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 AKSE My bruises arebl   Registered: 09/04/05 Posts: 1,134 Loc: Ak Last seen: 15 years, 5 months |
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Have some fucking self control. Your about to throw away all your money, your girlfriend, and everything away just like all addicts do eventually, but unfortunatly it's for a shitty drug like Alcohol.
Just have some self control over yourself, and tell yourself NO! It's as easy as that, don't tell me otherwise.
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 ohmatic searcher  Registered: 02/28/04 Posts: 6,742 Loc: europe |
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well .. talk abouslt self control, here i am 4 am in the morning,
more or less drunk. i had a convo going with my girl today, well, no news, atleast we can talk normal to eachother which is REALLY important imho, anyway im drunk and ima go sleep. yeah.
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AKSE My bruises arebl Registered: 09/04/05 Posts: 1,134 Loc: Ak Last seen: 15 years, 5 months |
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Damn, your haulin' ass down the road to nowhere. Let me know what it's like when you get there.
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ohmatic searcher Registered: 02/28/04 Posts: 6,742 Loc: europe |
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i decided to draw a line, again.
there will not be any alcohol for me again for a long, long time, and i know i can make it as i got the willpower. its sad as it puts my mind to ease and i dont think about her anymore, but still that's no remedy and therefor i quit it before it wrecks me.
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enotake2 Stop Bush's war  Registered: 01/30/03 Posts: 1,457 Loc: Comfy chair in m Last seen: 1 year, 2 months |
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This is a technique designed to help with motivation to quit drugs adn alcohol. Write a list of the good things and the bad things about drinking alcohol and write out in detail the bad things. put numbers between one and ten rating each for importance and then add them up. will help you see how motivated you are to quit. think about your goals in life. then think about how drinking as much as you are would fit in. now write out the pros and cons of changing. For every con try to come up with something or google strategies that will help you to deal with them. Give it a try, supposed to be helpful...
-------------------- Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. "Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium "My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.
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pscyanescens The Raindancer   Registered: 12/14/06 Posts: 1,397 Loc: Santa Cruz, CA Last seen: 4 years, 6 months |
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Excellent strategy. I am a little afraid to try that with weed, but maybe not. I can't see too many cons, but i can't think of too many pros either. Maybe one day i will really sit down and do this.
Anyways, i honestly think that is some really good advise, and it makes total complete sense. I have already decided that i need to stop drinking as well. I seem to be able to have the will power when ever i am broke, but when i got cash and am doing well that is when i slip up. But drinking isn't so much as and addiction to me as smoking weed. I have successfully not purchased a bottle of vodka in almost a month. I drink when my friends bring bottles over to my house, but lately i have been not encouraging that, and if they don't care and still bring it over, then i avoid their phone calls for a while. Friends can only be helpful to a certain degree. When you are trying to quit something that they know they have a problem with, then they will most likely try to bring you back into the user circle so they don't feel so alone. Misery loves company. I don't know if you could call thees people true friends, but i still call them friends. About a year ago I actually had a friend of mine say to me and my recovering alcoholic girlfriend at the time, "Yea well if you guys ever decide to start drinking again we need to go out and get drunk at some real bars downtown!!" I almost slapped him.  Anyways good luck. Get a hobby, preferably one that will end in some profit!$$$ Like mining for gold or some shit. Find a new obsession to replace the feelings of addiction. -------------------- ---------------- "With an abundance of Cyanescens... i would never touch another Cubensis again."
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ohmatic searcher Registered: 02/28/04 Posts: 6,742 Loc: europe |
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i got many hobbies which is a really great thing, most of them are outdoors and as soon
as the summer comes back, and oh my it is coming fast, ill be busy anyway again. think positive, i try, its hard, but it works really really good !
