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 geokills
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 a n y p u r p o s e ? 
#439365 - 10/28/01 02:26 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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so i came home this weekend from college to cram for my midterms but i still ain't studyin'  . a lot of shit has happened recently in my life that has made visible all of the darkness in this world which before i was blind to. in realizing all of this, i have spent a lot of time recently concentrating on what i want to do in the near future and the rest of my life for that matter.
while eating my scrambled eggs this morning my mom tells me she is worried that i don't have a positive enough outlook on life and is afraid i won't be happy. to be quite honest, i'm beginning to find it harder and harder to be as happy and carefree as i used to be. she also asked me what my purpose was. to that question, i could only reply that i didn't believe there are any purposes in this life for any of us. we are here to live, and to die. pure energy may go on, but as far as a soul, spirit, afterlife, or any of those unproven theories - i can not believe in any of it. the only things i want in life are friends, a partner, and a comfortable living (having enough $ to be able to travel if i want to or just make my own hours - ie self employment).
well the girl i was sure to marry has effectively fucked with my head by telling me she may not want a relationship anymore (and by having sex with another person while attending college hundreds of miles away from me). college seems so unimportant to me. i feel like i'm still just crammin the info into my head and forgetting it after i pass my tests. none of the current courses i'm taking are of any interest to me, and until i can decide on a major (not until my 3rd year) i will be stuck in these general requirement classes. so i'm thinking of possibly dropping the pursuit of a degree and going out to try my luck in the business world (maybe take a few business and marketing classes, etc at a junior college instead just to get backround). my old friends are great and i love spending time with them but the physical distance between us makes that a rarity. i have only met maybe two truely 'down to earth' people in college so far, everyone else is just lookin' out for themselves and they never drop their fucking fake facade.
so i guess i'm asking those of you who have a purpose... what is it? and what makes you believe that this truely is a purpose? are you happy? do you believe there is something after death, and if so, why and how can you believe that? i'm hopin to get some insight into my life as well here so cough up some good replies  .
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geokills
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 Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: geokills]
#439393 - 10/28/01 02:57 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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In reply to:
i have only met maybe two truely 'down to earth' people in college so far, everyone else is just lookin' out for themselves and they never drop their fucking fake facade
to reiterate my point about the people i've met being complete assholes i just found out two minutes ago that some chick who i thought was really a nice person has been comin into my room when i'm not there and pinchin my stash. she said, and i quote (from a friend who was pretending to sleep and heard her): "i have no problem stealing from someone dumb who lets people know where their weed is"
what is wrong with people these days... it's really shitty to feel like you can't trust anyone
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skaMariaPastora
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: geokills]
#439397 - 10/28/01 03:06 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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Wow, you just expressed a lot of the feelings I've been having lately. I too am in college studying something I don't really care about and questioning what the purpose of this all is. I try to live life with the purpose of being happy. If you can find something/someone that makes you happy, then that is what you should be doing. Honestly I am not happy at college (either with the people or with the academics) and all I really want to do is play music with my truly good friends who happen to be 2 hours drive away. That is what makes me happy and I plan on doing it until it doesn't make me happy anymore. I don't even care if we don't make any money. Money is inconsequential in the greater purpose of life.
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Timeleech
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: geokills]
#440513 - 10/29/01 09:57 AM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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Iv'e given up trying to find a purpose. I change my mind so often, so now I'm just going to go the path I am currently walking and see where it branches off in the future.
I started out believeing it was impossible to plan a trip on psychedelics) because nothing will go they way intended/planned anyway. Now it seems to me that this is true for life in general as well.
Self-employment and enough money to travel are two goals I have though. But you could still be able to travel if you are not picky about what you work with and live cheap most of the time (which I do). Iv'e considered working my ass off 4-6 months at at time, living really cheap, and then travel the rest of the year, just stay someplace warm and cheap.
The most frustrating thing is when you are in front of a choice, you know it is a choice for life, and you can't decide.
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geokills
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: Timeleech]
#440610 - 10/29/01 12:02 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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it sounds like you got the right idea timeleech. i don't know if i could set aside half the year to bust my ass though, however the idea of just doing that and then having the rest of the time to just chillax would be quite nice  .
