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derealization, fear of losing my mind
    #6650276 -

i know this maybe should be in well being forum. but i decided to post here and link it to spirituality.

i have derealization. very extreme derealization that developed out of bad time in my life, alot of pot, and alot of mushrooms.

was wondering if anyone else here has it. i feel like i'm in a dream, or i'm making "reality" all up in my head. i get these bizare out of the world sensations sometimes. i feel very disconnected with my surroundings. when i stare in a mirror i look totally alien and almost terrifying.

now i know these feelings can be normal, especially if you've tripped.but derealization is 24/7 for me. i'm always keyed up. i have this overwhelming fear that i'm gonna lose my mind. well, it seems i already have.

i've made similar threads as this in the past but i wanna talk about something different.

i am mentally ill. i am not a fuctional person right now in my life. what do i do. how can i get out of this. i know i probably have nothing to fear. but reality just twist my mind sometimes. i guess i wasn't made to be here?

i can't stop thinking about the nature of reality, what is it, why are we here, what is me, what is this, theyre constant and 24/7. i remember when it all really started. i was tripping out in a bad environment on mushrooms. and i felt like i hit a "wall" in reality. and it was pure terror at the time. like i was on the edge of it all, looking in at the program, time ceased to exist, infact, the begining and end was all connected. there never was and there was at the same time.

my friend i were with, i started to think i was in a game or something. literally, they all knew it and were acting along and i was finally figuring it out. i know this sounds bizare and paranoid! but jesus it felt so real and maybe this is why i have such strong fear with derealization. maybe i havent gotten over this.

it seems i don't really exist. but i try to hold on to myself. i know this is probably what is causing the fear. because where do i go if i don't have anything to hold onto? no where? thats it? i don't get it. any of this. wtf

sorry for the messy post...

can anyone relate

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6650404 -

have you tried meditation?


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6650413 -

I can relate. To an extent. Time to lay off the psychedelics and work on putting the lessons together. I strongly suggest meditation or deep relaxation exercises along with walking in nature. Terrance McKenna sez: "The Shamans secret is that he knows when to hang on and when to let go." It's time to hang on now friend.:mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6650504 -

It seems that your main concern is that you don't know what everything IS. I too have asked these questions, which led me into some basic ontology, existentialism, and buddhism.

Do you have any background in these areas? I highly recommend reading some of Robert Anton Wilson's non-fiction; he seems pretty much geared towards your mind set. In time your trust in your own experience will strengthen.

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: Epigallo]
    #6652999 -

Take up jogging, think about how tired you get

Afterwards try and relax and just enjoy something like a CD or a tv show.

Your not really in contol of 'all of this' no matter how much you obsess over it, so try and chill out.

I have felt the same way in the past after tripping alot, like I popped out of reality and couldnt stop objectively analyzing it from the outside. Don't freak out, it's just some thoughts you're having right now, they will pass and youll have the opportunity to reconnect with yourself. I strongly suggest finding some activity to keep your mind busy and growing.

Make sure your eating good healthy foods, too.

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653025 -

I've been there too. Got back.

As suggested lay of psychedelics including marijuana for a few months. You might want to skip caffeine and alcohol too for a while.

Eat plenty of heavy grounding foods such as read meat, diary, eggs.

Avoid stress and try to simplify your life as much as possible. Realize what makes you worse and avoid that for a while.

Take on an intense aerobics exercise such as running, bicycling, swimming, etc. Walking in nature is good, but the more intense the better. Do this daily.

Don't think about the 'nature of reality' and other abstract ideas for a while. Right now you have to get your feet back on the ground and theorizing on the abstract is counterproductive. If you wish too you could always go back to it when you're feeling better.

Give yourself time and be good to yourself. You're not crazy and you will get back.


--------------------

"Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart."

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: redtailedhawk]
    #6653278 -

thanks you so much guys. i really do think i just need some grounding. i've kind of lost my balance you could say ;p thank you

red you've also been very helpful in my threads, i'll try to stop stressing about this weirdness that i've developed. you can really get ouf of something like this? at times it feels like i've totally just lost it and i'm royally fucked for good

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653324 -

i'm gonna start running. work out work out! :laugh:

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653400 -

if the body is healthy than it helps the mind... im suprised there arent more acid heads who are workout freaks. i lift and do cardio 5-6 times a week cause my body is a temple and i want to take care of it. tripping out definately made me see the worth in keeping your body in ultimate shape.


