamic that made us so special), and I guess that I kind of disillusioned my OWN romantic (read: idealistic) view of the universe. the fact that I cheated probably meant I wasn't as happy as I maybe thought I was after all ... but for the "glowing" part of the relationship, there were only two things in the world that I cared about and loved to death: her, and my art. the fact that I loved her so much has destroyed my recent years of looking for new girls, as I unendingly compare them to her, and find that I just can't let go. I still now, unfortunately for me, feel that she was my soulmate but that maybe I'm just not meant to have everything I want in this life. in a recent attempt to make amends, she informed me that she was in love with somebody else now. go figure. I can't blame her though, and I guess I fucked up our chances of being together FOREVER.

obviously it was meant to happen for some reason, it just fucking sucks and I would regret it to this day if I didn't feel that every passing moment were "perfect" for some reason, even if we can't see it. the worst part is that I 'threw her away' at the end of the relationship when she kept running back to me and begging me to take her back. the begging didn't turn me off, we just became so close that it was impossible to be around her without a fight starting between us by the end, and for my sanity I had to let go. I was also addicted to pain meds at the end because of at that time having been diagnosed with a crazy disease and not having any idea what was happening to me.

I think that you (wearejellyfish) are just a hopeless romantic, too. it's not a bad thing, per se, but it hurts us because we care TOO much, as opposed to the usual guy or girl who hasn't maybe yet experienced such love and just wants to fuck and stay single. I feel I matured way too quickly for my age, and I suffer because of that. I NEVER wanted to just fuck a bunch of random girls ... and now that I'm single I just can't get over myself to start with a new girl, and when I try, I compare too much or become "needy" because I remember so well what being IN LOVE is like, and it's undefinable and unbeatable by any feeling in the world. maybe it's too scary or maybe I just need to resolve things in myself before I'll find what I'm looking for.

whatever it is, it SUCKS to have so much love and nobody to share it with. it feels worthless, and the fact that over 90% of music that exists is about love just fucks with my head and makes me angry. i've actually become resentful because of shit like that and the "games" we have to play to meet another potential mate. fucking sucks, man.

i hope that you, like myself, or anybody else with a heart, will eventually find who/what they're looking for in this random-ass chaotic storm we call reality.

---

HB said:

I cheated because of opportune circumstances and a feeling of not being fully satisfied for some reason. I could no longer detail specific reasons this many years later, but I was coming down from mushrooms and the other interested party and I happened to be horny and fucked around for a night. it was probably the worst decision I've ever made, but I made it for a reason, obviously. I was also young and stupid as fuck and adventurous but sometimes not so level-minded about doing risky shit ...

yes, I feel that if my life wasn't as chaotic as it currently is, and I weren't as young as I am (22) my love life might be more expansive, and I may even find myself with another girl I feel that good about. unfortunately, because I fell in love so early, I missed out on the younger years of learning how to meet MANY girls while still remaining single and happy ... and so now I struggle to approach girls and give it the full innocent chance I did when I was 14 and met that one girl, the only girl who appealed to me in the entire high school, btw. things are very different now, and I'm not so innocent, and so I'm not only jaded to some extent but I'm also stubborn in many ways that I wasn't when younger.

basically, I know it's up to me and love won't just come to me, it's just a lot of work to get over my stubborn bullshit and just get into the game ...

---

Hakim0777 said:

hmmmm you could always kill your self.bad joke. on a serious note maybe you need some new friends. where do you live?

---

myndreach said:

It's not the ants; it's that intangible lack of energy and hope...it just comes out as being ants or some other inconsequential item.

That being said, yes, most women (99%) want to change you. They sleep with you a lot in the beginning to hook you, knowing that men don't fall in love until they've had a lot of sex with someone, and then once they have you they try to change you into the person they want you to be.

---

mushbaby said:

I have noticed you have been posting a bit and it's pretty much always this sad.  I feel for you.  While some here can give you encouragement your best bet is to get off the internet and go make friends with a real live person.

Maybe the new job will help! 

I understand depression as well.  It just always seems like everything just isn't worth all the effort to do it.  Or little things like ants can overwhelm you.  You just have to take the action, buy the little ant baits, put them out and voila! no more ants.

I like pot as well as anyone else here, but that can sometimes make the depression worse.  Try easing up a little on it.  Maybe not smoke til evening or something. 

One last thing, a real relationship won't happen until you are not looking for it.  Guys can smell desperation a mile away and it scares them off.  Just relax.  Maybe buy yourself a little toy and enjoy yourself.     

---

Cepheus said:

I've probably told you this before:

stop being such a whiney bitch

Then realise your life isn't as bad as you think it is; climb out of your whole and re-assess who you really are.