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DeadPhan  Registered: 05/05/04 Posts: 5,260 Last seen: 6 years, 9 months |
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good luck bro. i cant even begin to tell you how much alcohol has fucked my life up. ive lost 2 amazing girlfriends, the most recent i proly should/could of ended up marrying. seriously. im dead broke, homeless, cant get a job because of legal troubles i have, some that have to do with alcohol, some not. but all in all, it makes me so useless socially and depressed when im not drunk, sometimes even when i am, that i cant even think of finding a job, until i get good sober time in. ive been on and off the wagon many times over the past 6-7 years. ive been at my worst the past 3-4 years id say. drinking at least an 18 pack a day, if not alot more. i just couldnt think of doing anything or going anywhere if i didnt have alcohol. i got to the point where i started pawning all my old stuff, then when that ran out, i stole stuff from my parents they had stored away and pawned that. stuff they realy didnt use, but still, someday they will proly notice a bunch o shit missing. totaly not cool. all just to get enough drink for that day. half the shit i proly got barely the right amount for but i didnt care. as long as i got 10 dollars for a 100+ worth tv i was happy as i could get about 10 40's for the day. i realy became a horrible person. ive been kicked out of pretty much every local bar, told off alot of friends, my ex, and random bystanders for pretty much nothing. woke up in the hospital about 2 or 3 times with no recolection of having got there, only to be told that i was found passed out somewhere on someones lawn or on the sidewalk. alcohol would bring out totaly differnt personalities. sometimes i was calm and chillin, othertimes a total belligerant asshole. id think i was a funny fun guy when in hindsight i was just making a complete ass out of myself, and good chance, when people were laughing, they werent laughing with me, but at me. so long as i had alcohol in me i didnt care what anyone thought. till the next morning where i would cringe at the thought of what i might have done, and just try to start drinkin asap so i could get the gusto to be obnoxious and not care again. i ended up homeless many times, as i am currently. my ex and i at least maintained a friendship for a while, and she was my best friend. cared about my well being, checked up on me and everything. about 2 months ago, we were out, and i got the inkling that her and an old friend of mine were into each other. i ended up getin into an argument with her at the bar, and accidently broke her car window. it truly was an accident, but a dick move nonetheless. i was trying to talk to her, but she could see i was drunk as a skunk and realized it wasnt gona get anywhere but a fight, but i was a lil nerved by seein her and this guy flirt, and as she tried driving away, while i pleaded for her to just talk to me, i started banging on her window, with my palm flat. well, i banged too hard, it shattered, and she ran over my foot. she called the cops, i ran, and hid in a backyard while cops looked all around with dogs. they didnt find me. ud think that would stop me, but no. i continued to keep drinking, freaking out alot of times. just about a week ago, i came home cause i needed somethign to eat, even though i dont live there, my parents let me shower and eat at times, but not when im drunk, but i try to hide it, wich realy doesnt work anymore as my attitude when drunk can be very crude and i throw down at the drop of a hat. something was said, and i started ranting about how i wanted to kill myself, knocked a couple things over, and again, cops were called. udthink again, this should be a wake up call. i ran, got away, and started drinking again first thing the next day.
i do become pretty suicidal at times when in a certain state of drunkeness as i battle with depression as is. im 25 years old, broke, homeless, legal problems, as well as oweing god knows how much to credit agencys from when i actualy was making money, and over the past 3-4 months got so bad i started neglecting taking care of my teeth, meanwhile i have 2 unfinished root canals, so the fillings fell out, and now i think one of them is abcessed. so yea, alcohol has pretty much taken me for a really shitty ride. i do own up to the fact that im just a shitty drunk. props to all hoo can handle their liquor, as i used to be able to. but, i have to stop lying to myself that i can drink a couple. everytime i promise to quit, and i just say, ooooo i can have just one or 2 to loosen up, well, i can feel it, right away. i get this uneasy feeling of anxiety and whatnot cause i start feinding for more. anyway, sorry for the ramble. i realy need to stop this time. and seeing you post helps. and maybe if people can read about my situation and they are having problems, they can stop before it gets as bad as mine. i used to own 3 motorhomes. all gone. great beautiful amazing girlfriend. gone. roof over my head gone. and soon enough, proly a number of teeth. respect from people that used to realy revere me as being inspriational, kind, and fun. gone. not trying to make this into a sob story, just stating the truth of the matter. well, anyway, this weekend was one of the most intense weekends of my life. i posted a bulletin about iton myspace and ill repost it here. i ended up dosing and getting arrested and well, it gave me time to think about where the fuck i am, and how much worse it might get. heres the post..... "o man. i had one of the greatest, craziest, twisted weekends of my life this weekend. Started out with arriving in Manhattan..... I was texting a bunch of friends to tell them about a gig i was going to in