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I've lost sentience and motivation
    #4751023 -

I'll be as hast and blunt as possible.

For the past few years I've continually struggled with depression and related subject matter.

Well, ignoring that, my current problem is that I have a serious lack of motivation and energy. I've learned how to conquer the psychological aspect of depression, by drowning out negative thought with positive, yet mentally I'm merely a zombie. I have lost my tolerance for it. I simply feel brain-dead and as if I have no energy. It's really been a problem for me lately because I've been trying so hard to be happy and content and I've been attempting to build relationships. But one cannot build relationships if they barely have the social energy to speak logically with someone.

A simple way of putting is... do you know the feeling you have when you're awoken in the middle of the night? That incredibly groggy feeling where you desire to just clothes your eyes and continue sleeping? That's how I feel, ALL DAY. Something else that I'd like to point out is that every Sunday I drink a few cups of coffee. It is as a result of this action that I for the one time a week FEEL SO ALIVE. I'm extremely social and genuinely happy. After Sunday, I return to my mental state of braindeadedness.

Now before I receive the typical reactionary, worthless solutions:
-My diet is fine. I eat little to no junk food, drink plenty of water, avoid preservatives when possible, eat organic, 5+ fruits, et cetera.
-I get PLENTY of exercise. I run 3+ miles a day and work out 2-5 times a week at a gym.
-I haven't smoked marijuana in a year and when I do, it worses my braindeadness exponentially.
-I've taken SSRI's in two periods in my life which not only WORSENS this horrid feeling, but possibly triggered this state in the first place.
-I took St. John's Wort for about 6 months after the SSRI's. It had absolutely ZERO effect on me. None. At all.
-I've been taking Ginkgo Biloba for the past 6 months. It's worthless.
-I watch an average of about 1 hour of TV A YEAR. I play video games about 2-3 times a week.
-I'm not willing to take caffeine, cocaine, or other stimulants daily to alleviate this problem as it will obviously entail an addiction which likely will result in worsening of this conditioning.
-Nothing else seems relevant.

With this in mind, please fucking help me as best as you can. I'm tired of being an emotionless zombie. I want life.


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Delicious Pizza

Edited by SocietyRejects (10/03/05 07:20 PM)

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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: Society]
    #4751517 -

Leave the country. Save a little money, get a passport and spend some time searching out some inexpensive third world country that you think  you might like somewhat. Leave everything and everyone behind. The need to survive will perk you up.

My guess is that your life is killing you emotionally. It's not the one  you really want with the people you really want in it. Break free! Escape.  :thumbup: :heart:


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: Society]
    #4751552 -

I've felt this way before for weeks at a time. I recommend:

a) laughing
b) crying
c) travelling
d) creating some art
or all of the above.

Also, try putting yourself in situations you've never been in before, where you have to think on your feet. Being in an awkward situation where you don't really know what to do will wake you up a little and make your brain work in more spontaneous, creative ways again.

This is more a mental problem than a physical one.

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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: Icelander]
    #4751577 -

What Icelander said was good. One more thing, and i'm serious about this: if you masturbate more than a couple times a week try to cut back. Wanking will suck the motivation and energy out of you like nothing else. Sex with a partner is ok though, because the energy dynamic is different. You use energy, but you get some in return.

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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: moog]
    #4751649 -

Motivation perpetuates itself, and a lack of motivation perpetuates itself as well.

I'm just getting into meditation and yoga (seriously, i've played around with them before, but i'm going to take it more seriously now) and it's definitely giving my life a sense of meaning. Instead of wondering what the hell I'm doing here, and feeling like my life makes no sense whatsoever, I just feel satisfied with where I'm at, when I'm there. Well, more often than before at least.

You could try dancing too. Put on some music that you think you might enjoy dancing to, and just listen to the rhythm and the beat. Don't think about anything else. I sincerely think that might help you. It might be a little difficult/uncomfortable at first, but just make a little extra effort to get into it. You have nothing to lose. See what happens after you dance for a few minutes. It might help, and it might not...


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/opinion
.sean

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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: entiformatie]
    #4751921 -

Meditation and yoga are good advice.....

You might have an energy imbalance or something. It doesn't sound like anything western medicine can fix, so perhaps maybe even seek out a reiki healer or acupuncture or something?

I don't know. If you're doing everything right and it isn't working, then you must be doing things wrong.

:frown:

You should stop blocking your emotions, let yourself be really sad, and instead of THINKING about your sadness, you just sit down, perhaps in a nice park.. and you just FEEL SAD.. feel it. and keep feeling it. and keep feeling it. Don't think about it, don't go "man my life sucks..." or whatever, just feel it as an emotion, and let it leave your body.

Maybe it's all because you haven't stopped the depression, you have simply buried it with positivism.


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I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: leery11]
    #4753088 -

I'd recommend trying to go on a holiday. BUT go alone! Yeah alone! Let yourself free to stand and go wherever the fuck you want!

Give yourself the time to explore the world and to explore new cultures and meet new people... Give yourself a chance to empty up your mind and go free! But I don't recommend going to Holland though lol You'll get in contact with drugs too easily and that's exactly what you don't want hehe


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"This combines the good sides of every other drug with none of the bad. This is the ultimate luxury, the flawless wisdom-pleasure hit. More mellow and cozy than heroin, but you don't nod out. I feel more alive and wired and energetic than with speed, but not jangly. Its got the blast of cocaine, but it lasted ten times longer."

