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OfflineMrBuzin
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derealization, fear of losing my mind
    #6650276 - 03/08/07 07:11 PM (17 years, 15 days ago)

i know this maybe should be in well being forum. but i decided to post here and link it to spirituality.

i have derealization. very extreme derealization that developed out of bad time in my life, alot of pot, and alot of mushrooms.

was wondering if anyone else here has it. i feel like i'm in a dream, or i'm making "reality" all up in my head. i get these bizare out of the world sensations sometimes. i feel very disconnected with my surroundings. when i stare in a mirror i look totally alien and almost terrifying.

now i know these feelings can be normal, especially if you've tripped.but derealization is 24/7 for me. i'm always keyed up. i have this overwhelming fear that i'm gonna lose my mind. well, it seems i already have.

i've made similar threads as this in the past but i wanna talk about something different.

i am mentally ill. i am not a fuctional person right now in my life. what do i do. how can i get out of this. i know i probably have nothing to fear. but reality just twist my mind sometimes. i guess i wasn't made to be here?

i can't stop thinking about the nature of reality, what is it, why are we here, what is me, what is this, theyre constant and 24/7. i remember when it all really started. i was tripping out in a bad environment on mushrooms. and i felt like i hit a "wall" in reality. and it was pure terror at the time. like i was on the edge of it all, looking in at the program, time ceased to exist, infact, the begining and end was all connected. there never was and there was at the same time.

my friend i were with, i started to think i was in a game or something. literally, they all knew it and were acting along and i was finally figuring it out. i know this sounds bizare and paranoid! but jesus it felt so real and maybe this is why i have such strong fear with derealization. maybe i havent gotten over this.

it seems i don't really exist. but i try to hold on to myself. i know this is probably what is causing the fear. because where do i go if i don't have anything to hold onto? no where? thats it? i don't get it. any of this. wtf

sorry for the messy post...

can anyone relate

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Offlineleery11
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6650404 - 03/08/07 07:44 PM (17 years, 15 days ago)

have you tried meditation?


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6650413 - 03/08/07 07:46 PM (17 years, 15 days ago)

I can relate. To an extent. Time to lay off the psychedelics and work on putting the lessons together. I strongly suggest meditation or deep relaxation exercises along with walking in nature. Terrance McKenna sez: "The Shamans secret is that he knows when to hang on and when to let go." It's time to hang on now friend.:mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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OfflineEpigallo
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6650504 - 03/08/07 08:02 PM (17 years, 15 days ago)

It seems that your main concern is that you don't know what everything IS. I too have asked these questions, which led me into some basic ontology, existentialism, and buddhism.

Do you have any background in these areas? I highly recommend reading some of Robert Anton Wilson's non-fiction; he seems pretty much geared towards your mind set. In time your trust in your own experience will strengthen.

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OfflineGrav
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: Epigallo]
    #6652999 - 03/09/07 01:44 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

Take up jogging, think about how tired you get

Afterwards try and relax and just enjoy something like a CD or a tv show.

Your not really in contol of 'all of this' no matter how much you obsess over it, so try and chill out.

I have felt the same way in the past after tripping alot, like I popped out of reality and couldnt stop objectively analyzing it from the outside. Don't freak out, it's just some thoughts you're having right now, they will pass and youll have the opportunity to reconnect with yourself. I strongly suggest finding some activity to keep your mind busy and growing.

Make sure your eating good healthy foods, too.

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Invisibleredtailedhawk
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653025 - 03/09/07 01:54 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

I've been there too. Got back.

As suggested lay of psychedelics including marijuana for a few months. You might want to skip caffeine and alcohol too for a while.

Eat plenty of heavy grounding foods such as read meat, diary, eggs.

Avoid stress and try to simplify your life as much as possible. Realize what makes you worse and avoid that for a while.

Take on an intense aerobics exercise such as running, bicycling, swimming, etc. Walking in nature is good, but the more intense the better. Do this daily.

