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 Fungilicious
Fungilicious
Registered: 12/15/02
Posts: 58
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 13 years, 3 months
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 Feel like I'm ruined inside. 
#2240068 - 01/13/04 08:54 PM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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Every single day I look back on my life, thinking about how great things USED to be. I can't get my mind off it, I feel like I've lost my true self, and there's lots of indicators that this is true...:(
I used to party like mad, smoked weed, do tons of shrooms and drink without any problems...then I fell into depression. I started taking Effexor(anti-depressant), and things started to look up, the only problem is that they made me, NOT ME...I became this outgoing talkative person, where before I was a more introspective, quiet type that had no use for small talk. During this time I began to get panic attacks, on weed, shrooms...and so on. I began to get weird bowel problems and started reacting strangely to substances like I never have before
Anyways, now it's been around a year since I took those stupid pills, and I feel ...so not human now...more horrible then I ever have. I can't smoke pot anymore, I get twitches and pains all over my body, I can't drink because I get weird bowel shit now...all this leads me to those stupid fucking pills...cant stop thinking that they ruined me...im so close to the end its not funny...someone help me.
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daba
Stranger
Registered: 12/30/02
Posts: 3,881
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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 Re: Feel like I'm ruined inside. [Re: Fungilicious]
#2240442 - 01/14/04 12:40 AM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat...;o=&fpart=1
Shroomism speaks of the "Bach Remedies." There is a remedy for your ailment, which is specifically noted by the Bach Remedies as "living in the past," which is curable with Honeysuckle.
Try it out, just like I am now, and we will see how they work for us.
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Addressing your issue of these pills "making you," I had a similar conversation with my friend who is taking pills for her "ADD." She told me there has been a study conducted supporting the notion that prescribed personality-affecting pills do indeed curtail (or manipulate) the patient's natural demeanor.
You can lay off them of you like, but it is really your choice. I wish you best of luck, and try out those remedies I suggested.
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m0rb
mushroom mobster
Registered: 05/07/03
Posts: 184
Loc: New England
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
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 Re: Feel like I'm ruined inside. [Re: Fungilicious]
#2240916 - 01/14/04 06:54 AM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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Make sure you come off Effexor real easy, and over time. Both myself and friends have had TERRIBLE withdrawl from Effexor. Also, the side effects are exactly what you were talking about. I can tell you that while going cold turkey, it was the worst 1.5 weeks of my life.
Read this thread over, as Effexor is brought up several times.
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat...;o=&fpart=1
-m0rb-
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"The business of America is business," - Calvin Coolidge
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JameZTheNewbie
The Mahatma OfZalu
Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 736
Loc: pass the gates of hell 2 ...
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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i had a similar experience as you i was on paxil and it ruined me.....i wasnt me anymore and now its hard to be me but everyday i try hard to remember who i am sometimes i look at pictures from when i was little this helps me alot.......im still not me though its like something small was lost but at least im not completly lost...try to focus on who u were and realize that is how u are who u are now
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Mice have feelings
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Fungilicious
Fungilicious
Registered: 12/15/02
Posts: 58
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 13 years, 3 months
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wow, that's pretty hard to accept...a drug that was intended to help me has now ruined the person I once was...that's VERY hard to accept.
I think I'd rather die...It's like being a crack head, after you're done with the crack your not the same...I couldn't live with that.
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m0rb
mushroom mobster
Registered: 05/07/03
Posts: 184
Loc: New England
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
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Dont worry Fungilicious, things will get better in time. 
-m0rb-
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"The business of America is business," - Calvin Coolidge
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 theshiftingwalls
Divine state
Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 4,128
Loc: Residing in thee Universa...
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Re: Feel like I'm ruined inside. [Re: Fungilicious]
#2242988 - 01/15/04 01:49 AM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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ANY SSRIs ARE FOOLS!
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m0rb
mushroom mobster
Registered: 05/07/03
Posts: 184
Loc: New England
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
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Dont you mean, anyone who takes an SSRI is a fool?
-m0rb-
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"The business of America is business," - Calvin Coolidge
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Fungilicious
Fungilicious
Registered: 12/15/02
Posts: 58
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 13 years, 3 months
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Re: Feel like I'm ruined inside. [Re: m0rb]
#2245537 - 01/16/04 05:56 AM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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ya well I WAS a fool at 15 years old...what do you expect. I'd do anything to change the fact that I took them.
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cheesenoonions
??????????????
Registered: 04/02/01
Posts: 584
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Re: Feel like I'm ruined inside. [Re: Fungilicious]
#2245562 - 01/16/04 06:13 AM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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I agree, antidepressants are dangerous in my opinion. Most work for a small percent of the population and some are often prescribed a little over zealously. My girlfriend went to her doctor one day complaining of mood changes, tachycardia and some other stuff. The doctor prescribes some antidepressant and tells her she is having panic attacks. I noticed (I was there with her) that this same pill was all over the office! It was on the writing tablets, there were wall posters and little ads all over. I could have sworn she drove for the company in NASCAR or something. It was wierd. I recommended she not get the prescription filled and go to a cardiologist. It turned out that she had problems with her thyroid. Bastards.
