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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Emptiness
    #1965775 - 09/30/03 01:21 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I don?t want to post this, but I absolutely need to get this out, otherwise it will destroy me (or more likely, those in a close proximity of me). My entire life, any problem that I encounter, I have been afraid to speak out about, because of my parents typical answer of ?oh, there?s children starving in Africa?, etc. Yes, I am a spoiled little rich kid, but I hate that. Just because I am more fortunate to have rich parents, that doesn?t make me happy.

I am so bored, so lonely, so empty. I?m 19, and I?ve never even had a girlfriend, or even kissed a girl. It seems so trivial, so pointless to worry about it, but I do. In fact, it has gotten to the point where, I don?t even think I would know what to do when I do find ?the one.? I will probably find someone who is interested in me, but I will lose her, because I am so inexperienced, lack confidence, and completely fail to understand their needs. Confidence, there?s a concept. It?s so funny that I am so prepared to die serving my country, and yet, I can?t even talk to girls. Sometimes I wish I was an egotistical jackass, they seem to have so much fun, but alas, I am ?a nice guy,? and, unfortunately, a timid person.

Even the most remote reference to a relationship or intimacy will set me off on a downer, for (sometimes) as long as a week, or month. I can?t even look at pornography, because it will make me cry, and feel very pitiful. I only want someone to hold, someone to love, and to love me back. Is that so much to ask for? Apparently, this is so. What is it about me that makes me completely unable to find romance? Am I ugly? I don?t even know anymore. Are girls turned off by my lack of confidence? Furthermore, do I completely ignore ?the signs? that are supposed to be there? Am I a complete genetic foul-up that doesn?t even have the necessary instincts for sexual reproduction? I suppose it?s completely useless. I?ll probably die lonely, sooner, than later. The most I can do is try to save some other people, while I?m at it.

..but what am I rambling on about? Why should I care about such miniscule problems? There are starving children in Africa, and I?m a spoiled little rich kid. I can drive my own car, obtain my own computer, and go to school, so I must be happy, right? Right.


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Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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Offlinepattern
multiplayer

Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,183
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #1965788 - 09/30/03 01:24 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Lower your standards. Try internet dating.

www.dreammates.com



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man = monkey + mushroom


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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: pattern]
    #1965802 - 09/30/03 01:29 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Standards?


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Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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OfflineInfrared
sleeping
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: El Emigrante

Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 12,988
Loc: Chicago, USA
Last seen: 3 years, 13 days
Re: Emptiness [Re: pattern]
    #1965810 - 09/30/03 01:31 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

stop worrying about sex, start thinkin about the eternal state that your soul will be casted to when you die, thatll make your sex thoughts seem like ginger beer.


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When chemistry is outlawed.. Only outlaws have chemistry:rainbowdrink:


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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: Infrared]
    #1965850 - 09/30/03 01:41 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

First off, I have no fucking clue what you just tried to say. Second, I don't just worry about sex, it's a very small part about what I worry about..


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Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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Offlinepattern
multiplayer

Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,183
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #1965852 - 09/30/03 01:42 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Well I am being presumptuous and judgemental but I'd be willing to bet you've turned down a girl or two in your day.  I'm a little older than you but I've gone thru the same thing.  I remember my first day in my new school a cute girl asked me out and I was like "No way".  I totally regret that because I didnt have a girlfriend for 3 years after that.  If only I hadn't had such a big ego at the time... :wink:

There are many opportunities passing you by, maybe you just don't realize it, or are too blinded by your upper-class lifestyle.  Are you worried your parents won't like her because she is lower class, is she not pretty enough, is she your soul mate, etc.  Ok its a little harsh but you sound like you need a good kick in the butt!  :devil:  Try something new, experiment, live, take chances.  Talk to girls, even if they aren't models, stop staring at them with your jaw open and your eyes wide open.  Look around maybe you will find a girl that is actually looking back.  In school there are TONS of single girls.  It's really up to you to pull yourself out of your slump, don't wait for them to come to you, stake your claim and go get one!!

Remember this advice: rejection is alot more fun than not trying.  :kiss: 


--------------------
man = monkey + mushroom


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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: pattern]
    #1965875 - 09/30/03 01:50 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

"Well I am being presumptuous and judgemental but I'd be willing to bet you've turned down a girl or two in your day. I'm a little older than you but I've gone thru the same thing."

You are, I have never done such a thing. I have no standards that I know of.


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Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: pattern]
    #1965895 - 09/30/03 01:58 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I didn't actually make this post with any thoughts of what responses I would get, it was mainly just a "vent", but I'll simplify this a bit.

Throughout highschool, I made a whole ONE friend, and, well, she's no longer my friend for very annoying reasons. I talked to my teachers more than I talked to students. The school I went to was a private school with maximum 15 people per class, some of them had as little as 2 or 3, and I still didn't talk to anyone but the teachers.

Now, I go to a very large school (university of toronto), where I also don't speak to anyone, don't even speak to the profs, or TAs. Not only is my life devoid of any intimate relationship, I have very few friends, and don't see them very often. Why? I don't know. I can't help it, I have a hard time making friends, talking to people. When I do talk, there doesn't seem to be a problem, but I just can't get to that stage, and I'm still a stuttering fucking geek when I'm talking to anyone.


