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Empty inside... what an odd sensation
    #4629814 -

I've been feeling pretty empty inside. It's almost a physical sensation. I feel like my life has no real purpose, like I'm not going to amount to anything special.

I'm pretty active. I have a job, I go to school and I'm taking a lot of classes, I breakdance, play capoeira, and generally find productive outlets for my energy. But for some reason I don't feel satisfied. I feel like I need to do more.

I met some girl last weekend whose smile totally filled that void. It was a temporary satisfaction, and I miss it very much. But I'm trying to understand what's going on, and it seems that I'm thinking so much of that girl that it's making this emptiness even worse. I convinced myself I was in love with this girl, but I think I realize that it was only because she satisfied this very intense craving of mine. With a smile... Somebody smiles and I'm floating, and yet I can put all this effort into living and not find any lasting satisfaction.

I guess I'm asking what I'm supposed to do to fill this void... I'm going to be taking some mushrooms soon, and I'll be thinking about it then, just for some new perceptions. I'm trying to have lucid dreams, and I figure I'll ask myself from that perspective as well.

Part of me feels totally lonely. Like I have nobody to share this world with. Sometimes I love that feeling, and sometimes it depresses me. I have one friend around here with whom I can share my thoughts, and he shares his with me. If I didn't have anyone to share thoughts with, I think my head would implode...

I know this will end well, I can feel it yes. I'm optimistic... just confused.

Meditating has been of quite some help, so I'll go do some of that after walking around campus a bit...


--------------------
/opinion
.sean

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Re: Empty inside... what an odd sensation [Re: entiformatie]
    #4630007 -

I don't know if it is the same sensation you are feeling, but I often

feel as if there is something very heavy and dark balled inside my

chest.  It's almost as if it both physically and mentally weighs me

down.  I really don't have any good suggestion as to how to fill the

void you feel, as I have not been able to fill mine.  A very special

girl has been making me feel a ton better, and making all the bullshit

of life worth it, just for a few hours with her.  I think we all have

certain things that we need to fill our void, and I believe my

solution is her. 


Just stick it out and you will find what you are looking for, even if

you don't know it at the time.

I send you all my love and best wishes.  Best of luck in the future,

my friend.

:heart: :mushroom2:

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Re: Empty inside... what an odd sensation [Re: WeAreAllOne]
    #4630200 -

girls are never a solution, only an endless stream of problems.

might i suggest being introspective for an hour of your busy life. feelings you cannot understand are often a product of your subconcious trying to communicate with you.

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Re: Empty inside... what an odd sensation [Re: 001]
    #4631746 -

you make it, be..


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Disclaimer!?

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Re: Empty inside... what an odd sensation [Re: 001]
    #4632374 -

001 said:
girls are never a solution, only an endless stream of problems.



This may well be true, but then I have to wonder, is there no hope at all?


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1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."

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Re: Empty inside... what an odd sensation [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #4635000 -

mmm, i definitely don't want to solve the problem with another problem (girls) heh. not that girls are a problem, but they definitely aren't the solution, and at this point, relying on another person to help me find myself will only confuse me further.

i try the silent introspection thing... i don't go for an entire hour. the other day i did about 15-20 minutes or so under a tree by a lake, and i found myself... much clearer. after training sessions i also find myself in a state of consistency, flow, and self-awareness. everything makes much more sense. but then it fades away. i figure if i work at it hard and long enough, and keep the faith, that something will come. i bet when it does, i'll realize it's been there all along.

mmm, thanks for your insights folks. i've definitely been feeling a lot better since that last post. :-)


--------------------
/opinion
.sean

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Re: Empty inside... what an odd sensation [Re: WeAreAllOne]
    #4637767 -

hey enti long time no see :laugh: i dont know if you remember me but we met on shroomery a couple years ago ( had the name Dankbluntz) and we ended up hanging out at school and we even smoked a bowl on campus under a gazebo type thing with a friend of mine. anyway the advice I have is to keep searching and keep doing , well, stuff. If you find your life making you feel empty find things to fill the void. Search for new interests, there are a million and one things that you can get into to keep ya busy just keep your eyes peeled :smile:

Ever consider getting a pet? I've had pets my whole life everything from snakes turtles dogs cats to parrots. Im actually getting another parrot this month ( blue and gold macaw) because the one ive had for  8 years decided he likes my wife more than me and tries to attack me to make his claim :P anyway pets are cool and some can give you companionship (like a bird or a dog) and some are just cool to look at and feed ( like a snake or a lizard or a tarantula).  anyway just throwin out an idea ;P

girls are always nice too but the problem is if you feel so empty and find a girl you may come to rely on her for your happiness and become smothering / overbearing. anyway, take it ezy  :stoned:

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