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OfflinePhluck
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Girls.
    #4464539 - 07/28/05 02:47 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

It's twice that I've been in love.

The first girl I fell in love with never knew. She was a friend and I was too much of a dork to ever try anything. In retrospect it seems quite likely that she suspected something, and maybe even had an interest in me as well, but I still considered myself a complete nerd. The idea that a girl that I considered so wonderful would have any interest in me seemed like too much of a wild fantasy, and I didn't want to drive away someone who I considered to be a great friend.

It's strange how my feelings for her have changed. I still consider her a good friend, but don't feel any desire to be in a relationship with her. When I'm around here, I still feel drawn to her in a curious way, her presence is comforting. She's in her own relationship now, and I don't feel any sense of jealousy. In many ways I'm glad we never actually went out, it means that we still have a friendship untainted by the mess that break ups can be.

When I was in love, of course, it was quite a bit different. I was desperately yearning, and confused as to how to make it happen, partially convinced that it was impossible, but still hopeful that maybe it would work out someday. It opened up a whole new set of emotions, turned on something in my brain that I've never really been able to turn off since.

A few years ago I met another girl, she was a little bit younger than me, but extremely intelligent, and very attractive. She was kind of outgoing, but shy at the same time. She was the type who hid her emotions well, kind of a tomboy in someways. I didn't fall for her at first, but we dated for a while, and she grew on me. She was hard to get close to, though. She kept to herself a lot, and I didn't get to see her often, and she eventually broke up with me. My feelings for her never really went away. There was never really any tension between the two of us, but we were both shy and reserved in much the same ways. There were moments of real intimacy, but they were rare.

We started hanging out again a few months ago, and it turned into a relationship. At first it went fairly well, but she slowly kind of secluded herself again. She slowly distanced herself, and she broke up with me again yesterday. It's strange, because we have a lot in common. Too much, perhaps. I think we have the same personality flaws, we're both introverted, and we had trouble getting to a point where we'd really feel comfortable around each other. The fact that we think so similarly just makes it much more frustrating. She was always so hard to get to do anything, it always felt like if we could go out and adventure a bit, we'd be able to start being more comfortable, but she'd so often resist. I've always wondered if she was really depressed deep down, because even though she was extremely nice and caring, it was really difficult to get personal with her.

I put in more effort than I ever have before, trying to open up to her. I'm normally pretty shy, but I wanted so badly to make it work that I mustered up all the courage I could and tried to show her how I felt, but the harder I tried, the more she retreated.

I've had various tiny relationships here and there, and random sexual encounters, but I'm not very good at picking up girls or whatever, so I'm not the type of guy with girls all over the place.

I don't mean to sound arrogant, but some girls just seem to like me, hot girls even, who seem out of my league. It's something that feels really odd, I still see myself as a nerd, and my first instinct is still to be skeptical when girls seem interested. I probably would still be a virgin, hell, I'd probably have never even kissed a girl if it weren't for the fact that there are sometimes girls throw themselves at me. It doesn't happen that often, but when it does it's a nice self esteem boost.

What really frustrates me is that it's rare for me to meet a girl that I really like. There's a number of girls who I'm sure I could start a relationship with, but there are so few that really seem special, and most of those ones are taken.

With a bit of effort I can go out and just get laid, but that seems so pointless. It seems like everyone I know has had the chance to be with someone they love, that actually loves them back for even a short period of time, but I never have. I had hints of that with this girl, but the more I fell for her, the more distant she became.

I know people who seem like they fall in love all the time, going in and out of "serious" relationship on a regular basis, and some people who seem to have just found one person, and stuck to them forever. I'll meet girls who seem interested in me, but often, even if I find them physically attractive, the strong feelings I've felt for those two other girls just don't seem to be arising.

Sometimes I will meet a girl where the potential for such feelings seems to be there, but they're either taken, not interested, or I can't muster up the balls to do anything.

It just seems like the more I try to make things work, the more I get rejected. I've spent so much time feeling heartbroken, I deserve to feel what it's like to be in love with someone that loves me back, just for a little while.

I think I'd be a much happier and more productive person if I could be in a relationship that actually seemed like it was happening. I think I could be a good boyfriend if someone who I liked gave me the chance. I'm scared that if I keep getting met with rejection the more effort I put in, I'm going to end up being even more frightened to try than before.