"Going to the grave without ever having a psychedelic experience is like going to the grave without ever having sex. That means you will die before even becoming an adolescent." -Terence Mckenna

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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: Brakkie]
    #4755165 -

Thanks for the advice, guys. I've been longing to leave everything and everyone behind me and perhaps go to a different country. I also long to build deep relationships with a wide variety of people.

Quote:
and i'm serious about this: if you masturbate more than a couple times a week try to cut back. Wanking will suck the motivation and energy out of you like nothing else.


Sadly, I don't masturbate anymore. Ever. Why? I simply do not have the energy nor the vigor of life. I am completely unable get aroused no matter how hard I try- unless I'm on a stimulant drug.

Right now I'm feeling pretty low. I feel rather defeated in my annoying problems. I feel so braindead that I'm having trouble focusing my eyes. I woke up today brainwashing myself that it's a beautiful day (which it was), telling myself I'm not tired, and telling myself that I'm going to be less inwardly focused by serving others and building relationships. This has been my daily... creed, I guess, and it fails everytime.

It makes me retain the belief that I have been permanently, irreversibly damaged in my brain... likely my neurotransmitters or something.

Anyways, I'd like to visit Brazil or Luxembourg or Thailand- not that travel is brain surgeory or anything...


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Delicious Pizza

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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: Society]
    #4758529 -

SocietyRejects said:
I woke up today brainwashing myself that it's a beautiful day (which it was), telling myself I'm not tired, and telling myself that I'm going to be less inwardly focused by serving others and building relationships.  This has been my daily... creed, I guess, and it fails everytime.



fuck serving people! are YOU looking for servents? are you looking for a "yes" man in your life? or are you looking for a friend with his own opinoins and agenda?

serve your SELF, be SELFISH !!!
have trust in your self to do what's right and others will pick that up and respect that (and if they dont they're just worthless anyway)

go aborad and learn to serve your self where you don't owe nothing to anyone but yourself... you OWE your self to be content to be strong, to feel, love, cry, enjoy, dislike.... whatever...
learn what makes you who you want to be and that'll motivate you enough!

break free!
shine on!
:heart:

(if only all these actions were as simple as uttering the words eh?  :smirk: ....... oh but i still belive it to be true so DO shine on will ya  :tongue: )


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:mushdance::sanpedro::peyote::mushroom2: :heart: Shr:supershroom::supershroom:mery :heart: :mushroom2::peyote::sanpedro::mushdance:
      Visit & Support Free Spore Ring Earth
      :sun: Please help spread live Salvia Divinorum :sun:


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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: Society]
    #4759501 -

I think your trying to hard. Just relax.


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"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks

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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: barfightlard]
    #4764029 -

it sounds like you've fallen into a lame routine and I know how that is... i'm struggling with one myself. i don't feel genuinely involved with my life, and it's hard to get excited about activities that don't seem a real part of me.

not sure what i have for advice... this may be useless to you but it's been helping me lately.
find a mirror and look straight into your own eyes and shut out all other thoughts. be very sincere and think: this is me, this is my life, this is my struggle. this is where I am right now.

a big problem for me has been way too much intellectual and emotional baggage. i think if you can find ways to unload that burden it would help. and trying to be happy and have hope doesn't really do anything but prepare you for disappointment.

oh yea, ever played racquetball?
its ALOT of fun.

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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: Society]
    #4764048 -

Take a vacation. Go camping.


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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: Society]
    #4767817 -

Have you tried loading up on your vitamins, aside from your diet..

5-htp has done wonders for me, I used to feel almost completely lethargic most of the time, which has since changed. Take your B vitamins with it and maybe try supplementing with some omega-3's also. Have you tried ginseng tea or other products as a substitute for coffee or caffiene?

You are right in that positive thinking appears to be where it starts, but without an overall sense of wellbeing in the first place I found it close to impossible to really phase alot of the negative thinking out from the more positive thought processes.. Now I usually just load up on ginseng before work or whatever, and it definitely helps me in maintaining a positive easy going state of mind throughout my day.

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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: usefulidiot]
    #4770693 -

Yep, I've been taking Omega 3's, multivitamins, and a few other health supplements for over a year. While they probably make me healthier, I'm still rather miserable. I've started drinking tea daily now and I'll probably cut caffeine out completely (though I get it once a week or less) to see if change occurrs.

Grav, I think that what you have said could apply to me easily. I feel so uninvolved in my own life; like I control almost NOTHING and everything is laid out for me. Thought it theoretically isn't, one could argue that finances cause it to be. My focus seems so impossibly terrible... like my self-proclaimed misery forms and umbrella that gives me tunnnel vision. Sometimes misery becomes overbearing and I lash out with anger when noone else is present, usually destroying inanimate objects like walls and windows.


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Delicious Pizza

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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: Society]
    #4773470 -

Dude i used to be so like you .... I consider myself pretty stupid most of the time cause I am stoned 24/7 ... but I am happy with myself.
I just need to have something to look forward to every day ,,,,,, get some plants to take care of, my cats make me smile 90 times a day ,,,, iuno I guess everyone is different but I like to get high daily and watch life live

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Re: I've lost sentience and motivation [Re: benrules92]
    #4776639 -

Thanks for the insight.

I skipped drinking coffee today and will go without it to see if lack of it will help me have more energy. Right now I just wish I had more mental energy. I can barely hold coversations with people because my mind is so dead that I can't think words to see and my face remains expressionless and dead dead dead ddaerafdsgwer


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Delicious Pizza

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