>Now it seems to me that this is true for life in general as well.
i'm afraid that's true. i never realized it until a week ago when everything that i was hoping for got flipped around and now i see myself as lost - but not in a very bad way, just that i have no idea where to go from here. i know that with my current beliefs i don't think that there is a purpose in store for anyone (a 'greater' purpose that is), but that people just make their own purpose which is basically what they want to do that will make them happy. while i am still living under my parents checkbook, i'm planning on a simple home and saving up a lot of $. i'm thinkin that if i don't want to venture off into my own business, i could teach elementary or high school... reason being is the awesome vacation times! of course pay will be a little low, but that's fine with me. i already have a good amount saved up and currently in investments.
skaMariaPastora-
In reply to:
If you can find something/someone that makes you happy, then that is what you should be doing.
i had found someone that made me incredibly happy, my world was perfect - unfortunately the world isn't perfect and she dropped out of my life in a flash. it's interesting that you drive 2 hrs to go hang with your good friends... cause that's exactly what i do! i just take the drive back down to l.a. and spend good times with my old friends whenever i get too sick of it up here. 
what do you guys do when something completely unexpected and depressing happens in your life? do you just try to forget about it and move on? or would you try to fix it somehow?
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┼ ··∙ long live the shroomery ∙·· ┼
...╬π╥ ╥π╬...
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Traveller
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: geokills]
#441099 - 10/29/01 07:16 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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so many familiar themes here...
I was in much the same situation three or four years ago, going to university on my parents money, only half into it and also not really connecting with the people around me. between high school and uni i did a year long student exchange in south thailand and spent the last month of that time living as a monk !! in a little temple in the forest just meditating reading and walking in the hills and jungle --- obviously an amazing experience for an 18 year old! so when i got back to australia and started going to university a large part of me felt that it was completely pointless. all the social bullshit, the fucking commerce students all the people who wanted "to be successful" and the posing and lets see who can sound the most intellectual type conversations...i felt like i should just go back to thailand and become a monk!!! that life seemed far more real, there is a real purpose in that but still i was 18 and too shitscared to give up my entire life...so back in!!! my parents moved to japan and left the house to me so for one year i went HARD drinking smoking and tripping dancing my crew started running one of two decent clubs in town and it was phat! wicked sounds did the place up great but made NO money since we were drinking all the booze. got madly in love with a serious vampire of a girl, broke up and was absolutely destroyed for six months or more. hardcore depression.
but during that time i'd also started learning an old japanese style of jujutsu and got really into it, amazing stuff. near the end also finally started learning tai chi and through that met up with an unbelievable teacher of chinese internal martial arts, a guy with skills i'd only ever read about in books, a master of herbs, massage, acupuncture, chi kung and martial arts, and started training with him. INSPIRATION!!!!!! is all it takes man and since i met that dude my life has changed. i started training pretty hard but it was still my home with all my friends so i continued to smoke weed every day and party and even sometimes went to uni where i was studying chinese, anthropology archaeology and other very interesting things but FUCK my parents were paying for it all and getting pissed when i didn't send them emails or when i failed a paper and man that's BAD when your parents are on the other side of the world giving you shit, it hangs over you all the time...so i thought ok instead of doing asian studies at university why don't i see if my folks'll let me stay with them for a bit in japan? and here i am two years later still in tokyo, learning another awesome old style of jujutsu, training hard in tai chi finally learning baguazhang playing capoeira meditating....and I have a purpose! my purpose is to train and to meditate every day. since i started i have been getting happier and happier, four years down the track and i'm starting to reach ridiculous levels of happiness and my yoga and meditation is only really at a (serious) beginners level. so next year i'll return to australia with no home and no job, and only the money i can save here in tokyo (I work as a "rhythmic instructor"! singing and dancing with 1-8 year old japanese children!!!!) and continue studying. not at university i mean, studying kung fu and jujutsu and also starting my studies of chinese medicine!!
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KeepAskingTime
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: Traveller]
#441115 - 10/29/01 07:37 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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Traveller! That sounds wonderful!!!!
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I'm praying for infinite lapdances in heaven and an infinite supply of cocaine to snort out of Angelina Jolie's ass crack.
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wintertime
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: geokills]
#441128 - 10/29/01 07:47 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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hello
you were kind enough to reply to my very similar problem in another thread, and although I have not since discovered any mystical scrolls telling me 'the' answers, I will try to share what little I have concluded. Do what makes you happy. As cliche'd as it sounds, it's true. It takes alot of guts though, and it may take a while to confront (hey, I'm still having trouble with the idea), but you have to do what makes you happy and if people/things/situations are making you unhappy, get out of them! I mean if your university course is making you unhappy, then it is unlikely that a job in the field will prove more fulfilling. It seriously is tough, because maybe the things you want to do are not often done.
I have the same problem. I want to move out of home next year (and postpone going to uni for a year until I'm more sure about it), but even some of my friends are saying 'its too hard', 'you won't have enough money', 'why waste a year when you could get uni out of the way'. but to them I say 'i just want to do it', and thats all the justification you need. I am currently looking for a job to support me next year, and you may have to make sacrifices, I will probably have to get a shitty job at first, just to pay the bills, but then I'll keep looking for a better job.