I'm sick and tired of being sad and unsatisfied.


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us


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Invisiblethegatewaydrug
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Registered: 11/16/04
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Re: Girls. [Re: Phluck]
    #4464591 - 07/28/05 03:05 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

alcohol.... it got me my first gf swear to god. i didnt get shit faced drunk:drunk: i just got a good buzz going, so when i talked to girls i was chill and happy:D anyways i hope it works out for u man, i know wut its like to not have a girl and want one hella bad:( shitty feeling...


--------------------
May God have mercy upon my enemies, because i won't.

General George S. Patton
:paranoid:


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InvisibleIrradiated_Feces
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Re: Girls. [Re: Phluck]
    #4464621 - 07/28/05 03:12 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Muster man! muster! Walk into rooms like you could have any girl there. You own the place. Don't take shit from anyone. Don't keep love in the front of your mind either, love will find you when you aren't looking so hard for it. What happened to the hippy chick in T-dot? She seemed pretty happenin' and into you. Don't worry dude your little phluckette will come along soon.


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Invisibleblink
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Re: Girls. *DELETED* [Re: Irradiated_Feces]
    #4464636 - 07/28/05 03:15 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Post deleted by blinkidiot

Reason for deletion: Im sorry



--------------------


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OfflinePhluck
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Re: Girls. [Re: thegatewaydrug]
    #4464669 - 07/28/05 03:24 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

alcohol.... it got me my first gf swear to god.

That's not the problem, like I said, I can go get drunk and get laid if I really want to. It's not just meeting girls, it's meeting girls I'll actually have feelings for.

Irradiate:

The hippy girl is the one that I went out with a long time ago, and then started seeing again now. She's smart and cool, but the more I liked her, the more withdrawn she became.

It was like 2 years between when I first went out with her and now, and like I said, there were various small relationships in that time, but none of them ever really went anywhere. Too many girls who were stupid, or annoying, or that weren't really interested in me. That's why I was happy to get back together with her when I had the chance, but once again she became all withdrawn. I don't just want a girlfriend, I want a girlfriend who I like.


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: Girls. [Re: Phluck]
    #4464671 - 07/28/05 03:25 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Time man, all it takes is time. Just go with your heart.


--------------------


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Invisibleblink
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Re: Girls. [Re: Phluck]
    #4464682 - 07/28/05 03:27 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Phluck said:but once again she became all withdrawn.




did you ask her why?


--------------------


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OfflinePhluck
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Re: Girls. [Re: blink]
    #4464752 - 07/28/05 03:49 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

don't get discouraged dude.
my girlfriend shunned me for a year or two before giving me the time of day




Well, that'd be nice. She's never done anything bad, and it seems like the problem has a lot to do with her being depressend and shy or something... I just don't want to drag myself down trying too hard if she's just going to keep isolating herself.

I just want to either not be in love with anyone, or be in love with someone who loves me back, instead of being into some girl that's not interested in me. It's like I've been spending ages trying to scratch this itch and never getting anywhere.

Something is bound to work out at some point, I'm just getting tired of feeling like this.


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us


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OfflineTodcasil
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Re: Girls. [Re: Phluck]
    #4464764 - 07/28/05 03:51 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

have you ever told this girl those thoughts?


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:


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OfflinePhluck
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Re: Girls. [Re: blink]
    #4464797 - 07/28/05 03:56 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Well, she broke up with me now because she doesn't feel like she's ready to be in a relationship right now.

By withdrawn, I mean, she's spending all her time at home by herself. She rarely wants to come out and do stuff, some of her friends have mentioned the same thing to me, I ran into a friend of hers last weekend, and she said she could hardly ever get her to go out and do anything. I'll call her up, and she'll say she's really into a book, or she's too tired a lot of the time. She never wants to talk about her problems, which is pretty un-girly... so I don't know.

I worry that she's really depressed or something. If I try and talk to her about anything like that she'll just kind of brush it off and say she's kind of stressed out from work, and that she had a tough year at school.


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us


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OfflinePhluck
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Re: Girls. [Re: Todcasil]
    #4464803 - 07/28/05 03:58 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

have you ever told this girl those thoughts?

Sure have.