Don't think about the 'nature of reality' and other abstract ideas for a while. Right now you have to get your feet back on the ground and theorizing on the abstract is counterproductive. If you wish too you could always go back to it when you're feeling better.

Give yourself time and be good to yourself. You're not crazy and you will get back.


--------------------

"Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart."

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OfflineMrBuzin
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: redtailedhawk]
    #6653278 - 03/09/07 03:03 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

thanks you so much guys. i really do think i just need some grounding. i've kind of lost my balance you could say ;p thank you

red you've also been very helpful in my threads, i'll try to stop stressing about this weirdness that i've developed. you can really get ouf of something like this? at times it feels like i've totally just lost it and i'm royally fucked for good

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OfflineMrBuzin
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653324 - 03/09/07 03:16 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

i'm gonna start running. work out work out! :laugh:

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OfflineLedHead
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653400 - 03/09/07 03:45 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

if the body is healthy than it helps the mind... im suprised there arent more acid heads who are workout freaks. i lift and do cardio 5-6 times a week cause my body is a temple and i want to take care of it. tripping out definately made me see the worth in keeping your body in ultimate shape.


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I'm a traveler of both time and space...

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Offlinejonathanseagull
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653426 - 03/09/07 03:55 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

Man, I had this after a bad acid trip.  Derealization and Depersonalization, coupled with depression and generalized anxiety.  And I beat the first three and am beating the anxiety.

For one, you need to slow down the philosophical ruminations.  I continued to seek answers to questions there are no answers for.  That is your answer:  There is no answer.  Accept it and let go.  You have to trust that all of this isn't going to fall apart, nor will you lose your mind if you let go.  You are not losing your mind.  You are just realizing the grand questions of life.  Been there, it's hard. 

To me, it kind of felt like taking the blue pill in the matrix.  Everyone else can run around life without even being aware of these questions and issues, while people like us have to be "burdened" by them.  But it doesn't have to be a burden, it can be a benefit.  It's up to you.  You just have to stop being scared and trust the creator/universe, whatever.

For me, the derealization and depersonalization slowly got better over a few months.  But that time period is different for everyone.

But mostly, what I learned was that derealization and depersonalization are largely symptoms of extreme anxiety.  It's kind of like, if you feel too much pain, your brain will "blow a fuse" and you will black out.  Your brain protects you from the pain, so you don't have to experience it.  It's the same.  You start feeling too much anxiety and your brain pulls you out of reality.  Except for it doesn't work quite as well as blacking out, as me and you and thousands of others have discovered.

You should do some research on St. John's Wort and 5-HTP, and see if you think it could help you.  St. John's Wort help me destroy the depression, and the 5-HTP is really helping me handle the anxiety.

I feel for you, and completely understand where you are at.  It might comfort you to know there are tons of us out there who have taken the journey you are taking, and have all gotten through, or are getting through.  You aren't alone.  And I feel I'm a better person for having gone through it. 

Dr. Stanislov Grof wrote a book about these types of episodes, called "Spiritual Emergency".  He's saying that these are types of Spiritual Emergences, that can turn into emergencies if we aren't ready, when forced by drugs or meditation or whatever (in our case, drugs).  You'll learn what you need to learn, and start to get better.

Take the opportunity of being depersonalized and distant from yourself, to analyze and find and destroy the negative aspects of yourself.  In this time period in my life, I completely destroyed an anger management issue I've had all my life until that point.  It's truly amazing.  When you are better, you'll look back and think "wow.  That completely sucked, and was completely the best thing for me ever, all at the same time".  Dark Night of the Soul style.

Good luck to you.  Also, be careful with the workout suggestions you are getting.  If you over-exert yourself, it can make it worse.  I'm "better" now, but I worked out really hard a few weeks ago, and started tripping on the walk back home.  I'd say do some steady running, but nothing too strenuous, and you'll be straight.

Good luck, man.  I hope I've said something that can help.  I feel for you, having been there.  It'll be fine, just give it time, and use that time to your advantage.

