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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: SCleROTiUM_LICK]
    #7000698 -

Before the shit goes down tonight I just want to go ahead and say thank you to everyone that has helped so much in such a shitty situation.

I'll be sure to keep you guys posted.:mushroom2::sun::heart:


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I'm selling all of my growing equipment!!!


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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: Snypa187]
    #7000704 -

She just needs some perspective of all that you have been through together. I'm sure she hasn't been floating away on purpose. :smile:

If it doesn't work out, or you find out something terrible, know that we are all here for you. :heartpump:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:

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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: SCleROTiUM_LICK]
    #7001172 -

SCleROTiUM_LICK said:
I hope you realize that you are well within your rights to insist that because she's started acting like a typical carefree 18 yr old, you're going to start fucking her like one.



I sure hope you meant something drastically different than I think you meant by this.:crankey:

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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #7001248 -

:biggrin: I meant wearing a condom!




:uptosomething: Yeah, I meant he should rape her like the ragdoll chattel that all little 18 yr old girls are?  Whatever!  :rolleyes:   
:goose:


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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: SCleROTiUM_LICK]
    #7001401 -

SCleROTiUM_LICK said:
:biggrin: I meant wearing a condom!




:uptosomething: Yeah, I meant he should rape her like the ragdoll chattel that all little 18 yr old girls are?  Whatever!  :rolleyes:   
:goose:


:rolleyes:


--------------------
"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"

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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: SCleROTiUM_LICK]
    #7001475 -

Alright guys. I'm back. We decided to just say fuck it and get a divorce.









































Nah just kidding:grin:

Over all I'm very happy with the out come. It didn't go as easy as I'd hoped for but I got to see it from her view point as well.

We came to a conclusion. We now understand each other's stress. Oh man, it's going to be hard to put into words.

Ever since I started working at home, I've been the only one to take care of the kids and all the house work. Up until about a week ago I had also been working from home selling health insurance. That was also around the time that Nikki's job started getting really demanding as far as coming in on her day off and having to come in early and stay later.
With everything that was going on, I was getting over loaded. So much shit to do, not enough time to do it in, and no wife to help out because of her fucking job. Thus, resulting in no time at all for myself. Thus again, resulting to me wanting more attention form Nikki. She saw it as being too much. Some examples are: When she's on the phone, for some reason I feel the need to be a part of the conversation. Every night I practically smother her trying to be close. I don't give her time alone when she's home and thats very understandable. She then has no choice but to go out.
It all comes down to me wanting to be so close to her lately that it's making her want to go further away. I've just been so bogged down lately and I haven't been able to go out and have some fun myself. I've been saying it for a while now and it's turned me into an attention whore. I may not have put the whole conversation into words but thats the best I could.
We also talked about how when she goes out how much of a bitch she is. I didn't even have to bring it up.
We both have some things that we're going to work on and we both agreed that we want to work together and try to co operate as a team.

The thing that I am the most happy about is the fact that it didn't turn into a "but you did this", "but you did that" kind of conversation. We both agreed that it's both of us and we were able to understand each other's feelings on the matter.

Man I need to get out more often! I seriously haven't left my house in a few weeks except running to the store to get a drink or a pack of smokes. I think I'm going to go hiking at the mountain early in the morning a few times a week. That would probably be a good start.

The whole conversation reminds me of a a nice trip. So much was discussed. Some I didn't really want to hear, some that was great! In the end, it's just complete understanding. You can't really put it in words, all I can say is that it was good and we are happy.:sun::mushroom2::heart:


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I'm selling all of my growing equipment!!!


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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: Snypa187]
    #7001489 -

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

Glad you're happy, buddy.


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"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"

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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: DrCamacho89]
    #7001505 -

:laugh:Oh man I gonna get high now. I already feel so much better.


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I'm selling all of my growing equipment!!!


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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: Snypa187]
    #7001724 -

It is awesome that you two were able to communicate with each other on a meaningful level without it turning into an emotional argument. :thumbup:

I would observe how she chooses to spend her time going forward now (as well as your own decisions as to how to act :wink:). If she exhibits all the same patterns as she was engaging in, then the talk, while reassuring you, was simply talk. I can understand needing some time apart, and I can understand not wanting to feel as though another is pushing themselves onto you, but I do not think that you would have been doing so if you were getting the time and attention and love you deserve.