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us


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OfflineoDin
Registered: 08/13/99
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Re: Girls. [Re: Phluck]
    #4464925 - 07/28/05 04:25 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

well then perhaps its not meant to be, regardless it seems the ball is in her court. it kinda sounds like her self esteem might be a little low and/or depressed as u mentioned , but its hard to tell from here.

maybe buy her some flowers with no strings attached, just to tell her you think she awesome and beautiful. if you CAN find out what she is really into, perhaps you can use that to peak her interest in doing more with you.

yeah more than likely phluckett will come along. there was a time i remember lying in bed, praying to a god i didnt really believe in, to please just give me some one to love...and she was there all along..

i wish you happiness and success in your goal phluck <3


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Invisibleafoaf
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Re: Girls. [Re: Phluck]
    #4464934 - 07/28/05 04:27 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

she sounds like she's got issues, bro.

healthy people don't live in holes.

if you're looking to meet more like-minded people,
start doing more of the things you truly enjoy.

that's where you'll meet the people that you want
to be with.

I always wonder why people think bars are their
only option...not that you do, but you konw what
I mean.

good luck.


--------------------
All I know is The Growery is a place where losers who get banned here go.


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OfflinePhluck
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Re: Girls. [Re: afoaf]
    #4464943 - 07/28/05 04:30 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

I've known her for a long time, she's not always like this. I'm not the kind of person who would never date someone just because they're going through shit. I've been depressed and kept to myself before too, and the last thing I'd want is for someone to think that I'm not worthy of being dated just because of that.


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us


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Offlinedrtyfrnk
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Re: Girls. [Re: Phluck]
    #4464975 - 07/28/05 04:42 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Hey man, what can we say?

I feel for you bro.  I used to be in your boat too.  Just trust that love will find you, wherever you go, sometimes in the wierdest places :smile:


--------------------
It's Krang, Bitch!  :krang:


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OfflineGillette
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Re: Girls. [Re: Phluck]
    #4465014 - 07/28/05 04:58 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

I just want to either not be in love with anyone, or be in love with someone who loves me back, instead of being into some girl that's not interested in me. It's like I've been spending ages trying to scratch this itch and never getting anywhere.





don't I know that feeling all too well.....

Don't worry Phluck, I'm starting to think this is just the way things are...if relationships always just worked out, you'd be married. It's a learning process I guess, I mean I've learned an awfull lot about other people, and how to and not to treat people.


--------------------
~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.


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InvisibleSilversoul
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Re: Girls. [Re: Phluck]
    #4465028 - 07/28/05 05:02 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Man, I feel ya. It's been 2 years since I was in a relationship. I've adjusted to it quite nicely, but I really long to have the companionship of someone I love. I have noticed girls checking me out more lately, but I still haven't met the right one. I have a feeling I'm going to meet her sometime soon, but I don't know if that feeling is really intuition or just wishful thinking.


--------------------


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OfflineAvatarofAtavism
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Re: Girls. [Re: Phluck]
    #4465045 - 07/28/05 05:10 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

I could paste my name in those paragraphs and it would read like a personal memory...

I see it from.. both perspectives? Maybe that is the connection that seems to be sought.


--------------------
Do not despair, said the mystery. You will always have a friend in me. Untill the day you break my code. Then I will be gone, and you are free...
to manifest another.


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InvisibleCherryBomM
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Re: Girls. [Re: Phluck]
    #4465145 - 07/28/05 05:38 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Oh Phluck.  I just want to hug you and tell you that eventually everything is going to be just fine and you're going to barely even remeber this stupid feeling.  :heart:

Relationships are all about learning. <---- That's all I know.  Each one is different and special and awesome, even if it ends being not so cool....don't forget all the good stuff that happened before it started sucking.

Phluck, you are a nerd.  You're the most adorable, intelligent, good hearted, FUN, sexiest nerd I have ever met in my entire life.  I've known you for a pretty long time, and you've grown so much since the begining.  I hate to see you feeling shitty because I know you're awesome, so I guess I think it should be fairly obvious to everyone else....especially since I am pretty clueless when it comes to most things.

If I could make everything ok for you, I would do it in a heartbeat, but if I did that, you wouldn't really come out of it a whole lot stronger and smarter, now would you?



:heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:


--------------------


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OfflineTodcasil
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Re: Girls. [Re: CherryBom]
    #4465159 - 07/28/05 05:41 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

i dont even know what to tell people about love anymore phluck....  or women.  im just crossing my fingers nowadays :smile:


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:


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