--------------------
I'm a traveler of both time and space...

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653426 -

Man, I had this after a bad acid trip.  Derealization and Depersonalization, coupled with depression and generalized anxiety.  And I beat the first three and am beating the anxiety.

For one, you need to slow down the philosophical ruminations.  I continued to seek answers to questions there are no answers for.  That is your answer:  There is no answer.  Accept it and let go.  You have to trust that all of this isn't going to fall apart, nor will you lose your mind if you let go.  You are not losing your mind.  You are just realizing the grand questions of life.  Been there, it's hard. 

To me, it kind of felt like taking the blue pill in the matrix.  Everyone else can run around life without even being aware of these questions and issues, while people like us have to be "burdened" by them.  But it doesn't have to be a burden, it can be a benefit.  It's up to you.  You just have to stop being scared and trust the creator/universe, whatever.

For me, the derealization and depersonalization slowly got better over a few months.  But that time period is different for everyone.

But mostly, what I learned was that derealization and depersonalization are largely symptoms of extreme anxiety.  It's kind of like, if you feel too much pain, your brain will "blow a fuse" and you will black out.  Your brain protects you from the pain, so you don't have to experience it.  It's the same.  You start feeling too much anxiety and your brain pulls you out of reality.  Except for it doesn't work quite as well as blacking out, as me and you and thousands of others have discovered.

You should do some research on St. John's Wort and 5-HTP, and see if you think it could help you.  St. John's Wort help me destroy the depression, and the 5-HTP is really helping me handle the anxiety.

I feel for you, and completely understand where you are at.  It might comfort you to know there are tons of us out there who have taken the journey you are taking, and have all gotten through, or are getting through.  You aren't alone.  And I feel I'm a better person for having gone through it. 

Dr. Stanislov Grof wrote a book about these types of episodes, called "Spiritual Emergency".  He's saying that these are types of Spiritual Emergences, that can turn into emergencies if we aren't ready, when forced by drugs or meditation or whatever (in our case, drugs).  You'll learn what you need to learn, and start to get better.

Take the opportunity of being depersonalized and distant from yourself, to analyze and find and destroy the negative aspects of yourself.  In this time period in my life, I completely destroyed an anger management issue I've had all my life until that point.  It's truly amazing.  When you are better, you'll look back and think "wow.  That completely sucked, and was completely the best thing for me ever, all at the same time".  Dark Night of the Soul style.

Good luck to you.  Also, be careful with the workout suggestions you are getting.  If you over-exert yourself, it can make it worse.  I'm "better" now, but I worked out really hard a few weeks ago, and started tripping on the walk back home.  I'd say do some steady running, but nothing too strenuous, and you'll be straight.

Good luck, man.  I hope I've said something that can help.  I feel for you, having been there.  It'll be fine, just give it time, and use that time to your advantage.

:smile:


--------------------
Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind *DELETED* [Re: LedHead]
    #6653437 -

Post deleted by soulcircus

Reason for deletion: .


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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: soulcircus]
    #6653453 -

i use my lifting sessions and extreme cardio sessions as my main froms of meditation. when im in the gym i try to totally be in the moment, you can easily loose yourself in your breathing as breathing is cruical to running or you can focus on the mechanical movements of the body as you run or lift. arnold shwarzeneger talks about this although he doesnt realize the spiritual significance he would totally become at peace and in the moment, devoid of thought. it can be very grounding and a very good form of meditation


--------------------
I'm a traveler of both time and space...

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653487 -

Sounds like the position i was in a few years ago. The only thing that got me over all of this was to lay off the psychoactive's. Go and speak to someone impartial, like a counselor or psychotherapist, trust me, it will help. Symptoms like the ones you have suggested usually manifest during times of spiritual upheaval and crisis, that if aggravated enough, can later manifest into temporary psychosis (as i discovered personally).

Although the need to find answers seems paramount to you right now, the best thing might be to to give your mind some rest and recuperation. Take a break from spiritual pursuits for a while and perhaps just try to be kind to your body and mind, giving yourself plenty of time and space to relax and be with close family and friends who can support you.

The spiritual path will always be there for you later, when you are a little more settled and clear.