I figure if you give up, then you are letting those people win. It sounds like you are past having to rely on your parents, so my advice is, try talking to your parents and tell them of your situation, tell them you are having a rough time and want them to let you take responsibility for your own grades and such.
Hope this helped you in some way or another, and good luck.
If you want to talk more, don't hesistate to PM me.
wintertime
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Timeleech
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: geokills]
#441133 - 10/29/01 07:49 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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>i'm planning on a simple home and saving up a lot of $
That's the best thing to do. Most people live from hand to mouth, if their economy was to be disturbed they would be in serious trouble in notime.
Feeling lost can be frightening, but my father told me some time ago that he thought I was a lucky person. I realised that it was true, and after thinking a bit about it I started to see this pattern in my life that applies to almost everything I do.
To make it very short, I usually arrive at my goal, although through various detours, it is never the exact goal I set out for, and it is always a bit different than anticipated.
Basically I have convinced myself that everything will be all right in the end. That has taken the edge of many anxiety producing situations.
>what do you guys do when something completely unexpected and depressing happens in your life? do you just try to forget about it and move on? or would you try to fix it somehow?
It depends on what kind of event that is. But in general I would try to fix, if impossible move on and not forget, but accept. Risking to sond trite, I will still say that those are the challenges life are built up on, and that you can grow from.
It's usually a good idea to listen to ones inner voice. To follow ones heart if you want.
I never get anywhere by thinking too much about a decision, the only thing I end up with is changing my mind several times and being more confused as to what to chose.
Life has many bifurcation points, chaos will lead you down one of them no matter what. It is my impression that most people don't know what they really want to do with their lives. I wouldn't trust those who have their whole life planned out, they haven't understood the sheer impossibility of it, they don't know how little controll we actually have.
The purpose is as you say, something people make up, something that makes them happy. The best thing is to find something you like and that your'e good at, then go for that.
I wanted to give you some unique advice, but ended up just repeating what Iv'e heard many places before. Good thing is, it is probably true then... :)
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FoDeeJuice
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 Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: geokills]
#441430 - 10/30/01 12:12 AM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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All I can say is wow.... I can totally relate to everyone who posted here. I can't even bellieve it. I felt the EXACT same way as you last year geokills. I grew up in Humboldt County California and went to college in the pit of Los Angeles: the University of Southern California. What a shock. Whoever has been to the two places knows what I'm talking about. Polar opposites. I was a sophomore last year. I started thinking about how much I didn't like what I was doing. The homework, classes, tests, and subject matter all had me down. I started feeling like that guy in Office Space saying he doesn't know why he can't just go to work and be happy like everyone else. I was/am in a Fraternity and everyone around me was perfectly happy just doo-dee-doo doing their thing. I started thinking about my future. I realized that I wasn't happy in school (not hard to realize), but more importantly there was no way I was going to be happy taking some job working 40 hours a week in some office. I realized that I was working my ass off in school so I could work my ass off for the next 40-45 years and then FINALLY get a break when I'm 65 and too old to enjoy it. I decided I was through with it and dropped out. My parents weren't happy but weren't furious either. I support myself 100% now though. I've been setting up my own business for the past year which is finally rolling and doing just fine condsidering the very low level of advertising I have done. One thing's for sure though, I'm happy. And I wasn't happy in school. Fuck working my ASS off for the rest of my life so I can drive to work in a BMW and sleep in a big house. There's just no way. Money has moved from near the top of my list to the bottom.
There's one more thing I have to say though. There is reference to the "mystical scrolls" that have all the answers above in this thread. Well guess what... I found them. I know you don't believe me, but I did. The first time I ate mushrooms I was introduced to a whole new world. It was a shock, and eventually I ate them again and again and again. When I was tripping EVERYTHING was right. The world made sense. FINALLY. The only problem was, in a couple of days, that AWESOME feeling was gone. Surely eating them again will keep me enlightened for good... nope. I ate them about 6 times and I was pretty frustrated. I started searching, seeking right? I had to find IT, whatever that may be. I found the book Be Here Now which was awesome and gave me hope that I'd find was I was looking for. The author describes himself in the exact same position that I've just described. If anyone reads that book, the middle darker pages are incredible. But it wasn't enough, not clear enough, not good enough. I started looking into enlightenment and found The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Well that was it. Just read the first few pages and you WILL read the whole thing. Read the reviews on Amazon if you like. That book is IT. Now, I KNOW you don't believe me. I wouldn't. I wondered it it was just me that took to it so completely so I showed it to one of my closest friends. He flipped. He went from a money-lover to becoming well, on the path to enlightenment. Just like that. I showed it to my girlfriend, same thing, i showed it to my Mom, SAME THING. I can't say that I'm surprised. That book is IT. READ IT. I wish I could MAKE you read it soooo much. It will make you happy, permanently. It shows you the way to the most beautiful thing in the world that EVERYONE is looking for even if they don't know it. There are many ways to find it, and this book is an EXCELLENT one. SO well done.