No-one digs people that just bitch all the time about nothing. This is such a desperate cry for attention that its almost sickening.

Confidence and not caring what other people think about you are key to being who you want to be.

---

HB said:

I think that you (wearejellyfish) are just a hopeless romantic, too.  it's not a bad thing, per se, but it hurts us because we care TOO much, as opposed to the usual guy or girl who hasn't maybe yet experienced such love and just wants to fuck and stay single.  I feel I matured way too quickly for my age, and I suffer because of that.  I NEVER wanted to just fuck a bunch of random girls ... and now that I'm single I just can't get over myself to start with a new girl, and when I try, I compare too much or become "needy" because I remember so well what being IN LOVE is like, and it's undefinable and unbeatable by any feeling in the world.  maybe it's too scary or maybe I just need to resolve things in myself before I'll find what I'm looking for.

whatever it is, it SUCKS to have so much love and nobody to share it with.  it feels worthless, and the fact that over 90% of music that exists is about love just fucks with my head and makes me angry.  i've actually become resentful because of shit like that and the "games" we have to play to meet another potential mate.  fucking sucks, man.

i hope that you, like myself, or anybody else with a heart, will eventually find who/what they're looking for in this random-ass chaotic storm we call reality.

---

wearejellyfish said:

i haven't even had sex yet.

---

wearejellyfish said:

i'm still a virgin.

---

herein lies your problem girl



sex is the ultimate cure-all for everything 

wearejellyfish said:

i'm sick of worrying.

---

HB said:

I never said I excused myself, you asked why I cheated and I told you. it wasn't planned out and we were horny and coming down off mushrooms, what else is there to say?

I met her when I was 14, I cheated when I was 16 or 17 or something. for you to excuse me calling it "love" because it was a young age is the childish, because love knows no age. when you're born you're full of more love and pure understanding for the world than any other future age where you actually understand the way things work, and love starts to become conditional and stupid. frankly, I think the most potent love is always when you are young and naive. when you're older you have expectations and beliefs and so on, so the love is adulterated (prefix: adult)

do I like chaos? of course. but I also crave peace and understanding, like anybody else. but everybody in our world is misguided in some way, and for me it's about how relationship are and work and how to approach the whole dating scene.

i don't really get what you're saying about every problem being a repeat of the same problem. every problem is JUST a problem, and you either fix it somehow and learn and move on or you don't. i haven't cheated since then, but neither have I felt any affection for any girl like I did her, so i've learned some lessons and others i haven't.

am i very sexual person? ridiculously. but unfortunately jacking off does bullshit because it is bullshit to me, i don't "get off" unless I'm SERIOUSLY into the person I'm with. cumming doesn't count, but pure orgasmic peace and bliss with the right person is to me ALL that counts when it comes to sex.

and thus I find myself unattracted to fucking random girls. it doesn't hold any water for me.

---

fantasylndvictm said:

lol I would have to agree with Muppet.

---

wearejellyfish said:

i wish i could go back into drawing. but i lost all motivation for it. bu ti still photograph constantly. and that's what keeps me going.
my parents both have depression and are on antidepressants but i feel that i can find someway to overcome it without antidepressants. i just have to figure out how.

and thank you for saying that being a virgin has nothing to do with this. considering muppet and fantasy's response to it. i don't know. i think about sex a lot differently then other people. i overanalize everything, so i guess i overanalize sex as well.
and because i'm so insecure with my body. i don't put out or anything.
and i will have sex eventually, of course, but it wil be with someone i feel completely comfortable with. but until then.. i remain a virgin. and it doesn't really bother me.
so at least i have that.

---

wearejellyfish said:

i've been on antidepressants before but hated them. and refuse to ever take them again.

i'm not religious at all. sometimes i wish i was, just so i had something to believe in.

my goal in life is to basically travel and photograph. that's basically it. i don't eat properly. and i don't exercise enough. but being in the dorms makes it hard to eat properly. the fact is, i hardly even eat. i'm on remeron for sleep, and side effects are increase appetite and weight gain, but i have the complete opposite (THANKGOD)
but this summer, when i'll be living in a house, i'll be able to cook my own meals and ride my bike to and from campus everyday for work. and ride around just for exercise when i get bored.

i think of sex differently as in, i feel it's terribly overrated. and that the way i view sex, i want to lose my virginity to someone i truly love and know that they love me back. and maybe that's overrated too.
the most of it is just that i'm too self-conscious about my body. which i will hopefully overcome with all the exercising this summer.
i don't always want to be a virgin. and i'm definitely not one of those people saving myself for marriage. i'm just saving myself for when i feel comfortable enough.

---