:smile:


--------------------
Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.

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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind *DELETED* [Re: LedHead]
    #6653437 - 03/09/07 04:00 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

Post deleted by soulcircus

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OfflineLedHead
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: soulcircus]
    #6653453 - 03/09/07 04:08 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

i use my lifting sessions and extreme cardio sessions as my main froms of meditation. when im in the gym i try to totally be in the moment, you can easily loose yourself in your breathing as breathing is cruical to running or you can focus on the mechanical movements of the body as you run or lift. arnold shwarzeneger talks about this although he doesnt realize the spiritual significance he would totally become at peace and in the moment, devoid of thought. it can be very grounding and a very good form of meditation


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I'm a traveler of both time and space...

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InvisibleSinbad
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653487 - 03/09/07 04:24 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

Sounds like the position i was in a few years ago. The only thing that got me over all of this was to lay off the psychoactive's. Go and speak to someone impartial, like a counselor or psychotherapist, trust me, it will help. Symptoms like the ones you have suggested usually manifest during times of spiritual upheaval and crisis, that if aggravated enough, can later manifest into temporary psychosis (as i discovered personally).

Although the need to find answers seems paramount to you right now, the best thing might be to to give your mind some rest and recuperation. Take a break from spiritual pursuits for a while and perhaps just try to be kind to your body and mind, giving yourself plenty of time and space to relax and be with close family and friends who can support you.

The spiritual path will always be there for you later, when you are a little more settled and clear.

As you can see, all of us in this community are here for you. You can PM me anytime you want to talk.

Be kind and patient with yourself.

“Hasten slowly and ye shall soon arrive.” - Milarepa

Namaste

:heart:


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Edited by Sinbad (03/09/07 04:39 PM)

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Offlinejonathanseagull
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: Sinbad]
    #6653510 - 03/09/07 04:34 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

Yeah, in my essay above, I forgot to mention what Sinbad just said. I didn't touch a single psychoactive after that (except pot once, which was a bad idea. I tripped big time and set myself back). Definitely, put it all down, including alcohol. I'm even trying to minimize my sugar intake now. It puts my vision into "Hi-Definition TV Mode".


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Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.

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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653602 - 03/09/07 05:07 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

If you want to consult with a mental health professional, (pro bono :smile:), feel free to PM me.

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Offlinekotik
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #6653633 - 03/09/07 05:29 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

i have to agree with a few things that were brought up already. It sounds like you were overloaded with realizations / concepts to the point where it has literally left an open loop inside your thoughts, which is consuming your focus and etc.

Can you imagine all of the things running through your mind, and then just taking them on, one by one and asking yourself, "what in particular about X makes me concerened?" Just break it down until you have a slight understanding (or rather agreement) of one single element. You can solve the biggest problems that way - take them one at a time, and break them down into the smallest pieces possible.

Take some time everyday, an hour at least, to just reflect on the thoughts running through your mind, and just slow them down (visually) and start cleaning house. This is somewhat of a prerequisite for meditation, and that could be debated without end.


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.

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Invisibleelbisivni
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: LedHead]
    #6653652 - 03/09/07 05:37 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

same here..my last mushroom trip (half a year ago) peaked my interest in  pursuing just health in general. so since then I haven't been eating shitty food and have been getting plenty of exercise.. I feel a lot better now then I did then :thumbup:


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From dust you are made and to dust you shall return.

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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6653670 - 03/09/07 05:42 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

Here is my post to fireworks god, but I think it applies to your post as well - perhaps even more so.

http://www.pacificcultural.org/htmlfiles/ashtanga.htm

Open this link and scroll down to the Eight Limbs of Astanga (Eight Limbed) Yoga. Click on each Limb in the ascending order of:
1) Yama
2) Niyama
3) Asana
4) Pranayama
5) Pratyahara
6) Dharana
7) Dhyana
8) Samadhi

Please don't be put off by the Sanskrit words. This system of classical Yoga has become so rooted in my psyche that for years most of my behaviors have been automatically governed by these Limbs. My values are informed by this system, and coordinate with my religious beliefs. I just saved a large spider from drowning in my pool. 'Ahimsa,' (non-harming) under Yama is the 'tendency' that is overcoming the tendency of 'aversion,' to spiders, to give a small, spontaneous event as an example.