As you can see, all of us in this community are here for you. You can PM me anytime you want to talk.

Be kind and patient with yourself.

“Hasten slowly and ye shall soon arrive.” - Milarepa

Namaste

:heart:


--------------------

Edited by Sinbad (03/09/07 04:39 PM)

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: Sinbad]
    #6653510 -

Yeah, in my essay above, I forgot to mention what Sinbad just said. I didn't touch a single psychoactive after that (except pot once, which was a bad idea. I tripped big time and set myself back). Definitely, put it all down, including alcohol. I'm even trying to minimize my sugar intake now. It puts my vision into "Hi-Definition TV Mode".


--------------------
Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653602 -

If you want to consult with a mental health professional, (pro bono :smile:), feel free to PM me.

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #6653633 -

i have to agree with a few things that were brought up already. It sounds like you were overloaded with realizations / concepts to the point where it has literally left an open loop inside your thoughts, which is consuming your focus and etc.

Can you imagine all of the things running through your mind, and then just taking them on, one by one and asking yourself, "what in particular about X makes me concerened?" Just break it down until you have a slight understanding (or rather agreement) of one single element. You can solve the biggest problems that way - take them one at a time, and break them down into the smallest pieces possible.

Take some time everyday, an hour at least, to just reflect on the thoughts running through your mind, and just slow them down (visually) and start cleaning house. This is somewhat of a prerequisite for meditation, and that could be debated without end.


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: LedHead]
    #6653652 -

same here..my last mushroom trip (half a year ago) peaked my interest in  pursuing just health in general. so since then I haven't been eating shitty food and have been getting plenty of exercise.. I feel a lot better now then I did then :thumbup:


--------------------
From dust you are made and to dust you shall return.

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653670 -

Here is my post to fireworks god, but I think it applies to your post as well - perhaps even more so.

http://www.pacificcultural.org/htmlfiles/ashtanga.htm

Open this link and scroll down to the Eight Limbs of Astanga (Eight Limbed) Yoga. Click on each Limb in the ascending order of:
1) Yama
2) Niyama
3) Asana
4) Pranayama
5) Pratyahara
6) Dharana
7) Dhyana
8) Samadhi

Please don't be put off by the Sanskrit words. This system of classical Yoga has become so rooted in my psyche that for years most of my behaviors have been automatically governed by these Limbs. My values are informed by this system, and coordinate with my religious beliefs. I just saved a large spider from drowning in my pool. 'Ahimsa,' (non-harming) under Yama is the 'tendency' that is overcoming the tendency of 'aversion,' to spiders, to give a small, spontaneous event as an example.

This system helps one to redefine oneself at deeper/higher degrees of Self-Knowledge, which is imperative because when one takes the path of Self-Knowledge (Gnosis/Jnana), one quickly discovers that one has begun to pull away from the Self-Identities of the multitudes. Without guidance, one clearly comes to believe that one is losing one's mind since one begins to let go of (and transcend) the complete identification with the mind-body complex and its desires shared by everyone else. It can be frightening if not just lonely to develop 'vairagya' - dispassion for 'doing' things, or 'going' places or shallow chit-chat about sports or the weather or 'the rack on some chick.'

This Ashtanga Yoga, compiled by Patanjali centuries ago, has gotten me through the most difficult experiences. I am convinced it is one of the bases for Bill W.'s (the father of Alcoholics Anonymous) Twelve Steps, following his four years of LSD psychotherapy.


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #6654068 -

thanks gnostic but i dunno if spirituality stuff is for me.

i dunno what to think anymore. i'm so glad you guys are reaching out for me. but i really don't think i can overcome this, it's been to long and my will is getting weak. i don't know what to think anymore. really i don't sometimes i blank out for an hour at a time.

how can you beat something like this? i can't stop thinking about the nature of reality. i didn't choose to be here? did i? what the fuck is going on, that's all i can think anymore nothing makes sense

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6654102 -

He's a professional psychotherapist and he's offering you free assistance :shrug:

And I will vouch, he will not try to inject some ulterior philosophy to remedy your situation; he's a trained professional offering advice free of charge, personally I'd take that offer up if only out of principle.

Peace


--------------------


"Have you found the beginning, then, that you are looking for the end? You see, the end will be where the beginning is. Congratulations to the one who stands at the beginning: that one will know the end and will not taste death."

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General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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