fireworks_god said:

Yeah start working again man. She needs to stop dealing with her boss but in a strictly work setting.

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Snypa187 said:

By the way, anyone need health insurance?

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Veritas said:

If I were you, I would do whatever I had to do in order to become independent both emotionally and financially. If it is possible for the two of you to come together & have a mutually respectful, intimate, loving relationship--awesome! You will feel better knowing that you are not dependent upon her for your well-being. If it is not possible, you will be able to leave & put together an enjoyable life for yourself.

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fireworks_god said:

Whoa now. It is not his decision who his wife chooses to spend her time with, and to confront this guy in such a manner is just asking for trouble. Its unskillful escalation, in my opinion.

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SCleROTiUM_LICK said:

While generally I don't feel that people should have to run interference in the relationships of other people, there is maybe a special consideration here given the fact that this is a relationship between an employer and a young (somewhat ambitious) employee. What he is doing is hitting on her. And as an employer, this is just wrong. Her career future could depend on how this all goes down, which is what makes sexual harassment so wrong. I'm not saying this qualifies as "harrassment", but it is still wrong for a lot of the same reasons. Is Tod man enough to consider this? And what if someone threw the term "sexual harrassment" around incidentally? Might he then back the fuck up?

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fireworks_god said:

Well, I think he was interested in the topic as well, so, let me ask you, how exactly does time pertain in this regard?


Time is relative, especially when awareness is in play.

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If you want to talk about your personal trips then PM me.

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Mushroom: I will leave it at this. Men know better how other men work, and women know better how other women work. This guy is well past hitting on a married girl and not caring about the husband because she is willing. He is her BOSS. He paid for her bills for god sakes without asking the HUSBAND? Sorry, I get what you're saying, but IMO this situation no longer calls for another couple discussion. Nothing seems to be sinking in to her. If snypa wants to gain a level of control here, he needs to step up, no more whining or rationalizing with her, and take it in some way or another.

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And life has taught me a different thing: there isn't a "recipe" about how men and women think, this is all an illusion. I know both male and female who "operate" in thousand different ways.
Let me ask you something: did you ask your gf's ex to let you date her? It's the same thing.
How would Tod asking synpa if he can go out with his wife would serve any of his interests? Can't you see the conflicting interests here?

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and when it comes to a relationship between a man and a woman, manhood (and womanhood for that matter) is ALWAYS an issue. Ever think that perhaps his wife just isn't responding well to seeing her husband as a stay at home dad? Do you think she may be subconsciously resisting seeing her man playing a socially historical female role? You're the female, so you may know better so I won't pretend to know what she's feeling.

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It might be but it's not the best probability if you take a close look at the details from their relationship. I can't tell you how a woman thinks because from what I learned we don't all think a like and neither do men.
All I know is that I could not stand to spend so much time away from the one I love. When we love (all of us both male and female) we do not behave like that.
If I were Tod I would have no respect fro someone who would tell me to leave his wife alone, that's for sure.

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fireworks_god said:I think you are focusing on her boss because you think he's the source of the situation, but he is not. He is simply a symbol of the true problem that needs to be resolved.

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MushroomTrip said:

And life has taught me a different thing: there isn't a "recipe" about how men and women think, this is all an illusion. I know both male and female who "operate" in thousand different ways.
Let me ask you something: did you ask your gf's ex to let you date her? It's the same thing.
How would Tod asking synpa if he can go out with his wife would serve any of his interests? Can't you see the conflicting interests here?

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No, I cannot because Snypa is married to his wife with two children, and my girlfriend had been divorced from her ex for 3 years.  That's a pretty glaring difference to me. 

Okay, we obviously disagree unto routes of action here, but I think we all agree that snypa needs to somehow make his wife see that she's in the wrong.  According to you, he should not confront a man who is attempting to move in on his wife and family because SHE will be upset over that?!?! Why are we so pissed off at her for not caring about snypa's feelings, yet we would be so upset if snypa did something that may upset her?    Poor her.

Tod would respect a man less who confronts him about his actions rather than a man just sitting at home night after night, calling repeatedly while she turns the phone off so she doesn't have to deal with it?  Come on now, which is less respectful?  Honestly?

Whether she is cheating or not, or planning to cheat or not, is moot here.  She is being deceiving toward her husband and needs to knock that shit off.  Plain and Simple.

Snypa187 said:

It all comes down to what my wife really wants. She says she wants to stay with me and build our marriage. She says she knows that she needs to talk to me about things and plans on it in the future. She knows how I feel about her going out as often as she does and says it's only because she's been mad at me.

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All I can do is take her word for it and work on what I need to work on. Her future actions alone will show weather she really wants to stay together or not.

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How much time are you going to allow to sit back and observe her behavior? The choices we make in this moment inevitably create the rest of our life. I mean, clearly you will have to give her some space to decide how she is going to act, but how much time will you give her? What if she goes out tonight and does the same stuff?

When it comes to relationships, in my opinion at least, it is a choice being made in this present moment. In this moment, does she truly wish to be with you and spend time with you? If she does, then she will. If she doesn't, then she won't. Should she spend all of her time with you? Clearly not all the time (unless that is what you both want, nothing wrong with that ), but are you simply friends or are you in a loving relationship? How much time do you think she should spend with you when she isn't at work? 5%? 10%? 30%? 50%? 80%? 95%?

Ask yourself what you want out of this relationship. How we act is evidence of what we want. I just don't see this as being something that she will gradually figure out for herself... the more time she invests in her boss, the more that pattern will become set.

Its a delicate situation but either your relationship is working or it isn't. Communication is essential, and you've done a great job of following through with that, but what about action?

It really is as simple as this: The time that she invests in relating with others is time that she is not investing in you, and if she was interested in relating with you and spending time with you, she would.

A relationship is the set of interactions amongst two individuals - the choices two individuals make in relation to each other. There is no concept of how a relationship should be beyond what both individuals choose to make it be. Either you two can work together to have the relationship you both want or you both have different ideals of how the relationship should be, and all of this stress accumulates from the difference in what each other wants.

Think about what you want and think about what she wants. Talk about what both of you want. Hopefully it is similar enough of a vision to work - but don't hold out hope and pretend that its real when it isn't, like a girl with a Cabbage Patch doll pretending is real.

Break the fucking cycle, mate. Talk with her and say, hey, we need to truly figure this out right now, as we can't make this work from within the patterns we have set into motion. Talk her into taking some vacation, get some camping supplies and your favorite psychedelic, have supermarket babysit the kids () and take a week off into the trees together. You'll find your answer then.