This system helps one to redefine oneself at deeper/higher degrees of Self-Knowledge, which is imperative because when one takes the path of Self-Knowledge (Gnosis/Jnana), one quickly discovers that one has begun to pull away from the Self-Identities of the multitudes. Without guidance, one clearly comes to believe that one is losing one's mind since one begins to let go of (and transcend) the complete identification with the mind-body complex and its desires shared by everyone else. It can be frightening if not just lonely to develop 'vairagya' - dispassion for 'doing' things, or 'going' places or shallow chit-chat about sports or the weather or 'the rack on some chick.'

This Ashtanga Yoga, compiled by Patanjali centuries ago, has gotten me through the most difficult experiences. I am convinced it is one of the bases for Bill W.'s (the father of Alcoholics Anonymous) Twelve Steps, following his four years of LSD psychotherapy.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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OfflineMrBuzin
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #6654068 - 03/09/07 08:00 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

thanks gnostic but i dunno if spirituality stuff is for me.

i dunno what to think anymore. i'm so glad you guys are reaching out for me. but i really don't think i can overcome this, it's been to long and my will is getting weak. i don't know what to think anymore. really i don't sometimes i blank out for an hour at a time.

how can you beat something like this? i can't stop thinking about the nature of reality. i didn't choose to be here? did i? what the fuck is going on, that's all i can think anymore nothing makes sense

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OfflineBasilides
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6654102 - 03/09/07 08:11 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

He's a professional psychotherapist and he's offering you free assistance :shrug:

And I will vouch, he will not try to inject some ulterior philosophy to remedy your situation; he's a trained professional offering advice free of charge, personally I'd take that offer up if only out of principle.

Peace


--------------------


"Have you found the beginning, then, that you are looking for the end? You see, the end will be where the beginning is. Congratulations to the one who stands at the beginning: that one will know the end and will not taste death."

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InvisibleSinbad
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6654144 - 03/09/07 08:23 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

You need to relax man. Struggling against problems and questions only seems to give them more momentum and energy.

If you must, go and seek a little psychiatric help. Medication isn't a cure, and certainly isn't a long term answer, but it can help temporarily to bring you down, and calm your mind, when you really need it in the moment. But remembering the difference between an aid and an crutch is indispensable when dealing with medication. Personally, i think it is a last resort.

Go talk to someone who is close to you about what you are experiencing. A friend or a family member. If you feel you need someone impartial, there are many people out there who you can contact.

Right now you need a break from all things spiritual. Try involving yourself with more mundane tasks, like washing the dishes, and physical work to ground you a little more, to take your mind off things. Definitely, when you have time, try and speak to a professional about your problems, as someone who is qualified to deal with these issues would be able to help you more than anyone with just good intentions.

You'll be fine im sure, just chill and try to take it easy for now. do things that make you happy and relaxed. Things will improve the less you take these things too seriously. After all, life is to be lived and enjoyed, not nailed down and answered.

Like i said earlier, I'm here for you if you wish to talk more in PM.

Love & Peace to you.

:heart: :peace:


--------------------

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OfflineMrBuzin
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: Sinbad]
    #6654173 - 03/09/07 08:34 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

i'm not trying to sound like a little bitch (which i am by the way definatley)

but the last time i talked to a psychatrist it didn't work out and i ended up leaving half way through, it's to awkward, it's to weird, and my derealization skyrockets because i don't know what to say at a time i should be talking, i dont know what to talk about

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OfflineMrBuzin
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6654175 - 03/09/07 08:36 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

i entered the loony bin and i havent left?