I'm not trying to bring you down, but simply trying to help you stay focused and aware so that you can continue to develop your relationship, and not take this communication as a resolution, in itself, of this circumstance. This is only the beginning. The more consciousness you bring into yourself and this relationship, the more consciousness will be produced within her, through your interactions with each other. Awareness is the only path. :wink:

If there is love, then there is understanding, and there is no suffering. Center yourself in your being, with awareness, and experience that love, and you will act in accordance with it. If she is full of love, she will be receptive to that love and your circumstances will work themselves out. :heartpump:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:

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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: fireworks_god]
    #7001945 -

fireworks_god said:
I would observe how she chooses to spend her time going forward now (as well as your own decisions as to how to act :wink:). If she exhibits all the same patterns as she was engaging in, then the talk, while reassuring you, was simply talk. I can understand needing some time apart, and I can understand not wanting to feel as though another is pushing themselves onto you, but I do not think that you would have been doing so if you were getting the time and attention and love you deserve.





She is right though. I have been trying to be so close lately. I know it's because she's always working but still, I wouldn't like someone hanging all over me.
We used to be so cool with each other. We'd be close at only the best times.


I've been thinking about spirituality a lot lately. I don't take time out for myself at all anymore. I want to read, go hiking, maybe take up some kind of meditation. Something for myself. I've become dependent on my wife.

I guess it's like she was having her fun time and I wasn't so I was trying to get all up in her kool-aid and it was pissing her off and making her be a bitch when she got drunk.
I feel like such a n3wb:grin:


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I'm selling all of my growing equipment!!!


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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: Snypa187]
    #7002216 -

You're not going to like this one, but do you think she's having an affair? This all sounds too familiar to me as my wife had an affair on me after working "long" hours and such.

It seems to me that she needs to be confronted on many fronts; the work, the long hours, why she isn't spending time with you. I'm now very skeptical of folks as a result of my wife's affair but I did manage to leave her and get custody of my two girls.

I hope whatever you decide, that it all works out well for you...

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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: imaham]
    #7003034 -

Congrats snypa, sounds like a really healthy conversation! Communicating is so so important, and I'm glad you managed to both express your sides and hear the other out. It sounds like you're now on the same page as one another. Right on!

Sclerotium: My apologies for misinterpreting you. People often say that kind of stuff around here though, hence my jumping to conclusions. At least I didn't go on a rant without first asking what you meant! :doh:

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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: Snypa187]
    #7003137 -

Christ.

I thank God I never allowed myself to fall into a situation like that. Your girl never got to have much fun because of the 3 year old kid and now she wants to go have fun. Nothing is going to change that. The more you hassle her about it the more she'll want to do it and push you away.

You should have NEVER agreed to raise another man's child. You sir are a sucker for doing that. But, now I'm sure you are attached to that child and to your biological one.

You two were too young when you did all this shit. You never got to go have fun and explore. You need to tell her how you feel. You need to make it plain that if she gets to go out and have fun that you should be able to as well. Have it so that you watch the kids on Friday and she watches them on Saturday for example. The go out on Saturdays and have a blast.

Tell her how you feel but don't be whiny about it.

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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #7003239 -

RandalFlagg said:
You should have NEVER agreed to raise another man's child. You sir are a sucker for doing that.


Why is he a sucker because of that? I find it admirable personally. Now that little one has a father to look up to, where he wouldn't have before. I would choose the word sucker for someone who does a selfish act that has gained him superficial things but in the process ruin his idea of happiness.

What are you going to do when you meet a girl you fall in love with, and she just happens to have a child from a previous marriage? You would consider accepting that part of her past and staying with her because she is an amazing person to be a bad thing? You, my friend, sound like the sucker.

50 % of marriage fail these days, and there are a lot of single mommas and poppas out there in the dating pool. The older you get, the more you encounter it. The fact that Snypa understands this and is willing to work on his marriage instead of giving up in no way makes him a sucker. Just a smart man who knows what he wants.