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MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,391
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: Feel like I'm ruined inside. [Re: Fungilicious]
#2245804 - 01/16/04 11:40 AM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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Wellbutrin ruined me. I had tremors and panic attacks and couldn't even speak a coherant sentence because I couldn't remember what I was saying. This was after six months of taking the anti-d, and everything just got worse and worse. I was even starting to lose my mobility. It was like I forget how to live/speak/think. I could barely do any of it.
Finally I got off of it. Cold turkey. It was rough.
But I recovered. And you can too, man. Its been 4 years since I took Wellbutrin and yeah, sometimes its still hard, but you can move onward. Find something that interests you. Reinvent yourself. Maybe make a few changes in your life.
All I'm saying is that its not the end of the rope. Hang in there. 
truly,
ShadeGirl
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geokills
∙∙∙∙☼ º¿° ☼∙∙∙∙
Registered: 05/08/01
Posts: 19,611
Loc: city of angels 
Last seen: 50 minutes, 52 seconds
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 Re: Feel like I'm ruined inside. [Re: Fungilicious]
#2247187 - 01/16/04 10:55 PM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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Take my words at face value - as our language does not allow for the emotional empathy that can only be experienced during a psychic bond, which this text will likely not provide 
That being said, you mention that you started on the meds at age 15. This would lead me to believe that while the drugs may have adversely affected you, it is probable that your experience is just that of growing up. I'm in my early twenties now, and I know that I'm not the same person I was back in high school. I also know that I look back upon the days of my youth with extreme fondness and a sense of loss at what I consider to be the loss of innocence. My life is not the same, it never will be, but that is how life goes. The only constant is change.
All types of shit will be thrown at you over the years, shit you may not be able to make sense of.. but so long as you remember never to worry about things that you can't control, you should be able to make it through the rough times and realize how unique an experience life really is. As was said in the film Vanilla Sky and probably many places elsewhere, "Without the bitter, the sweet ain't as sweet."
I wish you the best in your life's endeavors and would advise that you don't ever give up hope. Hope will keep you kickin' until you're old and gray, with many new things to happen along the way. Much love 
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┼ ··∙ long live the shroomery ∙·· ┼
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Fungilicious
Fungilicious
Registered: 12/15/02
Posts: 58
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 13 years, 3 months
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Re: Feel like I'm ruined inside. [Re: Fungilicious]
#2248532 - 01/17/04 04:31 PM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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Thank you ALL for the great responses!  You don't have any idea how much better that makes me feel...;)
Most of the time all my thoughts and problems stay bottled inside, nobody to talk to, no way to let it out...so doing this is a real catharsis for me 
It's been around a year since I last took a pill, and I have to say my mental/physical health has improved, just not where I would like it to be.
But hearing Ellemyshade's definately gives me some hope, if it takes another few years to get back to where I used to be, that's fine with me
geokills, "never sworry about that you can't control", that there has to be my biggest problem. I'm always thinking about how things could of been different/better for me, which gets me nowhere. so thats one thing ill have to work on, keep that quote in my head...realize im just beating myself up with that type of thinking.
anyways, im dead tired and rambling, so im just gonna say once more, thanks a lot for all your great words of advice and encouragement, good to know people like you are out there.
Peace & Love
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Oook
Oook!
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 533
Loc: England
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
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Quote:
theshiftingwalls said:
ANY SSRIs ARE FOOLS!
Yes im sure they are. Up until recently I thought antidepressants were bullshit. I have been depressed for the last five or six years and in this time have taken: paxil, mirtazapine and am now taking escitalopram. The first two made me feel a little bit spaced out and I think paxil has now been banned for under 18's(which i was at the time) but damn now the cipralex has kicked in I feel like a completely new person.
I think the main problem with anti depressants is that doctors do not really know enough about the workings of seratonin but instead have more vague ideas of the links between various mental conditions and seratonin. Yes I agree they can be prescribed far too liberally, but when the correct type of AD is found for the patient they can make a world of difference.
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filthysock
puresoul
Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 2,080
Loc: Bergen, Norway
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
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Re: Feel like I'm ruined inside. [Re: Fungilicious]
#2251983 - 01/19/04 04:28 AM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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I've had somewhat similair problems and I'm getting over with them but still dealing... all I can say is if you are not the same as you used to be then start focusing on the fact that you ARE who you are NOW, if you find confidence in that you will be able to move on and become an outgoing type of person again... providing you make an effort to party and meet new people at new places. Another thing I can say is just dont give a fuck, everything else will come as deserved.
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Magic mushrooms are not addictive, the shroomery is!
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