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InvisibleSinbad
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6654187 - 03/09/07 08:39 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

Then maybe it is better just for now to talk with a family member or someone impartial who wont put you on the spot and attempt to psychoanalyze. The main thing is that you relax, and get some kind of help and support from somewhere to get you through this tough time in your life. Trying to do it alone would not be advisable.


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OfflineMrBuzin
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: Sinbad]
    #6654231 - 03/09/07 08:56 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

yeah maybe, not trying to argue with out infact you dont have to post again if you dont want but talking to anyone makes me really disociated, you know that point like right when you wake up from sleep. thats what i feel like when i talk to people. and when it comes to talking anything about me i blank out(mainly in person). i never really connected with my family, i never talk to them i dont know if i could just go out and start talking to them about personal probelms i wouldn't know where to start and plus if i went in depth they'd probably look at me like i've lost it and start to worry

i dont get it how some of you folks are so full of love and free and have eaten psychedelics... i guess to each his own and their preception of reality

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Offlineleery11
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6654260 - 03/09/07 09:07 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

man it's not bad if you blank out for hours at a time, what you should do then is to sit down, settle down, still your body, and BREATHE consciously.

and keep breathing consciously until your mind comes to solutions. it will work and pitter and patter, and then you will be like "hmm i can stop thinking about this nonsense" and you'll stop, and you'll start, and etc, but you will let the mind ebb and flow impartially, and because you let it, you become the breather, and it the thinker, and because you are just breathing, you'll feel better

and it will solve your problems..... meditation is [in part] sitting in good posture, being still, and being aware of every breath taken and it seems to be both a grounding and a spiritual experience simultaneously, expansive, freeing, "out there" but mild, centered, still, and "down here"

i'm telling you to do this because your mind is doing it already! if your mind is set on being spaced out, you can at least be comfortable until it accomplishes its goals and you hit a sense of normalicy, and meditation seems to be a good way. the feeling you talk about while having conversations with people is a feeling common with alpha brainwaves and meditative states....... but it need not be unsettling and this would be a safe way to explore it.

and you can talk to people and let them think you're crazy.... i did it after a bad trip and told my parents all sorts of things.

Edited by leery11 (03/09/07 09:10 PM)

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InvisibleSinbad
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6654263 - 03/09/07 09:08 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

At the end of the day, your family are there for you. If you really don't feel comfortable talking to them though, for whatever reason, then perhaps talking to someone impartial maybe the route to go. Taking up some physical exercise is a good thing, and putting aside reading and thinking too much about spiritual questions and answers maybe a good thing also.

Apart form that, i don't really know what to say. You need to open up to someone, thats for sure. Markos is a professional, and has experience with this kind of depersonalization, so don't let your past experiences with psychiatric help taint your opinion. He is offering his services for free, you have nothing to lose.

As far as psychedelics are concerned. personally, i think especially with young people, they can do more harm than good.

I'm going to bed now. Goodnight. I wish you all the best. :heart:


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OfflineGrok
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: Sinbad]
    #6654345 - 03/09/07 09:52 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

You could keep wondering about these things...and the answers will find you.

That's what happened to me. But then everyone will call you crazy, delusional, psychotic, a danger to yourself...you'll have no interest in what most people's 'reality' consists of, you may wish you were still asleep, you may wish you never knew the answers to your questions, you may wish to kill yourself. You may laugh a lot. You may find yourself in love with life and yourself. That's how it's been for me...and I have no regrets for any of it.

The key is to have faith in Yourself and don't change your mind. Don't assume that there are no answers. If you wish to know them, keep asking them and BE OPEN to what you experience.