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Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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OfflineInfrared
sleeping
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: El Emigrante

Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 12,988
Loc: Chicago, USA
Last seen: 3 years, 13 days
Re: Emptiness [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #1965902 - 09/30/03 02:03 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

what i meant to say is, stop worrying about sex, start worrying about death. that should put things into perspective. then start living/


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When chemistry is outlawed.. Only outlaws have chemistry:rainbowdrink:


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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: Infrared]
    #1965910 - 09/30/03 02:05 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

That's quite impossible, I'm not worried about death, at all. I really wouldn't mind it, to be honest, though I'm not going to go out of my way for it to happen.


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Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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Offlinepattern
multiplayer

Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,183
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #1965931 - 09/30/03 02:13 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Have you heard of Dale Carnegie or Toastmasters?  I dont personally enjoy those things, but they could help you.  I mean you can read a bunch of posts on this message board, but they aren't really gonna help you be more sociable. 

Whenever I had a new class in university where I didn't know anyone (that happened alot) I would try a couple things.  First, sit by someone who looked like they shared the same interests, and then say "Hey hows it going".  It usually didnt matter who I sat beside, unless they were some asshole, I would say "hi".  I do the same thing on airplanes, hear lots of good stories from people.  But in class I would try to sit by the smartest guy, and get to know him, because then my own marks went up. hehehe

There's not much more to it than that.  You can sit around debating with yourself all day what to say to someone, but why torture yourself?  Just ask someone "Hows it going" and things go from there, or they dont.  Thats my philosophy anyways.  You'd be surpised how many people (girls even) are lonely just like you. 

I'd say, in my whole life, only about 1/4 of strangers I talk to would strike up a conversation.  And that ratio is like 1/10 for women. lol  Its a strange world but you gotta live in it.  So do whatever you can to make the world a fun place to live in.  :sun: 


--------------------
man = monkey + mushroom


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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: pattern]
    #1965946 - 09/30/03 02:21 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Yes, I agree.. but I can't. That's part of the problem. I just can't bring myself to talk to strangers, unless I have a very good reason to do so (Ie, because I have business with them).


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Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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Offlinepattern
multiplayer

Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,183
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #1965953 - 09/30/03 02:24 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

You're talking to a stranger right now!  :smile:


--------------------
man = monkey + mushroom


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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: pattern]
    #1965970 - 09/30/03 02:28 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Protected by the shroud of anonimity, yes. It is odd though that the internet is the one place where I "talk" a lot. The most likely answer is that I don't stutter when I type, as opposed to when I talk.


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Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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Offlinepattern
multiplayer

Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,183
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #1965981 - 09/30/03 02:31 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Hmm. Maybe you should be brief when you talk. "Yes" "No" "Hi". Nah. Who cares if you stutter, Samuel L Jackson stutters, dont let anything hold you back... I bet some girls would even find it cute.


--------------------
man = monkey + mushroom


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Offlinematteo
empty

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 69
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: pattern]
    #1966027 - 09/30/03 02:50 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

literally, just try saying hello to someone you want to talk to. It really doesnt matter what you say, chances are they aren't even listening because, as a stranger talking to them theyre busy looking at you. So long as you smile and try to make eye contact i guarantee you very few people will not say hi back and exchange a pleasantry at the least. If you want to practice try just going up to people and asking for the time, or directions to a shop or something. Hope i can help.


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I have presented the above as fact, but it is only based on one of an infinite number of possible theories, each of which is as true as the other is false.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Emptiness [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #1966166 - 09/30/03 03:27 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

CeeEssGee said:
Furthermore, do I completely ignore ?the signs? that are supposed to be there?





could be, but you dont necessarily ignore them. ive been told im pretty dense when it comes to "the signs" by girlfriends and others as well.

also, you dont have to all of a sudden be emotionally involved with a person. ime, becoming friends with people you're attracted to can lead to a deeper relationship. the other possible outcome of this is that you find that you're only physically attracted to this person and that theyre not really that interesting. either way, dont worry too much about experience, the worst thats gonna happen is you and whoever will have a good laugh. if someone isnt interested in you because you lack experience, id take that as a sign that they werent meant for you and move on.


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InvisibleHarveyWalbanger
Demiurge
Male

Registered: 06/24/02
Posts: 3,070
Loc: 8b
Re: Emptiness [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #1966463 - 09/30/03 05:02 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

The Four Noble Truths Of Buddhism.

1 Duhkhasatya- The idea that all life is filled with suffering(Dukkha).

2 Samudayasatya- Craving(Tanha). Clinging. The reason for dukkha.

3 Nirodhasatya - To realize life by the erradication of tanha. (Nirvana)

4 Margasatya- Code of conduct maintained to overcome tanha. The path to nirvana.


Life's unhappy everywhere. Only when you're bettering things will you be happy.


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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Emptiness [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #1967125 - 09/30/03 08:39 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I've had a sudden urge to try any possible drug that I can find.. cough syrup, alcohol, pot, shrooms, etc. *sigh* I really hope I don't give in to the temptation, I have a chem lab tommorow..


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Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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Anonymous #1

Re: Emptiness [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #1967325 - 09/30/03 09:31 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

CeeEssGee said:
I really hope I don't give in to the temptation, I have a chem lab tommorow.. 




first off, are there two of you?  if you hope you dont, just dont.  find something to keep you busy or even go to bed early.  if youve got responsibilities, taking drugs and ignoring them isnt going to make you feel any better, i know from experience :grin:


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