Brooklyn, where a bunch of DJ's n dancers were performing. As i was just about to text my one friend, he comes walking up the stairs with my other friend and one of their friends! Pretty crazy! Ended up they were on their way to Chapel of Sacred Mirrors(COSM), to see Alex Grey do a tour of the Chapel and discuss about the paintings. I had time to kill before the show, and was definitly down for that, but had not much money so they paid my way in. It was realy cool to see the Chapel for the first time, meet Alex, and hear him talk about the paintings and whatnot. Definitly a good wholesome experience. So, after that, my friends were heading back to their places. I made my way to Brooklyn to check out the show. I got there around 1130 or so and arrived to a room full of Freeks just flailing around to some of the sickest tunes ive ever had the chance to have my eardrums subjected to. Saw a bunch of random folks i know from the road and elsewhere. Danced my lil tushy off till about 630 or 7 in the am. My mind blown the whole time! Along with dancing some rooftop plastic duck debacles. hehe, you had to be there. Met alot of cool new people as well. Afterwards, went back to a friends studio apartment affectionatly known as Wonderland where a bunch of us just chilled around while one kid spun some schtuff into the afternoon. took a 2 or 3 hour nap till it was time i had to go. took train back to manhattan.....didnt have enough money for the train, so i set up on the sidewalk making Hemp Necklaces n bracelets, and also laid out my rocks n crystals. Everything was goin just great.....i made enough for the train in no time. Most people just gave me loot for putting my stuff on display, where i would give them beads, or handwarmers for the generosity if they so chose to accept. lil kids just comin up sortin through my beads takin their pick. Some folks didnt want anything and just thanked me for showin my stuff. So, i was pretty much just about ready to pack up and hop on the train back to LI, but just hung out a lil longer as i was hungry and coulda used a dollar or 2 more to get a lil bite to eat. So, in the middle of talkin to some kid that plopped next to me to chat, havin a dandy time talkin about my rocks with folks passin by that were all smiles....havin quite a posotive time doin so, after such a great night before, i was just on cloud 9 with the way i was feelin good and everyone was just bein so kind. well, out of nowhere in midconversation with this kid while twisting up some hemp....i hear hey buddy, what u got here. i look up and theres 2 cops. i say, o hi, im just making some jewlery and set my rocks up for people to look at if they so choose. he right away says, "you cant sell stuff here buddy". i told him i wasnt selling it, where he replies, "do me a favor, put these rocks and beads away, and where did u get the handwarmers?" as i was packing up my stuff, i told him the handwarmers were a christmas present to which he didnt seem to beleive. granted i was accepting money, as i was stranded, and giving people things for their kindness. i also when walking around ealier handed out the handwarmers to homeless people at random as i had a whole box of them. so anyway, i finished packing my rocks, beads and everything up, and the cop says to me, "ok, do me a favor, and turn around, and put your hands behind your back" your kidding me i said, im getting arrested for this. hes like, you dont have a vending license, yada yada yada. as much as i couldnt believe, i was also kinda not suprised. cops and me dont realy mix usualy. after i told them my story about being stranded etc etc, they were somewhat nice, but whatever. so, there i was off to jail for hanging out, making jewlery, showing people rocks, and giving away handwarmers to people that realy needed em, as well as a token of gratitude for those that were helpin me out. boy, im some criminal eh. realy belong in jail. meanwhile in nyc hoo knows what was goin on that coulda realy used their attention. bullshit if u ask me, but all in all, i gota say it was somewhat of a posotive experience in the long run. i was still buzzing from the night before, IF ya know what i mean!  not so much fun being in that state in a jail cell. wasnt my first time t-rippin in jail, but this time circumstances were a lil different, as ive got some untaken care of things goin on elsewhere. so as i sat there wondering if i was actualy getting out in the 4-5 hours taht they promised, or if i was goin to be there for god knows how long while they figured out what to do about me and my other issues, which ill spare the details of as most of you know my deal. well, lets just say, it gave me time to realy think about what ive been up to lately, where im going with my life, and just well, everything. some realy deep soul analyzing going on in there. the whole time not knowing what the outcome was going to be. i dont know if i can even explain wat was going on in my head. it was intense to say the least. all kinds of crazys all around me nonstop yelling and whatnot. some of it was quite comical though i must say. this one guy was pretty hilarious just singing and talkin random stuff. anyhoo, after what seemed like an eternity in there, they finnaly , after the whole fingerprints and mugshot deal, came to my cell, told me to collect my things as i was getting released. talk about a rush of seratonin and endorphins. i was so releived that i was actualy getting let out. how and why, i dont know. i was sure theyd keep me and id be in for quite a while. WHEW! now its 2 am and theres no more trains going to patchouge. i was kinda sick of the city at this point, and although ive slept in pen before, i just had too much on my mind, and was still buzzin from teh night before so there was no way i was sleepin