--------------------
"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"

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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: DrCamacho89]
    #7003249 -

I agree, DrCamacho, he is a smart man for trying. Many don't make the effort, so that is admirable. However, part of being smart is knowing when to walk away from a situation that is not making the person happy. Hopefully, Snypa, you will find the contentment you crave and deserve...

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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: imaham]
    #7003274 -

I completely agree.  He has children though, so I'm sure it's a little different.  I have never been married and I don't have kids so I don't know completely, but seriously dated a woman with a child.  I know a divorce should be considered a last option, especially if you are still on the same page as the other person.  Sometimes, reconciliation is not possible and by the time it gets to that, both sides are strongly looking to end the madness.  Doesn't sound like that's the case here.

Hope it won't come to that for me ever, but life is what it is... makes me not want to marry, but 50% stay together right?  Right?  :shrug:  Right, guys?  Who's with me?  Yeah, I'm not convinced yet, either.  :smirk:


--------------------
"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"

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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #7003334 -

Quote:
Sclerotium: My apologies for misinterpreting you. People often say that kind of stuff around here though, hence my jumping to conclusions. At least I didn't go on a rant without first asking what you meant!


It's all good.
I just found it funny to be saying something that could be so grossly misinterpreted (without intending to).


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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: SCleROTiUM_LICK]
    #7003698 -

What up!

Alright I was going to reply about this once again because I saw another post about it. She is not cheating on me. I am very confident in that.

We have always been cool with both of us going out, I just don't. I used to have tons of "friends". The very most important decision I have ever made was to either continue to get fucked up on any drug I could get my hands on every day of the week, or be with Nikki even though she had just had a baby.
I am very happy with my decision. Sometimes it amazes me. I don't even think about the fact that he's not my blood unless someone brings it up. He's my son. It's that simple. We are looking into going through with an actual adoption soon. We've been talking about it for a while now. Just lazy and content I guess.

The whole solution to the problem is that I need to start being my own person again. I've decided to keep the mind set of fuck it, she wants to go out? Have fun!
I'll be finding times to get out. I'll be perfectly fine.
We really do understand where the other is coming from. After thinking about it lastnight and today, we started talking about it again. All's well.

And I ain't no sucker!:director:


--------------------

I'm selling all of my growing equipment!!!


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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: Snypa187]
    #7004672 -

Snypa187 said:
In a way I'm hoping marriage counseling isn't going to be expensive. On the other hand, I could never put a price on our marriage.

I hope we can work this shit out.

We've been talking about getting married since she was 14 and I was 16. I always told her I wouldn't get married until I'm positive that she is the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to be one of those people that get married 10 times.

I just never thought about the fact that just maybe the one who married me wasn't ready.

I guess theirs an exception to every rule.:shrug:


Work it out? :rofl2: Sorry but I think you got problems. If what you say is true here and you think you can "work it out" then I don't think you got the wits to take your life back.

I guess it's ok though. You will get just what you need to learn. You seem to be dead set on ignoring just about every sign you get. You need some more hard knocks. So, good luck with all that.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: The fucked up life of a married 23 year old. (w/kids) [Re: Icelander]
    #7005141 -

Icelander said:
Work it out? :rofl2: Sorry but I think you got problems. If what you say is true here and you think you can "work it out" then I don't think you got the wits to take your life back.


I guess it's ok though. You will get just what you need to learn. You seem to be dead set on ignoring just about every sign you get. You need some more hard knocks. So, good luck with all that.


Man I disagree with you and agree with you at the same time.
I love the hell out of her and would do anything to make her happy.
At the same time I know I've had to grow up way too fast. I know there is so much more that I need to learn.
I don't nessesarily want to learn the hard way, I just don't want to throw our marrage away. We've been happy together for so long and now that we start to have problems, why throw in the towel so soon?
Ya know?

I'm not sure where I'll end up in the long run. I think I'm just going to do my best to focus on myself. I went through years of drugs and numbing my brain and then went right into trying to be the best dad I can be. I have so much learning and catching up to do.

With a little meditation, a healthy diet, college, and a very rare mushroom trip, I think I'll be able to find my balance once again.


--------------------

I'm selling all of my growing equipment!!!


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