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geokills
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: Traveller]
#441436 - 10/30/01 12:16 AM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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wow traveller - i envy you. you really are doing something you like. last summer i was kindof into meditation and tried it out for a couple weeks but i never really got into it... i guess i'm the 'stereotypical stoner': sit and focus, or smoke a bowl . after reading your post i've become inspired to give it another go though... the idea is very interesting, and to be honest i don't really know why i ever stopped experimenting with it. but anyways, that's awesome that you went over to thailand! i went to tibet two years ago and i can imagine how great it must have been for you.
you hit one point on the head: all the social bullshit - that's what i *can*not*stand* - it drives me nuts.
In reply to:
if people/things/situations are making you unhappy, get out of them!
excellent suggestion wintertime. this has been consuming my mind lately... i really want to get out of this place, but i'm not quite sure if i want to jump into the real world yet or maybe just transfer to a different university with different 'values' - currently i'm enrolled at the Univ. of Calif. Santa Barbara which is a typical beach town with a bunch of superficial kids who don't understand that they don't need to pretend to be something they're not. my thinking has been that i may transfer to Santa Cruz, which is a school on top of a hill near san francisco surrounded by forest. it's basically right in the middle of a forest and from a few people that i've spoken to who go there, it is the type of relaxed atmosphere i've been looking for.
>try talking to your parents and tell them of your situation
i have, and they've even offered to front the capital for a business that i may want to start (unfortunately i haven' figured out what that business should be). they also said it's cool if i transfer, etc - basically they said, do what you want to do, and i know you'll be fine, which is very reassuring. i only wish i felt as confident with what i want to do.
>Basically I have convinced myself that everything will be all right in the end.
i often try to think that way, but sometimes i get so locked in my thinking about bad things and get myself all depressed about the situation at hand. i just have to stop dwelling on things.
>I never get anywhere by thinking too much about a decision
yep... that's the dwelling thing i'm talkin about... it just ends up fuckin with my head
well i gotta say thanks to all of you who have shared your thoughts with me. i swear this place is like group therepy, without the $110 price tag . thank you! and of course, if anyone else has anything to say, i'd love to hear it any ideas or suggestions 
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geokills
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: FoDeeJuice]
#442080 - 10/30/01 03:24 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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Hey FoDeeJuice... so you went to usc, eh? i got a friend who goes there right now, and he has some of the same sentiments but he's gonna go through with it because his parents work there so he pays $0 , and i suppose he's having a good time - good for him. i've actually been thinking about transferring to humbolt for some time now. in any case, i will definitely go out and get your book the first chance i get... i don't have a car right now so it may take me a while, but i will read it
thanks for the recommendation. peace.
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FoDeeJuice
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: geokills]
#442483 - 10/30/01 09:21 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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Geokills,
You could get it off of Amazon or whatever. I would be more than happy to scan in the introduction and send it to anyone who is interested. That can't be legal, but I don't think anyone would mind. Later!
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geokills
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: FoDeeJuice]
#442599 - 10/30/01 11:13 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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hehe.. yeah! scan that shit to me... you can put it right in this thread or just e-mail it to me:
otherwise... thanks for the rec. i'll definitely check it out - i even tried to get a ride today to the bookstore but the foo' who was gonna take me had to go to a 311 concert... sux huh? - damn i wish i was goin ... QUESTION EVERYTHING... hehe (ps. i'm drunk)
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┼ ··∙ long live the shroomery ∙·· ┼
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wintertime
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: geokills]
#443603 - 10/31/01 07:51 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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i'd love a scan too if thats okay :) i will definately go out and get it soon
karmafighter@hotmail.com
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geokills
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: wintertime]
#443615 - 10/31/01 08:08 PM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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hehe.... i just went out and bought it today . it does seem very interesting indeed. i picked up a hardcover for $23 at Borders bookstore here. i'll keep ya'll posted on my opinion.
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┼ ··∙ long live the shroomery ∙·· ┼
...╬π╥ ╥π╬...
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geokills
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Re: a n y p u r p o s e ? [Re: wintertime]
#444152 - 11/01/01 12:18 AM (21 years, 10 months ago) |
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just to let you know, FoDeeJuice e-mailed me scans of The Power of Now through the end of chapter one. i'm hosting it on my site at:
http://www.swib.com/thepowerofnow
the page also contains links to online stores which carry the book in case anyone is interested
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┼ ··∙ long live the shroomery ∙·· ┼
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