--------------------
Entropy is increasing.
To send me a PM, go to my journal

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Offlinesoldatheero
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Re: derealizationstart living in the moment and really really relax and conv, fear of losing my mind [Re: Grok]
    #6654409 - 03/09/07 10:24 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

hey man I know exactly what your going through.. last january I lost my mind on shrooms and realized it works, realized im an imagination of myself, were just the awareness of ourselves in the moment, and realized "were all one (or the same) consciousness.. went on with life for 3 weeks and then had an insanely intense flashback or anxiety attack.. that night i felt like my mind was splitting, cant even really explain it. Anyways the anxiety attack triggered depersonalization.

depersonalization is when your mind seperates your awareness from any emotional ties in order to protect itself. When animals experiance so much pain they go into their mind to protect themselves, its like a deer in the headlights.

I didnt realize what it was so i kept analyzing/overthinking to figure it out which just made it 10x worse. It felt like my subconscious just said shit for me and there was no me. When I would try to sleep (lose awareness of myself) I would find myself dreaming awake, id all of a sudden realize my minds just thinking totally random as shit.. i kept trying to define "me".. it resulted in extreme paranoia and anxiety all the time.. id also find myself pretending to talk to someone in my head everytime i would think..honestly this shits too hard to explain because its an altered state of consciousness. its like trying to explain someone what it feels like to be high on weed/lsd/ w.e.. u cant

this is all normal and ur not going crazy.. your just too far in your head that your thoughts are all backed up and ur not in the moment..
you have to start living the moment..


--------------------
..and may the zelda theme song be with you at all times, amen.

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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: derealizationstart living in the moment and really really relax and conv, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6654590 - 03/09/07 11:42 PM (17 years, 14 days ago)

in my opinion
you have a very strong grip on the secondary motifs of experience
what someone called signs in the meditation thread this week.

this thing you are gripping is like an electrical commonality to a whole stream of consciousness.

it shifts slowly by week and by month - not nearly as fast as experiencing life more simply and this is very stressful to endure.

letting go of this strong gripping will be an ecstatic relief when you begin to follow your breath and do some grounding excercises.

i encourage you
1) not to seek the secondary motifs of consciousness and
2) not to grip at them tightly as has become your habit when you do get a nice glimpse.

the condition called suffering is related to gripping onto such stuff.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:

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Offlineleery11
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Re: derealizationstart living in the moment and really really relax and conv, fear of losing my mind [Re: redgreenvines]
    #6655405 - 03/10/07 10:49 AM (17 years, 13 days ago)

i also might add that answers come when the brain is silent and receptive, any attempt to dissect and categorize experience (direct perceptual experience of things ineffable and baffling) dilutes the truth down to the levels of consensus reality's ability to express truth given it's tools.... and it's tools can be used just as often to blunt and obscure truth than to illuminate it, hence the linguistic and analytic mind becomes a hinderance rather than a help for absolute truth.

The Buddha mind is SILENT .... if it is not silent it is not the BUDDHA..... Buddha = enlightened = God = Christ = One = Peace = Compassion = Love = Wisdom = True seeing = Gnosis

it does not bother itself with questions, it knows all it needs to know, and the summation of what it needs to know is "I am" ..... when you every single day take a few moments in meditation to work on quieting the mind and making it devoid of thoughts, even if you are only thoughtless for 2 seconds, it is taking the burden out of your monkey mind's hands, and letting it rest saying "it doesn't matter ... these questions don't matter, they are irrelevant.... I will know all I need to know, and all I need to know is I exist....."

have you heard the song lateralus?

truth is grasped by surrending, by giving up your incessant thinking, by letting the paradoxes be, by letting the questions be...... maybe you need new questions to ask, maybe you don't need answers? We are all one mind, sure, I think it too, but what does that have to do with washing dishes ? It can become a vexation, fixation, and obsession, and a dogma, and can be used to keep you all freaked out....

if you learn to stop thinking it's like a cue for your mind to move on and start to reprogram itself into more grounded and present ways.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Offlineleery11
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Re: derealizationstart living in the moment and really really relax and conv, fear of losing my mind [Re: leery11]
    #6655429 - 03/10/07 10:59 AM (17 years, 13 days ago)

and note thusly

when on psychedelics and one resists ego loss, every single delusional paranoid fear is in your mind saying NO NO NO NO NO NO and that delusional mind is the NEW mind you get when you come back down and sober up..... you have shifted your assemblage point right on the brink of annihilation, and the outer remnants of your ego are thought-strands such as (what if God sends me to hell....... I am insane!) etc.... it is like elaborately deep self-hypnosis.....