there. didnt wana wait till 6 am for the next train to patchogue, so i bit the bullet, and took the 3 15 train to ronkonkoma, where i sat for the whole ride just playing out the events of the past 2ish days in my head. thought alot about well, alot. not even worth tryin to explain, but yea, somethings gotta give. i need to change alot of things, cutting down, or quitting drinking entirely if not at least for a while. i kinda was returned to a mindset i havent had realy for a while as ive just been realy messed up kinda past couple years. in a way, i think the getting arrested was a blessing in disguise as if i just went home, i might not have got to such deep thinking as i did in the cell and on the way home. arrived in ronkonoma and buses werent running for a while and i just had too much on my mind to sit and wait around, i decided to walk to patchogue. another 2 hours of soul searching as i walked home, sometimes breaking out and balling, and in general just seeing everything in a light i havent seen things in, in a fairly long time. i just woke up a lil bit ago, and although still tired, legs sore, and kinda frazzled.....i feel reborn. very grateful to be alive and conscious, and much more so than before this weekend. although these experiences have happened before, and after not long, i find myself back on the streets just drinking every day, im hoping this time will be differnt as it feels alot better to be at this kind of peace than to be walking around laughing at nothing just cause im drunk and a bit crazy. whew, yea, i know i rambled here alot. just so much to try to convey, and it doesnt even come across as i could have. sorry, im still a lil out of it. usualy im a bit more composed in writing things but yea, im just like woah. but, thats that, and i guess well see what happens from here. anyhoo, im sorry to all the people ive hurt over the recent months, or even years, and to those ive subjected alot of my bullshit to, even if not directed at. im hoping from this trip, i can realy keep my promise to myself to not stray off track, but i cant say i havent before. but, i dont know.....feels different this time. bla bla bla.....well, thats it for now.peacelovehugsnblessings to you all!" so yea....its time i stop drinking. im planing on going up to new hampshire to stay with a friend and get away from all my familiar surroundings that will proly remind me of, or end up getting me to drink again. along with people i socialize around here that call me up to go out drinking. which funnily enough, i just got off the phone with a friend of my while i was writing this, and shes drunk. only a few days ago, i woulda been all over it and right by her side drinking as well. i cant even talk to drunk people when im sober. she was just going on and on and sounded so foolish, yet when im drunk, im right there with her laughing, slapin my knee, hootin and hollerin. but it just seems so juvenile to me now, and ive only got 2 days sober. but yea, im gona go up to new hampshire, sober up, get a dishwashing job or something. and hopefuly save up enough for this van my parents will give me if i hold down a job, save up enough for insurance, and sober up. i have to. im 25 years old so i got time to turn it around. to think of all the years and things lost though. but i gota stay posotive. i have chances to hang out with and/or hook up with alot of girls, but, being broke, with no car, or no place to go back to makes it kinda rough, except when im on the road or in a cool city. long island just not cuttin it. i was doin alright out in oregon though, but i was stayin somewhere. this van im gona get is sweet though. its a conversion van with a couch that folds into a bed int eh back, sweet captain chairs, tv/dvd/vcr. defintly liveable, if not at least has a bed so yea. ive got that to look forward to, then i can probaly get more work, because im always seeing job offerings on craigslist and whatnot, but most require a vehicle. and with a job to make money to actualy go out and do stuff, instead of walking around aimlessly with a 40 in my hand, im sure ill do much better. anytime i have a girl ask to hang out, i have to be like, yea, thatd be cool, but im broke. sometimes its cool and a girl dont care and i end up hookin up anyway, but it dont last long before they dont wana have to pick me up and pay for whatever it is were doing. pretty lame. anyway, sorry for the long rant, as im kinda reminding myself while writing this of what i have to do, as well as hopefully getting across to others. i have some picture posts on this forum that some of you might remember, and you can tell from them, ive been pretty fortunate what with having the friends i have, and having been the places ive been, and so on. dont get me wrong....ive had a great life, but its not gona stay that way, if i continue drinking. best of luck to anyone out there stuggling with any kind of addiction. peacelovenblessings to you all --------------------   
Big Gulps! Alright! Well, See ya later! And if i claim to be a wise man, well, it surely means that i dont know!
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str8 Im fuckin bonzo,  Registered: 10/19/06 Posts: 200 Last seen: 19 years, 5 months |
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well without reading past the first post, (some good advice here) j.k.
ur dead already.. its not she who beats u down.. its u. -------------------- Considering Im certifiably insane, I can't be held liable for comments made herein. I do not even know if they are true! So if I speak in the 3rd person, 4give me. Often my alter ego, who lives in Mexico speaks on my behalf frequently. Also, just remember, I'm schizophrenic... and so am I. I plea insanity! I didnt do it!
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