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 HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
 
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan 
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 +1 
#4497620 - 08/04/05 11:19 PM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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I used to be a depressed little bitch, it was shitty. It fucked with my sleep really badly. Then I learned bitches are a waste of time and emotion. I was good and happy and all that shit for about a month. Lately my sleep has been really bad, and I keep getting really lonely and anxious.
My sleep has progressively been getting worse too. I think the two problems are linked. I've been really uncomfortable with how I feel, it's hard to describe, it's like I'm really uncomfortable in my own skin. I get really self conscious sometimes, paranoid delusions like "hey, why is that fucking dick looking at me?" I start to get really angry at the people around me.
Lately I've been very reclusive, I don't leave the house except when I go to work, then I come straight back home. I went out tonight then saw some cocksucker who fucked me out of some money, but I left before I got drunk and started yelling at him and either got my ass kicked or beat him with a chair. Too many anger management problems. I can't stand this society, I hate the people around me.
I'm a good person, but the people I see in this world are too fucking self-centered/egotistical and I can't stand it. I just noticed I'm rambling about several subjects at the same time... but I think you people should get the gist of it.
I don't know what to do with myself. Xanax is the only thing that helps but the doctors are dicks and won't give me the amount I need. I was off of them for a good 2 months, but I got another bottle. The doctors are dicks and they have to worry about addiction, etc. but the only thing that keeps me really sane is when I'm constantly doped up on benzos or cannabis.
I don't really know where this is going but I really felt like writing some shit out.
Keep rockin on mother fuckers!
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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You low life American bitch, get off the medication.
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Adden
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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You'd be surprised at how many people our age feel the same way.
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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Re: +1 [Re: Adden]
#4497951 - 08/05/05 12:11 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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Well, I just need to stop being such a pussy little bitch. Life is tough. COME ON. Someone break me down. I need someone to kick me in the fucking balls and tell me to suck it up. God damn it though, I feel like another FUCKING god damned robot asking for more pills to pump through my system to dull the ultimate reality that will save me. I know the cure, but I'm taking the pussy way out.
I'm well aware this shit is my fault.
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 freddurgan
Techgnostic
Registered: 01/11/04
Posts: 3,648
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
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God damnit, you remind me of every other whiny pussy bitch little shithead who makes these posts. Quit crying and get a life. Pills are for pussies and you're a faggot.
How was that?
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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Thanks
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freddurgan
Techgnostic
Registered: 01/11/04
Posts: 3,648
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
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Anytime.
I think I commented like..2 days ago, that you had reached 35,000 posts already, and you're at 36314 now. You're sick 
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The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins
Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 17 years, 1 month
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Quote:
HELLA_TIGHT said:
You low life American bitch, get off the medication.
I was just about to say that, but in a nicer way. =)
Anti-depressants are for people who can't hang. You seem like you can hang. Atleast try to go off them. Why would you want to dope yourself up like that? I would rather be depressed.
Yes.. lots of people suck. Our society is lame in general. Oh well. You need to be in it for yourself. Enjoy what you're doing. If you don't enjoy it, then do something else. Get a punching bag. Punch your anger away. Do anything to get your mind right.
When I feel shitty, I stand in front of a mirror naked and stare at myself. I'm usually all messed up looking. I just stand there and stare. Then I start to fix the way I look. I move my legs so they support my core. I move my core to support my upper body. I move my upper body to support my head. I move my head to adjust my spine. On and on and on. Flex, stretch, do whatever I feel like doing. I keep going until I feel right. Until I see both of my eyes at the same time in the mirror. My eyeballs are perfectly centered. My eyes are perfectly symmetrical to eachother. My face is loose. My body is all supported. My spine is straight. Then I just stare. I don't think anything. I can just look at myself for minute after minute. If I do think something, I say it out loud. It's kind of like that dude in the Royal Tenenbaums who looks at himself in the mirror and says "I'm going to kill myself tomorrow" then slits his wrists. I talk to myself like that. It's not bullshit thought. I say meaningful stuff. I feel like I'm truly in the moment.
It probably looks insane from an outsider's perspective, but I don't give a shit. Once you get good and know how to work your body, you will start flexing the right muscles to align yourself perfectly. My body moves itself sometimes. I just let it go and go with the flow. I wish I could video tape myself doing it because it's really freaky how everything just glides. I'm just watching it happen sometimes. =)
You'll have to try for yourself to see what I mean. There's nothing like getting your blood flowing to make you feel better.
P.S. A key thing to learn about flexing like this is to think of your torso as one piece. Don't just flex your back and then your abs and then your shoulders, etc. Ofcourse you can do that at first if you feel like it. But by the end, you should try to flex your whole torso at once to constrict everything and make it all one. Flexing your arms and your legs at the same time is also good. Do a double bicep pose with your forearms tucked in to your shoulders and flex your upper legs at the same time. If you do it right, your lats will be spread out, you shoulders up, and your feet pointing only slightly outward. It seems like that's a really good flex to straighten your spine.
P.P.S. This is all my crazy whacko self-learned theory. I can't even explain it really. I wish I could video tape it. =)
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Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
Edited by hobbitcg (08/05/05 02:54 AM)
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Organic
Lloyd
Registered: 04/14/02
Posts: 5,774
Loc: Overlook
Last seen: 14 years, 10 months
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Are you one of those that says 'sobriety is the key' and then takes a bunch of drugs to escape reality? Angry at yourself?
OMGEE STOP TAKING DRUGZ
/kick in the pants
But more seriously, do you think those could have been withdrawal effects from the xanax making your problems worse? You may just need an extended break of sobriety but you know your body and intake much better than me.
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Edited by Organic (08/05/05 09:16 AM)
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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I'm not on anti-depressants, and I'm not depressed. I'm pretty sure it all stems from my anxiety.
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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Nah, I stay sober most of the time, but when I feel a panic attack coming I just suck down my meds.
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Worldbridger
Nemo Lotus
Registered: 05/15/04
Posts: 1,479
Last seen: 18 years, 2 months
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Hey guys just thought I'd add to the post by saying you guys aren't alone, I have been there severely. I send out my compassion and empathy, and am sure things will get better. And they will get better quicker knowing you have friends that are here for help. Some people actually do care, there just rare to find. Life is a strange thing, but perhaps its so strange as to have some sort of pinacle of peace waiting for you beyond all this agony your going through now.
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dblaney
Human Being
Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
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Anxiety is a bitch man, I've had it and still have it to an extent. It's not for everyone, but in all honesty, I've found a dose of MDMA in a therapeutic setting to work wonders for me...in fact I owe my mental well-being today in large part to my two experiences with it. But again, it's not for everyone.
People today are difficult and ignorant, no doubt about it, but what keeps me going is to try to love my enemy.
The Buddah says
"He who wherever he goes is attached to no person and to no place by ties of flesh; who accepts good and evil alike, neither welcoming the one nor shrinking from the other ? take it that such a one has attained Perfection."
Set yourself a goal, it sounds like you have an idea of how you want to be, so make that your goal, and let NOTHING stand in your way.
To be blunt, it sounds as if you are your own worst enemy.
my brother, may you experience love.
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"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"
"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer
Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.
"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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hgfdhgfhgfd
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Edited by HELLA_TIGHT (08/07/05 05:28 PM)
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