you have basically created your reality so that you are now (until this issue is resolved) perpetually under the imminent looming threat of ego-death.......

it's like this

you condition someone to be terrified of a pink fluffy bunny rabbit, so terrified they go into the fetal position screaming no no no help me, take it away! the bunny rabbit is equivalent to the devil to them, to hell, to the sum of all fears and terrors, and yet it is just a bunny and is a benevolent cuddly creature

now, if when you show them the bunny, you do not make them interact with it, confront it, and heal themselves to the fear, rather, take it away as they request, they are going to have severe anxiety problems the whole day long, twitching and paranoid and traumatized about the close call with "death" they almost had..... and it's going to mess their personality up

but if you keep the bunny in the same room and say, this rabbit is not leaving here, ever, and neither are you until you confront it..... they will eventually lose their fear and do it, it's called flooding..... sometimes to cure phobias they might put a person in a room full of spiders, the person freaks absolutely out, but eventally is okay, because they have to be, because there is no other choice

now i do not advocate tripping again at all, i do not advocate under going ego-death, because you can fix yourself by being grounded in a much MUCH MUCH safer way, and i would say drugs are absolutely out of the question

but this is basically what you have done to yourself.... i did it too.... it sucked.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Offlinesquidson
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #19021944 - 10/23/13 09:04 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

I experienced the same thing from a double dose of 25i-nbombe mixed with two dabs and about 8 beers all at three in the morning. I couldnt deal with any more after about a month of taking 5-htp and caved in and went to a phychiatrist and got prescribed zoloft. The zoloft has gotten rid of my panic attacks completly and I am able to sleep again. However I still feel derealizaed/depersonalized 24/7 but definatly much less intense. Before the zoloft I was in another dimension It was like hell, i almost felt like I had been tripping for a month straight. Now I am just waiting for it all to fade. I was wondering about your progress? How are you doing know?


--------------------
:mushroom2: + :syringe: + :stoned: =:confused:

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InvisibleCactilove
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: squidson]
    #19022415 - 10/23/13 10:25 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Yo man, no one has seen the OP for 6 years...:tongue:


--------------------
Orgone Conclusion...Bringing OTD to PS&P since 2007.

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Offlinesquidson
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: Cactilove]
    #19022491 - 10/23/13 10:36 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

oh wow Im sorry for some reason I read six months not sixx years :sad:


--------------------
:mushroom2: + :syringe: + :stoned: =:confused:

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InvisibleCactilove
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: squidson]
    #19022649 - 10/23/13 11:01 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

While we are on this subject, this thing happened to me awhile back too. It eventually fades, but the intensity of some of the panic attacks and mental fucketry that I experienced will never be forgotten.


--------------------
Orgone Conclusion...Bringing OTD to PS&P since 2007.

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OfflineFierce Deity
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Re: derealizationstart living in the moment and really really relax and conv, fear of losing my mind [Re: leery11]
    #19025184 - 10/24/13 11:45 AM (10 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

leery11 said:
and note thusly

when on psychedelics and one resists ego loss, every single delusional paranoid fear is in your mind saying NO NO NO NO NO NO and that delusional mind is the NEW mind you get when you come back down and sober up..... you have shifted your assemblage point right on the brink of annihilation, and the outer remnants of your ego are thought-strands such as (what if God sends me to hell....... I am insane!) etc.... it is like elaborately deep self-hypnosis.....

you have basically created your reality so that you are now (until this issue is resolved) perpetually under the imminent looming threat of ego-death.......

it's like this

you condition someone to be terrified of a pink fluffy bunny rabbit, so terrified they go into the fetal position screaming no no no help me, take it away! the bunny rabbit is equivalent to the devil to them, to hell, to the sum of all fears and terrors, and yet it is just a bunny and is a benevolent cuddly creature

now, if when you show them the bunny, you do not make them interact with it, confront it, and heal themselves to the fear, rather, take it away as they request, they are going to have severe anxiety problems the whole day long, twitching and paranoid and traumatized about the close call with "death" they almost had..... and it's going to mess their personality up

but if you keep the bunny in the same room and say, this rabbit is not leaving here, ever, and neither are you until you confront it..... they will eventually lose their fear and do it, it's called flooding..... sometimes to cure phobias they might put a person in a room full of spiders, the person freaks absolutely out, but eventally is okay, because they have to be, because there is no other choice

now i do not advocate tripping again at all, i do not advocate under going ego-death, because you can fix yourself by being grounded in a much MUCH MUCH safer way, and i would say drugs are absolutely out of the question

but this is basically what you have done to yourself.... i did it too.... it sucked.




Well put. Meditation is a good tool as well.  Meditation is simply training present-mind awareness and excluding time-bound-mind.

Also, one question to ask is, "In this absolute present moment, am I in danger?"  If the answer is: "No, but I am afraid I might be in the future," then you need to ask yourself what the future is.  Ask yourself, "Is there ever a time when it is not now?" Tell me what you find out. If it is always now, then what is the future?  It's just a projection-an illusion.  It is a hypothetical phantom created by the planning centers largely embedded in your left cerebral cortex.  You are on the brink of peace, my friend. 

The waters are choppy before you get there, but it will all be okay.  This is a natural process.


--------------------

Ah, the mystery.
When sight and seen are complete,
who looks through these eyes?

All words are lies.
This statement, too, is false.


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Offlinedrkkenny
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Re: derealization, fear of losing my mind [Re: MrBuzin]
    #19025533 - 10/24/13 12:59 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

They actually had this guy sign into this asylum somewhere in London. It was recently that he walked in to be "admitted", for some reason his greatest desire was to get accepted into a place where he wasn't needed. For he wasn't actually the person they wanted to sign in before. The people that owned the asylum wished for someone that didn't resemble any of the features of the person who came. They actually sent a message to someone to invite their friend to come to. One of their friends sent it to someone that knew his friend that was at this place three years ago, they started talking to his brother about sending him here because he had nowhere else to go.

Anyways this asylum isn't for everyone to attend. Some people are naturally prone to wishing to leave the asylum as if it was inflict torture upon them for entering. For some asylums might not wish to allow the patients to leave their rooms ever, as if even if they make a choice to leave their room they will be blocked from leaving. Indeed they won't allow you to do anything in which they don't give you their approval, as if even if you want to get away they will get you before you leave. They will actually stay outside your door so if you try to leave they will lock you inside. As if you never deserve to see the light of day again because you came here.

I know this person that also went to an asylum and he never came back after he went there. He was suppose to return after spending a year there but he never chose to come back, or perhaps they didn't allow him to leave.

You speak of being ill, I have no illness I have ever discerned in myself. Nothing I say or do makes me appear to reveal any signs of insanity, so, indeed, it would be correct in asserting that you perhaps may have called yourself ill when you really aren't. My friend also believes he has a sickness but never has told me about it. He told my brother about it a week ago but he never told me of it. Though I know his sister also is sick because she spends time with someone that is sick. Anyways I don't think you really are sick, I suggest you forget to acknowledge your sickness and abandon the notion that you cannot recover from whatever ailments might persist in you.

Why do you believe you shall lose your mind? You must acknowledge that you cannot lose something that is still intact, its not as if you have relinquished your own imagination to someone other than yourself, that wouldn't be considered "losing your mind" no doubt.


--------------------

No More Stories Are Told Today, I'm Sorry They Washed Away // No More Stories, The World Is Grey, I'm Tired, Let's Wash Away.


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